Every time I call the guy I'm talking to, I get a phone call from his ex the next day

[sanrioalice]

The guy I’m talking to’s ex girlfriend/mother of his child calls me the day after I call him. I’m confused because she’s in a new public relationship. I haven’t brought it up with him because I’m unsure of how to go about that. What also puzzles me is how she knows when I call him..they don’t live together, they just share custody of their child. I text him daily and nothing from her but when I call him I literally get a phone call from her the next day. What should I do? I’m very confused about this and not sure if it’s a red flag or if I should be concerned about her.

[basil67]

So many questions.....How did she get your number?  What does the guy you're seeing say about the fact that she does this?  Have you been to his house?  How well do you know him?  Is he a hookup or a boyfriend?  

[Acacia98]

I presume you already knew each other? And what do you discuss when she calls?

I can think of at least two possible reasons for the fact that she knows when you've called him.

1. He tells her.

2. They have a shared phone plan and she looks up the call history everyday.

[sanrioalice]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

So many questions.....How did she get your number?  What does the guy you're seeing say about the fact that she does this?  Have you been to his house?  How well do you know him?  Is he a hookup or a boyfriend?  

So I do know her already because the guy I’ve been talking to and I have known each other for 10 plus years and her and I were always mutuals on social media. A couple of years back I had given her my phone number because she asked for it thinking nothing of it (naive of me I know) but him and I weren’t even speaking at that time. I’m not sure when exactly they broke up but when him and I started talking she was already in a new relationship. What confuses me is why she’s calling me if they aren’t together. I forgot to mention I don’t answer when she calls. All he’s said about it is that “it didn’t work out” between them but I know they had a messy relationship. I haven’t been to his house yet and as of right now we’re just playing it by ear. To sum up our relationship, we’re old friends that have always had feelings for each other but it was never the right time and now that we’re older/single we reconnected and seeing where it goes. It’s innocent as of now but I’m very concerned by his ex’s behavior.

Edited December 28, 2023 by sanrioalice

[sanrioalice]

47 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

I presume you already knew each other? And what do you discuss when she calls?

I can think of at least two possible reasons for the fact that she knows when you've called him.

1. He tells her.

2. They have a shared phone plan and she looks up the call history everyday.

Yeah I’ve known her for a while but as mutuals on social media. We’ve only met in person one time. I’ve known the guy I’ve been talking to for 10+ years as well. I know they had a messy relationship but him and I started talking after they broke up. So I’m confused why she’s calling me if she’s in another relationship. Also I forgot to mention I don’t answer when she calls. I thought of those options as well, can she actually see his call history? And do you have any advice on how I go about bringing this up to him?

Edited December 28, 2023 by sanrioalice

[d0nnivain]

Her behavior is a red flag.  It's insane to me that you haven't told him she does this.  You just tell him straight up   

Frankly I'd walk away from him rather than be drawn into her drama.  She's clearly not over him & she will color every aspect of your relationship with him should you be foolish enough to try to make a go with him.  They are connected forever by the child they share.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sanrioalice said:

. I haven’t been to his house yet and as of right now we’re just playing it by ear. It’s innocent as of now 

When is the last time you saw him in person? Is this a distance situation? Yes she can see his call history. Have you mentioned this to the man you're talking to? 

[sanrioalice]

27 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

When is the last time you saw him in person? Is this a distance situation? Yes she can see his call history. Have you mentioned this to the man you're talking to? 

I saw him last week. Not a distance situation but schedule wise it’s hard for us to see each other often plus this is fairly new. We’ve known each other for 10+ years but just barely started talking last month. I want to bring it up to him but I’m unsure how to go about it. Especially if she’s keeping track of his call history. 

[d0nnivain]

Just bring it up.  Say "Hey do you know that your EX [name] calls me the day after every phone call we have?  What's up with that?"   See what he says.    

[sanrioalice]

28 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Just bring it up.  Say "Hey do you know that your EX [name] calls me the day after every phone call we have?  What's up with that?"   See what he says.    

I am gonna do that, im going to do that today actually. I wasn’t sure if I would be over stepping any lines or causing unnecessary drama but besides that fact I need to know what’s going on. Thank you.

[sanrioalice]

Just now, sanrioalice said:

I am gonna do that, im going to do that today actually. I wasn’t sure if I would be over stepping any lines or causing unnecessary drama but besides that fact I need to know what’s going on. Thank you.

Especially since she’s in a new relationship that she’s open about and seems that she’s happy. The fact that she keeps contacting me is very concerning.

[Alpacalia]

I like @d0nnivainsuggestion. I would also go a step further and ask that she please not call you. Of course, not everyone acts with regards to others in a responsible and respectful manner, so you may have to repeat this request several times. But see what he says first...

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, sanrioalice said:

Especially since she’s in a new relationship that she’s open about and seems that she’s happy. The fact that she keeps contacting me is very concerning.

Maybe take her call or message her through social media  and find out what's up. Perhaps she wants to warn you of something. It's strange you know him for this long, have been taking a month but haven't been to his house. 

Edited December 28, 2023 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

16 minutes ago, sanrioalice said:

I wasn’t sure if I would be over stepping any lines or causing unnecessary drama but besides that fact I need to know what’s going on. Thank you.

You are hardly overstepping any lines by asking why his ex girlfriend is calling you.  I would have asked him immediately if for no other reason than to protect myself.  This seems like it's going to be a lot of drama.  Shes' probably calling to talk about her child and you since you are now dating the child's father and will interact with her child.

[d0nnivain]

You are not the one causing drama.  She is. 

[Gaeta]

If I were you I would pick up.

You might learn something important like they're still sleeping together. 

Once an ex called me and what she told me turned out to be true.

[stillafool]

Just now, Gaeta said:

If I were you I would pick up.

Why aren't you picking up to find out what she wants?

[ShyViolet]

Why aren't you answering the phone to at least find out what she wants?  I'd be curious.  

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, sanrioalice said:

Yeah I’ve known her for a while but as mutuals on social media. We’ve only met in person one time. I’ve known the guy I’ve been talking to for 10+ years as well. I know they had a messy relationship but him and I started talking after they broke up. So I’m confused why she’s calling me if she’s in another relationship. Also I forgot to mention I don’t answer when she calls.

This is peculiar. How do you know it's her that is calling without picking up? Is she contacting you through Facebook or using her own telephone to call your private number?

Edited December 28, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

What does it even mean, "talking to."  

You've used the term multiple times; you and this guy are "talking." 

Does it mean that you are dating?

Honestly I can't get any sense of the relationships here.  She's calling you every day, you don't answer to see what she wants,  you evidently have some kind of relationship with her or else you would not have given her your phone number - my "mutuals" on social media don't have my phone number unless there is significantly more of a connection than "mutuals."

Also you've known the guy for 10 years but then, two years ago, you weren't even "speaking" yet.   So you were just "FB friends" vs actual friends?   And you knew her personally prior to knowing him personally?  

So maybe she thinks that you and she are actually friends?

It all sounds like social media "friends" as opposed to people who are really involved in each others' lives, though evidently you do spend time with this guy in real life.

But you describe your relationship as "talking."

What is going on.  Please clarify.   

[sanrioalice]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I like @d0nnivainsuggestion. I would also go a step further and ask that she please not call you. Of course, not everyone acts with regards to others in a responsible and respectful manner, so you may have to repeat this request several times. But see what he says first...

I agree, I feel with this situation I have to be walking on eggshells

Edited December 28, 2023 by sanrioalice

[sanrioalice]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe take her call or message her through social media  and find out what's up. Perhaps she wants to warn you of something. It's strange you know him for this long, have been taking a month but haven't been to his house. 

Yeah maybe I should, I just don’t want to cause drama. We’ve been talking as of last month but our schedules conflict so much so we’re not really able to see each other in person that much but I’ve thought about that being strange as well. I’ll make a specific day for him and he agrees then when it comes to that day he’s not able or all the days he’s free it’s the days I’m not

[sanrioalice]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

This is peculiar. How do you know it's her that is calling without picking up? Is she contacting you through Facebook or using her own telephone to call your private number?

She’s calling me through her own phone number because we exchanged phone numbers a few years back but it was before him and I were back in contact

[sanrioalice]

59 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

What does it even mean, "talking to."  

You've used the term multiple times; you and this guy are "talking." 

Does it mean that you are dating?

Honestly I can't get any sense of the relationships here.  She's calling you every day, you don't answer to see what she wants,  you evidently have some kind of relationship with her or else you would not have given her your phone number - my "mutuals" on social media don't have my phone number unless there is significantly more of a connection than "mutuals."

Also you've known the guy for 10 years but then, two years ago, you weren't even "speaking" yet.   So you were just "FB friends" vs actual friends?   And you knew her personally prior to knowing him personally?  

So maybe she thinks that you and she are actually friends?

It all sounds like social media "friends" as opposed to people who are really involved in each others' lives, though evidently you do spend time with this guy in real life.

But you describe your relationship as "talking."

What is going on.  Please clarify.   

I agree it’s all a bit complicated. So I’ve known him for 10 plus years and he and his ex were on and off again throughout that time. Him and I were just friends but always had some feelings for each other back in high school but nothing serious. We both had our own lives, lost contact and his ex and I have other mutual friends also but I’ve only met her in person once. Him and I lost contact for a significant amount of years and once him and his ex broke up, he contacted me and basically just started talking. Like I said it’s very new only been a month, just playing it by ear. What confuses me is that whenever I call him I get a call from her the next day so I’m guessing she shares a phone plan with him and checks his call logs but still..she’s in a public and happy relationship but she keeps calling me and why is she tracking his call logs. I know they’ve had a messy relationship but I honestly don’t know how to go about this. 

[sanrioalice]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If I were you I would pick up.

You might learn something important like they're still sleeping together. 

Once an ex called me and what she told me turned out to be true.

I’m afraid if I pick up it would  stir up drama..my thoughts are either she could be warning me about something or just something else. At the same time I don’t want to keep that from him so I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. Do I answer her and not tell him or do I tell him about her contacting me..this is my problem..