Should I move on? Give me some ideas

[justdifferent_]

I have been liking this girl for a while now. I met her through mutual friends when he and I were skiing. He brought this girl that I knew he talked about before at school. They don't hang out anymore; instead, I have been talking to her and am one of her closest friends today (over 40k messages). Just to note, I am 14 M and she is 14 F, we do not go to the same school, instead, we both go to a single-gender private school in the UK.

I almost talk to her every day, and she has made some weird moves in the past, but I shake it off as something a good friend would do. For example, asking my rice purity test score, sending me pics of korean ai girls for me to rate them, sending me photos of her trip to Hawaii, and sending me some photos of her wearing a shirt that she bought (same photo on her ig) as well as skiing with only her twice because she was there at the same time (not set up).

Other weird things we did were: she asked me to rate her or to say if she was pretty or not, to which I always responded very positively, one time I asked back the same question, to which she gave me a 6.5/10 (very skeptical; she is always very nice and won't say bad things), as well as saying I love you ONLY ONCE as a joke because after I sent her photos of her old crush (who kind of still likes me currently and asked me to get her photos of him in the past) that also goes to my school but one grade higher (she said that becuase she was thankful).

From day 1, she would be very nice (she does this to everyone) and make me call her mom, but now that this is long over, we both grew out of it. We have been friends since February 2022. She recently dated one of my classmates at school and always had a crush on him. The relationship happened over the summer (it was her first), and it died because they never actually met in person (they saw each other before, but this was after the breakup, and they never talked). Now, the guy who she dated eventually found a new person very quickly and now loves her very much. On the contrary, she still dreams and is definitely not over him, and she constantly complains to me about him, as well as taking an uber for 30 minutes across the city to come find him at my school.

I have talked to many other girls who looked better but never really bonded with me. This is a girl who has a lot of guy friends, and if you just look at her messages on any app, it would be filled with simps. I actually respect people and what they want, and I will follow them accordingly. In her friend zone, she has me, some random kids from public school, as well as my best friend (which i 100% think he likes; they talk every day), who was introduced by me and now take some outside of school classes together.

I am still very relevant in her life, I help with math online, science and various other things. We share many common interests, like badminton and other things. Note she is very spoiled and gets whatever she wants all the time. Recently, I admitted that I liked her and asked her out on date (she was skeptical at first because my same best friend would like to take control of my computer and type weird s*** on my computer), the response was confusing, I asked "why not? we are already friends" she responded with "okay sure" but then i asked "you srs?" becuase this was down the ilne maybe like 30 minutes later and I didnt think that she understood my previous texts and when I clarified the question, she said "what do you mean by a date" I responded "romantically" she responded with "Bro opps, Im not ready yet" with a follow up I asked why and she said "you dont want a girl who isnt oer their ex, you have to wait until I get over him first" and kept saying she wasnt ready and asked me if i liked her, and i responded with yes, maybe 10 messages later she responded with: "you are a really good friend and I do not want to ruin our friendship, maybe it might be a better idea to find someone else, i dont want to risk our friendship for this. it wont be fair for you or me if i havent moved on," I proceeded to ask : "so its a no for now?" and she said yes. She finalized by saying "i just dont want to stop being friends, but i think thats the furthest I want to go at the momment". I know that she isnt going to stop liking her ex for a while and I might have other things I can or try out with. My options here are simple:

1. I can stop liking her pretty easily and move on, find someone else.

2. Continue to be friends but it will be a more weird relationship becuase of this, and ask her to set me up with someone (she knows a lot of ppl).

3. Wait for her to get over him and maybe have a chance of her liking back (please tell me if you think she likes me.)

4. Ghost her and block or just stop texting her as much anymore and move on and stop wasting my time on her.

Please give me some ideas on other things I might can do (pretty desperate for a relationship atm) and whether I have a chance or not.

Edited December 19, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, justdifferent_ said:

1. I can stop liking her pretty easily and move on, find someone else.

She seems like a real attention seeker. Basically she seems a bit conceited and self-absorbed sort of looking for fans more than any interest in dating you.

If she is entertaining, that's fine but please don't waste too much time on her when you could be dating other girls. Go for option 1.

[justdifferent_]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She seems like a real attention seeker. Basically she seems a bit conceited and self-absorbed sort of looking for fans more than any interest in dating you.

If she is entertaining, that's fine but please don't waste too much time on her when you could be dating other girls. Go for option 1.

So you mean, I should move on but still be friends or no? As well as she keeps asking me to rate other girls and comparing if she looks prettier or not. So do you think I should comtinue to be friends? We kinda have a strong friendship but now there kinda is no use for it.  I will try my best to not waste too much time. Thanks a lot. 

[basil67]

I agree that she sounds like an attention seeker.   

Whether or not you stay friends depends on whether you're a true friend or an orbiter.   If you're really only hanging around because you want her to be your girlfriend, then you'd be best to move on.    Though if you realise that you are an orbiter, one thing to consider is whether or not you're both part of a larger friend group.  If you ghost or block her and you're both part of the same group, it's gonna be really awkward.  

[MsJayne]

She's made it clear she just wants to be friends, and she seems to be more interested in gathering fans than building more meaningful relationships. Asking you to judge other girls on their looks is very shallow, and so is asking you if she's better looking than them. You also say she's spoiled. So, why are you attracted to a vain, spoiled, shallow girl, (aka airhead)? 

 

3 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

She recently dated one of my classmates at school and always had a crush on him. The relationship happened over the summer (it was her first), and it died because they never actually met in person (they saw each other before, but this was after the breakup, and they never talked).

Dating requires two people to meet and regularly spend time together. Chatting on social media is  not dating. Long distance relationships are a very wonky concept invented because of the internet. If you've never met and spent time with a person, any pretence of a relationship is just that.

Edited December 19, 2023 by MsJayne

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

 As well as she keeps asking me to rate other girls and comparing if she looks prettier or not. 

Try to avoid getting dragged into tests, surveys and any other nosy questions. She seems to crave attention and gossip. So anything you say could be forwarded and passed along. Try to avoid her as much as possible. 

[justdifferent_]

20 hours ago, basil67 said:

I agree that she sounds like an attention seeker.   

Whether or not you stay friends depends on whether you're a true friend or an orbiter.   If you're really only hanging around because you want her to be your girlfriend, then you'd be best to move on.    Though if you realise that you are an orbiter, one thing to consider is whether or not you're both part of a larger friend group.  If you ghost or block her and you're both part of the same group, it's gonna be really awkward.  

Alright, but what if we already established a clear friendship but I do not want to break it. At the same time however, I kinda only became her friend so she could be my gf. I also recently found another girl that might like me, so should I still be her friend?

[justdifferent_]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to avoid getting dragged into tests, surveys and any other nosy questions. She seems to crave attention and gossip. So anything you say could be forwarded and passed along. Try to avoid her as much as possible. 

Alrighty, thanks for the advice, I am already starting to distance myself with her. 

[justdifferent_]

20 hours ago, MsJayne said:

She's made it clear she just wants to be friends, and she seems to be more interested in gathering fans than building more meaningful relationships. Asking you to judge other girls on their looks is very shallow, and so is asking you if she's better looking than them. You also say she's spoiled. So, why are you attracted to a vain, spoiled, shallow girl, (aka airhead)? 

 

Dating requires two people to meet and regularly spend time together. Chatting on social media is  not dating. Long distance relationships are a very wonky concept invented because of the internet. If you've never met and spent time with a person, any pretence of a relationship is just that.

I agree with your first statement, however I already met her many times in person at events, going skiing together (as friends ofc) and many other things, but the reason I became her friend was that I saw a chance in her. So should I still be friends with her?

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

So should I still be friends with her?

No reason to just suddenly end the friendship, but I would stop giving her compliments and see how long the friendship lasts if you're not feeding her ego. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

 the reason I became her friend was that I saw a chance in her. So should I still be friends with her?

If you are just orbiting because you "saw a chance with her", then yes, you're wasting your time staying friends. 

[justdifferent_]

10 hours ago, MsJayne said:

No reason to just suddenly end the friendship, but I would stop giving her compliments and see how long the friendship lasts if you're not feeding her ego. 

Shes got many guy friends and would hang out with them regularly, but I know she cares for me so I think I will do what you say. Also, recently, she started taking classes with my best friend (outside of school). Also as well, she asks me if she should keep her long hair or not, it is these things where I do not know what I should say or do?  Should I initiate conversations? 

[justdifferent_]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are just orbiting because you "saw a chance with her", then yes, you're wasting your time staying friends. 

Since we established our relationship as friends, should i then be wasting my time still? Or should I stay friends but look for other ppl. This girl can help set me up with other girls she knows so I think that might work. 

[flitzanu]

ultimately, this girl may be your friend, but she's not trying to date you.  all her "excuses" are just nice ways of saying "no" to your romantic interest.

if you can remove your romantic interest and see her as any other friend, then go on.  but if not, you need to be prepared for her to start dating guys and eventually disappearing or complaining to you about how bad they are, etc.

 

[justdifferent_]

Also any further replies should note that this girl is extremely spoiled, has tons of makeup and is literally going to vegas on a private boeing 777 or 737 (couldnt tell bc it was a blurry far away photo). I dont really want to have a romantic relationship with someone like this, but I just need some advice on if I should continue to be her friend. Thanks. 

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

  Should I initiate conversations?

Yes, but see how you go talking about something other than her, her hair, who is or isn’t prettier than her…..you’re making her sound like there’s not much going on behind her eyes 😂

[Alpacalia]

On 12/18/2023 at 5:55 PM, justdifferent_ said:

Just to note, I am 14 M and she is 14 F, we do not go to the same school, instead, we both go to a single-gender private school in the UK.

Sounds like silly 14 years old talking/thinking and obsessing over things so vain that none of it will matter in few years.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, justdifferent_ said:

I just need some advice on if I should continue to be her friend.

You want to be her friend supposedly because she could introduce you to other girls? But as it stands right now, you seem to be in her fan club. Find your own girls to date. Please don't share so much with her. It's in really bad form to rate pics of girls she sends you. 

[justdifferent_]

46 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds like silly 14 years old talking/thinking and obsessing over things so vain that none of it will matter in few years.

Yes, I realize that I will have to leave her after high school, I just want a girl so I can gain some expierence. I live by Dating to Marry but I just want some introduction. 

[justdifferent_]

38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You want to be her friend supposedly because she could introduce you to other girls? But as it stands right now, you seem to be in her fan club. Find your own girls to date. Please don't share so much with her. It's in really bad form to rate pics of girls she sends you. 

Yes basically she tried to dodge my offer my trying to introduce me to other girls and I just played along with it. To be honest, I kinda just want her but I am already starting to move on. This situation is kind of out of my reach. I think I will work on myself but maintain a decent friendship with her. 

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, justdifferent_ said:

I live by Dating to Marry but I just want some introduction. 

Huh? You're 15!

[justdifferent_]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Huh? You're 15!

Yes, I see a bright future ahead of me. I want some introduction right now but after high school, its dating to marry. 

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, justdifferent_ said:

 I just want a girl so I can gain some expierence. 

That's not a cool thing to do. Besides that she's not interested. 

[Alpacalia]

46 minutes ago, justdifferent_ said:

Yes, I see a bright future ahead of me. I want some introduction right now but after high school, its dating to marry. 

So, you're 15 and you are interested in gaining experience in dating before you are ready to get married. So you think that dating around and getting some experience will help you in the future when you are ready to marry someone? Don't see people as just a means to an end, because what you're doing is objectifying them.

[justdifferent_]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So, you're 15 and you are interested in gaining experience in dating before you are ready to get married. So you think that dating around and getting some experience will help you in the future when you are ready to marry someone? Don't see people as just a means to an end, because what you're doing is objectifying them.

No i just want to look into the future and thats what I am going to do. Besides, is it true that if I pay too much attention to her that she will lose interest?