Am I being rude for not caring/wanting to look at HR womans wedding pics?

[Chloeflowers]

So one of the HR managers got married last weekend and my manager was going around with a card for all of us to sign, just saying congrats. So I signed it with congrats. The manager attended her wedding and was saying how great it was and one of the coworkers wanted to see pictures, the manager said she was going to show pictures or some video of the wedding. Well, i know what what wedding pics look like and in general i could care less about wedding pics. The HR personnel is off for two weeks anyway. I hope she doesnt go around to each person forcing us to look at her pics. If she were to show them to someone while i was standing there, i would walk away. Is that rude? I shouldnt be forced to look at her pics 

Edited October 31, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[Wiseman2]

This is the same thing as people showing you baby pics, vacation pics etc. They want to share their lives and events. Just be polite and say the usual "oh how nice!" every once in a while and you'll get through it.

[d0nnivain]

Yes it would be rude not to look at 1-2 pictures.  Beyond that you get a pass but it's simply polite to at least feign being interested in other people's milestones. 

[stillafool]

Chloe, do what you want to do.  You always seem to have a problem with people.  I doubt she cares if you view her wedding pics or not, because she's happy.

[Chloeflowers]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

Chloe, do what you want to do.  You always seem to have a problem with people.  I doubt she cares if you view her wedding pics or not, because she's happy.

I don't think something that involves looking at pictures means having "problems" with people, i'm just asking an etiquette question. I'll simply decline to look at her wedding pics then! 🙂 

[MsJayne]

Yes, it would be rude, and some people might perceive a refusal to look at a couple of pics as jealousy. Part of getting along with people at work is pretending they don't get on your nerves and being polite. 

[basil67]

54 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I don't think something that involves looking at pictures means having "problems" with people, i'm just asking an etiquette question. I'll simply decline to look at her wedding pics then! 🙂 

One thread don't indicate a problem, but the vast number of threads you've made complaining about tiny problems with others does indicate a problem.

As for this topic, while I understand that not everyone wants to look at a video, it's extraordinarily rude to not to take a couple of minutes to look at some photos.  Would it really kill you to show some courtesy to someone who wants to share her happiness?    That said, they may be used to your unwelcoming behaviour, so they may not even care to include you. 

[Chloeflowers]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is the same thing as people showing you baby pics, vacation pics etc. They want to share their lives and events. Just be polite and say the usual "oh how nice!" every once in a while and you'll get through it.

I’ll just look at 2 pics and say “congrats” for the second time and say what a pretty dress. Just to be polite.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I’ll just look at 2 pics and say “congrats” for the second time and say what a pretty dress. Just to be polite.

Why is looking at some wedding photos causing you enough angst that you must limit yourself to two?

[MsJayne]

39 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Why is looking at some wedding photos causing you enough angst that you must limit yourself to two?

Yes, I'm interested to know this too. I have a friend who posts endless photo's of her annual European trip, always the same, a group of jolly-looking people sitting around an alfresco table piled high with nice food and drinking nice wine at a picturesque cafe. I think I 'liked' the first 20 or so to be polite, and then it started to get on my nerves and I unfollowed. I understand this sort of thing getting tiresome if it's repetitive, but a wedding is, (hopefully), a once-in -a-lifetime thing, and even if you're not chummy with the person, why does being kind bother you so much, Chloe? 

[glows]

I’ve never seen someone in an office have the time to walk to each desk and show photos. In your initial post you were afraid this would happen and you’d be forced to look at them and make small talk. That’s not even realistic. What likely will happen is she’ll visit the coworker/s she is closest to or works closest with and they’ll gather around and look at them on her phone. If you work far away enough and aren’t in earshot or on lunch break you probably won’t even notice! 

I don’t think you have to bother with this too much and won’t be an issue. The easy option of course is to just make yourself scarce when you hear her voice approaching since you know what it’ll be about. Don’t even sweat it or bother yourself. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

So one of the HR managers got married last weekend and my manager 

Not a good idea to snub people in HR or managers. Social skills at work are important. Even if you have to go with the flow rather than feel like a lone wolf. It doesn't cost you anything to be polite. 

[glows]

11 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

So one of the HR managers got married last weekend 

Don’t overthink it. Your presence likely won’t even be missed if you don’t work closely with her. While I do agree it’s good to stay neutral with everyone it’s also a waste of energy to assume someone will be offended if you’re not available or around to look at wedding photos. It’s a work space not a party. Be discreet and polite always and stay focused on work.

[Versacehottie]

yes it's rude. and I agree with the others that the pattern seems to be with you.

Honest question: how do you think life is going to go for you if you're so bitter, negative and unapproachable? 

here's an idea, try to share in other people's joy and likely they will do the same for you when you have joyous moments.

Life is way too short to be living it with the approach you are taking.  

[ShyViolet]

Yes it would be very rude to walk away when someone is showing pictures.  The normal thing to do is stand there and look at them for a minute and say "oh that's nice", just pretend to care.  It doesn't take long.  After a couple minutes, make up some excuse to leave if you want.  These are basic social skills.  Whether you are truly interested in the pictures is irrelevant.

[Weezy1973]

@Chloeflowers What specifically do you not like about wedding photos?

[Chloeflowers]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

@Chloeflowers What specifically do you not like about wedding photos?

Tbh, if she were to have a million dollar mansion or a telsa i would love to look and know details😆

[Alpacalia]

Why pretend that you care to look at these wedding photos. You obviously have no interest in them so why bother? It would be more rude to feign interest and waste both your and the manager's time. Simply politely decline. I ran into a similar interest when me and my gal friends got together and they spent the majority of the time talking about their kids, while I don't have kids so I just said it was very lovely talking to them but really I must go, I have work to do. Save the uncomfortableness and politely hide out.(haha)

Granted, I love their kids, but I felt I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I have things I'd like to talk about too! oh yea!

Just be polite and respectful in declining. You'll be fine.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Tbh, if she were to have a million dollar mansion or a telsa i would love to look and know details😆

I was going to ask the same as  @Weezy1973, wondering what the problem is with wedding photos. 

Now I'm really confused that you'd be fine with checking out expensive assets but not OK with engaging over a person's wedding photos 🤔    What specifically has you concerned about looking at a handful of wedding photos and saying a few nice words?  It really doesn't make sense.

Do you perhaps struggle with personal engagement?   And given that you've struggled with these types of things since you've been posting here, I'm wondering if you're undertaking any therapy.  It could make your life so much easier

Edited November 1, 2023 by basil67

[Chloeflowers]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Why pretend that you care to look at these wedding photos. You obviously have no interest in them so why bother? It would be more rude to feign interest and waste both your and the manager's time. Simply politely decline. I ran into a similar interest when me and my gal friends got together and they spent the majority of the time talking about their kids, while I don't have kids so I just said it was very lovely talking to them but really I must go, I have work to do. Save the uncomfortableness and politely hide out.(haha)

Granted, I love their kids, but I felt I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I have things I'd like to talk about too! oh yea!

Just be polite and respectful in declining. You'll be fine.

Yeah, other peoples wedding pics and pics of their kids in general I dont have interest in looking at.

Now if she had some vacation pics, I would love to look at those. 
 

[ExpatInItaly]

22 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I hope she doesnt go around to each person forcing us to look at her pics

This isn't a thing people do in real life, Chloe.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Chloeflowers said:

Yeah, other peoples wedding pics and pics of their kids in general I dont have interest in looking at.

I certainly understand this...there are times when I want to glaze over when there's a topic I'm not interested in, but I suck it up and feign interest because I don't want to look like an AH

Of course, there are times when I will refuse a to do a favour which would be a huge imposition or I might politely decline an event which I'm too tired to attend.  But in your case, looking at a dozen wedding photos is such a minor inconvenience that sucking it up really is the only socially acceptable option.   If it goes on for much longer than a dozen pics, politely excuse yourself because of an imaginary deadline.

The world does does not revolve around me, you or anyone else.  You need to play nice 

 

 

 

Edited November 1, 2023 by basil67

[Weezy1973]

10 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Tbh, if she were to have a million dollar mansion or a telsa i would love to look and know details😆

My guess is you’re single and you don’t see marriage in your future. As a defense mechanism you “disdain” marriage, weddings etc. and focus on superficial material things. Deep down however, seeing wedding pictures might trigger your own feelings of being “less than” or lonely. So avoiding those pictures  makes it easier to cope with those feelings. Which is why something as insignificant as looking at someone’s wedding photos is such a big deal to you.

[NuevoYorko]

There are times and places in everyday life where courtesy go a long way.  This is one of them.

Yes, it would be tremendously rude.   Aggressively so.  Making a move like that towards a co-worker, and especially one whose opinion of you could matter (HR manager), might feel good to you at the time, for some obscure reason.  But why be a jerk?

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Yeah, other peoples wedding pics and pics of their kids in general I dont have interest in looking at.

Now if she had some vacation pics, I would love to look at those. 

I'm not sure where the expectation stems from that everyone must look at and fawn over wedding pictures. It should be up to each person to decide if they want to view them or not. It is not rude to politely decline if someone tries to show you pictures that you have no interest in.

Sometimes people just want to express their enthusiasm and joy. Be respectful and congratulate them on their milestones someone puts into sharing their special moments with you, but that doesn't mean you have to feign interest in their personal lives or actively participate in it if it's not something you enjoy.

Because, it doesn't sound like you do or will want to make fake "shows" of looking interested in her wedding pics, *or* "shuttle her off out of the area" as soon as she mentions showing them.

Everyone has different interests and things that make them happy.

At the end of the day, be respectful and considerate of others' feelings, but I think it's also okay to have different interests and boundaries. Just make sure to communicate in a polite and respectful manner.

In this situation, it would be completely appropriate for you to politely decline looking at the wedding pictures. You can simply say, "Thank you for offering, but I'm not really interested in looking at wedding pictures. Congratulations again on your marriage though!" 

In all seriousness, it doesn't take much effort to at least acknowledge, smile, and change the subject.