In Sync Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 There are days when I really am convinced I am getting along and hurting less and less and that I've finally put this breakup and the ex behind me...and then there are days like these when I get that pit in my stomache. And I find myself actually missing the bastard. I don't have any faith that something better will come along and I'm going to be stuck in this limbo of longing forever. I admit a certain kind of defeat here because I don't know what new thing to tell myself. How to convince myself yet again that I'm better off without him. Rejection from someone you've love no matter if it was emotionally dependency or adult love or whatever catch phrase describes it...is lonely and painful. I honestly don't see how you forget this.
taylor3205 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 There are days when I really am convinced I am getting along and hurting less and less and that I've finally put this breakup and the ex behind me...and then there are days like these when I get that pit in my stomache. And I find myself actually missing the bastard. I don't have any faith that something better will come along and I'm going to be stuck in this limbo of longing forever. I admit a certain kind of defeat here because I don't know what new thing to tell myself. How to convince myself yet again that I'm better off without him. Rejection from someone you've love no matter if it was emotionally dependency or adult love or whatever catch phrase describes it...is lonely and painful. I honestly don't see how you forget this. I am in the same boat although I have no advice or answers as I have never been here before........I just hope there is some kind of a happier future for me. I dont have days where I feel better yet. Rather maybe an hour or so. Still feel like sh*t 90% of the time and I have lost all motivation.
JohnJohn Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Hi there. I know most of your story as it is similar to mine. I have been struggling through a relapse like this lately as well. It's hard. You're right - emotional dependency on our behalf contributes to it. We must work on ourselves now and learn not to be like that. At least that's what I am doing. Keep strong. You give great advice and insight on here and have a lot to offer to the right person. Try to be patient. That's the difficult part, I know.
JS17 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Is it possible that you're transferring the pain from the loss of your mother to the loss of your boyfriend? It's easier to deal with the loss of a boyfriend than a parent so maybe this is your way of escaping the bigger task. Just a hunch
Author In Sync Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 Is it possible that you're transferring the pain from the loss of your mother to the loss of your boyfriend? It's easier to deal with the loss of a boyfriend than a parent so maybe this is your way of escaping the bigger task. Just a hunch JS17 I think you're right and it's just too much for me... one loss after another..And I'm trying so hard to be handle all this pain inside. It's just starting to chip away at me. And I don't know how to stop it. I wish I could turn the clock back and everything be nice and perfect the way it was before all this darkness came into life..
JS17 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 JS17 I think you're right and it's just too much for me... one loss after another..And I'm trying so hard to be handle all this pain inside. It's just starting to chip away at me. And I don't know how to stop it. I wish I could turn the clock back and everything be nice and perfect the way it was before all this darkness came into life.. I know how you feel. My mom got very sick about a month and half ago to the point where she's really not the same person anymore. She doesn't act the same. We were very close and I talked to her about everything. Now I feel as though I can't talk to her about much for fear of stressing her out and raising her blood pressure. It's not the same loss but in a way I still lost my mom (at least my mom as I knew her)....and I don't want to belittle your loss by making this comparison, yours was infinitely more difficult to handle. Anyway, when all of this happened all of the unresolved feelings that I had about the breakup came back times ten. While there still should have been some feelings since so much was left unresolved I think it was much worse because it was easier to deal with the loss of my boyfriend than dealing with what was happening to my family. He was an a$$ anyway and I'd MUCH rather have him out of my life than my mom out of my life.
scobro Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 I don't have any faith that something better will come along and I'm going to be stuck in this limbo of longing forever. i FEEL LIKE THAT TOO.........HORRIBLE FEELING I WISH IT WOULD NOT TAKE SO LONG TO HEAL.
JS17 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 i FEEL LIKE THAT TOO.........HORRIBLE FEELING I WISH IT WOULD NOT TAKE SO LONG TO HEAL. That's just the hit to your ego and self esteem talking. Yeah it feels like s*** but you will meet someone else, it always happens. If by something better you mean someone who actually cares about how you feel and won't cheat or lie then yeah, something better will come along. I give you both my personal guarantee.
scobro Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 That's just the hit to your ego and self esteem talking. Yeah it feels like s*** but you will meet someone else, it always happens. If by something better you mean someone who actually cares about how you feel and won't cheat or lie then yeah, something better will come along. I give you both my personal guarantee. Can I get that in writing and a $500,000.cash compensation if it doesn't?
brittanyjean259 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 it sucks to go through it, this is my first time goin through it, so to try to see how things will eventually benifit me is very hard. but from advice, and from hearing other peoples experience..i know we go through it alot more in life, right now its hard to picture that...because im so caught up in" now"..and" never being able to love again.. it is so incredibily pain ful, and being patient gosh that sucks so much..we suffer through life..and this is one part of suffering( heart ache)...makes me want to scream my brains out" ah"..haha
Jellostick Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Every time I think I'm ok w/ the breakup, I end up thinking about her anyway. Like, this week I decided I'm going back to school to pursue a new career and so my mind was on that and off of her. Unfortunately, once I planned everything out on what I'm going to do w/ school and such, she came back on my mind. It also didn't help that last night I dreamt about her and she was ignoring me like the last time I saw her. I tried hating her 'cause she made it easy for me to 'cause she's kinda a mean person but then I think of the good times and I'm right back in it again. It sucks, it really does and I know I won't be alone forever (God, I hope not) but it's so freakin' hard to let go sometimes. I would just like to know if she feels the same way I do. Cheers.
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 I tried hating her 'cause she made it easy for me to 'cause she's kinda a mean person This can work Jellostick.. I sometimes have had to resort to demonizing an ex.. Play down their good points and play up their demons.. Hate 'em if it helps you get over them..
JS17 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Can I get that in writing and a $500,000.cash compensation if it doesn't? Yes and if I'm right I get free personal training from you and a kitten from In Sync. And I'm extending the guarantee to Brittanyjean too. Girly, you're so young, you have many more years and many more men to go through. One day you're going to look back on this and pull one of these and kick yourself for even spending a minute trying to get over it.
Jellostick Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 This can work Jellostick.. I sometimes have had to resort to demonizing an ex.. Play down their good points and play up their demons.. Hate 'em if it helps you get over them.. Yeah but it's such an easy way out. I don't know, I don't want to hate her 'cause I loved her and actually I'm sure part of me still does. She has issues, I know she does and I can't hate her for that. If she abused me or cheated on me or hurt me in those ways then I wouldn't mind hating her but she doesn't deserve my hate. She might not deserve my love but she doesn't deserve my hate either. I'd just like to think I'm stronger than that. I do see your point, AC. Cheers.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 thanks so much, thats what alot of people have been saying" your so young"...but i meen this is now, and its hard to think of the future with out him in my life....im so young, and its hard to think that young people can go through this too....but were all human see i use emotion rather than logic, i cant try to hate him..even though he gave up on me for some one else....all i see are good times...thats just because its fadddding away and i can reamber when i was truly happy... it is very difficult to let go..i still havent wont be able to for a while i cant stop eating, haha thank you!
JS17 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 brittanyjean...people are saying that you're so young because you have so much time ahead of you to meet new people and experience life and grow. They're not saying it because they don't believe young people have feelings. Of course you have feelings and this is difficult. You will figure it out how to move on with your life at some point. Your paths may have crossed for a while but now you're going in different directions and for you it is a bright future without him. Life is all about experiences, your first big breakup is a big learning experience and you will find yourself growing as a person. And stop eating!!! Actually, you really should limit your diet to what is normal at this point or you will end up stuck with extra pounds that you don't want. You also don't want eating too much to become a habit. It's still ok to have that brownie every once in a while though
helena abadi Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 havng days when it hurts like the first day of break-up is all part of the recovery process. it's normal. it's horrible. it sux. the most insignificant thing can trigger the pain. healing a broken heart takes time. sometimes it's not so much about how time heals all wounds, it's what you do with the time that counts. and it can happen at any age. we might get better at relationships as we get older, but the emotions are the same and breaking up ain't pain free or easy, doesn't matter if you are 17 or 67.
Author In Sync Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 Today was a real struggle...and JS17 you pegged me right this setback was because I am missing my mom and tying it to missing the ex. Once I realized that I let it come out all the emotions I was holding back for her. I am on an emotional rollercoaster. And it feels like there's no off switch. Both of my losses were out of my control. I feel powerless. And weak. The bright spot is that at least here I can come and pour out my ups and downs and know there's people young and old, out there who are not cold and afraid to give back a kind word or insight. And I look forward to reading what you take the time to say. I really have to separate these mixed emotions for that jerk. Even on his good days the ex couldn't come up with one insightful comforting sentence without it being sarcastic or cynical...as he put it when I cried or expressed emotion, he would say why don't you bottle it.
Nikita20 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 In Sync: I feel for you. What a jerk to tell you to bottle up your emotions. You should tell him to stick a bottle up where the sun don't shine. I, myself, am going through the same emotional rollercoaster as you are. In fact, today I had a great job interview--they practically want to hire me. I was extremely happy for a moment, then I started thinking about my ex and I started to feel sad again. I wish I could tell him about this, however, since he dumped me, I'm in NC mode, so I can't. I'm trying to do positive things in my life. I go out with my friends, try and remain active, but the pain and ache in my heart is constantly there. I just wish that it would go away. I guess I just have to be paitent and let some time go by. It's just so hard.....
scobro Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 In Sync: I feel for you. What a jerk to tell you to bottle up your emotions. You should tell him to stick a bottle up where the sun don't shine. I, myself, am going through the same emotional rollercoaster as you are. In fact, today I had a great job interview--they practically want to hire me. I was extremely happy for a moment, then I started thinking about my ex and I started to feel sad again. I wish I could tell him about this, however, since he dumped me, I'm in NC mode, so I can't. I'm trying to do positive things in my life. I go out with my friends, try and remain active, but the pain and ache in my heart is constantly there. I just wish that it would go away. I guess I just have to be paitent and let some time go by. It's just so hard..... good work keep it up:)
Author In Sync Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 Yes I do maintain a busy schedule pursuing my goals (pursuing an acting career) and working fulltime as an artist, but as I don't have a network of friends.. I am somewhat reclusive in the hanging out department...which is why I miss him more than I really should. With him he was my friend (although on hindsight he started out as what I thought was a friend/ lover and reality was he wasn't) I put him on a pedastal I put up with his jerk-like behavior. He wasn't a nice person. Yet there's no one now...and it feels lonely. Even a jerk at this point doesn't look so bad...yet, I would never contact him despite these feelings. That would really be digging at the bottom of a latrine.
brittjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i had to get a new username, because when i tried to sign in....it wasnt working...witch is odd but any ways, thanks js, i just dont want to move on its just too hard....i have stuff to look forward to but he was apart of my life for 3 years.....its so hard because some days you just feel so out of it..and just it hurts so bad but i guess time heals all wounds so they say:)
scobro Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i guess time heals all wounds so they say:) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t73537/?highlight=time+heals no it doesn't!
brooke7777 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I too am stuck in the emotional rollercoaster state. It's so weird how one day I think I'm doing ok...I'm going to make it through this, and then, BAM the next I am an emotional mess. While my situation does not even begin to compare to yours In Sync, I have recently abanndoned my two closest friends. Tey ahve not been there for me and I finally decided that they were merely adding to the pain that I am experiencing. So, honestly, I think the loss of them, has influenced my ups and downs. While part of me is happy to be rid of all of the petty bs, the other part is sad to see 12 year friendships go down the drain. My ex was my best friend too...sometimes I think that it has been harder losing him as my best friend as opposed to my boyfriend. Let's all hope that tomorrow is a better day!
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