SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 (edited) I have a cousin who acts like an elementary mean girl. She asks me questions like, " you were the IT girl in school werent you".... shes in her 30s asking me such juvenile questions. She's been like this her whole life, just stuck up, rude. She looks at everyone as beneath her, and she has no problem making people feel like they are below her. We were together recently, she looked at my friends in disgust and said I looked better and pointed out that some of them looked fat.... like that was suppose to be cool with me. Some of our aunts and uncle's have A LOT of money.....this is where her high horse comes from. Her mom doesnt have money like that and her dad was never around, he didnt have money like that either. Every name brand, vacations, high-end anything, she got it from our aunts and uncle's. She actually belittles her mom too, for being friends with people from certain counties... she thinks "others" are a better look. Recently I heard her having a converation with someone and she was basically laughing in a condescending way saying " thats like slave work" because this persons dad cuts grass and paints for a living- I saw their face and mood just drop when she said that. I've heard her make comments like this towards others too before. Anyway, I couldn't hold it in and I told her to humble herself because she literally wipes butts for a living. With her logic, her job is like "slave" work. So how can she look down on people? Does she not realize our aunts and uncle's money has nothing to do with her and her accomplishments? Does anyone understand any of this? Why is she being like this? Why's she so mean? She doesn't like you if she feels like you don't have a respected job. oh another thing, if you don't have high end brand things, she will point it out to you and do that same condescending, conniving laugh. Another conversation is going to be had, how should I go about it? I'm not ignoring her. Advice please. Edited August 13 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 My aunts and uncle's don't even act like this!!! They will be friends and are friends with everybody!!! They don't judge like that. I don't know where she learnt this behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 Being a carer (nurse, support worker, daycare) is a noble profession, giving compassion and care to our most vulnerable. How dare you use this as an insult! I suggest you reflect on your own judgemental behaviour before you go criticising the behaviour of others Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 (edited) 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: Being a carer (nurse, support worker, daycare) are noble professions, looking after our most vulnerable. How dare you use this as an insult! I was giving her a taste of her own medicine and using her own logic. I'm not sorry about it no matter how it looks like. You missed the point, it's ok. I agree its noble work, but so is cutting grass, elders need their grass cut, handicapps ect. Edited August 13 by justaskingok 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 (edited) Anyone can cut grass. Only those who really care about people's welfare can provide quality personal care. At any rate, as soon as you lower yourself to the level of someone else, you become the pot calling the kettle black. Your behaviour was appalling Edited August 13 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 Point is, just because "anyone" can cut grass doesn't mean they are less valuable as a person, just because she's a caretaker doesn't automatically make her a better or good person, evidently. He's hustling anyway he can, providing for his family, thats a valueable person to his family, and in my eyes. She doesn't care about people's welfare, she hates her job. Hope that's more clear for you! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 (edited) Nah, your behaviour is as rude as hers. Truly, your many posts complaining about all your family sound like a stuck record, and frankly, I doubt that you're innocent in all of this. Either stay living at home and suck it up. Or move out so that you don't have to see them. Edited August 13 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 (edited) 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Nah, your behaviour is as rude as hers. Truly, your many posts complaining about all your family sound like a stuck record, and frankly, I doubt that you're innocent in all of this. Either stay living at home and suck it up. Or move out so that you don't have to see them. Thank you for the advice. I will reflect on it. Edited August 13 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 7 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I'm not ignoring her. Try to avoid her. Who is editing your posts? "Edited 5 hours ago by justaskingok" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Try to avoid her. Who is editing your posts? "Edited 5 hours ago by justaskingok" I am. I definitely want to talk to her about it. Edited August 13 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 I am editing my own posts. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 (edited) Stop caring so much about her behaviour. She will spout off to the wrong person and get her ass handed to her. And definitely don't lower yourself to her standards because it makes just as bad as her. Also, why have you changed your name on here? Edited August 13 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 11 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: Does anyone understand any of this? Why is she being like this? Why's she so mean? I'm not sure why you think we can psycho-analyze someone we have never met through your post....... you'll never know "why" she acts like this. There's no point of asking "why". When people are rude, all you can do is avoid them and not associate with them. I notice you post a lot of posts like this, over and over, with the common theme of having trouble getting along with various family members. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 (edited) 41 minutes ago, JTSW said: Stop caring so much about her behaviour. She will spout off to the wrong person and get her ass handed to her. And definitely don't lower yourself to her standards because it makes just as bad as her. Also, why have you changed your name on here? It's like watching a bully bullying someone. She degrads people to their faces, how do I not care? I think talking to her will help. It did with my grandma, I had to have a conversation about her telling people they gained weight or are fat. She doesn't talk like that around me anymore. Edited August 13 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 25 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I'm not sure why you think we can psycho-analyze someone we have never met through your post....... you'll never know "why" she acts like this. There's no point of asking "why". When people are rude, all you can do is avoid them and not associate with them. I notice you post a lot of posts like this, over and over, with the common theme of having trouble getting along with various family members. So you think it's a better idea to let her be instead of calling her out on her behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 (edited) Just let it go. She’s insecure. People who make comments like this that are degrading generally have an inferiority complex or feel threatened all the time. She knows her past. The thing to do here is lead by example. If she brings up “slave work” and so on about someone else, ask her how she’s doing and engage with her about her life. Redirect the conversation. Edited August 13 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 4 minutes ago, glows said: Just let it go. She’s insecure. People who make comments like this that are degrading generally have an inferiority complex or feel threatened all the time. She knows her past. The thing to do here is lead by example. If she brings up “slave work” and so on about someone else, ask her how she’s doing and engage with her about her life. Redirect the conversation. That's normally how I handle situations with her. Example, she and another one of my cousins who is an older man in his 40s, no wife, no kids- she was basically expressing her distain towards him not wanting to have kids and get married, really judgey, so I quickly asked her when she planned on settling down to lighten the mood. Her type of personality being sweet and kind with your delivery doesn't do anything. Maybe you're right about the insecurity thing, she's overweight and points out other people being overweight. Maybe it makes her feel better. Thank you !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 No problem. Easy does it. Also limit time spent with her if she continues on a rant. Excuse yourself. It will slowly click that that type of conversation is not welcome. She will eventually understand that in order to engage or converse there are better ways to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 37 minutes ago, glows said: No problem. Easy does it. Also limit time spent with her if she continues on a rant. Excuse yourself. It will slowly click that that type of conversation is not welcome. She will eventually understand that in order to engage or converse there are better ways to do so. So I guess you think talking to her about it is completely off the table? Thanks for being kind and helpful, always appreciate your insight. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 2 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: So you think it's a better idea to let her be instead of calling her out on her behaviour? You really think "calling her out" is going to change her? You actually think you can change another person? When someone acts in a way that you find unacceptable, the mature thing to do is to not engage with them, cut them out of your life. There are always going to be rude, disrespectful people in this world. You can't argue with all of them to make them "see" the error of their ways. That's not your job, and it won't work. Your job is to take care of YOU. Surround yourself with the people who you do like, and cut out people who bring you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: You really think "calling her out" is going to change her? You actually think you can change another person? When someone acts in a way that you find unacceptable, the mature thing to do is to not engage with them, cut them out of your life. There are always going to be rude, disrespectful people in this world. You can't argue with all of them to make them "see" the error of their ways. That's not your job, and it won't work. Your job is to take care of YOU. Surround yourself with the people who you do like, and cut out people who bring you down. In my experience..I've done this in school too. Yes, talking to them actually changes how they act- towards and around me, anyways. And the point isn't really "to change her". Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 17 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: Why is she being like this? Why's she so mean? Because underneath all of the two-bob snobbery is a person with very low self-esteem who uses the denigration of others as a means of elevating herself, (in her own mind). I have always loved the saying, "A monkey in silk is a monkey no less", perhaps you should mention it to her. She's trading off the financial success of relatives, imagining that the waft of wealth extends to herself. To me it doesn't matter what a person does for a living, it's often no reflection of their actual potential, many people end up in the job they do not because of their lack of ambition or ability, but because of the necessity for survival. Your cousin sounds immature, ignorant, shallow, and socially inept, so it's understandable that she annoys you. Maybe just straight out ask her why she thinks she's superior, ask her to list the personal qualities and characteristics she possesses which she thinks make her "better than". Sometimes a bit of good old-fashioned humiliation is enough to make a pretentious airhead think twice before opening their mouth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 29 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Because underneath all of the two-bob snobbery is a person with very low self-esteem who uses the denigration of others as a means of elevating herself, (in her own mind). I have always loved the saying, "A monkey in silk is a monkey no less", perhaps you should mention it to her. She's trading off the financial success of relatives, imagining that the waft of wealth extends to herself. To me it doesn't matter what a person does for a living, it's often no reflection of their actual potential, many people end up in the job they do not because of their lack of ambition or ability, but because of the necessity for survival. Your cousin sounds immature, ignorant, shallow, and socially inept, so it's understandable that she annoys you. Maybe just straight out ask her why she thinks she's superior, ask her to list the personal qualities and characteristics she possesses which she thinks make her "better than". Sometimes a bit of good old-fashioned humiliation is enough to make a pretentious airhead think twice before opening their mouth. Yes Jayne, exactly how i see it!!!! I dont know about humiliation but just hit her with truth- when she laughed at that persons dad for cutting grass, i wanted to say " well at least his dad hustles and takes care of his family, unlike your dad who ran away from his". Maybe it will put things in perspective and she will think before she talks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 (edited) 15 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I think talking to her will help. It won't. She's not your problem to fix. Let her dig her own grave. She will always be that way no matter what you say or do. Edited August 14 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlimShadysWife Posted September 5 Author Share Posted September 5 Spent the long weekend with her. She was on her best behaviour, didn't throw shade to anyone not once, and she was actually being sweet. Ahh I'm actually shocked she wanted to spend time with me considering what I said to her I thought for sure I got on her bad side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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