Is it possible to get Ex back?

[Keeves1]

Hey, 

I want to get back to my ex and my goal is to first work on myself and lose weight by hitting the gym. There is something I'm curious about... Is it possible to get back to your ex? Genereally speaking I've been reading articles on the internet about the "No contact rule" and that It should last between 3 months to 6 months. Has everyone tried it? If so please shared the experience!

I've stopped dating as I'm still recovering from the breakup. It was not a bad breakup but I was the problem for this breakup and I also messed up when we broke up. I told her that I was dating and she was irritated as she left me on open on snapchat. The last communication we both had was on sunday 3th september when she was out on a first date and according to her it went very well.

What if my ex has moved on during the "no contact"? I mean she is already dating a guy and is probably meeting him for a 2nd date since the first one went really well.

I've had a tough time as I've cried every night since saturday and tomorrow I will se my my GP. I've also been on sick leave from work.

I've went through her Insta and scrolled down. One of the post were I am pictured together with her friends are not deleted from her IG. We celebrated Norway's national day. Also I know that she has a polaroid camera an a book where she can store all the photo's taken from it. I though she left that in my home but she took it with her and on some pages there are also picture of me inside the Polaroid book. I don't know if she has thrown away that or hidden the book but she has pictures of me in her new home (Probably hidden it and stored away)

Thanks for reading! 🙌✨

Edited September 6, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
excess formatting

[Keeves1]

I just realized I posted this on the wrong community forum! This should go on "Second chances"

[Gaeta]

Keeves: You will be fine without her. 

Do you know the 5 steps of grieving a relationship? denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You were not happy in this relationship, you are just missing her familiarity and fear starting over again. 

[Keeves1]

50 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Keeves: You will be fine without her. 

Do you know the 5 steps of grieving a relationship? denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You were not happy in this relationship, you are just missing her familiarity and fear starting over again. 

I did not know that this was the 5 steps of grieving.. Yes I were not happy but at times I also were happy. I strongly believe that I should atleast try to get her back by using the "No contact" rule. She might have gone on a 2nd date already and things seems to be going great with that guy she is dating. I don't know if she is over me yet, but if she were to go in a relationship with him, then it could be very well be a rebound (or not)

All I know is that she has told me that she cried every day before she went to work... 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Keeves1

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 The last communication we both had was on sunday 3th september when she was out on a first date and according to her it went very well..

Unfortunately this seems to have gotten  you upset. It's not a good idea to discuss your dating lives with exes or try to stay friends or keep tabs on each other.  It's never good news when an ex starts dating someone else and that's why you need to step back.

Please don't use those "get your ex back" scams. They prey on brokenhearted people. None of their techniques work or make sense because the only person who can decide on reconciliation is the ex,so using gimmicks like "no contact" as a tool doesn't work.

It's good you're seeing your doctors and a psychologist if you're having difficulty adjusting to the breakup.

[Keeves1]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately this seems to have gotten  you upset. It's not a good idea to discuss your dating lives with exes or try to stay friends or keep tabs on each other.  It's never good news when an ex starts dating someone else and that's why you need to step back.

Please don't use those "get your ex back" scams. They prey on brokenhearted people. None of their techniques work or make sense because the only person who can decide on reconciliation is the ex,so using gimmicks like "no contact" as a tool doesn't work.

It's good you're seeing your doctors and a psychologist if you're having difficulty adjusting to the breakup.

How do you know that the "No contact" rule does not work? Have you experienced it?

I know that she is entitled to do whatever she wants, so dating other people just to get in a relationship or date to have sex is all up to her and yes it has been upsetting me. I'm trying my best to think otherwise that this is a rebound etc and that I should try atleast to see if she wants to reconciliation in the future

Edited September 6, 2023 by Keeves1
Added more text

[MsJayne]

I thought I read in one of your other posts that your sex life had died and that was the reason you broke up, and that it was Maria who had lost interest. It sounds to me that Maria was unhappy for other reasons and that was why she lost interest in the sex part. Usually when a partner stops communicating, and then loses interest in physical intimacy, it's because they don't feel heard. Your posts come across as you being rather self-obsessed, and that can be very draining for a partner. Maybe you should just accept that she's already moving on and be happy for her. 

[Keeves1]

3 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

I thought I read in one of your other posts that your sex life had died and that was the reason you broke up, and that it was Maria who had lost interest. It sounds to me that Maria was unhappy for other reasons and that was why she lost interest in the sex part. Usually when a partner stops communicating, and then loses interest in physical intimacy, it's because they don't feel heard. Your posts come across as you being rather self-obsessed, and that can be very draining for a partner. Maybe you should just accept that she's already moving on and be happy for her. 

Yes it was about sex but then I came back now and wrote the whole history as to why we broke up. Maria was unhappy because I was hurting her mentally by my words and behaviour. She lost interest in the sex part because I was stressing her out everyday with my complaints about my colleagues. She has even said that it's too much. We both stopped communicating really because I was hurting from all the arguments and fights we had. It took me a bit long time to get over it and it was at one point I went to the balcony and cried. 

We both did not feel heard. Often times when we had arguments she was the one who raised her voice and was just outburst with anger. The same happend to me. We could not solve the problems because of that and the next day when she wanted to solve this I was saying that I did not want to hear it.

What do you mean by that I'm self-obsessed? 😮

I don't have a choice really do I? I cannot send her a message telling her to stop dating. I just want her back and I'm willing to try to wait 6 months before sending contacting her. If she does not reconcile then that is my signal to move on

[Keeves1]

I understand that it may have been very much of me lately making new threads and I can understand it is hard for new readers and old readers to catch up. I know that I have history with Maria and that we have been together for four years.. of course it is alot to digest 😅 I will flag this and ask admin to mend this together with my thread about Maria

Edited September 6, 2023 by Keeves1

[MsJayne]

12 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

What do you mean by that I'm self-obsessed? 😮

You come across as liking to talk about yourself a lot  

[Keeves1]

18 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

You come across as liking to talk about yourself a lot  

Of course! I mean the reason why me and her broke up was because it was mostly my fault. But I'm also consistent asking questions that I'm wondering about

[glows]

Finally, OP. A real heartfelt post showing what you’re really going through instead of the previous multiple threads about multiple different women you’re seeing. I understand you’re hurt and wondering if your ex has moved on. 

She has moved out and is dating. You say the break up was your fault but I don’t recall what were the reasons - it helps to remind yourself, out of respect for both her and you, why you broke up in the first place.

Moving out generally means it’s final and the end of a relationship. It takes a great deal of effort to split a couple apart. Why do you think she’d get back together with you? Genuine question.

[Goodguy05]

3 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Hey, 

I want to get back to my ex and my goal is to first work on myself and lose weight by hitting the gym. There is something I'm curious about... Is it possible to get back to your ex? Genereally speaking I've been reading articles on the internet about the "No contact rule" and that It should last between 3 months to 6 months. Has everyone tried it? If so please shared the experience!

I've stopped dating as I'm still recovering from the breakup. It was not a bad breakup but I was the problem for this breakup and I also messed up when we broke up. I told her that I was dating and she was irritated as she left me on open on snapchat. The last communication we both had was on sunday 3th september when she was out on a first date and according to her it went very well.

What if my ex has moved on during the "no contact"? I mean she is already dating a guy and is probably meeting him for a 2nd date since the first one went really well.

I've had a tough time as I've cried every night since saturday and tomorrow I will se my my GP. I've also been on sick leave from work.

I've went through her Insta and scrolled down. One of the post were I am pictured together with her friends are not deleted from her IG. We celebrated Norway's national day. Also I know that she has a polaroid camera an a book where she can store all the photo's taken from it. I though she left that in my home but she took it with her and on some pages there are also picture of me inside the Polaroid book. I don't know if she has thrown away that or hidden the book but she has pictures of me in her new home (Probably hidden it and stored away)

Thanks for reading! 🙌✨

Rest assured people don't move on so quickly so her date probably won't lead to anything significant. She is probably trying to forget you and filling in the void of the breakup 

[Keeves1]

50 minutes ago, glows said:

She has moved out and is dating. You say the break up was your fault but I don’t recall what were the reasons.

Moving out generally means it’s final and the end of a relationship. It takes a great deal of effort to split a couple apart. Why do you think she’d get back together with you? Genuine question.

1. Sayings thinks like "move out" after a fights is a hurtful word. Same as "I'm not happy in this relationship". I need to think twice before I say something. 
2. I always complained about my problems at work. She came home from work already tired so me complaining draining her. 
3. I was selfish and did not think about her at times. Example: Grocery shopping without buying her favourite snack etc..
4. I cannot take a joke. She complained that she could do nothing when it comes to joking or having banter.
5. I do not have a big heart.
6. I do not respect her time. If I had something in my heart I needed to say it to her even if she has gone to bed. 

This is the reason why we broke up. 

I already know who the guy is that she is dating... She followed him on IG. [ ] . I know I should not be a stalker but I'm just curious.

I'll hope that she would get back to me because when I'm ready to send her a message after 6 months I will be a better version of myself. I'm working on myself and are seeking help
 

Edited September 6, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
personal details

[Keeves1]

17 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Rest assured people don't move on so quickly so her date probably won't lead to anything significant. She is probably trying to forget you and filling in the void of the breakup 

I don't know if you wrote that because it's a word that I want to hear or read, but I honestly don't know. It's difficult to know but I do have a general idea that she has completely moved on.. The reason is because when I was with her, she was the one who had a big heart. I would like to mention that she told me that she cried alot before she went to work. That was after we agreed to break up and the day after she had to go to work while I had a night shift

[Gaeta]

The breakup is the result of both your doing because the love was gone. The attachment is still there that's why she's crying and that's why you're having a hard time. Attachment is not love.

There is nothing good to go back to. This relationship had gone downhill months before the breakup. Maria refused to be intimate anymore complaining about pain but she did nothing to address that pain. Your personalities were clashing, you unloaded your stress on her and she retaliated by yelling. You 2 don't have children together, or common assets. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. 

Now your job is to heal and to learn. You need to address how you manage your stress with a professional. 

[Goodguy05]

7 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

I don't know if you wrote that because it's a word that I want to hear or read, but I honestly don't know. It's difficult to know but I do have a general idea that she has completely moved on.. The reason is because when I was with her, she was the one who had a big heart. I would like to mention that she told me that she cried alot before she went to work. That was after we agreed to break up and the day after she had to go to work while I had a night shift

No I'm pretty sure of it. Even though it was her decision to move on and it appears like she has moved on, people don't just forget someone that easily, especially after a couple of years being together. I'm pretty sure she's trying to fill the void of the breakup. She may not be feeling the way you're feeling and hurting but there will be a void for sure. I highly doubt this new date of hers will lead to anything. In some cases it can, but it's more like a rebound even for a dumper. 

But I agree with the others. It appears to be over. It's just going to take you time to process that. That's understandable.

 

 

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Goodguy05

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

I'll hope that she would get back to me because when I'm ready to send her a message after 6 months

You know, everyone going through a difficult breakup feels that way. 

My ex cheated on me with multiple women and those first months without him were horrific and I hoped he would come back to me and I imagined I could message him 6 months later or a year later. That is all part of hurting and moving on, you are not different than anyone else going through a breakup. We understand every word you're saying here, and we know it will pass.

18 months after my breakup I met an amazing man with many beatutiful qualities and we have a connection beyond what I ever hoped for. 

You will love again...with someone better suited for you. 

[Keeves1]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The breakup is the result of both your doing because the love was gone. The attachment is still there that's why she's crying and that's why you're having a hard time. Attachment is not love.

There is nothing good to go back to. This relationship had gone downhill months before the breakup. Maria refused to be intimate anymore complaining about pain but she did nothing to address that pain. Your personalities were clashing, you unloaded your stress on her and she retaliated by yelling. You 2 don't have children together, or common assets. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. 

Now your job is to heal and to learn. You need to address how you manage your stress with a professional. 

It does not hurt to atleast try after 6 months right?? Knowing that I have not tried will surely hurt me even more, right? Yes that is correct that the relationship was going downhill months after the breakup but If I was smart and not complained to her and stopped saying those hurtful words then she may have been more relaxed and willing to have sex. Resulting in the relationship going... After 6 months and if she is willing to come back I will not do the same mistake again.

What do you mean that I need to address how I manage stress with a professional? I mean I'm not managing it very well... I have asked my parents for advice but other than that I'm here on Loveshack 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

people don't just forget someone that easily, especially after a couple of years being together.

I left a 15 year marriage without shedding a tear. 

When we're very unhappy for a very long time, a seperation is like a deliverance. 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

stopped saying those hurtful words

Words have consequences. They hurt. They kill love and end relationships. Some words can never be fogiven or forgotten. 

If you are unable to manage your stress without using a hurtful language than you need to address that with a therapist. 

 

[Keeves1]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You know, everyone going through a difficult breakup feels that way. 

My ex cheated on me with multiple women and those first months without him were horrific and I hoped he would come back to me and I imagined I could message him 6 months later or a year later. That is all part of hurting and moving on, you are not different than anyone else going through a breakup. We understand every word you're saying here, and we know it will pass.

18 months after my breakup I met an amazing man with many beatutiful qualities and we have a connection beyond what I ever hoped for. 

You will love again...with someone better suited for you. 

I understand, Gaeta... You're saying that waiting 6 months and applying the "no contact" rule is not going to work. But you're writing that you would hope that he would come back. If I were insisting on the no contact rule, when is a good timing to message Maria? 

Damn, cheating is never good and how could he do that to you?! How did you find out he was cheating? 😮

[Keeves1]

13 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

No I'm pretty sure of it. Even though it was her decision to move on and it appears like she has moved on, people don't just forget someone that easily, especially after a couple of years being together. I'm pretty sure she's trying to fill the void of the breakup. She may not be feeling the way you're feeling and hurting but there will be a void for sure. I highly doubt this new date of hers will lead to anything. In some cases it can, but it's more like a rebound even for a dumper. 

But I agree with the others. It appears to be over. It's just going to take you time to process that. That's understandable.

 

 

 

Even if it's a void it can also lead to relationship. I may sound like an expert on that sentence but I'm not!  it all depends between her and the guy right? so if they develop feelings for each other and when the time is up for me to reach out, then it would be no suprise if they are a couple. But like even if it appears to be a rebound after 6 months I can still try? it would not hurt to do so. Hahaha I've been reading this comment all over and it may come across as I'm a try hard but it's not like that! I'm just having my hopes up still! 🤣😅

Edited September 6, 2023 by Keeves1

[Keeves1]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Words have consequences. They hurt. They kill love and end relationships. Some words can never be fogiven or forgotten. 

If you are unable to manage your stress without using a hurtful language than you need to address that with a therapist. 

 

I will. I have a habit of saying hurtful words when I'm stressed or when I'm angry... and yeah It has been hurted Maria for a long time... I said that to her almost every time we had fights. Imagine hearing that for 4 years... She has been patient with me for so long that now it has run out BUT! that is why if we get back together I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole by saying it🙌

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

But you're writing that you would hope that he would come back.

I did hope he would come back because breakups are hard and demons we know are less scary than demons we don't know. I let time pass and slowly realized him & I had lost our connection. He made mistakes - I made mistakes and it lead to the end of our relationship. I learn what I had to learn from this and started with someone new, someone better suited for me. 

You can tell yourself you will contact her in 6 months if it helps you go through the day, by all means. In 6 months you will feel differently, the worse of the breakup will have passed. 

I don't want to highjack your thread with my story, let me tell you the people here were of a great support and were good at reminding me I deserved better.