OLD: what works for you?

[ZA Dater]

After my recent ill advised folly I decided to go back for one last look. New pictures, new profile, new bio and see what would happen if I reduced the number of pictures an changed them around. How do you decide which pictures to use?

For me its ones where I think I most confident and reasonably fit. I have learnt any sort of picture which shows anything construed as ostentatious is a no go. 

Bio's well the shorter the better because I think its nearly impossible to use words to override the impression a picture gives. Mystery, sure I used some of that and leave a lot open to interpretation. At least as far as Tinder goes, it gives a default age range, I decided to stick with that and see what matches I got. 

Anyone else try this?

Before I tried this I promised myself I would not take the matches too seriously and I would use one boost to see if I got more likes.

How did this work. I got one like and about 35 people who liked me. 

Next question who did like me, by far it was single mothers, not surprising based on the 32 to 49 age range Tinder had selected. 

Would I go on a date with any of these, no thanks. For those who use this app often, how many of the people that like you do you choose to meet? How often do you change your profile. For those who use this as  a hookup app, how well does that work for you and do you ever find yourself finding mutual attraction?

Do you find choosing specific interests gets your better matches? This time I tried pretty generic interests and maybe that is why I got initially more interest.

I did meet someone who found his now wife on OLD so it clearly has merit.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

. At least as far as Tinder goes, 

Recent flattering pics with at least one headshot and one full-length. Please skip the "mystery" part. Mention your profession, interests, hobbies and keep it brief and upbeat. 

Hopefully you realize free hookup apps like tinder are up to 75% male and rife with escorts and scammers. So it's unclear if you're serious about dating why you would use it. 

[ZA Dater]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Recent flattering pics with at least one headshot and one full-length. Please skip the "mystery" part. Mention your profession, interests, hobbies and keep it brief and upbeat. 

Hopefully you realize free hookup apps like tinder are up to 75% male and rife with escorts and scammers. So it's unclear if you're serious about dating why you would use it. 

Exactly the sort of pictures I used and alternate them around with other ones of the same. I'll try the same some on Bumble but to be fair if I get maybe 4 matches there its a lot. Honestly I a lot of people have had decent success with Tinder and I know a fair few people who are on it and they have had decent experiences, sure some just use it as a hookup site but fair play to them if they are able to attract people they want to hook up with.

Me serious, well at this point no, more just looking.

[basil67]

It's been a long time since I dated, but my daughter had specific rules about what photos she put up.  ('had' being the operative word because she's now in a relationship)   Rather than putting just flattering photos up, she used those five or six photos to paint a picture of herself and her life:   full body pic, close up with make up on, close up with bikini top, wet hair and no makeup,  she has friends, has tattoos, dresses indie style, amateur pole dancer.  In short, nobody could click on her pics and then back away because there was an undisclosed deal breaker.   

 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

.Me serious, well at this point no, more just looking.

Ok, in that case getting a good profile and pics together on a dating app may be good practice or entertaining. But since you're not serious about dating or meeting anyone and just window-shopping, there's no point getting on quality paid relationship focused apps where you can could actually meet quality women. 

Edited December 3, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Weezy1973]

Tinder and Bumble although popular, are pretty ruthlessly shallow. So just keep that in mind. Back when I was dating I had some success on both sites in that I got a few dates with women I found attractive, but none of the women were even close to being a good match relationship wise. 
 

Basil had good suggestions about pics. Recent, showing you doing things (I usually showed some of whatever recent travels I had been on) and writing a good profile, agree that not too long, but long enough to give a taste of who you are. Leaving your profile to mystery is essentially hoping people will fill in the blanks with a more attractive version of yourself than you believe yourself to be, which will never work. 
 

But most importantly know what you want. “Just looking” won’t get you anywhere.  

[Alpacalia]

Tinder my cousin met his wife on and Bumble my friend met his wife on. Try not to judge apps as one way, it's only as useful as the people who use it. Different apps have been successful for many people in finding meaningful relationships. It's important to keep an open mind and use these apps as a tool to meet new people and potentially find a compatible partner. I wouldn't use dating apps these days as your primary method of meeting people, but they can be a great supplement to your social life.

Edited December 3, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

I don’t remember which one but I met three people out of a lot of swiping (maybe a hundred over), went on a few more dates with 1 of the 3 but decided not to pursue but through no fault of theirs. Just not enough in common to really develop further. I enjoyed the dates I went on from online dating but it was a lot of work. Too much time going through profiles.

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Tinder and Bumble although popular, are pretty ruthlessly shallow. So just keep that in mind. Back when I was dating I had some success on both sites in that I got a few dates with women I found attractive, but none of the women were even close to being a good match relationship wise. 
 

Basil had good suggestions about pics. Recent, showing you doing things (I usually showed some of whatever recent travels I had been on) and writing a good profile, agree that not too long, but long enough to give a taste of who you are. Leaving your profile to mystery is essentially hoping people will fill in the blanks with a more attractive version of yourself than you believe yourself to be, which will never work. 
 

But most importantly know what you want. “Just looking” won’t get you anywhere.  

Agree they are indeed shallow but that's the nature of them so just need to adapt to that as best as possible.

Terms of pics I have avoided pictures of me doing things because the pics I had could be construed as misleading and ostentatious.

Interesting that some say less detail means more curiosity but yes I suppose that can go both ways.

I think expecting nothing and getting nothing can be perfectly ok. 

[Alpacalia]

How do you know they are shallow if you aren't evening interacting with them or getting to know them? Quite rich of you to call them shallow when you come across yourself as a needy and judgmental person. No wonder you are not having any success on dating apps.

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, in that case getting a good profile and pics together on a dating app may be good practice or entertaining. But since you're not serious about dating or meeting anyone and just window-shopping, there's no point getting on quality paid relationship focused apps where you can could actually meet quality women. 

I've established long ago that these two are the most used ones here and maybe Hinge but I am banned off that one for catfishing. An experiment which largely went wrong but proved interesting nonetheless and spoke loudly to my confirmation bias.

There was some sort of elite singles dating app I tried but interestingly I got exactly the same matches I got on Tinder and Bumble.

I'll keep mixing this profile up a bit.

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

How do you know they are shallow if you aren't evening interacting with them or getting to know them? Quite rich of you to call them shallow when you come across yourself as a needy and judgmental person. No wonder you are not having any success on dating apps.

It's true. He she with the best pics gets the most matches and has the most choice I'd say that's pretty shallow. In fact I proved this on hinge to be the case.

I am ok fit but by no means Mr gym and yet six packs get plenty of matches and it doesn't seem to make an difference what the conversation is, there is immediate interest so yes I'd say apps are fundamentally shallow. It's just how to adapt to this.

I am indeed judgemental and make no attempt to hide that. Why pretend to be otherwise? I'll also make no secret of the fact the only people I seem to match with are physically very unattractive to me.

For clarity I have been on apps for over ten years.

All I am doing now is looking at ways to get matches I find attractive, couldn't care if they meet me because my criteria are more than just attractive. 

 

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

It's true. He she with the best pics gets the most matches and has the most choice I'd say that's pretty shallow. In fact I proved this on hinge to be the case.

I am ok fit but by no means Mr gym and yet six packs get plenty of matches and it doesn't seem to make an difference what the conversation is, there is immediate interest so yes I'd say apps are fundamentally shallow. It's just how to adapt to this.

I am indeed judgemental and make no attempt to hide that. Why pretend to be otherwise? I'll also make no secret of the fact the only people I seem to match with are physically very unattractive to me.

For clarity I have been on apps for over ten years.

All I am doing now is looking at ways to get matches I find attractive, couldn't care if they meet me because my criteria are more than just attractive. 

 

So what?

Sure, it's true that having attractive photos can lead to more matches and more choices. And yes, that can seem shallow on the surface. But sorry to burst your bubble but people are drawn to physical appearance, and that's okay. It's not necessarily shallow to have preferences and to want to feel physically attracted to someone.

There's a difference between valuing physical appearance and solely valuing it. And while it may be frustrating that you only seem to match with people you find unattractive, that doesn't mean the app itself is shallow. It just means that you may need to adjust your approach or your preferences.

Maybe try expanding your age range.

I highly doubt you would date someone that you weren't phyisically attracted to in some way, and if you say otherwise I'd say that's a lie.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 Hinge but I am banned off that one for catfishing. 

That's interesting. What was this "experiment"?  Hopefully you are not trying to "research" things to provide skewed data for yourself. There are people in the communities you frequent who try to prove something by using the same profile with different pics to prove their theories that women are superficial and only go for the genetic lottery winners.

How could real and actual pics of you engaged in your hobbies and interests be viewed as "misleading and ostentatious"? If you are at a park with your dog or on your private yacht, as long as it's a real representation, it's not a problem. 

[Alpacalia]

If you have that much time to catfish people, you're doing something wrong with your life.

Edited December 4, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's interesting. What was this "experiment"?  Hopefully you are not trying to "research" things to provide skewed data for yourself. There are people in the communities you frequent who try to prove something by using the same profile with different pics to prove their theories that women are superficial and only go for the genetic lottery winners.

How could real and actual pics of you engaged in your hobbies and interests be viewed as "misleading and ostentatious"? If you are at a park with your dog or on your private yacht, as long as it's a real representation, it's not a problem. 

Absolutely not, was interested to see how a different representation would change the sort of matches I got based on how the Tinder seems to show certain profiles to certain people and not to others.

Look better looks do get better looking matches, lets just say that is true, would you agree? 

There is enough evidence online and with various different qualified people to suggest women do put a premium on looks but again I now I want to see how changing pics and not putting up 6 pictures at a time can influence the matches I get.

For a variety of reasons I get to go to nice places, interact with interesting people, many of whom are very successful and this is not everyone's cup of tea so I keep my pictures pretty vanilla.

[basil67]

17 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

For a variety of reasons I get to go to nice places, interact with interesting people, many of whom are very successful and this is not everyone's cup of tea so I keep my pictures pretty vanilla.

Wouldn't it make more sense to do as my daughter did and put the  "love it/hate it" photos out there?  

If your lifestyle isn't to a particular woman's taste, why would you want to attract her?  And if it is to her taste, surely you'd want her to match you because she'd fit in.   Honestly, I think it's better to get a few firm positives and a few firm negatives instead of presenting as Mr Bland. 

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

So what?

Sure, it's true that having attractive photos can lead to more matches and more choices. And yes, that can seem shallow on the surface. But sorry to burst your bubble but people are drawn to physical appearance, and that's okay. It's not necessarily shallow to have preferences and to want to feel physically attracted to someone.

There's a difference between valuing physical appearance and solely valuing it. And while it may be frustrating that you only seem to match with people you find unattractive, that doesn't mean the app itself is shallow. It just means that you may need to adjust your approach or your preferences.

Maybe try expanding your age range.

I highly doubt you would date someone that you weren't phyisically attracted to in some way, and if you say otherwise I'd say that's a lie.

Well I think the bold part really sums up why pictures are vital and why I agree with you. To me its solely valued by many as countless real life experiences have shown me over the years. At the end of the day these apps are really about preferences and being easily accessible, you have to go nowhere and you have access to apparently limitless choices. Again this seems to support pictures over text, I am write decent prose but it rendered irrelevant by pictures. I have tried having no pictures but only text and there are no matches with that particular strategy.

A wonderful example of something else was someone I matched with who happens to be a sports model and sort of influencer, she matched and did not communicate with me at all. Followed her on IG and a few months later there comes a msg on IG trying to get to know me. For reference there are no pictures of me on IG at all, just hobbies and nature. Needless to say I just replied curtly and ignored the rest of her charm offensive. I actually do not find her physically attractive but what I find even less attractive is she did not give me the time of day on the dating app but she sees me pictures of the nice things I do and suddenly its a different story.

I think the unwritten rule of OLD is to actually value yourself enough to not deviate on preferences. As you say some people do really well at it so it does work for some.

On Tinder the hobbies you select also influences the people you are shown and the type of relationship also influences this, I went for "long term open to short" and actually got more matches than when I went "still figuring it out" or "short term". I guess of course on short term its "are they attractive enough for one night"

 

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Wouldn't it make more sense to do as my daughter did and put the  "love it/hate it" photos out there?  

If your lifestyle isn't to a particular woman's taste, why would you want to attract her?  And if it is to her taste, surely you'd want her to match you because she'd fit in.   Honestly, I think it's better to get a few firm positives and a few firm negatives instead of presenting as Mr Bland. 

Maybe I will try that and see, though to be fair Mr. Bland is also very applicable to me. High on my list of criteria is "will she fit in" and that is difficult on OLD, some people have confidence  in different ways and most I match with will not fit in so a lot of what I look for are actually fairly stupid things like can she communicate well in the written word which becomes does she speak well.

I think ultimately OLD is just a picture in many way, you cannot really discern much about anyone besides physical attraction, or as I discovered you can have a great conversation when she thinks you are better looking than you really are, really get along well and then when reality hits, whatever good conversation is irrelevant because by not being attractive she would have no good reason to speak in the first place.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

 Hinge but I am banned off that one for catfishing. An experiment which largely went wrong but proved interesting nonetheless and spoke loudly to my confirmation bias.

You mentioned that you're not really looking to date so it's unclear what advice besides getting a couple of recent accurate pics and an upbeat profile, you're looking for. 

[ZA Dater]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You mentioned that you're not really looking to date so it's unclear what advice besides getting a couple of recent accurate pics and an upbeat profile, you're looking for. 

Not looking to date the people that match with me. I'd be prepared to date people of my choosing who I did find attractive but that is pretty much letting a kid into a toy store and telling him/her they can have any toy.....in other words unlikely. 

No harm in looking though.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Not looking to date the people that match with me. No harm in looking though.

If you want to window-shop and browse that's fine. You're probably not the only one who does that. However it's good to know that apps like Hinge ban fake profiles. 

[ZA Dater]

39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you want to window-shop and browse that's fine. You're probably not the only one who does that. However it's good to know that apps like Hinge ban fake profiles. 

I am banned there already so its largely irrelevant. 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Well I think the bold part really sums up why pictures are vital and why I agree with you. To me its solely valued by many as countless real life experiences have shown me over the years. At the end of the day these apps are really about preferences and being easily accessible, you have to go nowhere and you have access to apparently limitless choices. Again this seems to support pictures over text, I am write decent prose but it rendered irrelevant by pictures. I have tried having no pictures but only text and there are no matches with that particular strategy.

A wonderful example of something else was someone I matched with who happens to be a sports model and sort of influencer, she matched and did not communicate with me at all. Followed her on IG and a few months later there comes a msg on IG trying to get to know me. For reference there are no pictures of me on IG at all, just hobbies and nature. Needless to say I just replied curtly and ignored the rest of her charm offensive. I actually do not find her physically attractive but what I find even less attractive is she did not give me the time of day on the dating app but she sees me pictures of the nice things I do and suddenly its a different story.

I think the unwritten rule of OLD is to actually value yourself enough to not deviate on preferences. As you say some people do really well at it so it does work for some.

On Tinder the hobbies you select also influences the people you are shown and the type of relationship also influences this, I went for "long term open to short" and actually got more matches than when I went "still figuring it out" or "short term". I guess of course on short term its "are they attractive enough for one night"

I know Tinder has a hobbies things. That's how my cousin connected with his now wife. For their mutual love of skiing. Again, you have too much time on your hands if all you're doing is creating fake profiles and catfishing and getting banned. Just go outside or get a freaking hobby that doesn't revolve around victimizing innocent people trying to find a connection.

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I know Tinder has a hobbies things. That's how my cousin connected with his now wife. For their mutual love of skiing. Again, you have too much time on your hands if all you're doing is creating fake profiles and catfishing and getting banned. Just go outside or get a freaking hobby that doesn't revolve around victimizing innocent people trying to find a connection.

The pictures are mine and I alternate them and I change hobbies on Tinder. I have a hobby thanks very much, simply put its not one where I will ever find someone single or for that matter any lady remotely interested in it. 

In fact the only reason I am bothering to try OLD again is its holidays season and I would be nice to take someone attractive to dinner, call it a feel good for me. Unfortunately the current matches I have do not really tick that box. As for innocent people, not sure about that, I have met ladies who do a great trade on going for free dinners with men and likewise I know men who bed hop with relative ease on Tinder. Again I suppose it depends on the fundamentals of the person.

Do people go there looking for legitimate relationships, I am sure some do, heck I have had a few figuratively fall over their feet trying to charm me.

Undoubtedly a bikini pictures helps some, much like a six pack gym pic helps others. Then again great locations and luxury have never really helped me neither has showing a modicum of intelligence. Yes, I need to watch my vocab on dates, keep it simple!

Hence my question: what works for you? 

Edited December 4, 2023 by ZA Dater