ericw899 Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 I linked my previous post because I'm talking about the same girl. Long story short we've gone on a few more dates since this post. On the fifth date we did have a kiss once again at the end of the night. Only a few small pecks but a kiss is a kiss. Fast Forward to this past Saturday, we had our sixth date, and it really went well. We continued to connect more, and got more comfortable with each other. We even were more handsy with each other, (not sexually) but physical contact and she really seemed to like it. I noticed she actually started calling me baby on our date too which we had only done over text. At the end of the date I got to her apartment to drop her off, so I leaned over in my car and gave her a big hug. We hugged for a good 30 seconds, before that turned into a kiss. The kiss lasted much longer than any kiss we had ever had. It actually turned into a mini makeout session with tongue. I even went to back off mid kissing and i felt her pull me back in which was nice. Finally we stopped and i walked her out of my car and we kissed once more and she said goodbye baby and she went inside. Since then though, things haven't gone too great. We briefly texted yesterday and then today she texted me once and then I responded and she wound up opening my message but not responding back. I left off asking for a pic from our date the other night so its not like there was nothing to respond to. I will say she has a tendency to take a really long time to respond to texts 4-6 hours usually, but this is the first time she left me on read. Its getting frustrating because our dates are going well but our follow ups are practically non excitant. I don't even know how she feels about me, because how do you go from a passionate makeout to ghosting someone in less than 36 hours. What do I do from here, because now im develping stronger feelings for her, especially after the other night, and now shes just not answering so idk. Do I reach out, is she interested? Is it over? Appreciate the thoughts thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 Is texting her preferred mode of communication? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 9 minutes ago, ericw899 said: how do you go from a passionate makeout to ghosting someone in less than 36 hours. You claim there's a significant language barrier and cultural differences so please pay attention to the in-person interaction rather than panicking about texting. Ask her out on another date and please remember that the cultural and language barrier doesn't lend itself that well to texting this much. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 I'm not understanding how you have gone on 6 dates with someone when you literally don't speak the same language and can't have a conversation. What do you actually do on these dates? How do you even know if you are compatible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 47 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I'm not understanding how you have gone on 6 dates with someone when you literally don't speak the same language and can't have a conversation. What do you actually do on these dates? How do you even know if you are compatible? She knows some basic English & I know some basic spanish. We each help each other, and use translate if we dont understand each other. We have a lot of fun on our dates, always laughing and making jokes. Honestly I feel a better connection with her after 6 dates than I have almost any American English speaking woman Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 (edited) When you can barely speak to each other without having to rely on a device to translate, you have be realistic that this situation has severe limitations and probably won't be sustainable in the long-run. I don't mean to be unkind but her taking a long time to respond to you is the least of your concerns here. And I say that as someone who lives abroad and dated local men before I spoke the language very well. It got tedious and just didn't work out. She seems to be tiring of it. Edited December 12, 2023 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted December 12, 2023 Share Posted December 12, 2023 14 hours ago, ericw899 said: She knows some basic English & I know some basic spanish. We each help each other, and use translate if we dont understand each other. We have a lot of fun on our dates, always laughing and making jokes. Honestly I feel a better connection with her after 6 dates than I have almost any American English speaking woman Time to get your head out the clouds and come back to earth Op. I think you’re caught up in romantic fantasy of this all, and are playing out a scenario in your head that love will conquer all. (NB reminds me of the film Love actually where the love interests cannot speak the same language but I digress …..) Quit convincing yourself she’s your ideal. Her texting behaviour alone is a massive clue that she isn’t. This behaviour doesn’t fulfil your needs. Pay attention to that. At best she’s lukewarm about you . Keeping you going just for the sake of it. I haven’t read your other thread but are you clear on what her intentions are with you? Is she waiting for you to “marry” her before she gives you sex and then has right to remain in the US? You may think I’m being far fetched but this stuff happens a lot. Keep your eyes open Op. I think there’s more going on here than you’re actually seeing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 7 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: Time to get your head out the clouds and come back to earth Op. I think you’re caught up in romantic fantasy of this all, and are playing out a scenario in your head that love will conquer all. (NB reminds me of the film Love actually where the love interests cannot speak the same language but I digress …..) Quit convincing yourself she’s your ideal. Her texting behaviour alone is a massive clue that she isn’t. This behaviour doesn’t fulfil your needs. Pay attention to that. At best she’s lukewarm about you . Keeping you going just for the sake of it. I haven’t read your other thread but are you clear on what her intentions are with you? Is she waiting for you to “marry” her before she gives you sex and then has right to remain in the US? You may think I’m being far fetched but this stuff happens a lot. Keep your eyes open Op. I think there’s more going on here than you’re actually seeing. This is why I don't understand her and she's so frustrating. She has a deep passionate kiss and makeout session with me on Satruday night and now two days later shes lukewarm? Im not disagreeing i just dont understand it. Whats her angle? Why be one way in person then a different way over text? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 6 minutes ago, ericw899 said: She has a deep passionate kiss and makeout session with me on Satruday night and now two days later shes lukewarm? She's not "lukewarm", that's your interpretation from texting reply times. It seems like you place much more emphasis on texting than she does. Please realize that shooting off texts all day when you have a use translation software is a time consuming hassle. That's no "angle" here other than you not appreciating her or her situation or her culture and language barrier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: She's not "lukewarm", that's your interpretation from texting reply times. It seems like you place much more emphasis on texting than she does. Please realize that shooting off texts all day when you have a use translation software is a time consuming hassle. That's no "angle" here other than you not appreciating her or her situation or her culture and language barrier. Well I translate all my texts to spanish so she doesnt have to translate anything. So what are you saying I should do then? Just don't text and keep going on dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 9 minutes ago, ericw899 said: Well I translate all my texts to spanish so she doesnt have to translate anything. So what are you saying I should do then? Just don't text and keep going on dates? Scale back on texting and focus on in-person dates. Texting does not build rapport or attraction. Please don't make texting a chore. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 Have you tried talking to her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 11 hours ago, basil67 said: Have you tried talking to her about it? So I talked a little to her about it. She says that she tries to text me as much as she can. I’m just not sure why she takes so long especially during hours she’s not at work. I also asked her how she felt about us and she said she feels good about us but is a little afraid to be with someone after such a long time (it’s been 2+ years for her). I’m just trying to wrap my head around the communication or lack of when we’re not together. Maybe she doesn’t care for texting, maybe it’s cultural differences or maybe her mom controls her phone as I know she’s pretty strict and even has a curfew on her even though she’s 26 and has a child herself Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 1 hour ago, ericw899 said: she said she feels good about us but is a little afraid to be with someone after such a long time This is not something that someone who is excited about a relationship and committed to a person says. She is letting you know that she is not sure about you and not fully invested in this. There is nothing you can do but accept that and manage your expecations. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 1 hour ago, ericw899 said: . I’m just not sure why she takes so long especially during hours she’s not at work. maybe her mom controls her phone as I know she’s pretty strict and even has a curfew on her even though she’s 26 and has a child herself Does she live with her parents? She is a single working mom? Please understand that she has a busy life outside of texting and dating. Please try to focus on your dates. It's going well and she seems to like you, however please try not to be so pushy and clingy about texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: This is not something that someone who is excited about a relationship and committed to a person says. She is letting you know that she is not sure about you and not fully invested in this. There is nothing you can do but accept that and manage your expecations. If she’s not that into me why we she go for such a deep passionate kiss a few days ago, at the point where she was holding me so tight I couldn’t back off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Does she live with her parents? She is a single working mom? Please understand that she has a busy life outside of texting and dating. Please try to focus on your dates. It's going well and she seems to like you, however please try not to be so pushy and clingy about texting. Yes she lives with her mom and is a single mom herself. I will try to focus on the dates. You do think they’re going well? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 10 minutes ago, ericw899 said: If she’s not that into me why we she go for such a deep passionate kiss a few days ago, at the point where she was holding me so tight I couldn’t back off? Because kissing can be fun and feel good. But when I was a teen, I learned that just because someone spends a long time doing great kisses, it doesn't mean that they are interested in romance of have any plans to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I had to learn to focus on the effort they put in, not on the kisses they give. Hard lesson to learn Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 13, 2023 Share Posted December 13, 2023 3 hours ago, ericw899 said: has a child herself My guy, this right here might be a clue why she isn't texting as much as you want. I am surprised you hadn't already considered this. She's a single mom. She's liikely got her hands full. Not messaging for a few hours is nothing. Just because she isn't at work at some points in the day doesn't mean she isn't otherwise busy - especially considering she has a kid. You are going to need to try to chill out a bit here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 13, 2023 Author Share Posted December 13, 2023 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Because kissing can be fun and feel good. But when I was a teen, I learned that just because someone spends a long time doing great kisses, it doesn't mean that they are interested in romance of have any plans to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I had to learn to focus on the effort they put in, not on the kisses they give. Hard lesson to learn I suppose but I can’t imagine a 26 year old woman with a child would just make out with someone for 5 minutes for fun. I mean she’s very reserved and it actually took a few dates to just get a peck kiss so for it to go to that level I feel like there must be something more. And for me personally I was kind of neutral about my feelings for her beforehand but after that kiss, now I really want to explore things further and I am starting to develop feelings for her Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2023 Share Posted December 14, 2023 (edited) 52 minutes ago, ericw899 said: I really want to explore things further and I am starting to develop feelings for her It seems to be going well, but please try to relax about the texting. She seems responsible and mature and not glued to her phone. Interestingly, you had the same issue with another Ecuadorian woman about not replying to texts asap, so the common denominator is a your text tethering issue undermining your budding relationships. Texting is not dating. Please remember this and try to address your texting issues and insensitivity to other cultures and single mothers. Edited December 14, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericw899 Posted December 14, 2023 Author Share Posted December 14, 2023 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It seems to be going well, but please try to relax about the texting. She seems responsible and mature and not glued to her phone. Interestingly, you had the same issue with another Ecuadorian woman about not replying to texts asap, so the common denominator is a your text tethering issue undermining your budding relationships. Texting is not dating. Please remember this and try to address your texting issues and insensitivity to other cultures and single mothers. Yes I understand I’m trying to not be so obsessive on the texting. And you’re right I did have an issue with another Ecuadorian girl not too long ago for lack of texting. As for the current girl, other than the texting thing I really don’t have any complaints. She is such a sweetheart, makes me laugh and has such an infectious personality. I’m trying to focus on our dates, but I guess once the dates over I feel like all will be lost if we don’t text Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2023 Share Posted December 14, 2023 Why do attach so much importance to texting? Try not to use texting as a coping mechanism to soothe your dating anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2023 Share Posted December 14, 2023 She's just making sure you don't take advantage of her, and only want sex. That's why she's taking this slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2023 Share Posted December 14, 2023 10 hours ago, ericw899 said: , other than the texting thing I really don’t have any complaints. I guess once the dates over I feel like all will be lost if we don’t text If you got handle on the text tethering and texting obsession, your relationships would be a lot less stressful for everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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