Why would someone be offended at your acceptance of their decision to call it?

[Alpacalia]

26 minutes ago, Alvi said:

 Maybe she thought that they could be just platonic friends. I mean, if they have stuff in common and like same things. Not that the OP should ever go down that friendship road if he is not comfortable or if he feels that she is going to string him along. Not every date ends up in a relationship but you can make a friend or two along the journey. 

Yeah, I initially mentioned it because it was said that you didn't feel any chemistry with her after the two of you had met. I didn't understand how her offer of friendship could be classified as breadcrumbing in that context. However, I can see how it could have been a way to string you along despite the lack of chemistry if she was still wishing for a relationship to occur.

From the sound of it, with her possessiveness and jealousy, it is much better that you called it a day.

Edited August 23, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Fox Sake]

9 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

@Fox Sake It seems like your picker is off. This isn’t the first time you’ve fallen for someone who might might have serious issues. If you believe she’s a woman that could get anyone as you mentioned, perhaps you’re putting too much emphasis on a woman’s physical attributes and creating a story in your head which allows you to ignore the red flags as you’re feeling the “high” of extreme attraction. Do you think this is a pattern?

Way off. That’s the second time since jan that I’ve met someone like this but I noticed it much earlier on last time. If her behaviour and interactions had been consistent , this would have been great. But I can literally pin point the moment I knew that something was off and it was red flag after red flag after that. Yet I continued to plough ahead regardless and feeling hurt in the process. I probably did to put too much emphasis on looks , but that’s the thing - it was the whole package or so it seemed. Then she changed completely. It wasn’t just looks cos that’s honestly not enough. That’s all it was in the end tho. I do have a pattern of dating attractive women. And very few of them I ever feel chemistry with so I don’t keep things going and am pretty straight up about it. 
My requirements to give someone a fair shot at a potential relationship are leaving me at a big disadvantage but I don’t want to settle. I would rather be happy alone than fake it. I think it’s important to have someone who compliments everything in me just as much as I do in them.  
 

8 hours ago, Alvi said:

 Maybe she thought that they could be just platonic friends. I mean, if they have stuff in common and like same things. Not that the OP should ever go down that friendship road if he is not comfortable or if he feels that she is going to string him along. Not every date ends up in a relationship but you can make a friend or two along the journey. 

That was as soon as we could meet!
With all the love bombing and telling me she had met her one , the person she deserves and the person that deserves her… she had me starting to think it was true…..which is insane 😅 I don’t think I can be friends with someone like that. I honestly feel like she wanted some sort of validation too. I can’t shake that feeling.  I’m friends with a few of my exes and people that it didn’t work with but made good friends,  100% platonically, but I couldn’t be so with her. It’s like my intuition is screaming at me to keep it that way.
 

8 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Yeah, I initially mentioned it because it was said that you didn't feel any chemistry with her after the two of you had met. I didn't understand how her offer of friendship could be classified as breadcrumbing in that context. However, I can see how it could have been a way to string you along despite the lack of chemistry if she was still wishing for a relationship to occur.

From the sound of it, with her possessiveness and jealousy, it is much better that you called it a day.

There was some,  but it was off and she was making it off by being and acting like someone totally different than she had been. It was like I was under review and constant test the whole weekend which was not the level of comfort she had shown before. I felt like she was breadcrumbing me after because she didn’t give me any vibes of a caring friendship when we were together. None. It felt like she was monologues in her own head the entire time. 
 

I’m glad she called it. I’m not glad it ended up a s*** show.  I would have ended up calling it myself tho because I wasn’t getting what I wanted anymore. I didn’t feel safe or comfortable anymore. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years - it’s to walk away if it’s not right. 
 

 

 

it’s helped a lot having the reflection. Thanks you beautiful bunch of people. 

[Alpacalia]

Right. I'm glad you're paying more attention to your instincts. I think it definitely would have served you better to walk away earlier on if it didn't feel right.

You mentioned a couple times that you felt she love-bombed you.

Sounds like a wild ride for you two. Talk for a month, one date, and you're both pecking each other in the face and squawking like chickens!😂

Sure, it can feel pleasant when people shower flowery comments or attention and a lot of times when the other person is doing it is is because they are either insecure or they are just really excited to be feeling those emotions and other times more nefarious reasons. It's best in that situation to just practice radical honesty and really check in with yourself on, "does this actually feel good for me?" and then if it doesn't, don't be afraid to set the boundary. If you're the type of person (not suggesting that you are) that is susceptible to certain declarations of affections from other people, that awareness is key!

Maybe her form of fawning became overwhelming and you felt like it was too much. If that is the case, then it wasn't the right approach for you. Either way, it sounds like it didn't feel like a two-way relationship with mutual understanding and support.

When we feel like people are trying to "test" us, it can really diminish our willingness to be vulnerable and open up. You've recognized that this connection didn't feel right, so it was wise of you to walk away. I think too to be immune to the over the top affections, we can't let our emotions get too swept up and take a step back to evaluate if it's really what we want and you have to stay grounded.