Dating/relationship advice as a whole

[NapoleonBonaparte]

This is going to be very long. Just wanted to share my take on dating/relationship advice as a whole. To set the frame of where this will be going, I’ll start off with the Pareto principle. The Pareto principle is that only 20% of the effort put in yields 80% of the results, meaning that only 20% of what you do matters the most. Conversely, 80% of your effort that isn’t considered essential, only yields 20% of the results. The reason for this principle is because when it comes to dating advice, 80% of the effort that isn’t all that important is the equivalent of all the small details such as what to say, what to do, when to kiss, how long to wait to text back, etc. Those are trivial in comparison to what I’m about to say next. 

The 20% of effort that matters the most when it comes to dating is the dynamic of masculine and feminine polarity. Every couple out there whether they are straight, gay, bi, or whatever…one person is more ‘masculine’ and the other is more ‘feminine’. I’d say the majority of problems arise due to men not being masculine and women not being feminine. Masculine energy is purposeful, direct, leading, focused, giving, disagreeing, individualistic (I). Feminine energy is being, passive, receiving, following, creative, agreeing, collective (we). 

If a masculine woman wants to feel more feminine with a man, the man would have to be more masculine. Most dating issues are due to men wanting women to be more like men, and women wanting  men to be more like women. Guys, how many times have you given a woman exactly what she asked for only for her to lose interest after? If that happens, it’s because you fell into her frame at your own expense. You didn’t want to piss her off by sticking to your purpose, so now she has less respect for you as a man, she can’t trust you and is probably not even conscious of it either because what she wants goes against her social conditioning. 

A woman’s sexual currency is her body which is why business is booming for many. But for men, their attention is their sexual currency. From a purely biological perspective, women typically date ‘upwards’, seeking high status men. Men typically date ‘down’, seeking younger women, personality matters less to men. A man is like a house appreciating in value with age, a woman is like a car depreciating in value the moment it leaves the lot. That’s just the harsh biological truth. Society has concepts such as marriage which mitigates the biological truth to some extent, but the wiring is present no matter how much people want to rationalize it away. About 10% of men have sex with the majority of women whereas even the ugliest women get more action than the average man. 

Most advice on how to be a high status man is terrible because it’s shallow. A nice car, a nice house, and a huge bank account are correlated to status, but not always. Some men inherit these things, and anything material can be lost just as fast as it was gained. Instead, it’s about high status behavior. Material wealth is good for first impressions, but the behavior that earned that wealth or is able to re-earn is what matters. 

As far as confidence or high status behavior goes, it has to be claimed based solely on the fact of being alive. No amount of therapy or material success can provide it in the end, those are crutches. Leverage strengths and work on weaknesses, realize every ‘problem’ is an opportunity. It’s not about staying busy, it’s about  having a sense of purpose. A sense of purpose must always be stronger than going with the flow. From the masculine perspective, the world is to be taken and penetrated, not the other way around. It’s not about where one is at, it’s about where they’re going. The world of the masculine is an ongoing dog fight because it’s single-pointed-the way is through, not around. 

As far as friendship between men and women goes, it’s to the detriment of men in most cases. Most women would be surprised if only they knew how many of those male friends they call ‘friends’ would have sex with them but most are unaware because those men are carefully hiding their intentions…praying & hoping something will happen. Meanwhile, women are getting the male attention (which is almost like crack to be blunt), someone to call when a tire goes flat, and expenses being paid for here and there. Having male friends is so beneficial in fact, that many women already admit they would rather have male friends. Men, if she’s not going to have sex with you, move on. How many times are you going to put up with hearing, “You’re a great and attractive guy, I wish I could find someone like you” only to think to yourself, “But I am that guy”? Stop giving away your attention for free, it’s valuable. It’s basic supply and demand: if diamonds were widely available, the demand wouldn’t be so high. 

In most cases, advice from women to men on how to be men is just as bad as most of the advice from men to women on how to be women. Men knowing how to be men and women knowing how to be women would take care of the majority of dating issues. There will always be exceptions, but the exception to the rule is not the rule. This is the 20% of the Pareto principle. 

[Gaeta]

The problem with this theory is when people think that men should be full masculine and women full feminine. We all have different degrees of masc/fem and it's important to respect people as they are. A man with more feminine traits will meet a woman with more masculine traits and they'll make a perfect match, and vice versa.

There are way too many variables to fit women & men in 2 different boxes. There are cultural differences, socio-economic differences, environmental differences an so on. In my culture women are very strong headed and men, even the ones with the most testosterone pumping their system, will tend to submit to his wife/gf and that is the results of hundred of years of women managing the farm and raising 12 kids by themselves while the men were away on remote wood cutting sites. They'd come home after months of hard work and hand over all of their revenue to their wife, who knew better where the money needed to go, and after summer men were gone again. 

Women are not, anywhere close, to these little flowers that are waiting to be picked up. Women are important pillars of society, it's our masculine traits that got us to hold the fort while men were away at war, work the farm on our own, keep danger away on our own, etc. And it continues to this day, look at how many people have been raised by single mothers, nowadays women have to be women & men, we have to be the mother & the father, we have to be nurturing and protective, we have to do it all. It's utopic to think that a woman is 'fully' in her female energy. The women would not have survived evolution if they had lived in their fully feminine energy. Geez,  I would not have been able to shovel myself out of 2 feet of snow this morning without my masculine energy!

[Alpacalia]

I especially like the part how women are described as a car that depreciates in value while men age like a nice house appreciating its value. We're all cars or houses on the market, heh.

 

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I especially like the part how women are described as a car that depreciates in value while men age like a nice house appreciating its value. We're all cars or houses on the market, heh.

Here are some statistics for OP

 

- 34% of young men aged 22 to 25 years old with interest in older women prefer to date those 5 to 10 years older than them
- 25% of men aged 25 to 30 years old with the same preference for older women prefer to date those just 3 to 5 years older. However, among slightly older men aged 30 to 45 years old, the age preference gap grew to include women 3 to 15 years older
- 50% of men over 45 years old preferred women just 1 to 4 years older.

I am 58 and my boyfriend 50. Accounting wise my value has been written off on his balance sheet lol. 

That's the statistic link but it won't link: Study finds 60% of younger men fall for older women (audacy.com)

 

 

Edited January 8 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Here are some statistics for OP

 

- 34% of young men aged 22 to 25 years old with interest in older women prefer to date those 5 to 10 years older than them
- 25% of men aged 25 to 30 years old with the same preference for older women prefer to date those just 3 to 5 years older. However, among slightly older men aged 30 to 45 years old, the age preference gap grew to include women 3 to 15 years older
- 50% of men over 45 years old preferred women just 1 to 4 years older.

I am 58 and my boyfriend 50. Accounting wise my value has been written off on his balance sheet lol. 

That's the statistic link but it won't link: Study finds 60% of younger men fall for older women (audacy.com)

 

 

Great stats. My sister was married to someone five years younger for close to twenty years. 20 years. It can work. Shhish. No problem here.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 1/6/2024 at 11:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

. Just wanted to share my take on dating/relationship advice as a whole. 

Unfortunately it seems  more like recycled Red Pill rhetoric. 

"The manosphere is a diverse collection of websites, blogs, and online forums promoting masculinity, misogyny, and opposition to feminism.Communities within the manosphere include men's rights activists, incels (involuntary celibates),Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), pick-up artists (PUA)".

[smackie9]

Ya my husband is 6 years younger than me...been together for 34 years. No problem with age at all. 

[stillafool]

My husband is 7 years younger than me and we've been married for 27 years.  I agree, no problem at all.

[introverted1]

On 1/6/2024 at 11:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

a woman is like a car depreciating in value the moment it leaves the lot.

 

33 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ya my husband is 6 years younger than me...been together for 34 years. No problem with age at all. 

 

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

My husband is 7 years younger than me and we've been married for 27 years.  I agree, no problem at all.

Must be those regular oil changes!  🤪

 

 

[basil67]

On 1/7/2024 at 3:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

Masculine energy is purposeful, direct, leading, focused, giving, disagreeing, individualistic

^ This dude sounds like a knob.

I'm a woman and he would not last long with me.  To me, the perfect partner is a team player, someone who will work WITH me for the best outcomes for ourselves and the relationship

 

On 1/7/2024 at 3:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

Feminine energy is being, passive, receiving, following, creative, agreeing, collective

Meanwhile, she is not my kind of person at all.  A woman who is passive, receiving and agreeing sounds as dull as dishwater.  Not saying she needs to be arguing with everyone, but sheesh....how about having sufficient opinions to work with a partner to have her own needs met? Having opinions and views and thoughts sufficient enough to actually be interesting?  

[basil67]

On 1/7/2024 at 3:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

From the masculine perspective, the world is to be taken and penetrated

I think the world is already "penetrated" enough. 

 

[MsJayne]

In some cultures the older women get the more their wisdom is valued, so that kills the depreciating car parallel. It may apply to a degree in Western culture, but Western culture has sunk into a mire of false values, so shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

 

On 1/7/2024 at 2:21 PM, NapoleonBonaparte said:

Most dating issues are due to men wanting women to be more like men, and women wanting  men to be more like women.

Nope, incompatibility is rarely about gender or gender roles, it's usually to do with one person displaying inappropriate behaviour and the other person getting pissed off with it. No need to over-complicate it.