Author Love4TOW Posted September 5, 2023 Author Share Posted September 5, 2023 10 hours ago, BaileyB said: He has things exactly as he wants them right now. You have clearly decided that the wife is a terrible person - she hasn’t had sex with her husband since she had children, she does not work and nothing around the house, she stays for the money and the lifestyle, she doesn’t listen or support him - totally focused on the kids… Your problem is not with his wife though, it’s with your MM. Either he is lazy, or you are not getting the whole story about his “reconciliation,” or he’s not ready to truly commit and marry you, or it is advantageous in some way for him not to file for divorce but to continue with these two relationships as they are… only he knows what is holding him back. How much longer are you going to wait for him? I believe that he has manipulated you both. After pursuing you for an affair, discovery and separation, and now three years since his return home - you can’t say that he isn’t a manipulator and he has manipulated you both int his little drama of his creation. The truth is - he knew it would hurt you to go back - and he did it anyway… Why do you stay? Hi Bailey, I had typed out an apology to you, and it looks like it was deleted. Please just know I was feeling defensive and ashamed. I’m just in a lot of pain. I appreciate your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 He’s not filing again because he doesn’t need to. he has everything he needs. His wife and you give him generous supplies of attention (even if he says she doesn’t - there’s reasons why he didn’t finalize it when he could). his actions show he’s not going to get the divorce done. accept it - or end it. Those are your choices. He’s a coward. A coward who uses two women. Just thought I’d mention that. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Love4TOW said: Hi Bailey, I had typed out an apology to you, and it looks like it was deleted. Please just know I was feeling defensive and ashamed. I’m just in a lot of pain. I appreciate your perspective. No, your point was well taken. I can be direct at times and I should have shown more sensitivity. I apologize if my words caused harm. I understand that some of the things that have been said are not necessarily what you probably wanted to hear when you posted. That’s hard. You’ve invested a lot in this relationship and it must be really heartbreaking that he hasn’t exactly done the same. I hope that you are able to find the strength to take a break if that’s what you decide is best - a little time and distance will hopefully clarify his intentions and help you to find your own path moving forward. Best wishes. Edited September 5, 2023 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 (edited) You can let him know hat you won’t see him again until his divorce is finalized! until then - you are simply sleeping with another woman’s husband. iF he intends to divorce - he will get it done. do NOT let him know you will wait around!!! this is you having self respect and an eye on your future - many many OW here start this way and end up in the same position 10-15 years down the road with the married man never making the move to actually divorce. Edited September 6, 2023 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 OP, I know we're being tough on you, but that's because we don't want you manipulated any more. Affair partner after affair partner comes on this board and reports a scenario o close to yours. Yours is further along in the divorce proceedings (before he turned around) than most. But the rest is consistent. The married guy talks such a good game to the affair partner and the affair partner believes him. This is one of those situations where being at a distance, we really can see the scenario for what it is. BTW: I just did some googling and one writer says the estimated numbers are only 1 to 10 percent of men actually leave their wives and marry the affair partner. I get that this has been really 3D life for you and that our judgments are simplifying things. On the other hand, the distant truth here apparently is only a small number of married men go on to marry their affair partners (which seems obvious from listening to stories on this board and in life). But if you were listen to those affair partners, each of them thinks there is a good 50-50 chance that their man might leave the wife for them. And each of them buys the guy's line that the wife is a one-dimensional, no good ogre. That's why we're tough here. We see that this situation overwhelmingly leads to disappointment on the part of the hopeful affair partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted September 6, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted September 6, 2023 Thread closed following feedback from OP Link to post Share on other sites
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