Author ericw899 Posted December 14, 2023 Author Posted December 14, 2023 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: She's just making sure you don't take advantage of her, and only want sex. That's why she's taking this slow. That actually makes a lot of sense. Especially since American guys sexualize Latina women a lot she may want to make sure that’s not the case. And believe me that’s definitely not the case I actually care about her as a person and I respect her classiness
Author ericw899 Posted December 14, 2023 Author Posted December 14, 2023 So something else I’ve been thinking about. With Christmas a few weeks away, would it be appropriate to get her a gift? I know it’s early but maybe something small to show her I think she’s special.? I was thinking a small necklace with her intitials and her birthstone
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2023 Posted December 14, 2023 (edited) 43 minutes ago, ericw899 said: So something else I’ve been thinking about. With Christmas a few weeks away, would it be appropriate to get her a gift? I know it’s early but maybe something small to show her I think she’s special.? I was thinking a small necklace with her intitials and her birthstone No jewellery until you are having sex or a committed relationship. Edited December 14, 2023 by smackie9
Author ericw899 Posted December 14, 2023 Author Posted December 14, 2023 37 minutes ago, smackie9 said: No jewellery until you are having sex or a committed relationship. Ok but can or should I still get her a small gift?
CaliforniaGirl Posted December 14, 2023 Posted December 14, 2023 1 hour ago, ericw899 said: Ok but can or should I still get her a small gift? Just keep having a regular new relationship. Just keep seeing her. Don't go over the top. Gifts won't make her text you faster. *That is her texting style and it will not change.* You accept it, or you don't, but it's reality.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2023 Posted December 14, 2023 3 hours ago, ericw899 said: I was thinking a small necklace with her intitials and her birthstone No, that's too much. A nice box of chocolates (or candy you think she would like) and some flowers on your next date are fine.
Author ericw899 Posted December 15, 2023 Author Posted December 15, 2023 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, that's too much. A nice box of chocolates (or candy you think she would like) and some flowers on your next date are fine. Ok understandable she really liked the flowers I got her our 3rd date. I’m really starting to like her and I’m getting scared I’ll mess things up if I do too little or too Much
ExpatInItaly Posted December 15, 2023 Posted December 15, 2023 4 hours ago, ericw899 said: I’m really starting to like her and I’m getting scared I’ll mess things up if I do too little or too Much When someone really likes you too, you don't need to be so afraid of making a small misstep somewhere, Eric. You're putting too much pressure on yourself to make this work. Let her show you that she is also a suitable dating candidate for you. Dating is a two-way street. 2
Author ericw899 Posted December 15, 2023 Author Posted December 15, 2023 17 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: When someone really likes you too, you don't need to be so afraid of making a small misstep somewhere, Eric. You're putting too much pressure on yourself to make this work. Let her show you that she is also a suitable dating candidate for you. Dating is a two-way street. How do I know this though? Do I have to back off from her and let her come to me? Or just tell her how I feel?
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 47 minutes ago, ericw899 said: Do I have to back off from her and let her come to me? Or just tell her how I feel? Please don't play games. She knows how you feel through actions. 1
basil67 Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 The whole point of dating is to find someone who is a good match. Part of being a good match is not having to resort to guess work to figure out what they are thinking
Author ericw899 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Posted December 16, 2023 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Please don't play games. She knows how you feel through actions. You’re right I don’t want to do that to her. She has been very honest with me and she’s a real sweetheart
Author ericw899 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Posted December 16, 2023 31 minutes ago, basil67 said: The whole point of dating is to find someone who is a good match. Part of being a good match is not having to resort to guess work to figure out what they are thinking Yes I understand but I feel like in my case there has to be some guessing simply because of the language barrier.
ShyViolet Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 10 minutes ago, ericw899 said: Yes I understand but I feel like in my case there has to be some guessing simply because of the language barrier. A real relationship isn't going to work without good communication. I don't think you're being realistic about this relationship.
Author ericw899 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Posted December 16, 2023 5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: A real relationship isn't going to work without good communication. I don't think you're being realistic about this relationship. Well we both understand that it won’t be easy but we have a good connection and are willing to work through our language barriers. I’m working on learning Spanish and she’s learning English. I’m not going to give up potentially falling in love over language differences. In my whole life I’ve always dated girls who had issues. Mental illness, immaturity, emotional issues daddy issues etc. but this one’s different. She’s sweet, caring, confident, self assured, positive and an all around happy lovable person. That’s not something I want to give up on just because it’s difficult due to something out of both of our control
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, ericw899 said: Well we both understand that it won’t be easy but we have a good connection and are willing to work through our language barriers. I’m working on learning Spanish and she’s learning English. It's not just language. You seem unaware of cultural differences. Please don't make texting a make it or break it issue like the last situation. Texting is not a good yardstick of the relationship. Be consistent, respectful, understand she's a working single mother and try not to panic.
Author ericw899 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Posted December 16, 2023 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's not just language. You seem unaware of cultural differences. Please don't make texting a make it or break it issue like the last situation. Texting is not a good yardstick of the relationship. Be consistent, respectful, understand she's a working single mother and try not to panic. I understand and I’ve been a bit better the last day or 2. She’s been texting a few messages a day and I’m just trying to make the most of the few times we text, but now I’m more focused on our next date and how to move on from there. I do want to start having more serious conversations about where our future may lie
ExpatInItaly Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 2 hours ago, ericw899 said: I do want to start having more serious conversations about where our future may lie You've been on a few dates with her. Relax. You're trying to push this too much. If you don't chill out and let it unfold more organically without your insecurity steering the ship, you're going to run it right into the ground. 2 hours ago, ericw899 said: I’m not going to give up potentially falling in love over language differences You are underestimating how difficult that entire process is going to be when you can barely communicate with each other, Eric. I speak from experience. Please don't get too far ahead of yourself here. See if this is really workable when you are unable to have simple conversations without the help of a translator, much less get into the heavier-hitting topics. Learning each other's languages is a good start but you are being rather naive about the challenges a language barrier is going to present. It will affect nearly all aspects of your relationship with her. I don't think you are prepared for that, based on what you have written. Take it easy here and don't lose perspective just because you like her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 2 hours ago, ericw899 said: . I do want to start having more serious conversations about where our future may lie You're moving way too fast. Including suffocating her with texts. Please slow down and pace yourself. She seems mature and responsible. She's a single working mother. She needs to get to know you better.
basil67 Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 5 hours ago, ericw899 said: Yes I understand but I feel like in my case there has to be some guessing simply because of the language barrier. There is no "but". If you don't have the foundations of good communication, the relationship will fail. If you're living in a country where english is not the primary language, what are you doing to learn the local language?
Author ericw899 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Posted December 16, 2023 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You're moving way too fast. Including suffocating her with texts. Please slow down and pace yourself. She seems mature and responsible. She's a single working mother. She needs to get to know you better. For the record, I’m not suffocating her with texts. I text her once and don’t text her again until she has responded and I respond back to her. I am frustrated by the lack of communication but it’s something I’m expressing on here and with my therapist rather than with her. The only thing I’ve sad to her about texting was that I wish we communicated more in between dates. But no I’m not suffocating her. We only text 2-4 times a day and I’m learning to accept it. I’m just trying to plan another date which may be tomorrow
Author ericw899 Posted December 31, 2023 Author Posted December 31, 2023 Well, we wound up going out on a date on Tuesday for lunch. We had a nice time, good conversation, some touchy feeliness, and some kisses throughout. I gave her the gifts i got her for Christmas (Flowers & Chocolates). All seemed fine once again, and she texted me after and said thank you and that the food and my company was the best. On Wednesday we messaged each other quite a bit, even a little more than normal, and it was very encouraging. However since Wednesday night its been more of the same texting wise and now its actually gotten worse than ever. On Thursday she only sent me 2 messages the whole day, yesterday just 1 and now today I haven't heard from her at all. Today will be the first day since October that we didn't communicate at all. I know some of you say to not worry about the texting, but at this point I can't help but believe our "fling" is over. I just can't understand how in 2023 someone could be interested in someone but can't be bothered to send a simple text or 2. I haven't even bothered her to say why are you not texting or anything, and she never opened my message from yesterday. I'm playing it cool and letting her come to me but I can't help to think she really doesn't care and at this point I probably wont hear from her again and I have no idea why.
basil67 Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 I'm sorry to hear the update, but given the language difference it was highly unlikely to go long term anyway. Are you able to date women who speak English
Wiseman2 Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 1 hour ago, ericw899 said: .On Thursday she only sent me 2 messages the whole day, yesterday just 1 and now today I haven't heard from her at all. Today will be the first day since October that we didn't communicate at all. Are you asking her out for New Year's or saying anything worthwhile in these texts? 1
FredEire Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 I won't claim to have read ever single update in this story but from what I've read it seems like it's gone way too slow and you're still getting excited about having a small kiss after I don't know how many dates and time invested. Personally I think after maximum 3/4 dates it's should at the very least be clear you're really into eachother and you're talking more and more, otherwise of course it's going to devolve into a bland time pass, and it seems that's what's happened. I would just move on. If she doesn't text again leave it there, if she makes another half-hearted effort to reach out just politely say you don't think it's going anywhere and wish her the best. Fwiw don't agree necessarily about the language barrier. It's not helpful obviously but in the right match it can actually provide some intrigue and make things more interesting. I think this just isn't it, it would probably be almost as lethargic even if she was a native English speaker. 2
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