g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 I'm 57, wife is 50. Been married 29 years. I have uncontrolled diabetes 2, because of finances. I deal with neuropathy, feet numb but pain to below the knee. Hands fingers painful tingling needle fingers. I stay home and tend to housework and repairs. We've had another argument, this time about me asking if she wanted toast for breakfast. She said no, just diet soda. I asked several times and she said yes, say she was trying ti be easy by saying no. This has been going on since I started house duties because of being unemployable due to diabetes. So say 15 years. For this time I've asked her for truth and honesty. She starts these arguments then saying she's trying to help and I tell her it just frustrates me so bad. She then says she understands and says she'll start being honest and truthful. Again 15yrs, this time she went 1 day...Saturday was over dinner.....I don't know what to do. Questions, advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, g57 said: We've had another argument, this time about me asking if she wanted toast for breakfast. She said no, just diet soda. I asked several times and she said yes, say she was trying ti be easy by saying no. Sorry about your health struggles OP. I'm trying to understand why you didn't just take her "no" at face value. Your rejecting her "no" implied that you knew she would want toast. And if that was the case, you should have just made the toast and offered it to her. Am I wrong in thinking you may be looking for conflict in these interactions with your wife? Edited December 12, 2023 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 So am I wrong that you're saying for 15yrs I've been wanting conflict instead of what I was physically asking for truth and honesty from her. Which she said that she did want toast all along but chose to say no...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 She said no in the guise of making it easy on me, which I didn't ask for easy. If I didn't want to make toast, I wouldn't have asked. Toast is not hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 I'm just at my last straw with her saying she will be truthful and honest but then doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 She's not being malicious. She is trying to make things easier on you. Appreciate the gesture even if it frustrates you. You say your diabetes is uncontrolled due to financial issues & it's so bad you can't work. You really need to address your health. Can you make diet & lifestyle changes to give your system a little help even if you can't afford the medications? Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 Wait....like what she's doing even if it frustrates me..... No, how about not frustrating me.... I've asked her to stop doing because it frustrates me. She said on numerous occasions that she would but continues to do it and I'm just to accept it.....no that doesn't seem right at all. Because that would result in a "goose...gander" situation. Which I don't want, I just want her to be truthful when I ask something. I am with her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 I have tried to make diet/lifestyle changes but she doesn't support me in doing it or she'll say ok but then it becomes to much effort on her part and stops.... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, g57 said: I'm 57, wife is 50. Been married 29 years. I have uncontrolled diabetes 2, because of finances. I deal with neuropathy, Sorry this is happening. It seems like you don't want her to pity you. However if she doesn't want toast,so what? Unfortunately there seems to be a lot going on here that Is causing frustration resentment and hurt. She may resent that you're not taking care of yourself. Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Please look into medical insurance, disability and other assistance you may be eligible for. Edited December 12, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 As my role has switched to house husband which means I do meal prep and 90 of the shopping she doesn't like what I prepare and will eat something else. But I'm just supposed appreciate the gesture and live with the frustration she puts on me.....got it Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 6 minutes ago, g57 said: I have tried to make diet/lifestyle changes but she doesn't support me in doing it or she'll say ok but then it becomes to much effort on her part and stops.... What support do you need from her exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 If you are doing the shopping & the meal prep you should be able to control YOUR diet & lifestyle choices. She can do whatever. . . doesn't effect you. Stop focusing on her & simply do you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author g57 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 Support from her..... Eating healthy..... is that exactly enough? But I see common advice coming through... Me, my health and what I believe to be true is the problem. Thank all of you for your contributions. I get it now. I will not be commenting further but I'm sure there will be more so have at it. Adios Link to post Share on other sites
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