Alpacalia Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 19 hours ago, CuriousA said: Fast forward- We had planned to meet on New Year's Eve, and I got dressed up, makeup and everything , but he cancelled at the very last minute. I was furious, but he explained that he had a panic attack and couldn't drive anymore, and that he had all this planned and wanted to propose under the fireworks, which sounded very thoughtful and romantic. Has he had panic attacks in the past? It's odd that a panic attack would come on suddenly and cause him to cancel at the last minute. Is this a regular occurrence for him? Or do you think maybe he had plans that night with someone else and used a panic attack as an excuse not to meet with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CuriousA Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 36 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Has he had panic attacks in the past? It's odd that a panic attack would come on suddenly and cause him to cancel at the last minute. Is this a regular occurrence for him? Or do you think maybe he had plans that night with someone else and used a panic attack as an excuse not to meet with you? Well I have never heard him say he’s had a panic attack before. He told me he had a panic attack or maybe the allergy medications ( for urticaria) he took made him drowsy and he didn’t understand what was going on and he had to stop and call his brother to pick him up. I left him a text saying he could have said I can’t do it instead of waiting till last minute to cancel. He called me around 11 and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. my other thought was like he wanted to surprise me for the proposal, if for whatever reason it didn’t happen, he could have kept it to himself and could have done the surprise again in some other occasion rather than telling me( it looked like he wanted to gain sympathy or distract me from something else). 18 hours ago, basil67 said: I think you nailed it. Question is, are you comfortable with the lie? If not, have you told him? Edit: And could it be that his planned proposal was related to him wanting to show others that he's making progress? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 OP, I'm curious: have you seen any evidence that he was planning to propose to you on NYE or are you simply going by faith in his words? Also, I get the distinct impression that his story about telling folks at the reunion that he is engaged is more about manipulating you than it is about impressing his friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 2 hours ago, CuriousA said: Well I have never heard him say he’s had a panic attack before. He told me he had a panic attack or maybe the allergy medications ( for urticaria) he took made him drowsy and he didn’t understand what was going on and he had to stop and call his brother to pick him up. I left him a text saying he could have said I can’t do it instead of waiting till last minute to cancel. He called me around 11 and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. my other thought was like he wanted to surprise me for the proposal, if for whatever reason it didn’t happen, he could have kept it to himself and could have done the surprise again in some other occasion rather than telling me( it looked like he wanted to gain sympathy or distract me from something else). Okay well panic attacks in duration do not last an entire evening. One cannot have a panic attack for hours straight. What has the nature of your relationship been with relation to being on-again, off-again? How much time would you say you’ve spent broken up vs being together? Is he taking care of himself? I can’t tell you if he’s cheating or not, but maybe he does really struggle with panic attacks which can be very debilitating. It’s a tough thing to deal with and not something I would wish on anyone. Whatever the truth, telling his friends he is engaged unless you two have already discussed and agreed upon it together is 100% inappropriate and throwing fake engagement news out there is just weird af. Did you ask him why he feels the need to tell his friends that he is engaged when you haven't even discussed it beforehand? Link to post Share on other sites
jdesey Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 Oh hell no! If he was serious he could have pushed thru the alleged panic attack. No go. I am not saying to break it off, but no way can he tell folks he is engaged. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 One year in, the relationship is on and off rather than ongoing and deepening, there have been breaks, you didn’t meet his family, he hasn’t proposed and the only thing I read about him going forward with you seems externally driven (like a desire to come across as engaged at a school reunion). How many red flags do you see here? I see a whole bunch. It shouldn’t take a 30+ man more than a year to figure out if he might want to get married to you. Either he does and it would have been very clear by this time that marriage is something you’d work towards as a couple. Or it’s just not happening. The third alternative is the worst one. That’s the ine where he does marry you but now wholeheartedly. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 Why are you still dating this man? I would not at all be okay with him telling people you're engaged, but I also probably would have already ended this relationship completely. What exactly is keeping you there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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