Rejection.

[SlimShadysWife]

Say you meet someone at a party/function...

It goes from good conversations, then it goes to straight laughter, fun and dancing. They leave their friend group to yours and everyone's having a good time. They are really fitting in.

At the end of the night, they ask for your number to keep in touch - but you brush off the question twice. Would they assume that's automatic rejection...?

 

 

Edited August 6, 2023 by justaskingok

[Weezy1973]

Yes. 

[glows]

What did the person say when brushing off? It’s possible there was never any romantic intentions at all/a misunderstanding.

[SlimShadysWife]

14 minutes ago, glows said:

What did the person say when brushing off? It’s possible there was never any romantic intentions at all/a misunderstanding.

I'm like "after after" the first time. And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged. Romantic intentions, I don't know those are big words for someone i just met. Flirting yes, attraction, yes.

I wasn't rejecting him, I didn't want to seem easy infront of everyone.  Maybe he assumed I was too tipsy and wasn't rejecting him. 

Edited August 6, 2023 by justaskingok

[ShyViolet]

10 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I'm like "after after" the first time. And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged. Romantic intentions, I don't know those are big words for someone i just met. Flirting yes, attraction, yes.

I wasn't rejecting him, I didn't want to seem easy infront of everyone.  Maybe he assumed I was too tipsy and wasn't rejecting him. 

I'm so confused just reading this.  I can only imagine how confused the guy must have been.  Were you interested in the guy or not?  If you wanted to keep in touch, then just give the guy your number.  Stop playing games.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

, they ask for your number to keep in touch - but you brush off the question twice. Would they assume that's automatic rejection.

You probably won't hear from him, but then again you didn't seem to want to anyway. 

[NuevoYorko]

Obviously.   Can you explain why you persistently post questions like this?   Clearly you understand that brushing off a person who is asking for your number IS rejection.   

While I'm at it, can you also explain why you even care?  A stranger, you flirted, you didn't want to give your number.  That is a very simple situation that happens probably 2,308,232 times per night in parties, clubs and bars.  It means nothing at all besides what's on the surface.

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, justaskingok said:

At the end of the night, they ask for your number to keep in touch - but you brush off the question twice. Would they assume that's automatic rejection...?

 

There's nothing to assume here.  It is a rejection plain and simple.

[SlimShadysWife]

4 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Obviously.   Can you explain why you persistently post questions like this?   Clearly you understand that brushing off a person who is asking for your number IS rejection.   

While I'm at it, can you also explain why you even care?  A stranger, you flirted, you didn't want to give your number.  That is a very simple situation that happens probably 2,308,232 times per night in parties, clubs and bars.  It means nothing at all besides what's on the surface.

 

Yeah but maybe he didn't take it as rejection because of my tone. Does my tone sound like rejection or playing hard to get? I care to know these things so I can remember next time.

[SlimShadysWife]

Just now, stillafool said:

There's nothing to assume here.  It is a rejection plain and simple.

Shoots.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, justaskingok said:

. Does my tone sound like rejection or playing hard to get?  

Either way, he probably moved on because you didn't give him your contact info. Playing coy and hard to get usually backfires like this.

Be confident and sincere in your interactions with men to avoid good-for-nothing types. Games only attract losers.

If you don't want to interact, be polite and say "sorry, I'm not interested" or if interested provide your contact info and say "nice meeting you, look forward to hearing from you". It's really that simple. It's about confidence and classiness.

[glows]

7 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I'm like "after after" the first time. And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged. Romantic intentions, I don't know those are big words for someone i just met. Flirting yes, attraction, yes.

I wasn't rejecting him, I didn't want to seem easy infront of everyone.  Maybe he assumed I was too tipsy and wasn't rejecting him. 

I read it backwards at first, sorry. I see what you mean. Unfortunately it does appear as a rejection on your part. Maybe next time consider sharing socials instead. I hear people tend to do that more often than readily sharing phone numbers. This is if you felt uncomfortable doing so or a bit jarred by his question.

It makes me wonder how he asked as well whether it was discreetly out of earshot or whether it felt like it was he who was playing games and maybe a little inebriated/drunk from the festivities. 

The glaring point is that if he did want to stay in contact he might have shared HIS number with you readily instead of unsuccessfully procuring yours a second time after the first time didn’t work. It also leaves you, the recipient of such an interaction, in a position to reach out and show an interest if he had given you his number and free to discard it/not hear from you if you aren’t interested. This gives you the option to respond or not respond. I guess he wasn’t thinking about that.

[Alpacalia]

If you were having a great time with at a party or function and he asked for your number to keep in touch, and you brush off the question twice, it could potentially be interpreted as a sign of disinterest or hesitation.

Of course there are various reasons for your response (maybe you're not comfortable giving out your number right away, or you're uncertain about maintaining contact), but it's a soft rejection. If he or she persists in asking for your number, it's your choice whether to give it out or not. Don't worry about being impolite; you're allowed to set boundaries and it's perfectly fine to politely decline.

Curious that you are thinking about it after the fact though.😉

Edited August 6, 2023 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

If I understand correctly, you got to the end of the night and he left without your number because you wouldn't give it to him.   And so that's the end of that.

I don't get why you're asking the question....which bit is confusing to you?

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, justaskingok said:

 

Does my tone sound like rejection or playing hard to get? I care to know these things so I can remember next time.

If you "play hard to get" then you are going to push away a lot of guys who could have been potential dating partners.  Because a lot of people have no patience for these games and will just forget about you and move on.

Try just being honest with people.  If you're interested then show it.

[MsJayne]

4 hours ago, justaskingok said:

Yeah but maybe he didn't take it as rejection because of my tone. Does my tone sound like rejection or playing hard to get?

Were you rejecting him or were you playing hard to get? Because if you were playing hard to get my advice would be, don't, because people who play hard to get have delusions about their desirability and, inevitably, aren't worth getting because they're immature and shallow, (and often hard to get....rid of). Think of it this way, do you like people playing juvenile mind games with you? No? Then why do it to other people? And in what world is giving someone your number "being easy"?  You're giving him your number, not inviting him to join you in the broom closet for a quick first-meeting shag. 

[MsJayne]

10 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged.

This warrants a second response from me.......if someone "just laughed and shrugged" when I asked them for their number I would assume they had mental health problems. 

[basil67]

10 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged.

Have you got any idea how rude your response of laughing at his request was?  It's the kind of behaviour I'd expect from a girl who is stuck up

[Alvi]

I am confused. Why didn't you give your number if you liked him?

There are some people who don't "no" for the answer and are going to pursue you (stalkers, orbiters and such). But the good majority of people are going to move on to the next person. Especially in the 21st century. Men don't chase that much anymore and women, who are playing too hard to get, are usually end up losing.

10 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And then as we were leaving he asked again (so loudly)and I just laughed and shrugged.

Oh, wow. This is as brutal as it gets. And you say that you actually liked him? It seems like (to him) you rejected him in front of everybody. He is not going to come back unless he is glutton for a punishment. I hate to say this, but I hope he doesn't come back for his own well-being.

[NuevoYorko]

5 hours ago, justaskingok said:

 

Yeah but maybe he didn't take it as rejection because of my tone. Does my tone sound like rejection or playing hard to get? I care to know these things so I can remember next time.

It doesn't matter.   I don't know how old you are.  I believe you said early 20s but I have my doubts.  In any case, no guy or man with any type of self esteem is going to be interested in a girl / woman who plays such obvious and silly games.  Whether you were outright rejecting, or "playing" a truly lame game, it's all the same.  They won't be interested in you.  

[Alpacalia]

I suspect this is part of your personality based on things you've shared on here.

It's part a way to verify people out there are serious and are going to be reliable. I think you would benefit from reaching out to a licensed professional to talk through your issues, and learn more intentional ways to form connections and interact with people.

Ultimately, it will be up to them to interpret your rejections. Some people may take it as a clear sign of not wanting any further contact, while others may think you are just playing hard to get and will continue to try to contact you. The thing is, you're going to attract the wrong kind of people if you keep rejecting them in this way.

Men that pursue despite it may not have your best interests at heart. You can try to explaining that, being highly avoidant, it's really important for you to read the vibes before giving out your number and that you need time to get to know someone first in order to feel comfortable. That might be a more gently way to explain why you brushed off the question. 

Laughing after he asked for your number is odd and could be taken as an indication you were just playing hard to get and he may continue to try and contact you. Again, that might not be the kind of person you're looking for. You have this thing where you want to punish men by rejecting them but also sending mixed signals. Or that's what it looks like. It's like you're doing the "pursuit," the tease, then when they close the deal, you back away. Don't confuse people like that. It's not going to attract people that will be good for you regardless of your avoidant personality.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I could've dated really good guys, but got stuck with the ...good for nothing ones

Perhaps rethink your way of socializing. This could have been "one of the good guys", but because of games you'll keep getting stuck with the good-for-nothing types. 

Be polite and kind to people. Confident women who don't need games are the ones attracting the "good guys".

[Bue-aidez]

14 hours ago, justaskingok said:

Say you meet someone at a party/function...

It goes from good conversations, then it goes to straight laughter, fun and dancing. They leave their friend group to yours and everyone's having a good time. They are really fitting in.

At the end of the night, they ask for your number to keep in touch - but you brush off the question twice. Would they assume that's automatic rejection...?

 

 

They are highly likely to assume so

[SlimShadysWife]

 sobbing !!!

I just got back from seeing him.

My friend gave him my number..turns out they exchanged socials and he asked my friend for my number. He texted me, i called him and we made plans right away, and he drove down. He's alot of fun...

[SlimShadysWife]

3 hours ago, Alvi said:

I am confused. Why didn't you give your number if you liked him?

There are some people who don't "no" for the answer and are going to pursue you (stalkers, orbiters and such). But the good majority of people are going to move on to the next person. Especially in the 21st century. Men don't chase that much anymore and women, who are playing too hard to get, are usually end up losing.

Oh, wow. This is as brutal as it gets. And you say that you actually liked him? It seems like (to him) you rejected him in front of everybody. He is not going to come back unless he is glutton for a punishment. I hate to say this, but I hope he doesn't come back for his own well-being.

He already asked me, when we met up.. why I cant be upfront with him.that's brutal. So I have to stop from now.

Edited August 7, 2023 by justaskingok