JohnGoober Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 A few months ago, I met a girl (Sophie). Although we barely talked the first time, I ran into her a few weeks later near my home, and it turned out that we live just 5 minutes away from each other. We met again during a hiking event, and this time, we got to know each other better. At the end of the hike, she gave me her number and asked me to call her. She mentioned that I was the first person she befriended because she felt she could trust me. We started hanging out, watching movies, having dinner, just the two of us. She tells me that she doesn't normally do these activities because they drain her, but she feels comfortable doing them with me. We quickly became good friends because we get along well. Everytime I meet her, she gives me snacks, chocolates, or likes to pay for my food but asks others to share the bill. She would sometimes asks me things like whether she's important to me. She also introuduced me to her housemate (Jasmine) and asked me whether I'd be interested in dating her (she asked this multiple times). I got the impression that she was just joking but when I told her yes, she appeared shocked. I did take Jasmine out a few times but I don't think she's interested in dating me because I took too long after the second date to ask her out. Additionally, I may have sabatoged myself by giving gifts to Sophie. I don’t mean to gift her to woo her, Its just something I do because she’s my friend and I know what she likes / dislikes. We 3 hangout often, do activities together, and even went on a vacation together. Quite often, Sophie likes to joke about her being my girlfriend or her dating me. Once we 3 went to a movie and Sohpie goes “You are lucky to have your dates watching a movie with you”. Another example, we visited a restaurant close to my ex girlfriend's house and when I mentioned this to her, Sophie told me "Don't worry, I will tell her you now have two girlfriends." On another occassion, we went on a hike and both of them forgot to prepare lunch or bring enough water. When Sophie found out that I prepared everything for them, she said "Thank you for taking care of your two future wives." I told her that joke was a bit too much but then she says don't worry, Jasmine didn't hear that. Sophie also gets a little upset if I give Jasmine more attention. I do give her attention, whenever I go on hikes, I bring her gifts because she likes to collect rocks, bird feathers, etc. Sophie also likes to flirt with me and makes comments like "You have a great ass". She also once told me she likes the way I smell. I know Sophie cares deeply about me. The last time when we went out together, I lost my phone. Sophie showed genuine care, went above and beyond to help me get my phone back. She pays attention to what I eat and nags if I eat anything unhealthy. I am planning on a vacation to hike in another country with both of them and another person who is a friend of Sophie. Jasmine is busy so I offered to reschedule but Sophie is very insistent and wants just the two of us to go. Sophie even made her friend cancel so it will be just the two of us for a 2 week vacation. I'm now wondering if I do on this vacation, would I ruin any chance of dating Jasmine? I’m also wondering why Sophie tries to flirt with me or are they just light-hearted jokes? I have a feeling she lost interest in me from what I did. I do want to date Jasmine but not sure how to proceed. I admit my communication skills are quite poor and I do want to fix this. I’m even considering visiting a therapist to get clarity on my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 Yes you will ruin your chance with Jasmine if you haven't already. Tell Sophie that you like Jasmine and want to date her. Don't go on vacay alone with Jasmine and stop leading her on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 This is all too complicated & too close. Messy is generally bad. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 What part of all this doesn't tell you that Sophie wants more than friendship? If Jasmine was really interested she wouldn't be OK with you going on vacation with Sophie when it's so obvious Sophie's got the hots for you. If you're not interested in Sophie as a partner you need to make that very clear to her because it sounds like she's already planning your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 (edited) 39 minutes ago, JohnGoober said: Sophie even made her friend cancel so it will be just the two of us for a 2 week vacation. I'm now wondering if I do on this vacation, would I ruin any chance of dating Jasmine? Which one are you attracted to? Unfortunately it seems Sophie likes you but you like Jasmine. But Jasmine isn't interested in you, but Sophie is. If you are doing this much with Sophie obviously Jasmine is going to step back. Is this the same woman?: Edited September 21, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 You aren't yet dating Jasmine, so nothing is lost there. Meanwhile, Sophie is showing her true colours by actively sabotaging any potential dating with Jasmine AND asking the other person to back out of the planned holiday. She's quite the piece of work! My advice is to tell Sophie that you're not OK with her actions and end the friendship. You also won't be able to date Jasmine in the future because Sophie will make life horrible for both of you Just walk away from all this mess 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 I'm shocked you don't see Sophie's agenda. This woman is hunting you down seriously. Tell Jasmine, jokes aside, you are interested in dating her and you've been wishing it since you met her. You will have a clear answer there. If Jasmine is not interested life goes on and you find someone else to date. I can tell you 99.9% of women you'll date will have an issue with Sophie. She has crossed the line several times and you let her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 Don't go on this trip with Sophie. Since you aren't romantically interested, it wouldn't be right. And you will likely need to forget about Jasmine since she doesn't seem that interested and Sophie will stir up drama anyway. It sounds like you need to take a lot of space from Sophie. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 13 hours ago, JohnGoober said: I’m also wondering why Sophie tries to flirt with me or are they just light-hearted jokes? Did it ever cross your mind that Sophie might be interested in you? I mean she couldn't be more obvious about it and for some reason you can't see the signs slapping you in the face. She arranged it so that the two of you could go on vacation alone so she will very likely make a move. If you have no romantic interest in Sophie then do not go on this vacation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 Jasmine is not really interested in you, so she's purposefully stepped back going on this vacation so Sophie can have a chance at you. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 It seems Jasmine is sick of the third wheeling or Sophie has already told her roommate Jasmine to back off. I don’t understand why on earth you’re dating Sophie at all when you were consistently interested in Jasmine all along. Did you get distracted and suddenly forget who you wanted to date? Correct me if I’m wrong: you met Sophie first living close by hiking once and then started hanging out with her and others. Through Sophie you met Jasmine, her roommate, but at the time you met Jasmine, you weren’t dating Sophie and certainly not dating her exclusively. Unfortunately things are too heated with Sophie and she seems quite possessive and wants you to herself. Maybe she’s grown attached. Since the two women appear to live together as roommates this is not going to end well if you now dump Sophie to date Jasmine right away. Why would you want to sour their living situation that way either especially when they live 5 min from you? Given their living situation I’d steer clear of both women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnGoober Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 10 hours ago, JTSW said: Did it ever cross your mind that Sophie might be interested in you? I mean she couldn't be more obvious about it and for some reason you can't see the signs slapping you in the face. She arranged it so that the two of you could go on vacation alone so she will very likely make a move. If you have no romantic interest in Sophie then do not go on this vacation. It did cross to my mind that she could be interested in me but I made it very clear to her by telling her that I'm interested in dating her friend. For a while, I even gave her space but I don't think it worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnGoober Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 2 hours ago, glows said: It seems Jasmine is sick of the third wheeling or Sophie has already told her roommate Jasmine to back off. I don’t understand why on earth you’re dating Sophie at all when you were consistently interested in Jasmine all along. Did you get distracted and suddenly forget who you wanted to date? Correct me if I’m wrong: you met Sophie first living close by hiking once and then started hanging out with her and others. Through Sophie you met Jasmine, her roommate, but at the time you met Jasmine, you weren’t dating Sophie and certainly not dating her exclusively. Unfortunately things are too heated with Sophie and she seems quite possessive and wants you to herself. Maybe she’s grown attached. Since the two women appear to live together as roommates this is not going to end well if you now dump Sophie to date Jasmine right away. Why would you want to sour their living situation that way either especially when they live 5 min from you? Given their living situation I’d steer clear of both women. You are right, I have a feeling Jasmine might have felt like a third wheel and I never dated Sophie, we just hung out. Yes, I might Sophie first and then I met her housemate. Whenever I go there to meet one, I meet the other. I do want to back off further from Sophie, give some time off to Jasmine and have a conversation with her that I'm interested in her. Do you think that's a good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 1 minute ago, JohnGoober said: give some time off to Jasmine and have a conversation with her that I'm interested in her. Do you think that's a good idea? Unfortunately she's not interested in you, so no it's not a good idea. In fact it would be better to find women to date where there isn't this messy type of roommate situation. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 23, 2023 Share Posted September 23, 2023 7 hours ago, JohnGoober said: You are right, I have a feeling Jasmine might have felt like a third wheel and I never dated Sophie, we just hung out. Yes, I might Sophie first and then I met her housemate. Whenever I go there to meet one, I meet the other. I do want to back off further from Sophie, give some time off to Jasmine and have a conversation with her that I'm interested in her. Do you think that's a good idea? I’m leaning more towards the fact that Jasmine sees how aggressive Sophie is in attempting to date you or get you to make this more official and reciprocate her feelings. That’s why Jasmine is not wanting to get involved. Add to that they have to live together. That’s a boiling mess of hot you know what. You also took a long time to ask Jasmine out a third time after the second date - it looks like you are the one not interested enough and now Sophie is territorial because you are way too passive. Honestly if you’re still interested in Jasmine so much that you must find out whether there’s a possibility explain to Jasmine there seems to be a misunderstanding as you’re wanting to date her and not Sophie. Say nothing to Sophie in the meantime because it’s none of her beeswax. Be prepared for Jasmine to decline as the likelihood of any reasonable, sane woman who enjoys the harmony and comforts of her home will NOT get involved with a man who is between her and her roommate. Do you see how it’s a very unwise decision for Jasmine to date you considering Sophie’s aggressive and seemingly gung ho desire to be with you/alone with you etc etc? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 23, 2023 Share Posted September 23, 2023 14 hours ago, JohnGoober said: It did cross to my mind that she could be interested in me but I made it very clear to her by telling her that I'm interested in dating her friend. For a while, I even gave her space but I don't think it worked. Clearly. She didn't listen and will still try her luck. Seriously, don't go on vacation with her. She will end up telling jasmine something happened between you even if it didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted September 24, 2023 Share Posted September 24, 2023 On 9/21/2023 at 4:15 PM, JohnGoober said: I'm now wondering if I do on this vacation, would I ruin any chance of dating Jasmine? Honestly, I think that ship has already sailed. You've been palling around with Sophie and Jasmine for quite some time. And Sophie has made it clear to you and no doubt to Jasmine that she is into you. Plus, it seems you had 2 dates with Jasmine and never followed up with a 3rd. Unless Jasmine is completely head over heels for you (which nothing you've written suggests she is), she is not going to jeopardize her friendship with her roommate in order to date you... a situation that will likely be unpleasant and awkward for all three of you. Your decision to go on vacation with Sophie should be based on the merits of a vacation with Sophie. I doubt there is anything to ruin with Jasmine. Link to post Share on other sites
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