Is she into me or playing mind games?

[GreatOne90]

Hey all,

So I've found myself to be in quite a predicament. I haven't really been looking for anyone to date, nor gone out of my way to look for someone. However, I met a girl that's a family friend and she lives at my sister's house. Recently, I've noticed that she stares at me often and whenever I catch her, she turns away or looks in another direction. Then the other day, I was smoking a cigar and she comes out of the room and is brazenly staring at me as she's walking by and I'm staring right back at her and she gave me the most unexpected "hi" which caused me to smoke on my cigar. Also almost forgot, whenever her and I talk, we both gaze deeply into each other's eyes and just smile.

A few days ago, she asked me to see her fit and wanted my thoughts on it. Of course, I tried not to comment on it, since she is a family friend and I didn't want to make things weird.

Fast forward to yesterday. She was going to a party with some friends and asked me if I liked her outfit and makeup and I said she was looking beautiful and she just stood there quietly. I will also add, we had a little get together at my sister's house and we were all drinking and dancing and having a good time and she returned a couple of hours later. At this point, we're both incredibly intoxicated.

The party ended and she decided to head to bed and the remainder of the people left and I was practically alone with her in the room and I noticed that she wasn't properly in bed and I wanted to lay her down properly but she was being stubborn and didn't want to move at all.

As we were both there, we were just there holding each other's hand the entire time and she was doing this rubbing motion on mine and whenever I asked her to look at me, she opened her eyes and gazed into my eyes and started to cover her face with a smile and I asked her why was she covering her face she started to shrug and say "I don't know" with a smile.

I then said "come here" and she replied with "where?" And I said to me and she proceeded to ask "where are we going" to which I said "do you trust me?" And she said "yes" and that's when I said I was going to lay her down properly in her bed but she just kept saying no and just continued laying there holding my hand. Ultimately, someone walked in the room and she decided to fix herself and then said she was going to sleep.

Now, this is where things start to get iffy. She's dating someone, but she told me that she wants to end things with the bf because as she doesn't has no feelings for him and hasn't found the right moment to end things but that she's working on it.

What do I make of this?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, GreatOne90 said:

I said I was going to lay her down properly in her bed but she just kept saying no.  She's dating someone, 

Unfortunately it seems like she was quite drunk so it's good you  didn't persist in assisting her into bed. . If she has a BF it's best to step way back. Perhaps keep your distance in general unless you hear from your sister that this woman is single and interested. 

[Alpacalia]

Odd that you expect an intoxicated woman that you're trying to finagle to "trust you."

In any event, she has a boyfriend. 

Off limits.

[glows]

Op, would you mind confirming your ages? Are you same sex? Another woman?

She’s involved with someone else but likes flirting with others like yourself. She didn’t think your suggestion to take her to bed was appropriate so she turned it down. All of this doesn’t mean she’s willing to date you.

Edited October 30, 2023 by glows

[GreatOne90]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems like she was quite drunk so it's good you  didn't persist in assisting her into bed. . If she has a BF it's best to step way back. Perhaps keep your distance in general unless you hear from your sister that this woman is single and interested. 

Yeah, I've been keeping my distance since and haven't conversed with her as much.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, GreatOne90 said:

I was practically alone with her in the room and I noticed that she wasn't properly in bed and I wanted to lay her down properly but she was being stubborn and didn't want to move at all.

This was your cue to bid her goodnight and go on your way.   Don't go pushing women to lay down when they make it very clear that they don't want to do it.

[GreatOne90]

6 minutes ago, glows said:

Op, would you mind confirming your ages? Are you same sex? Another woman?

She’s involved with someone else but likes flirting with others like yourself. She didn’t think your suggestion to take her to bed was appropriate so she turned it down. All of this doesn’t mean she’s willing to date you.

27 and 23 and we're male and female. I wasn't taking her anywhere. She was laying down in an uncomfortable position and I was trying to help her. But duly noted, I guess things can be perceived negatively, especially if we're intoxicated.

[GreatOne90]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This was your cue to bid her goodnight and go on your way.   Don't go pushing women to lay down when they make it very clear that they don't want to do it.

Well, once she fixed herself and wasn't in an uncomfortable position, that's when I left. Again, intentions weren't to try and do anything but I can see why it could be perceived in a bad light.

 

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, GreatOne90 said:

Well, once she fixed herself and wasn't in an uncomfortable position, that's when I left. Again, intentions weren't to try and do anything but I can see why it could be perceived in a bad light.

 

Sorry dude, all the eye gazing and hand strongly suggests you were there for more than making her comfortable. 

Unless a person is unconscious and needs to be placed in the recovery position...or you need to make sure they get the vomit into a bucket.... don't make them do stuff.

[GreatOne90]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Sorry dude, all the eye gazing and hand strongly suggests you were there for more than making her comfortable. 

Unless a person is unconscious and needs to be placed in the recovery position...or you need to make sure they get the vomit into a bucket.... don't make them do stuff.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you there. Even though, yes, I was intoxicated, I wasn't going to try anything. You're insinuating something that isn't there.

[glows]

I wonder who was the person who walked in? Wouldn’t it have gone back to her bf already that she was in her room alone with another guy?

This could get messy and be a whole lot of drama. Most people wouldn’t get involved for obvious reasons. Im not sure why you’re asking us what to make of it. You seem to have a very clear understanding what is going on.

[ShyViolet]

She has a bf but she likes getting attention from you.  If she was actually interested in you she would end the relationship with her bf, the one that she claims she has no feelings for.  If she isn't mature enough to do that, and just wants to continue playing these games with you while being in a relationship with someone else, then you are wasting your time with this.

[GreatOne90]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I wonder who was the person who walked in? Wouldn’t it have gone back to her bf already that she was in her room alone with another guy?

This could get messy and be a whole lot of drama. Most people wouldn’t get involved for obvious reasons. Im not sure why you’re asking us what to make of it. You seem to have a very clear understanding what is going on.

It was one of her friends. And not sure, from what she has said is that she rarely talks to him and she doesn't have any feelings for him. And I agree, it certainly can get messy and that's what I'm trying to avoid. But at the same time, I'm just confused on whether these are mind games or not.

[GreatOne90]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

She has a bf but she likes getting attention from you.  If she was actually interested in you she would end the relationship with her bf, the one that she claims she has no feelings for.  If she isn't mature enough to do that, and just wants to continue playing these games with you while being in a relationship with someone else, then you are wasting your time with this.

Yeah, if it is games then I've been doing well steering clear from her. I haven't really gone out of my way to talk to her or give her attention. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing honestly continue ignoring her

[glows]

37 minutes ago, GreatOne90 said:

It was one of her friends. And not sure, from what she has said is that she rarely talks to him and she doesn't have any feelings for him. And I agree, it certainly can get messy and that's what I'm trying to avoid. But at the same time, I'm just confused on whether these are mind games or not.

Probably just her kicks while feeling immensely lonely in a dysfunctional relationship. Agree. Just avoid her and treat her civilly, no need to be rude or anything. She should know staring is rude to begin with. 

[GreatOne90]

10 hours ago, glows said:

Probably just her kicks while feeling immensely lonely in a dysfunctional relationship. Agree. Just avoid her and treat her civilly, no need to be rude or anything. She should know staring is rude to begin with. 

I honestly won't. I don't see any point in being rude or becoming uncivil toward her. I wouldn't get anything out of it at all if I did that.

[NuevoYorko]

Weird story. Why did you follow her into the bedroom when she said she was going to bed?   That was not a very "trustworthy" move.   Back off.  She lives with your sister and has a boyfriend.  You don't need to add strange complications.

[GreatOne90]

47 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Weird story. Why did you follow her into the bedroom when she said she was going to bed?   That was not a very "trustworthy" move.   Back off.  She lives with your sister and has a boyfriend.  You don't need to add strange complications.

Where in my post did I say she said she was headed to bed and that I followed her? You and basil both have zero reading comprehension and seem to jump to assumptions.

[glows]

Not nice, Op.. you mentioned she was laying on a bed not specifying what room you were both in. It could have been on the front porch for all we know but it’s logical to assume a bed would be in a bedroom and seeing as she lives with her sister one would hope she has her own bedroom. Anyway, this gal is all mixed up. Good you’re deciding to steer clear and remain civil.

[Alpacalia]

How did you end up in her room?

Why did you ask her if she trusts you?

Are you an official bed tucker that she needed help laying down in bed?

Not saying she's innocent in all this. Seems like you enjoyed the interactions fully knowing she has a boyfriend.

I also wouldn't have taken what she said about her and her boyfriend being on the outs as gospel. 

Leave her to her own devices.

[GreatOne90]

Need advice

Okay, I (32m) just need some advice regarding  this predicament I found myself in. I met this girl(21f) back in October, and I'm not sure if the word friends is correct, her and I kicked it off pretty smoothly. We talk a lot about personal stuff and have some deep personal conversations.

We almost had a night where we almost drunkenly hooked up but I had to stop myself and left the room because it just didn't feel right due to the situation I'll present next and because we were being under the influence.

We got pretty close over a few months and would typically hang out and talk for a while and then head our own way for the night. She is in a relationship, but she has clearly told me that she wasn't feeling the relationship and she would be ending it with the bf. Even now, she still hasn't ended the relationship with the guy..  but like she also rarely mentions or talks about him.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I was hanging out with some friends and she showed up afterwards. She greeted me super excitingly and me just being into her, I just checked her out and I proceeded to reach my hand out and grabbed hers and she reached hers out with the biggest smile on her face and we just stared at each other.

The next night, I went over to her friend's house (she lives there) and she was tidying up the place but proceeded to greet me. There was an instance where she was waiting to get into the kitchen and kinda cut in front of me and placed her butt near me and she brushed it past my hand twice.

Then I accidentally brushed my hand past her butt twice but didn't say anything since it wasn't intentional. Anyway, a few hours passed and I went a few things and then returned back to the house.

Shorty after that, we just hung out the entire night and that was it. I just dont understand that whenever we see each other, we always hug and just stay chatting.

This past weekend was no different. I went to visit the same friends and she was there and we were putting some item together. Then I just left them to their devices and proceeded to head downstairs to smoke a cigar. A few hours later, another family friend arrived and the night went on we began having conversations about relationships.

It got to a point where I was talking with these friends about relationships and how we all should be of the mindset that men and women need to love each other. Despite all of the disagreements we may have.

The girl I'm interested in overheard that and she responded with "I don't care about loving men and wanting to be with men. I'm just focusing on myself" and I replied with "you're young and just now experiencing life, you shouldn't close yourself off just yet" to which she responded with "yeah, I'm young" with lot of sass and walked out of the room.

I didnt meant to offend her and all I meant by that she is young is that she's just now starting to experience the world compared to someone like me.. but it seems she took it another way. Did I do something wrong? 

[basil67]

Yes, you did do stuff wrong:

Making statements about what others "should" or "need" to do will get up people's noses because nobody likes being told what to do.    They need to make up their own minds.  

Then when she gave her feedback, she did not ask your opinion or advice.  It was a statement, not a question.  And not only did you give your opinion and advice, you delivered it in a patronising manner.   Even your explanation to us "I meant by that she is young is that she's just now starting to experience the world compared to someone like me" sounds patronising.  

At any rate, it sounds like she's picked up on your romantic vibes and has just made it abundantly clear that she's not interested in a relationship with you.  And to be honest, given that you don't see her as your emotional and intellectual equal, she certainly should stick to boys who are her own age

 

 

Edited May 21 by basil67

[basil67]

I replied on your other thread

[basil67]

Wait...you met a woman in Oct last year, when you were 27yo. Now you are 32yo   Is this the same woman?  

I find it odd that you don't know your age.  And why is cigar smoking featuring in both stories?   🤨

 

Edited May 21 by basil67

[Gaeta]

That's how 21 years old are. They're impulsive, sassy, and think everything is about them. Usually 32 yo are not interested in 21 yo as they still lack maturity.