Funky15 Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 (edited) This is my first post, apologies if lengthy, but just want to make sure to give all the details, anyway, thanks for reading and commenting! Okay, so I am a 32 yo female and had a wonderful guy friend my previous job. He was a few years older and I adored him as a friend. He was there for me whenever and same of me for him. He was a very kind and thoughtful person. Towards the end of my time at the company (a few years back now), he was in a long relationship with a colleague from work. It was constantly off and on and very volatile, it seemed like. He said she was the love of his life, but they broke up for good, and that crushed him. Shortly after, he was fired from the company and he moved to another city a few hours away. These two things really changed him, but we kept in contact. He eventually ended up moving back to our shared city and he told me he was back and we carried on, but I did notice he was different, but not necessarily a bad thing. I ended up getting a new job across from where he lived and we would touch base every few months. As time went on, contact became less and less. He told me he just became bad at reaching out and for me to get him out more, which I am skeptical on. But anyway, six months ago, we went to brunch and were there for three hours catching up. He apologized for not being the best at reciprocating and we ended good and said we’d do something soon. Shortly after, I invited him to something my company was throwing and told him there was a deadline to let me know. He took his time getting back and didn’t seem that he really cared (I also had tried to get him a job at my company but I think he was asking for too much $ and they didn’t continue with interviews). That was the last contact I had with him. My birthday was a few months after that and I didn’t invite him because I didn’t hear from him at all and figured he was traveling with work. I sent him 2-3 texts later on after my birthday and he didn’t reply. A friend of his I talk to here and there said he got a new job and to not lose hope in him yet. Sure enough, I sent him a voice memo a few weeks ago, just saying hope he’s doing well, let’s get together, told him about someone I ran into from our last job, etc., he listened to it, but no reply. A different mutual friend told me he actually moved to another city 5 hours away… At this point, it’s clear that he no longer wishes to continue in the friendship. I accept that and as part of the new year, look to only invest time in those who do the same for me. This particular friend just bothers me, because of the lack of closure. No real reason, we ended on a good note at brunch the last time we saw each other, but he really must be through with the friendship if he doesn’t share he got a new job or I moved away. It’s upsetting because of the great friend he was to me, but after the firing and breakup, it was clear he had changed. Maybe he was upset my company didn’t hire him, maybe he was mad I didn’t invite him to my birthday, or maybe it’s none of those things. At the end of the day, I’ll probably never know, and likely that I may not ever hear from him again. I was just wondering what advice you have for when friendships end this way and how to move on, I’m sure time in the end is what will help, but curious if any of you have had similar scenarios of a friendship ending. Thank you! Edited January 1 by Funky15 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 49 minutes ago, Funky15 said: I was just wondering what advice you have for when friendships end this way and how to move on, I’m sure time in the end is what will help, but curious if any of you have had similar scenarios of a friendship ending. My only advice is to move on also. Work friendships do tend to trail off when one person moves on to another job. They meet new people and make new friends. There is no closure he can give you, you have to give yourself closure. At least he gave you the 3 hour catch up conversation before he ghosted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 1 hour ago, Funky15 said: ,I sent him a voice memo a few weeks ago, just saying hope he’s doing well, let’s get together, etc., he listened to it, but no reply. A different mutual friend told me he actually moved to another city 5 hours away… Sorry this happened. You don't need to burn bridges, but you can definitely place him in the acquaintance category. For example stay connected on LinkedIn as former colleagues, but step away from any personal friendship. It seems his life is going in different directions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 (edited) Just stop making an effort. If and when he reaches out, decide whether you want to continue the friendship or not. Sometimes friendships do just come to an end, it's a natural part of life and it's okay to let go and move on. Remember the good times and appreciate the lessons and memories you shared, but ultimately you have to do what's best for you and invest your time and energy into those who reciprocate. Don't dwell on the reasons or try to figure out what went wrong, simply accept it and focus on yourself and your other relationships. Let it fade to a pleasant memory and treasure the moments you shared. Edited January 2 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 On 1/1/2024 at 2:43 PM, Funky15 said: This particular friend just bothers me, because of the lack of closure. Closure is a gift you give YOURSELF by making a conscious decision to put an end to this and move on. You don't wait around hoping that the other person will give you closure. You can't control other people's actions. You shouldn't have kept trying to reach out to him so many times when he wasn't responding. By his not responding, he was telling you loud and clear he wasn't interested in being friends with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 I was looking for something that showed up on my FB feed recently about friendships as we move along in life. I can't find it, but the gist is that the ones that last often depend on the people being very flexible and not having expectations. That's my stance. I am not going to do any of this "match efforts" type of thing anymore in my life. I have dropped the ball on friendships several times in my life and when I managed to pick it back up, the true friends were still there. I am able to reciprocate. I recently suffered a major loss; the death of a loved one. I could not believe the outpouring of support from people from all different periods of my life, some of whom I was not really there for during big deals they went through. If they are "my people" they will remain. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Funky15 Posted January 11 Author Share Posted January 11 On 1/5/2024 at 1:50 PM, ShyViolet said: Closure is a gift you give YOURSELF by making a conscious decision to put an end to this and move on. You don't wait around hoping that the other person will give you closure. You can't control other people's actions. You shouldn't have kept trying to reach out to him so many times when he wasn't responding. By his not responding, he was telling you loud and clear he wasn't interested in being friends with you. Yes to closure is a gift you give yourself, I like that. Beyond that, after our 3 hour brunch, I only reached out twice, so not many times. Our friendship is also a several year and very deep friendship, or it was, so it wasn’t just some casual thing. Thanks for the feedback! Link to post Share on other sites
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