888lou Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 He was sexting a girl before we got engaged and also my nan died... I'd be stupid to forgive him right? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) 42 minutes ago, 888lou said: He was sexting a girl before we got engaged and also my nan died... I'd be stupid to forgive him right? No, because forgiveness is for you so you can move on without bitterness. Were you right to leave him and not get married? Definitely. Edited August 31, 2023 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 1 hour ago, 888lou said: He was sexting a girl before we got engaged. I'd be stupid to forgive him right? How long have you been dating? How long have you been engaged? How old is he? How did you find out about the sexting? Was this someone he was seeing in person or a sexchat worker? How is the rest of your relationship? Do you live together? Have there been other instances of sketchy behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 Have to understand im a very sexual person it took years for him to agree to a 3sum which we spoke about and did once. This is why im soo hurt emotionally...He said it was out of revenge, from what he had seen on my phone from guys messaging me and a certain guy who i turned down to be with guy who proposed. Till this day that guy messages me wanting me to choose him and i do feel guilty for that 2 yearsish of being physically unfaithful... I found out by her! If she had not of drunk texted me, all I can think is would I of ever known? It hurts i feel stupid. He says wants to change, deleted his social media and committed himself to counseling and quiet drinking... he's doing all the right things but can I really forgive and move on? 6 years is a long relationship and I was blissfully happy he treated me like a queen but that wasn't reality....and so I break up eventhough he claims to have never met her physically. I'm so 50/50 I feel like I love him or do I just love the idea of him? Basically it's a hot mess Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) 8 minutes ago, 888lou said: . Till this day that guy messages me wanting me to choose him and i do feel guilty for that 2 yearsish of being physically unfaithful... Thank you for clarifying. So you are the one cheating and still sexting the guy you cheated with? Is your BF threatening to end the relationship? If you have an open relationship and have sex with and talk to guys, why are you upset that he does the same? Edited August 31, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 You don't seem ready to be married to anyone, and your relationship with that guy is so convoluted it's impossible for me to keep the story straight. So move on and enjoy your exciting sexual adventures for now. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 I'm upset cause I haven't been sexting whilst planning a life with someone for the last year I've been 100% faithful Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 49 minutes ago, 888lou said: I'm upset cause I haven't been sexting whilst planning a life with someone for the last year I've been 100% faithful You're right this is a hot mess. You should go back to sexting and forget about planning a life with that guy. Neither of you seem ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 I get what your saying... but everything is in the open now it feels like a clean slate? I might try and give it one last chance ... I don't know why I can't let go Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 2 hours ago, 888lou said: Have to understand im a very sexual person it took years for him to agree to a 3sum which we spoke about and did once. This is why im soo hurt emotionally...He said it was out of revenge, from what he had seen on my phone from guys messaging me and a certain guy who i turned down to be with guy who proposed. Till this day that guy messages me wanting me to choose him and i do feel guilty for that 2 yearsish of being physically unfaithful... I found out by her! If she had not of drunk texted me, all I can think is would I of ever known? It hurts i feel stupid. He says wants to change, deleted his social media and committed himself to counseling and quiet drinking... he's doing all the right things but can I really forgive and move on? 6 years is a long relationship and I was blissfully happy he treated me like a queen but that wasn't reality....and so I break up eventhough he claims to have never met her physically. I'm so 50/50 I feel like I love him or do I just love the idea of him? Basically it's a hot mess I'm really confused. First up, it's completely inappropriate to pressure someone to agree to threesome...or any sexual act that they are uncomfortable with. Are you familiar with modern consent expectations? If you were cheating for two years, why are you mad at him for doing the same? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, 888lou said: I'm upset cause I haven't been sexting whilst planning a life with someone for the last year I've been 100% faithful You were pressuring the guy to have a "3sum" for years, and you were cheating yourself for "2 yearsish." . This is not the foundation for anything but a toxic drama fest. Unless that's what you are hoping for, I suggest you move on. Edited September 1, 2023 by NuevoYorko 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 12 hours ago, 888lou said: I'm upset cause I haven't been sexting whilst planning a life with someone for the last year I've been 100% faithful But you haven't. You have been texting other guys or one other guy. That's emotionally cheating. You knew it hurt him but never blocked that guy. You are just as bad, if not worse in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 Thankyou I needed to hear this honestly I Aplogies to anyone who feels offened by this post Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 21 minutes ago, 888lou said: Thankyou I needed to hear this honestly I Aplogies to anyone who feels offened by this post Nobody is offended hun and nobody means any offence. We offer our honest advice and opinions. I feel that you haven't once taken into consideration how you made him feel with your actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 I have thought about what I've done, that's why I feel this really could be a complete fresh start with full transparency on both parts Oh did I mention he offered to buy me a car Some would say that's narcissistic right? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 6 minutes ago, 888lou said: he offered to buy me a car Some would say that's narcissistic right? Please try not to Google faux diagnoses and cheap name-calling. It's not going to help your dilemma. If you two have an open relationship or engage in bilateral cheating, that's what you have. How is buying you a car related to any of this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 I hear what you saying.. only related if I let myself be bought 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 3 minutes ago, 888lou said: I hear what you saying.. only related if I let myself be bought If you feel so negatively toward him it's puzzling why you want to continue. Especially with the sordid history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 52 minutes ago, 888lou said: I have thought about what I've done, that's why I feel this really could be a complete fresh start with full transparency on both parts Oh did I mention he offered to buy me a car Some would say that's narcissistic right? No, not at all. Its a lovely gesture. Sounds like you are looking for things to counteract your actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888lou Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 I only feel negatively towards him because he should of confessed instead of being caught I would of forgive him and moved on a lot easier, but right now my heads saying move on and my hearts saying stay and work it out. I guess if I try....I could say I have no regrets in time even if it doesn't work out and I end up being single anyway Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Can I ask if you are still texting with that other guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 On 8/31/2023 at 3:32 PM, 888lou said: I get what your saying... but everything is in the open now it feels like a clean slate? I might try and give it one last chance ... I don't know why I can't let go Oh you can let go - that’s a decision and choice you make. you just haven’t done it yet. my suggestion is to stop dating anyone! Spend the next year in therapy to find out why you don’t want to be on your own - and how to be happy on your own!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 On 9/1/2023 at 10:57 AM, 888lou said: I have thought about what I've done, that's why I feel this really could be a complete fresh start with full transparency on both parts Oh did I mention he offered to buy me a car Some would say that's narcissistic right? Some would say it's narcissistic of you to be interested in him because he might buy you a car??? I'm not sure. What do you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 (edited) On 9/1/2023 at 12:57 PM, 888lou said: Oh did I mention he offered to buy me a car Some would say that's narcissistic right? Some would say that is a very poor decision on his part. Edited September 3, 2023 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 On 9/2/2023 at 5:23 AM, 888lou said: I only feel negatively towards him because he should of confessed instead of being caught You were physically unfaithful for two years and you're upset because he was sexting? Both of you were wrong, but if we're comparing, then your wrongdoing was far greater than his 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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