Don't know what happened

[Sportsguy1982]

Hello, I was dating someone for 4 months. I really thought we were progressing. We could talk about anything and have fun and be ourselves one on one and met our friends. However the intimacy part was talked about once and and was tried to be changed up but then I took a setback with being hurt and not much intimacy happened and we hung out and had fun together still. All of sudden after that she felt like we had a great friendship and not sincere connection but I felt we were open and could be ourselves. I told her I wished I could have been that person. She said I treated her great and was nice but said relationship wasn’t growing intimacy wise. Is this a 2 way road or only one person issue? Can this be overcome with time and distance? what should some think or feel. 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Sportsguy1982 said:

However the intimacy part was talked about once and and was tried to be changed up but then I took a setback with being hurt and not much intimacy happened and we hung out and had fun together still.

What does the bolded part above mean?  Are you saying you guys tried to have sex, it failed and you were hurt by it?

[Sportsguy1982]

It was improved and then after going to the gym a few days later I got injured. 

Edited November 14, 2023 by Sportsguy1982
Wrong message

[Sportsguy1982]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What does the bolded part above mean?  Are you saying you guys tried to have sex, it failed and you were hurt by it?

We changed it up and it was good and then a few days later I went to the gym and got an injury 

[stillafool]

So because of your sports injury you could no longer be intimate and then she downgraded you to a friend rather than a lover?  If so, why would you injury prevent you from kissing her, hugging her and showing affection?  Did you guys ever have sex?

[Sportsguy1982]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So because of your sports injury you could no longer be intimate and then she downgraded you to a friend rather than a lover?  If so, why would you injury prevent you from kissing her, hugging her and showing affection?  Did you guys ever have sex?

Yes we did. , I was able to do sincere gestures. However the injury was an effecting my back and neck and all the way to my arm and hand and made it numbing and tingly and a striking pain occurred frequently. 

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Sportsguy1982 said:

. Is this a 2 way road or only one person issue? 

Sorry this happened. This is her issue. Don't feel bad about the injuries, they heal, but it seems she just lost interest overall and used that as the exit ramp. 

[stillafool]

32 minutes ago, Sportsguy1982 said:

Yes we did. , I was able to do sincere gestures. However the injury was an effecting my back and neck and all the way to my arm and hand and made it numbing and tingly and a striking pain occurred frequently. 

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope you're getting the help you need to heal.  I agree she lost interest and seems to be looking for a sexual relationship.  Thank goodness you only spent 4 months with her before this happened.  Once you get better you can find someone who is better for you.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry,  that is very tough.

I'm afraid, though, that she did not want to continue and there may be other reasons besides the stall out in sexual contact.  It seems that you two had some issues in that department from the start, and your injury just pushed it to the end point.  

I hope you heal quickly from your injury.  There is someone for you with whom you'll be compatible on all levels, naturally.   If you do have some issues of your own around sexual intimacy, it's a good idea to get some help with those outside of the context of a relationship.   When you're single is a good time to talk to someone, if it's indicated.

 

[glows]

On 11/14/2023 at 8:22 AM, Sportsguy1982 said:

Hello, I was dating someone for 4 months. I really thought we were progressing. We could talk about anything and have fun and be ourselves one on one and met our friends. However the intimacy part was talked about once and and was tried to be changed up but then I took a setback with being hurt and not much intimacy happened and we hung out and had fun together still. All of sudden after that she felt like we had a great friendship and not sincere connection but I felt we were open and could be ourselves. I told her I wished I could have been that person. She said I treated her great and was nice but said relationship wasn’t growing intimacy wise. Is this a 2 way road or only one person issue? Can this be overcome with time and distance? what should some think or feel. 

 

On 11/14/2023 at 8:52 AM, Sportsguy1982 said:

Yes we did. , I was able to do sincere gestures. However the injury was an effecting my back and neck and all the way to my arm and hand and made it numbing and tingly and a striking pain occurred frequently. 

Did you see a doctor for this? I had a similar neck injury ocean kayaking and was almost locked in excruciating pain, tore some muscles in neck and back. I don’t know about the numbing.. doesn’t sound good. How did it actually happen?

The injury may have scared her or she realized she doesn’t want to date someone who is such an avid gym lover.  Also your handle says sports guy so unassuming you’re into sports. She may not have realized what she was signing up for with a very athletic person. The bottomline is she didn’t stick around to get to know you more and it’s better you find someone else who displays more character than that.

[Lotsgoingon]

Interesting. Usually at four months, if a couple is clicking on a strong level, the relationship can survive a temporary injury.

I still don't get what happened with you guys physically and when. Sounds to me, if I'm reading you right (I assume you want to be discrete and not direct) that the physical element of the relationship was never strong. Am I right about that? And then you guys had a conversation, and you got more physical and then that was blocked by your injury.

Shouldn't take four months for you guys to find your groove physically. So I'm thinking you guys just didn't have good romantic-physical chemistry. Detecting and feeling real chemistry is important. Doing so though requires some practice and skill. 

My rule for myself is this: if me and the other person are having trouble getting to being physical, then something ain't right.  And I define physical as kissing and making out, holding hands, hugging, touching ... all the way to sex. If I couldn't feel comfortable touching this other person (and she not comfortable touching me) then we were simply not a good fit with each other. I've dated super nerdy women before--people raised in strict environments and so on--and still if there was chemistry, we found a way to touch each other without the least bit of thinking or agonizing. 

Just my experience.

 

[Sportsguy1982]

I am an introverted and shy man. I met this person in early July and things seemed to be progressing greatly in my opinion and I thought the same for the other person but they wanted to change up a routine and I tried and thought we were good and then I got hurt with a pinched nerve and was scared with the pain and might have babied it a bit, but that person a few weeks later ended it and I’m taking it so hard and internalizing it. They said they were battling this for a while and that they cared and didn’t want to hurt me and said I treated her great and was nice but couldn’t get past friends. I just don’t know what to do. I’m 2nd guessing a lot 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sportsguy1982 said:

. They said they were battling this for a while and that they cared and didn’t want to hurt me and said I treated her great and was nice but couldn’t get past friends

Unfortunately she just wasn't feeling it. Try not to take it personally. Was there stuff going on in her life?Hopefully you're feeling better getting physical therapy etc. Is this the same woman?:

 

[d0nnivain]

What happened had little to do with you getting hurt.   I hope you are taking care of yourself.   This is the 2nd thread you made about this break up.  

 

I am an extrovert married to an introvert.  I left our 1st date & balled my eyes out.  I had no idea why he wasn't talking to me.   I assumed it was because I did something wrong & talked too much. It was all about his inability to articulate much. 

 We've been married for 15 years. He talks to me more than anybody on the planet but it's still not enough.  We have been to 2 different marriage counselors over this.   The best / most concrete advice I have gotten is that I need to ask a question & slowly count to 10 before expecting an answer.   I was also told to write my questions down & give him a day to a week to answer me.  I think that is insane.  If I ask you what you want for dinner, you need to freakin' answer me.     He has been repeatedly counseled to open his mouth  & use words to tell me what is going on.  He doesn't. 

We're currently dealing with a challenge.      I begged him to talk to me.  I got one word responses & zero information.   He just took a sleeping pill & went to bed.  I'm fuming.  

I tell you all of that to illustrate the importance of communication in a relationship.   If you weren't talking to her about whatever you were feeling / thinking / doing, she left because she concluded you didn't care.  

If you were talking, it was just she wasn't feeling it.  That happens.  Be grateful it didn't drag out longer if it really wasn't going anywhere.