Regrets, I have a few

[mario_C]

As the song goes...LOL

I was a terrible musician, writer, and employee in every field I've ever worked in. All my dreams and ambitions have ended up in failure, all the women I fell for already taken or just not available.

Now I drive an Uber and live at home, ostensibly to look after my elderly mother but she obviously resents me being there as much as I hate being there. No friends, no nothing.

I know, I know...every day is a new opportunity. Well, what if it isn't? I can't go back and be good enough at the stuff I dreamed of doing. I can't make women like me or anyone respect me.

Where can one go from here? There's nowhere, is there?

[basil67]

If you believe that there's nowhere to go from here, then this is what will happen.

Have you ever gone back and worked out where different jobs and dreams and ambitions failed?   It's so important to learn from our mistakes

 

[mario_C]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you believe that there's nowhere to go from here, then this is what will happen.

Have you ever gone back and worked out where different jobs and dreams and ambitions failed?   It's so important to learn from our mistakes

 

All the time, and I keep trying...but I'm not young anymore. I'm tired all the time.

And I always, always hear the "learn from your mistakes and move on" line. Sorry, but...DUH. Yes, that is what you do. But it doesn't change the fact that I failed, and that because I failed, I'm behind in life still. I should be doing so much better by now, and I'm not. And does life ever begin at 55? For whom?

Anyway, I appreciate the kind words.

[Alpacalia]

Life begins when you want it to and only because you make it happen. It’s harsh and ridiculous but it’s true. There's an abundance of boxes to be ticked off, and their sole purpose is to ensure happiness. Okay, happiness should be and is a fundamental component of life, and it's something we all should strive for. The trouble with this line of thinking is that it makes it feel like we need to pass tests to be happy. What if this isn't the case? As if ticking a bunch of boxes makes everything inexplicably great.

[basil67]

Perhaps look at what you can change now.  I know UBER doesn't pay much, but do you earn enough to rent a small apartment somewhere?  Are there affordable housing options for low income earners?   If your mother enjoyed having you around that's one thing, but as she resents it, you should not be living there.

You've mentioned poor social skills in the past.  Have you ever done adult social skill courses to better understand personal interaction?   Google to find them

Among the other things which you list, you mention being a poor employee.   What exactly makes you a poor employee?  Can you not do the job you're qualified for?  Or perhaps you get distracted from the task?  Or don't show up?  What's going on

[Foxhall]

You could try something like learning a language which would open travel opportunities and maybe the possibility of meeting a younger woman from a different culture,

got to try something I suppose-  

[MsJayne]

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you're not alone. I failed too, I spent 35 years working in accounting and admin, and I hate maths and paperwork 😂. I also failed at relationships, I wanted a family of my own, but I ended up childless and never married. My point is that if everyone told the truth there'd be billions more people who feel ripped off in life than people who feel they got everything they wanted, and just because someone looks successful on the outside doesn't mean they've had a rewarding life. I think the most telling thing about your post is that your mother resents you living at her house, is there any way you can get out of that situation?  To me it sounds like she may be a little on the toxic side and being there is a big element of what's making you feel so down on yourself. Very few artists actually make a living out of their work, that doesn't mean they're a failure. If you get pleasure from being creative you should keep doing it until you drop regardless of skill level. Might be a dumb question, but have you considered teaching music?

[Foxhall]

26 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

I failed too, I spent 35 years working in accounting and admin, and I hate maths and paperwork 😂. I also failed at relationships, I wanted a family of my own, but I ended up childless and never married.

Like your honesty there- I guess there are some of us who come up a little short as regards what we truly want to achieve,

Anyways not my thread but good to know there are others in the same or similar boat 

[mario_C]

On 12/17/2023 at 4:29 PM, basil67 said:

Perhaps look at what you can change now.  I know UBER doesn't pay much, but do you earn enough to rent a small apartment somewhere?  Are there affordable housing options for low income earners?   If your mother enjoyed having you around that's one thing, but as she resents it, you should not be living there.

You've mentioned poor social skills in the past.  Have you ever done adult social skill courses to better understand personal interaction?   Google to find them

Among the other things which you list, you mention being a poor employee.   What exactly makes you a poor employee?  Can you not do the job you're qualified for?  Or perhaps you get distracted from the task?  Or don't show up?  What's going on

Hi Basil, what kinds of adult social skill classes or meetups are there? That would be great?

Unfortunately, I'm in a ridiculously high rent area so moving out would be difficult unless I just commit to working morning, noon, and night. We've discussed this sort of - when she was sick she pushed back of course, but now she really wants to be more independent. Her memory and cognitive stuff is usually good, but she has hard times sometimes.

Edited December 20, 2023 by mario_C

[mario_C]

On 12/17/2023 at 5:01 PM, Foxhall said:

You could try something like learning a language which would open travel opportunities and maybe the possibility of meeting a younger woman from a different culture,

got to try something I suppose-  

This isn't about scoring younger babes. It's a little more complex than that.

I would love to speak more languages better, but I have a terrible time learning because I am dumb enough in English, so trying to talk to people in other languages for practice...LOL

[mario_C]

On 12/17/2023 at 6:19 PM, MsJayne said:

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you're not alone. I failed too, I spent 35 years working in accounting and admin, and I hate maths and paperwork 😂. I also failed at relationships, I wanted a family of my own, but I ended up childless and never married. My point is that if everyone told the truth there'd be billions more people who feel ripped off in life than people who feel they got everything they wanted, and just because someone looks successful on the outside doesn't mean they've had a rewarding life. I think the most telling thing about your post is that your mother resents you living at her house, is there any way you can get out of that situation?  To me it sounds like she may be a little on the toxic side and being there is a big element of what's making you feel so down on yourself. Very few artists actually make a living out of their work, that doesn't mean they're a failure. If you get pleasure from being creative you should keep doing it until you drop regardless of skill level. Might be a dumb question, but have you considered teaching music?

Hi Ms. Jayne, I offered guitar lessons back in the day. I don't love the idea of doing that again, but I've had worse jobs, I guess.

[Alpacalia]

20 hours ago, mario_C said:

This isn't about scoring younger babes. It's a little more complex than that.

I would love to speak more languages better, but I have a terrible time learning because I am dumb enough in English, so trying to talk to people in other languages for practice...LOL

I just took a language course last semester and it was super hard. Don't feel bad. I even downloaded an app so I could learn and practice but I've slacked off a bit 😅

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, mario_C said:

This isn't about scoring younger babes. It's a little more complex than that.

Agree.  There's nothing wrong with being an Uber driver. You're making an honest living. It may not be a dream job but give yourself some credit. See if there are online courses or something you can do in addition to your day job. 

[LuckyM]

What is your age? Life choices revolve around age and location especially.

Plenty of people turn their lives around under say 55, depending on their ambitions.

[mark clemson]

Perhaps look for a side gig to make more money. Creative fields (music, writing) are super competitive and I think a combination of talent, effort, AND luck are needed to be successful in those fields. You have to be the bit that got thrown up against the wall AND actually stuck to it. There's so much out there that never aligns to whatever the zeitgeist of the day is and so fades into obscurity. And of course these days you'll be competing with generative AI...

However, there are people who make money doing much more prosaic things. Pet grooming, personal training, notary public, reselling stuff on Amazon/Ebay, etc, etc. Consider looking for something you can work in with whatever else you are doing, and perhaps eventually supplant it. Research a few lists, such as the side gig suggestions at Indeed.com.

With some reasonable financial independence, you become more appealing to women. So they reenter the picture. Learn to choose from who's actually available, instead of chasing the unattainable dream.

Once you've found a woman who you can be a "life partner" with, you can then build a life together with her. And so, while probably far from perfect, things up being "not so bad."

Making that happen is probably easier said than done, but it should be doable I would think, if you choose to...

 

[d0nnivain]

Try creating S.M.A.R.T. goals for yourself.  Smart, measurable, attainable, realistic & timely.    

What do you want?  Then break that down into steps.   Understand nothing is instantaneous.  It all requires hard work & sacrifice.   You have to suck it up & do the small things before you can achieve the big things.  

It sounds trivial but when you get up every day, make the bed.  It's a small thing but it's an accomplishment & it's about pride in your surroundings.  

You drive ride share to make money & that's good but what else do you do?  Get a job somewhere doing something.  You need a sense of purpose & belonging.  Also educate yourself about financial literacy. Learn how to budget & make money work for you.  There are free services on the internet & lots of books in the library.