AnnieB Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 Very confusing situation this summer. In June met somebody at work (a customer), who asked me out and wined and dined me, expressed a wish to have a relationship. We had fun on the dates. We never had sex as he would initiate it and then seemingly run off. He said he was a tease. I dropped it. He was very generous on elaborate dates he planned and even invited my family to stay on his property, when they visited. All around a kind person. I helped him set up his new home and did a lot of work there to reciprocate his generosity. Then seemingly out of nowhere a couple weeks later he started pulling back, cancelled dates, etc. When I spoke to him, he had a lot going on, but he had time to organize a trip overseas with his best male friend. So obviously not that busy here. I confronted him and he said he wanted to be friends, I left. Then he would text me out of the blue that he missed me and wanted me to grab him. I stopped initiating any kind of contact and while on his trip he would reach out, even call from overseas and then literally stop responding mid conversation. Said he wanted to explore a relationship with me, but that I was pushing him. I have no idea what I did that was pushing him other than being kind to him. I have not initiated any contact and even during the dating I was reserved. He has expressed that he has trouble being vulnerable in relationships. I understand, but this is extreme, isn’t it? Should I hear him out, when he returns (if he actually texts me tomorrow, as he said he would be back then), since my last text on Saturday was left on read? Or is it time to black this flake? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 You have no idea who he went on that trip with. either way he’s emotionally unavailable. he contacts you to be his backup plan - is that what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 2 hours ago, AnnieB said: my last text on Saturday was left on read? See if he stays in touch. It doesn't seem like you were actually dating, just doing favors for each other. What would you like to see happening with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 28, 2023 Author Share Posted August 28, 2023 10 minutes ago, S2B said: You have no idea who he went on that trip with. either way he’s emotionally unavailable. he contacts you to be his backup plan - is that what you want? I do not want to be his backup plan, and I certainly don’t want to be with someone unavailable to me. Been there, done that and I don’t need to purposefully expose myself to another one. I think for the most part things he has revealed are true so I do believe he went there with his best friend. I guess I want what he cannot give which is consistency in communication, relationship, trust, companionship and sex. All the things that make him run for the hills (at least from me). Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 28, 2023 Author Share Posted August 28, 2023 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: See if he stays in touch. It doesn't seem like you were actually dating, just doing favors for each other. What would you like to see happening with him? We went on romantic dates and kissed, held hands, etc. So it was romantic and he called it dating. And I did, too. If he gets in touch, I would stay in touch. I asked him to be consistent, but I can tell interacting with me brings him a lot of anxiety. And it seems the more nice and open I am, the faster he runs away. Not sure what I’m asking honestly, as he hasn’t texted. I think I want to be in a place where I don’t buy his bs if he is really full of it. I guess I still don’t want to be made a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Sounds to me he just likes dating pretty women and not committing to anything. He seems happier that way. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 You can keep him around but don't expect much to come out of it. But do go on dates with other men. I think, that once you find a guy who is really into you and start dating him, this guy is going to become a distant memory. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Meh, I wouldn't be interested in this guy anymore. He's too inconsistent and seems like he's just out for casual fun. It won't be worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 30, 2023 Author Share Posted August 30, 2023 He had texted this morning, and the conversation is pretty dry. 😩 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 2 hours ago, AnnieB said: He had texted this morning, and the conversation is pretty dry. 😩 Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he doesn't seem that interested in continuing. Try stepping back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 30, 2023 Author Share Posted August 30, 2023 28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he doesn't seem that interested in continuing. Try stepping back. Thank you! Odd chit chat about WhatsApp being taken over by meta, etc. nothing juicy. I’ve pulled back, and I’m ready to fade 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) In the evening I sent him a new song I liked in and he called me and we had a conversation where he admitted to screwing it up and wanting to fix it and to meet and discuss. He also wanted to hook up and he said he would be available for me for hookup last night or any night if I’m able to compartmentalize it. I hesitated. I said I’m not able to compartmentalize it. He then proceeded to say good bye. Then called the second time and he said he would like to meet up. I said I was free on Friday, I have a day off, so let’s meet and talk. He said, great, let’s! This morning I get a text: GM So if you are still up for it I would love your help on Friday As in he wants my labor again, lol. I can’t make this up 😃 Edited August 31, 2023 by AnnieB Spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 The guy sound emotionally unavailable, only into hook ups and a bit unstable. You said you were pulliing back, why did you send him a song? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) 26 minutes ago, stillafool said: The guy sound emotionally unavailable, only into hook ups and a bit unstable. You said you were pulliing back, why did you send him a song? Because he texted me in the morning and I felt like sending him something nice. And of course I’m still hung up on him hence I’m posting here about him 😃 Edited August 31, 2023 by AnnieB Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 Honestly for me if I’m done I’m done with them. I think if I end it now it will be over and it will be just cutting him off and moving on which is probably what will happen anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 At least your sense of humor shines through! His behavior seems a bit scattered, directly asking you if you'd be interested in a casual relationship while keeping things separate (quite audacious, isn't he?). You're expending energy trying to decipher his motives now when it's evident that his deeds carry more weight than his words. Just stop engaging and let him figure it out himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 17 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: At least your sense of humor shines through! His behavior seems a bit scattered, directly asking you if you'd be interested in a casual relationship while keeping things separate (quite audacious, isn't he?). You're expending energy trying to decipher his motives now when it's evident that his deeds carry more weight than his words. Just stop engaging and let him figure it out himself. The audacity is palpable. I texted something about me being either a hookup or a day laborer and he is sending lots of question and exclamation points. I’m about to get dumped lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 4 minutes ago, AnnieB said: The audacity is palpable. I texted something about me being either a hookup or a day laborer and he is sending lots of question and exclamation points. I’m about to get dumped lol. There's nothing for him to dump. Stop making excuses for him. Reassess your feelings here, and your motivation for staying in contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: There's nothing for him to dump. Stop making excuses for him. Reassess your feelings here, and your motivation for staying in contact with him. At this point I don’t know what my motivation is. And I don’t know what my feelings are. That’s why I’m stuck and asking here. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 2 hours ago, AnnieB said: This morning I get a text: GM So if you are still up for it I would love your help on Friday. Tell him you're unavailable. Or tell him your fee. Either way it seems like a more business like situation where he did you some favors and you did him some favors. He was originally a customer? So explain that being his flunky is not part of the customer service. Unfortunately the wining and dining seems to have caused a lot of confusion as to the nature of what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Tell him you're unavailable. Or tell him your fee. Either way it seems like a more business like situation where he did you some favors and you did him some favors. He was originally a customer? So explain that being his flunky is not part of the customer service. Unfortunately the wining and dining seems to have caused a lot of confusion as to the nature of what's going on. He was a customer at a worldwide chain store that just about everyone is a customer of. One time for one project in June. Not for a prolonged client relationship that followed. I have my own business unrelated and those skills were used. The wining and dining was intentional and he expressed a desire for a relationship, there was some physical intimacy, but not full on sex. I have no idea what is going on now and I’m thankfully at the end of my rope with this situation and ready to close the door and move on from this, thank you for all your help! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 It’s good if you can be done with him! he isn’t willing to give you what you want. He’s emotionally unavailable! he expects you to have NO feelings when you provide him sex. This reduces you to a prostitute - I doubt that’s your goal with him! why did you agree to see him? He has nothing that matches with your needs. He continues to reduce the amount that he’s willing to give you. And now he wants MORE of your free services? get rid of this creep! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 21 minutes ago, S2B said: he isn’t willing to give you what you want. He’s emotionally unavailable! he expects you to have NO feelings when you provide him sex. This reduces you to a prostitute - I doubt that’s your goal with him! why did you agree to see him? He has nothing that matches with your needs. He continues to reduce the amount that he’s willing to give you. And now he wants MORE of your free services? I agree, but as you can see below, none of that matters because: 4 hours ago, AnnieB said: And of course I’m still hung up on him hence I’m posting here about him 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 On 8/28/2023 at 1:47 PM, AnnieB said: Should I hear him out, when he returns (if he actually texts me tomorrow, as he said he would be back then), Absolutely not. He has already shown you what his priorities are, and you are not one of them. There's no way I would have patience for this flaky, hot-and-cold behavior. You should have higher standards for yourself than this and walk away from this situation, as it's clearly going nowhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnieB Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 1 hour ago, S2B said: It’s good if you can be done with him! he isn’t willing to give you what you want. He’s emotionally unavailable! he expects you to have NO feelings when you provide him sex. This reduces you to a prostitute - I doubt that’s your goal with him! why did you agree to see him? He has nothing that matches with your needs. He continues to reduce the amount that he’s willing to give you. And now he wants MORE of your free services? get rid of this creep! Thank you! This helps a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
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