Awkward

[MsJayne]

13 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I deactivated my social media this morning, his father messaged me twice this morning then proceeded to call me via messenger and I had enough. It felt so uncomfortable and invasive.

Wow! This is getting pushy pushy. Maybe take the offensive instead of defensive stance, send his dad an email asking why the out-of-the-blue demands for your contact details and point out the weirdness of it? So bad that you felt you had to deactivate socials to get away from it. 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

You're a lovely person Alpacalia: I mean, the fact that you are able to find it in your heart to empathize with someone who is violating your boundaries in this way is exceptional.

But I feel angry on your behalf. This guy is disrespecting you. As has already been pointed out, you are not his therapist. And I don't want to sound melodramatic, but I think he is emotionally unstable and potentially dangerous. I'm glad you have blocked him. Please continue doing everything in your power to protect your privacy.

Edited to add:

You may ultimately want to block his father too (if you haven't already done that). I may not know anything about the two men, but something seems to be off where both of them are concerned. 

Thank you.

I empathize from a distance because I know his behavior is not about me, it's about his own emotional issues. That doesn't mean that I will allow it in my life by letting him back in my life.

This all came on so suddenly out of nowhere. He was a decent boyfriend when he dated, we left on good terms and he reaches out to me every few years just to see how I am. He has always commented that I was the love of his life but not to this extreme. He's never taken it to this level before but now I know to never take him for granted and to always protect my privacy and safety.

It's just very unexpected he's gotten this fixated and his father reach out. I feel quite bad for his dad. He seemed like a lovely man.

2 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Wow! This is getting pushy pushy. Maybe take the offensive instead of defensive stance, send his dad an email asking why the out-of-the-blue demands for your contact details and point out the weirdness of it? So bad that you felt you had to deactivate socials to get away from it. 

I am active on LinkedIn and one other social media.

The other I am barely on but that was the one his father was contacting me on. 

I said to his father that his son and our relationship ended years ago and there is no reason that he needs to be reaching out to me to this extreme, that he needs to talk to his son about personal boundaries and respect for others and their choices. I also let him know that while I understand that his son may be going through a tough time, it is not his place to try to disrupt my life and cause me any unnecessary stress. I kindly asked him to respect my wishes and not attempt to contact me again.

That was the last message I sent and he replied "I'm sorry and I understand." Then I deactivated.

Frankly, I am rarely on that social media platform, I go on maybe once every few months or so it's really no skin off my tail.

I shouldn't have to inquire about why am I receiving several messages from my ex's paternal parent and for what reason? I have no interest in being any type of source of comfort or emotional support for my ex, especially when he going on about our relationship years later. That's why I was very adamant about not giving out my direct contact info.

It's not my place nor is it my responsibility to make him feel better about his current situation. I have moved on and I have no desire to get dragged back into that past. If he could have talked to me like a respectful person and left the past in the past, I would have more than happily answered any questions he had. But his approach to reaching out was not okay.

[ShyViolet]

21 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I am not sure how many times I have to repeat myself to his son or his father. Short of saying, leave me the ******* alone. If someone says no, I will not give you my personal information nor will I engage in conversations with regard to our past relationship nor do I want any further contact and they choose to disregard that and still contact me you are crossing the line and I shouldn't need to educate someone on that.

You don't have to do any of that.  This is exactly what the block feature is for.  You don't have to "get them to understand", to educate them, to explain to them, to repeat yourself.  BLOCK and be done with it.  And yes you should block the father too.

[Alpacalia]

28 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

You don't have to do any of that.  This is exactly what the block feature is for.  You don't have to "get them to understand", to educate them, to explain to them, to repeat yourself.  BLOCK and be done with it.  And yes you should block the father too.

You're right. Initially, I didn't when he first reached out because I didn't expect him to escalate things with such intensity over just two days with repeatingly contacting me and his father reaching out.

But you're right, you're absolutely right. I should've blocked after my clear refusals and attempts to end communication.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 12/3/2023 at 11:04 AM, Alpacalia said:

OK I need to bit of an outside perspective. Sorry to hash this again.

My ex from my twenties reached out to me via LinkedIn a couple days ago. We exchanged a few messages but some of the messages he wrote me made me feel quite bad about myself and I removed him. At first, I admit, the things my ex said were quite negative, but I feel something is going on with him and of course I hope that he is okay.

I did not remove his father from my social media. His father and I had not exchanged any messages for several years.

This morning his father reached out to me on social media twice. The last time asking for my email address. I haven't responded yet. 

I feel like responding to his father is a slippery slope. I thought my ex and I ended on decent terms all those years ago but some things he said to me seemed misplaced and hurtful.  

However, I never thought he was a bad person and I always respected his father. 

I feel like the best approach is to not reply to his father's messages. Maybe his father is just checking up on me and there's no harm in that, but my gut feeling is that there may be something going on with my ex and somehow I'm being looped into it.

This has to stop. This is so invasive.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This has to stop. This is so invasive.

Yes. I thought so too. On LinkedIn which is even more invasive!

I hadn't spoken to either of them in years.

The ex sent me a LinkedIn request and messaged very personal things about a relationship that ended over a decade ago. So not cool, especially through my professional network. 

Anyway, I blocked him.

[SlimShadysWife]

If he has a wife there was zero reason to entertain his messages at all. Same with his father.