Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 (edited) Hello, I am new here. I am just going through hard times and don't know where to turn to. So a few days ago my son(16) was home asleep and my best friend (38F) was over helping me do chores. I left to a urgent meeting and I left my bestfriemd in charge with my house. I came home and I didn’t find my friend. I walked in the house and heard somebody moaning really loud. I though my som was watching porn. I crept to his room and peeked through the door and i saw them having sex. I threw my bag in her head from behind and called her a [ ] . I then kicked her out and called his dad saying I want her to go to jail (we are divorced).He is now trying to persuade me to leave the police out of it to not cause any dramas but I disagree because I think she's using him for sex and seduced him which is taking advantage of him in my eyes. I haven't spoken to my friend about it and blocked her but told my son off saying she's using him but he doesn't listen. I really hate her for this. I am also extremely disappointed with my ex for sticking up for her. Edited November 21, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 Not really clear here. Are they dating or seeing one another? Your son seems to have feelings for her if he is not listening to you. If you report her your son’s life will also be disrupted and he may resent you more. Not saying you shouldn’t. Do what you have to. I would talk to your son and figure out what is going on with him. It sounds like your son’s dad has knew this was happening. Was he shocked at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 3 minutes ago, glows said: Not really clear here. Are they dating or seeing one another? Your son seems to have feelings for her if he is not listening to you. If you report her your son’s life will also be disrupted and he may resent you more. Not saying you shouldn’t. Do what you have to. I would talk to your son and figure out what is going on with him. It sounds like your son’s dad has knew this was happening. Was he shocked at all? They are having sex, thought I made it clear. Yes, he was bothered but I expected him to support me. I am really disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 1 minute ago, Kezbuchan said: They are having sex, thought I made it clear. Yes, he was bothered but I expected him to support me. I am really disappointed. They are obviously having sex - you made that very clear. I’m asking if you know there are romantic feelings involved. That’s why I suggested speaking with your son to find out where he’s at. It’ll be difficult to prevent them from communicating or seeing one another if he’s in love with her. Why not see a criminal lawyer and get advice on the best way to handle this if you’re hesitating on reporting her to the police? Do you really see her staying away after feeling embarrassed etc or do you think she’ll keep pursuing your son? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 2 minutes ago, glows said: They are obviously having sex - you made that very clear. I’m asking if you know there are romantic feelings involved. That’s why I suggested speaking with your son to find out where he’s at. It’ll be difficult to prevent them from communicating or seeing one another if he’s in love with her. Why not see a criminal lawyer and get advice on the best way to handle this if you’re hesitating on reporting her to the police? Do you really see her staying away after feeling embarrassed etc or do you think she’ll keep pursuing your son? There are no romantic feelings as far as I know. I think the hit in her head definitely scared her but I have no sympathy for her for obvious reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 37 minutes ago, glows said: They are obviously having sex - you made that very clear. I’m asking if you know there are romantic feelings involved. That’s why I suggested speaking with your son to find out where he’s at. It’ll be difficult to prevent them from communicating or seeing one another if he’s in love with her. Why not see a criminal lawyer and get advice on the best way to handle this if you’re hesitating on reporting her to the police? Do you really see her staying away after feeling embarrassed etc or do you think she’ll keep pursuing your son? I further don't want her to get away with it because she's a woman. I think it's just as bad as if it was a man if not worse. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 (edited) I would have called the police right then and there. Your ex husband should support you since you caught a pedophile having sex with your underage son. I would hate her to. I bet she has done this before and not just with your son. I agree the fact that she's a woman makes no difference. There are a lot of them around. Edited November 21, 2023 by stillafool 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Kezbuchan said: . I crept to his room and peeked through the door and i saw them having sex. I then kicked her out and called his dad saying I want her to go to jail Sorry this happened. You did the right thing throwing her out and contacting the boys father. Even if he is in disagreement, you have the right to do whatever you deem is best. Definitely cut off this "friend". Unfortunately your son is a hormonal teenager and can't really exercise adult judgement. Your ex friend however is responsible for (whatever it is called in your jurisdiction) statutory rape. He's a minor. Please get some professional support and advice. Perhaps therapy to unpack and sort things out. For example, if you hesitate to prosecute perhaps you can take out a restraining order against her on behalf of your son, or some other legal remedies. Edited November 21, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 What you can do may depend on where you live. If it was fully consensual sex without coercion or money involved, it could be legal in some places. I recently was a juror in a trial involving a similar scenario, where we had to determine if the sex was consensual or coerced. It can be complex, and if you do want to involve the police and it goes to trial, you and your son will probably have to testify. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 1 minute ago, central said: What you can do may depend on where you live. If it was fully consensual sex without coercion or money involved, it could be legal in some places. I recently was a juror in a trial involving a similar scenario, where we had to determine if the sex was consensual or coerced. It can be complex, and if you do want to involve the police and it goes to trial, you and your son will probably have to testify. Since she seduced him or manipulated him, however you want to call it, it was definitely exploitation from her side. 16 year olds dont think rationally and are vulnerable emotionally. She used him. I am worried now she'll get away with it because she's a woman. Can I have more information about what happened in your case please? The people involved and what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 20 minutes ago, Kezbuchan said: I am worried now she'll get away with it because she's a woman. I know this is a shame because some people look at it differently when it is a woman. I don't. She needs to be put in jail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 Well first of all, the age of consent for males is 16 in a lot of U.S. States. You can check the age of consent for your state. But let's say the age of consent is 17 or 18 in your state--I don't think that means you should bring in the criminal justice system. Your son may have some deeper issues going on that prosecuting your friend will not resolve. And going the route of prosecution can be a distraction. Sure, it's a betrayal for your friend to have sex with your son. But going to the police--why do you think that's going to help your son? Right now, you want to have some deep conversations with your son about what is going on and why what he did isn't healthy for him. Such a conversation requires some real openness on his part and bringing in the police will likely just shut him down. Finding a therapist who works with young people and sexuality issues might be a far better step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 1 minute ago, Lotsgoingon said: Well first of all, the age of consent for males is 16 in a lot of U.S. States. You can check the age of consent for your state. But let's say the age of consent is 17 or 18 in your state--I don't think that means you should bring in the criminal justice system. Your son may have some deeper issues going on that prosecuting your friend will not resolve. And going the route of prosecution can be a distraction. Sure, it's a betrayal for your friend to have sex with your son. But going to the police--why do you think that's going to help your son? Right now, you want to have some deep conversations with your son about what is going on and why what he did isn't healthy for him. Such a conversation requires some real openness on his part and bringing in the police will likely just shut him down. Finding a therapist who works with young people and sexuality issues might be a far better step. Disagree. You wouldn't be saying this if it was a man and we all know why. She is a predator and groomed and exploited my son. Therapy is one thing, but punishing pedophiles is another. Yes it's illegal here and I am pressing charges and hopefully she'll get the punishment she deserves. I don't understand people who try to defend female pedophiles. It's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kezbuchan Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 6 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Well first of all, the age of consent for males is 16 in a lot of U.S. States. You can check the age of consent for your state. But let's say the age of consent is 17 or 18 in your state--I don't think that means you should bring in the criminal justice system. Your son may have some deeper issues going on that prosecuting your friend will not resolve. And going the route of prosecution can be a distraction. Sure, it's a betrayal for your friend to have sex with your son. But going to the police--why do you think that's going to help your son? Right now, you want to have some deep conversations with your son about what is going on and why what he did isn't healthy for him. Such a conversation requires some real openness on his part and bringing in the police will likely just shut him down. Finding a therapist who works with young people and sexuality issues might be a far better step. "for males" The age of consent is equal for both boys and girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2023 Share Posted November 21, 2023 15 minutes ago, Kezbuchan said: Yes it's illegal here and I am pressing charges and hopefully she'll get the punishment she deserves. It's not "pedophilia", but it's statutory rape if your son is under the legal age. Please get a restraining order against her on your son's behalf. This way she can't go near him without getting arrested. No one is insinuating it's not a crime. Please stop battling with the boys father. That's not helping you or your son or the situation. Please speak with the appropriate law enforcement personnel in your jurisdiction for accurate information on how to proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted November 21, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted November 21, 2023 Abuse of multiple accounts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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