Why won't by affair partner tell me how he feels?

[Unknown2024]

Ok so I’m going to be brutally honest, and start from the beginning but to wrap it up as quick as I can. I am 33, married for 15 years with 2 children, currently in what others would call a 7 year affair…. Although I feel it’s mainly a close friendship. He’s also married, around 6 months longer than me, also with 2 children.

I got introduced to him at 14, by my best friend as her “bf” they lasted all of two weeks, and then he stopped talking to her but stayed in contact with me, we shared an intensely close relationship even back then, but nothing ever happened, due to my best friend still liking him; and his friend liking me. Our conversations and friendship was a secret, even back all those years ago. At 18 I felt we was going somewhere, we became closer and I began to stay over his as friends, I then found out he had a one night stand with the best friend in question. The second she left, he text me and apologised, they never spoke again and I know she went to his u announced ect. This broke my heart, and our friendship ended as I knew it.

We both got into new relationships and both got married at 19. We had no contact for 7 years, and he has no social media so I grieved him. 2016 out of no where he sends me a message through a friend, just congratulating me of my babies, ect ect. He made an account just so we could catch up, it was nice, we said good bye and I didn’t think I’d hear from him again. But, he continued to talk and before I knew it we was talking daily like we used to as kids. The messages turned to phone called and phone calls to meeting up. It was purely platonic although I have always had feelings for him, he has also always been my best friend.

Skip to 2023 and the game changed, we began showing affection, and it felt almost like an unspoken relationship. We would hug, hold hands and even kiss goodbye like a married couple. We began having sex, I ended up pregnant, he wanted me to keep it, but I couldn’t, we still speak daily, for hours, but haven’t met up in a few weeks. We both claim to love our others, and it’s not the affair we sit and plan running off together. He has said the odd thing, and his affection and the fact he sticks around shows me he cares, but he has never said he loves me.

Last week, it all became too much, I just missed him and rang him crying to see me, he was busy with his family and didn’t make the time to see me, I felt unwanted and begged and cried for him to tell me what I am to him. I asked if he loves me, and told him I loved him but he couldn’t say he did and couldn’t say he didn’t. He refuses point blank to tell me how he feels, even after I pour my heart out to him. I told him if he didn’t love me then to let me go( becus it hurts. But the next day he rang me kinda sucking up.

What am I to him? I wasn’t going to act of his answer, but just wanted to know where I stand. If I’m just a distraction or sex then I’ll appreciate the honestly, this was always a no commitment situation, why won’t he just tell me. 

Edited January 14 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs

[basil67]

 

29 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

but just wanted to know where I stand

His actions tell you where you stand: his family will always come first and he'll fit you in when he can.  

[Wiseman2]

You seem to understand the nature of affairs since you are both married. Right now he's attending to his family. So this isn't about how he feels, this is about both of your priorities and at the moment, he can't slip away to see you. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

If I’m just a distraction or sex then I’ll appreciate the honestly, this was always a no commitment situation, why won’t he just tell me. 

What man who is getting sex, adoration and his ego stroked is going to tell you that he does not love you but is in love with his wife?  That would bring all of that good stuff to a screeching halt.  His actions should tell you how he feels about you.  The fact that you have carried on this affair this long and he hasn't asked you to divorce your husband and be with him tells you everything you need to know.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

He refuses point blank to tell me how he feels, even after I pour my heart out to him.

His lack of response is his response. 

As basil said, his family is his priority. It is the unspoken truth. 

As Stillafool said, if he was honest with you it would bring all the good stuff to an end - because who really wants to waste their time messaging or have sex with a man who is in love with and committed to another woman? 

 

4 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

I told him if he didn’t love me then to let me go

The decision to end this relationship is not his decision - it’s yours. If you are unhappy with the current situation, it’s your responsibility to end it.

There is no easy solution to an affair such as this when there are spouses and children involved. 

What would change if he shared his feelings and professed his love? You are still stuck in an untenable situation - a situation where you are not happy and hurting the people that you love (whether they are aware of it or not). 
 

4 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

I wasn’t going to act of his answer, but just wanted to know where I stand.

If you are honest with yourself, you know where you stand. You are just not able to accept it yet…

 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you giving him all the power to decide whether you stay in this affair?

You are going to need to put on those Big Girl Pants and take control of your own life here. It's not up to him to let you go. It's up to you to walk away. And you are going to need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are behaving this way and how you got so enmeshed in this dysfunction. You know you are second place to his wife, just as he is second place to your husband. You two are not each other's priorities, or both of you would have left your marriages by now. 

Does he love you? My guess is that he does not, but doesn't want to tell you that because he knows then his fun will end since you will get upset if you hear the truth from his mouth. You're already too caught up in your emotions and he doesn't want to deal with that. You are expecting him to be like a boyfriend when you two are not even in a real relationship. 

What are you doing with your life, girl? Why are you still married when you clearly aren't into your husband anymore? Why risk your whole family as you know it, for this? If your husband ever finds out and the truth is exposed, you can be sure your kids won't ever look at you the same way. 

Is this worth their happiness? Because you are gambling with their well-being too, not only yours. 

[mark clemson]

Some men just don't do a lot of ILUs and similar. Judging from everything you write, I would say that he cares about you, as well as enjoying the pleasure of your company, but as noted above his family comes first. In your case I think it's unlikely that it's "just sex". 

Practical matters often overrule sentiment in life, so in this case you should reasonably expect he will put his family first and you as close to second as circumstances allow at any given time.

I think that however you may feel, to be realistic it's not likely that you will have him "fully" in an open relationship, particularly if he has kids with his wife. If he ends up divorcing for other reasons, then perhaps in that case. However, divorces tend to cause a lot of distress and it's unlikely he'll do that unless things get "really bad" with his wife, which it doesn't sound like is happening at all. It's clear from what you write that he intends to stay.

[Unknown2024]

21 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Some men just don't do a lot of ILUs and similar. Judging from everything you write, I would say that he cares about you, as well as enjoying the pleasure of your company, but as noted above his family comes first. In your case I think it's unlikely that it's "just sex". 

Practical matters often overrule sentiment in life, so in this case you should reasonably expect he will put his family first and you as close to second as circumstances allow at any given time.

I think that however you may feel, to be realistic it's not likely that you will have him "fully" in an open relationship, particularly if he has kids with his wife. If he ends up divorcing for other reasons, then perhaps in that case. However, divorces tend to cause a lot of distress and it's unlikely he'll do that unless things get "really bad" with his wife, which it doesn't sound like is happening at all. It's clear from what you write that he intends to stay.

 

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

 

His actions tell you where you stand: his family will always come first and he'll fit you in when he can.  

 

21 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Some men just don't do a lot of ILUs and similar. Judging from everything you write, I would say that he cares about you, as well as enjoying the pleasure of your company, but as noted above his family comes first. In your case I think it's unlikely that it's "just sex". 

Practical matters often overrule sentiment in life, so in this case you should reasonably expect he will put his family first and you as close to second as circumstances allow at any given time.

I think that however you may feel, to be realistic it's not likely that you will have him "fully" in an open relationship, particularly if he has kids with his wife. If he ends up divorcing for other reasons, then perhaps in that case. However, divorces tend to cause a lot of distress and it's unlikely he'll do that unless things get "really bad" with his wife, which it doesn't sound like is happening at all. It's clear from what you write that he intends to stay.

Hi I’m not sure if I’m replying correctly…. But I 100% understand he has commitments and priorities and sadly I’ll never be one of them, I also have the same and unfortunately that’s my husband and children. Like I stated we don’t have that typical affair where we sit and dream of running off together, if I’m honest… even if we were single I don’t think I would choose to be in a relationship with him. We work as friends, my god we are the best, and we have been working as friends with benefits but I don’t think in any life we would work as anything more. I’m not sure where I am right now, I know I love him, my head knows I should let him go but my heart wants to hold on. He’s definitely not the I love you type, but even if he’s not saying it it won’t stop the fact he feels it. I feel if I’m honest he’s afraid to say it, becus he’s worried I’ll expect more from him. I wouldn’t, I just wanted to know what I meant. I guess I’ll never truly know 

[BaileyB]

11 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

I am 33, married for 15 years with 2 children, currently in what others would call a 7 year affair…. Although I feel it’s mainly a close friendship.

I’m assuming then, that your husband is aware of the fact that you speak regularly to this man, that you have told him that you love him, and that you have had sex and became pregnant with another man’s child? 

That’s the difference between a close friendship and an affair partner - secretive communication, romantic feelings, and physical intimacy.

I say, you have crossed the line here of what the vast majority of people would say is an appropriate relationship boundary. And like so many others, you are trying to minimize and normalize your relationship with this man. 
 

28 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

Like I stated we don’t have that typical affair where we sit and dream of running off together

No, but you do have the typical affair in that here you are - pining for your affair partner. And while you may not be sitting and dreaming of running off together, you are not invested in your marriage or your family  because you are dreaming of your affair partner. You are pitifully begging him to tell you that he loves you, because you want to hear those words of affirmation from him. That is remarkably typical, as is the fact that you seem to believe that you can be a devoted wife/mother WHILE engaging in an extramarital affair with another man. “I am aware that he has prioritized his family, as have I…” You have done no such thing. You have clearly prioritized your own selfish interests at the expense of your own family - to the point that you got pregnant with another man’s child.
 

28 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

We work as friends, my god we are the best, and we have been working as friends with benefits

Married people don’t have friends with benefits - they have affair partners. You are not single, and dating - you are married.
 

28 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

I’m not sure where I am right now

You are absolutely lost. You have lost all perspective in so many ways - the worst thing is, you don’t even realize how lost you are… You are so busy collecting the bread crumbs along the path that you haven’t even looked up to realize you have strayed so far from home and so far off the path that you are hopelessly lost. 

If you don’t have an individual counsellor, I would strongly advise you to find someone. You have a lot of introspection to do - and by that, I don’t mean “does my affair partner truly love me or not.”

 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

I feel if I’m honest he’s afraid to say it, becus he’s worried I’ll expect more from him

You already do. You expect him to tell you how he feels, and expect him to say that he loves you. You expect him to devote more time to you than he realistically can. You're already begging him for attention. 

And really, where would it get you if he said he loved you? You wouldn't be in any better position. It's just that your ego wouldn't be so bruised. And then? You would still feeling miserable and behaving inappropriately, because you are unhappy with your daily married life and use this affair as your crutch. 

At some point, this will come to an end. Either your husband or his wife finds out, or he will let it fizzle. What is your plan then? Given what you have written here, you will be absolutely devastated - even more so if your affair is exposed and your life blows up. Have you thought about what you will do in that case? There is always a risk that your secret comes out, so you need to be prepared for that to happen at any moment. 

The wheels are already coming off the affair. You're getting overly-emotional and he is putting a boundary there. What you are looking at is probably the beginning of the end of this. It will be a slow, painful end but I think you need to expect that he will continue to distance himself from you now that he knows you are way more invested than he is. 

 

 

[BaileyB]

12 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

We would hug, hold hands and even kiss goodbye like a married couple. We began having sex, I ended up pregnant, he wanted me to keep it, but I couldn’t

This makes me think that you are not being truthful with yourself when you say that you do not dream of running away together…

You are clearly pleased with the fact that you are acting like a married couple. That is pure fantasy. You got pregnant, and he wanted to keep the baby. On what planet is that going to work - if you are both committed to and prioritizing your respective families???? That’s pure fantasy. You decided that you couldn’t keep the child (I am sorry by the way, I’m assuming you had an abortion and although you do not say it, that is a difficult thing to do). You must have given some thought to the idea that you could run off together into the sunset and raise his baby together… before you decided that it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t have the child. 

The truth is that it is likely that you have thought about it, but the reality is such that you know it will not happen - for a multitude of reasons. So, you are trying to convince yourself (and us - but it’s not working) that you can content yourself with the way things are - if only he would say those three little words…

The point being, whether he says those three little words changes nothing of the situation - except how you feel. 
 

45 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

I feel if I’m honest he’s afraid to say it, because he’s worried I’ll expect more from him.

You clearly already do… as Expat said above, you expect him to say the words. You expect him to share his feelings with you. You expect him to respond to your messages. You expect him to find time for you. You expect a lot from a man who is busy living his life with his wife and their children. 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Unknown2024 said:

if I’m honest… even if we were single I don’t think I would choose to be in a relationship with him.

Well then, what’s the point?

Why are you risking your family and his his family for someone that you say you don’t like enough/wouldn’t want to choose as your relationship partner, should you ever be single?

That seems like an illogical, stupid thing to do - does it not? 

Why are you playing make-believe spouses and begging the man to tell you that he loves you - if you wouldn’t chose to be in a relationship with him? 

You are already in a relationship with him. You could just be his coworker. You could be his friend, share small talk over coffee in the morning and go home to your respective spouses. You are choosing not to do that - you have chosen to be in an inappropriately intimate personal and sexual relationship with the man. And for what purpose? Why?
 

1 hour ago, Unknown2024 said:

I know I love him

But I’m going to try and protect my heart, and my ego, by saying that I don’t know for sure that I would chose to be in a relationship with the man if he was ever single… After all, you have to try to maintain some kind of dignity and self respect in this situation - do you not? 

 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[Unknown2024]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Well then, what’s the point?

Why are you risking your family and his his family for someone that you say you don’t like enough/wouldn’t want to choose as your relationship partner, should you ever be single?

That seems like an illogical, stupid thing to do - does it not? 

Why are you playing make-believe spouses and begging the man to tell you that he loves you - if you wouldn’t chose to be in a relationship with him? 

You are already in a relationship with him. You could just be his coworker. You could be his friend, share small talk over coffee in the morning and go home to your respective spouses. You are choosing not to do that - you have chosen to be in an inappropriately intimate personal and sexual relationship with the man. And for what purpose? Why?
 

But I’m going to try and protect my heart, and my ego, by saying that I don’t know for sure that I would chose to be in a relationship with the man if he was ever single… After all, you have to try to maintain some kind of dignity and self respect in this situation - do you not? 

 

Ok thank you for the many replies, it’s clearly a sensitive subject with u? I have read them all and can hand on heart say I know all of that. I am not delusional, like I have stated we don’t ever expect to be together. We have our life planned out, everything is perfect at home, some May Day how did this happen if everything is so happy, and I’ll tell u that unless you have absolutely been in my position you will never ever understand. People can sit and be rational from a distance but u til it’s you and your life you have no idea. We was friends, nothing more than friends for over 6 years. I know that doesn’t make anything about this right, but the truth is it feels right. When I’m with him it feels just the same as being home with my husband, there is not a single second I feel like I shouldn’t be there even though my head KNOWS it’s wrong. 
 
people here can try and convince me I’m a terrible person, but I’m not. I may be selfish and I may have gave into temptation, but what’s my crime? I fell in love. And the love I have for my ap hasn’t taken away any love from my husband, it feels almost like having a second baby, new loves just loves, different new love without taking anything away from the first. There are murderers and rapist, hideous people and yes I have been doing wrong but I am not a bad person, s*** happens. No life is perfect and if people pretend it is they are going to be very hurt when they relised their perfect world isn’t what they thought. Cheating happens, secrets happen, and I believe this excites in all long term relationships, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them but relationships are hard, do you know we are the only species that dedicates ourselves sexually and emotionally to one person? It’s not natural hence why so many relationships are rarely ever as loyal as people make out. 
 

the thought of running away together whilst pregnant never ever crossed my mind. I would never destroy his or my family and as much as I loved the baby, and wanted so bad to find a way I could keep it there just wasn’t an option. I had my ap life In my hands, I had the chance to trap him, to f*** up his world, to give birth to something so special I would always have him in my life and I chose to have an abortion, to set him free. The baby, to me, was almost a blessing, it felt as I could never have the ap, but that baby would be part of him that would be mine forever. But ultimately I had to put my husband and children first, and getting rid of the baby was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover fully from the trauma of it. 
 

so all in all, I’m at a loss, as I can’t physically be without my husband and I can’t emotionally be without my af. I’m starting to think maybe I have depression and this whole thing has masked it. Becus I truly sometimes just wish I was dead, so I can’t think and feel. But I would never leave my children. 

[Weezy1973]

15 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

people here can try and convince me I’m a terrible person, but I’m not.

Nobody is saying you’re a terrible person. Just that you’re doing a crappy thing. And you know what you’re doing is crappy or else you would tell your husband. If you’re keeping something a secret, it usually means you know you’re doing something wrong.

 

15 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

.Cheating happens, secrets happen, and I believe this excites in all long term relationships,

It doesn’t exist in all relationships. But your belief that it does is a defense mechanism to justify what you’re doing is wrong. Has your husband cheated on you as well? 

 

15 minutes ago, Unknown2024 said:

do you know we are the only species that dedicates ourselves sexually and emotionally to one person?

Again, this is not true, but your attempt to justify your behaviour. Many bird species, the gray wolf, gibbons etc. all mate for life. That being said, I don’t think being attracted to other people is wrong. What’s wrong is having an agreement with your partner that you’re going to be monogamous, and then not doing it even though you’re the one who’s in control of your own behavior. It’s the deceit, lying, cheating, etc. If you believe you can’t be monogamous why not just ask your husband to be in an open relationship? 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Unknown2024 said:

. I’m starting to think maybe I have depression and this whole thing has masked it. 

This is very possible. People in bad places mentally can find themselves in bad places like affairs. Please start here. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done . Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Anything you confide in a healthcare provider is confidential so you can open up about all the mixed feelings and pain your marriage and this affair is causing you. 

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

it’s clearly a sensitive subject with u?

Not in any way. I just hate to see people make poor and hurtful decisions - 

Case in point, what you considered when you discovered that you were pregnant was not that you were going to run away with your affair partner and have his child. No, you thought it would be wonderful to keep the baby and that way you would always have a part of him - even if you couldn’t be together. In the end, you decided that you couldn’t lie to your husband and children about that - thank goodness there is some limit to your delusion. 

You seem to be quite firm in your decisions and your justifications/ie the story you are telling yourself is well developed. It would seem that you came here looking for validation, so there is not much more to say at this point. 

If you think you are depressed and/or have thoughts of suicide, please seek help.

 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

 I also have the same and unfortunately that’s my husband and children. 

"Unfortunately", your children are a priority?  Sadly your post is filled with rationalizing about "the heart wants want it wants", "affairs just happen" and other ways to sidestep whatever is going on.  No one is insinuating you're a bad person but you are clearly in a bad situation. 

[Unknown2024]

If I wasn’t prioritising my husband and children I would have left years ago, every decision I have made my children have been at the front of my mind, I trust this man more than anyone on earth, there isn’t a person living I trust more than him. I know that he will never ever do anything to destroy my life, I know that what ever happens or what ever is said it stays between us. I would never want to cheat with anyone else, but should I ever want too I never would becus I wouldn’t trust anyone else like I trust him, my life is almost in his hands, and I trust him wholeheartedly. With that being said, that’s why I do not feel I’ve risked anything for my children, becus I know they are safe with him also. 
 

if I’m honest I know what I have been doing recently. I know that my irrational behaviour towards him, being over emotional and trying to force him to say things that were never agreed upon to be said, is only going to push him away. I think, subconsciously since the abortion that’s what I’ve tried to do, my god have I put him through hell since. I have battered him with words and then the following day I’m emotional telling him I can’t live without him. I feel like any moment now enough will be enough for him, but he still sticks around. I know one day I will reach his limit, and that’ll be it for us. I think that’s what I want, him to leave me becus I physically can’t walk away from him. 

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

If I wasn’t prioritising my husband and children I would have left years ago

If you were prioritizing your husband and children you would not be involved in an intimate and sexual relationship with another man. 
 

2 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

With that being said, that’s why I do not feel I’ve risked anything for my children, becuause I know they are safe with him also. 

Your children are not safe because their mother is making decisions that put the stability of their family at risk. It’s not a question of whether you trust your affair partner or not to keep your secret… If/when you are discovered, as many affairs are, your husband is likely to file for divorce. Most men don’t appreciate it when their wives carry on extramarital affairs for YEARS with their coworkers - he files for divorce, your children’s family is shattered, and they will never trust you again. That is the reality here, that is what you risk. 

You talk about trust - you trust your affair partner to protect you and your family, to keep your secret safe. What of your husband? He trusted you to protect his heart, to protect your family and the life you have built together. How exactly have you repaid that trust - by falling in love and getting pregnant by another man? What if he knew that the biggest threat to his safety and security was the person he trusted the most in this world…

 

 

Edited January 15 by BaileyB

[basil67]

@Unknown2024 you seem to be happy with your decisions, and are rejecting our feedback.  Why exactly are you here?

Edited January 15 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

Your children are not in the forefront of your mind when you engage in activity that could threaten the sense of comfort and security they feel in your family, OP. You might love them, but you are absolutely not putting them first. Not when you continue to do things that could their lives upside down and forever change the dynamics of your family life. 

You make an awful lot of excuses, and are really reaching to try to justify your choices here. Your choices stand to deeply hurt people you love. Don't forget that.  Don't believe me? Hang around here long enough and hear from the now-grown children of parents who cheated on their spouses, and the kids got caught in the emotional fall-out. 

That scar remains. And it would be entirely your fault. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Unknown2024 said:

. I know that my irrational behaviour towards him, being over emotional and trying to force him to say things that were never agreed upon to be said, is only going to push him away

It seems like he's tiptoeing out of the affair and you're panicking. 

[introverted1]

On 1/15/2024 at 1:15 PM, BaileyB said:

If you were prioritizing your husband and children you would not be involved in an intimate and sexual relationship with another man. 

This is the bottom line, OP.

Tell me - if your husband was having an affair, would you want to know?  If you found out, would you want to stay with him?  Do you think it would be healthy for your children to know? 

[mark clemson]

On 1/15/2024 at 4:42 AM, Unknown2024 said:

do you know we are the only species that dedicates ourselves sexually and emotionally to one person? It’s not natural hence why so many relationships are rarely ever as loyal as people make out.

Well, in fact there are many species that do mate for life; particularly among birds, but really there's lots of them.

That said, in biological terms, humans are serial monogamists. And so, even for many long term couples you may know one or both of them may have had prior relationships. So you're right that lifetime monogamy is (what you might call) a "cultural overlay" on top of most people's biological tendencies. And LT couples do often report their relationship starts to wear or to "die" after many years. No doubt this is partly due to our biology/brains - making it easier for us to move on to a new partner and increase genetic diversity.

"Serial" implies one after the other, but in actual practical terms there is often overlap - typically cheating (although there are also ambiguous relationship status situations and "breaks" as well sometimes). There are probably reasons for this as well, as (in purely practical terms, ignoring the ethics of it) cheating allows you to "test out" a new partner while not losing the practical and emotional security of the old one.

A LT affair is 2 true overlapping relationships, which is rare (but happens). The AP is a new "serial" relationship, but the old one never gets abandoned. Some LT affairs start and end within the "main" relationship's duration.

While unethical, affairs generally can be viewed as a natural outcome of biological tendencies coming up against practical and social realities, with personal morals/views being an additional "driver" that might allow or disallow them.

 

On 1/15/2024 at 7:56 AM, Unknown2024 said:

I trust this man more than anyone on earth, there isn’t a person living I trust more than him.

Ok - but "romantic jealousy" is also a biological reality and mistakes happen. As others have pointed out, if your husband or your AP's wife were to find out that might cause real problems for both of you, potentially breaking up your or his families. But I suppose you're already aware of this, as we all know it's a risk you take when having an affair.

You must make your own choices in life, and decide what risks you're willing to take, c'est la vie.

[Wiseman2]

On 1/15/2024 at 7:42 AM, Unknown2024 said:

. I had my ap life In my hands, I had the chance to trap him, to f*** up his world.  I can’t physically be without my husband and I can’t emotionally be without my af. 

Are you financially dependent on your husband? Unfortunately you seem miserable in both your marriage and your affair.

Perhaps if you would like total confidentiality, privacy and anonymity a therapist could help you.

Everything you discuss with a therapist is strictly confidential, so you can be as candid and honest as you need to. 

It could also help with the depression and help unpack and sort out your feelings and provide ongoing support. 

Edited January 25 by Wiseman2