Am I overreacting

[Garden of 420]

In early June, an unfortunate incident occurred when my car's front end was backed into while I was at work. Although the person responsible did leave their information, it turned out to be completely incorrect. Determined to find the truth, I decided to approach the store where I had parked in front of and inquire if anyone had witnessed the incident. To my great fortune, a kind individual who had just returned a pot set happened to have valuable information about the culprit. Grateful for their assistance, I collected the necessary details.

 

Since that fateful day, I found myself driving my fiancé's car instead of mine. The damage to my car was concentrated on the passenger quarter panel, right above the tire. As a result, various sensors in my dashboard were constantly lit, and the steering wheel exhibited an unsettling wobbliness whenever I drove. Moreover, whenever I applied the brakes, the car would veer either to the right or left. Feeling apprehensive and concerned for my safety, I made the decision to temporarily utilize my fiancé's car until I could resolve the insurance matters surrounding my own vehicle.

 

Unfortunately, the string of misfortune continued to plague us. Less than a week following my car incident, a devastating event unfolded as my fiancé's car unexpectedly caught fire while I was driving it. The cause of this terrifying ordeal was traced back to a factory defect, leaving us shocked and dismayed.

 

In order to adapt to the circumstances, we decided to acquire a rental car. I continued to drive the rental while my fiancé used my car for his daily commute. Eventually, I received the insurance settlement for the damages to my car. On the same day, my fiancé received his insurance settlement for the fire incident. Unfortunately, the amount offered by the insurance company was insufficient to purchase another car outright, as his previous vehicle had been completely paid off.

 

To overcome this challenge, I decided to utilize the money I received from my insurance settlement to contribute towards the down payment for his new car. By combining the funds, he was able to secure another vehicle, although we did need to finance a portion of it. As a result, I agreed to contribute towards his monthly car payments, as I had some extra money after covering my own expenses. I was comfortable with this arrangement, as it seemed fair given the circumstances.

 

Since we had to return the rental car after my fiancé obtained his new vehicle, I assumed that I would continue driving the new car until my own car was repaired. This arrangement mirrored our previous situation before the fire incident occurred, and I believed it to be the logical course of action.

 

To my surprise, the first week of my fiancé having his new car didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. I had a few days off, so I didn't need to use a car during that time. However, when I returned to work and asked for his keys so I could commute, he would toss them on the table with an attitude, remarking that I would never get to drive my own car again. Although his behavior caught me off guard, I chose to brush it off and carry on with my day.

 

For the next three days, I continued driving his car since it had more advanced technology compared to mine. During one drive, I noticed that his car seemed to automatically apply the brakes at times. Curious, I asked him if it had an automatic braking feature. Instead of responding calmly, he lashed out, accusing me of always finding problems when I drove his car. He declared that he would take his car back and drive it himself, insisting that I revert to using my own vehicle. In response, I remained silent.

 

That evening, I returned home and politely handed him his keys. Since then, our interactions have been limited to simple greetings and farewells. I find myself questioning if I am being unreasonable or unfair in this situation.

 

In light of the current circumstances, it is crucial for both of us to prioritize open and honest communication. This will allow us to gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and work towards finding a resolution that respects both of our needs.

 

Considering the numerous incidents I've experienced while driving, it's natural for me to be concerned about my own safety. These experiences have left me feeling anxious and have made me hyper-aware of any potential issues that may arise while on the road. For instance, I refrain from playing the radio in my car so that I can hear any unusual sounds or detect any emergencies promptly. Given the unfortunate events I've faced in recent months, it's understandable that I would be extra cautious.

[basil67]

 

25 minutes ago, Garden of 420 said:

On the same day, my fiancé received his insurance settlement for the fire incident. Unfortunately, the amount offered by the insurance company was insufficient to purchase another car outright, as his previous vehicle had been completely paid off.

 

To overcome this challenge, I decided to utilize the money I received from my insurance settlement to contribute towards the down payment for his new car. By combining the funds, he was able to secure another vehicle, although we did need to finance a portion of it. As a result, I agreed to contribute towards his monthly car payments, as I had some extra money after covering my own expenses. I was comfortable with this arrangement, as it seemed fair given the circumstances.

 

Since we had to return the rental car after my fiancé obtained his new vehicle, I assumed that I would continue driving the new car until my own car was repaired. This arrangement mirrored our previous situation before the fire incident occurred, and I believed it to be the logical course of action.

Oh dear.  Some very bad decision making, lack of communication and assumptions on your part have happened here.   

I don't understand why you thought that you'd be driving his new car.  His car was a totaled, so he needs a new car for himself.  If he couldn't afford it without your assistance, then he should have bought something cheaper. 

Your car wasn't totaled, so yours should get repaired and you go back to driving it.  Its a no-brainer.  If your car no longer suits your needs, you should sell it after getting the repairs done and use your own money to get a newer one.

I also can't understand why you handed over your insurance settlement when your own car needed fixing....especially without confirming that you'd be driving the new car.   Further, unless new car is in both your names, why would you offer help him pay off his loan?

 

 

Edited August 1, 2023 by basil67

[basil67]

Anyway, at this point, the best thing you can do is go back and say that the decisions you made were based on incorrect assumptions on you would like for the two to work together to unravel this. 

Has your car been fixed now?

Edited August 2, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

 Sorry you've had this run of bad luck. Was your accident reported as a hit-and-run?  Have you consulted and attorney about that? Are you living together, sharing other finances? Do you have separate auto insurance? Sounds like finances are tight and perhaps reviewing car insurance plans and coverage as well as financing options to come up with less stressful solutions could help. In the meantime drive your own vehicles and figure out how to get your vehicle safer. If you lent him money for financing his car, ask to be reimbursed so you can get your car safer. 

[Ageless Wisdom23]

From reading This, I am not sure why you didn't fix the car you had.  Instead, You handed over the insurance money to help get Him a new car and to help in the monthly payments.  Big mistake.  Now he is this bitter pill in letting you drive the car he feels his OWN and doesn't like the idea of you getting behind the wheel and would rather you drive the car you never fixed with the Money that was Designated by the insurance To-----Fix.  I would not call him a partner but a user.  And ungrateful.  At this point in Time, I d not know which is worse.  A fragile car or a toxic relationship.😒

Edited August 2, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[Garden of 420]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

 

Oh dear.  Some very bad decision making, lack of communication and assumptions on your part have happened here.   

I don't understand why you thought that you'd be driving his new car.  His car was a totaled, so he needs a new car for himself.  If he couldn't afford it without your assistance, then he should have bought something cheaper. 

Your car wasn't totaled, so yours should get repaired and you go back to driving it.  Its a no-brainer.  If your car no longer suits your needs, you should sell it after getting the repairs done and use your own money to get a newer one.

I also can't understand why you handed over your insurance settlement when your own car needed fixing....especially without confirming that you'd be driving the new car.   Further, unless new car is in both your names, why would you offer help him pay off his loan?

 

 

I was driving his previous one before it was toted and he was driving mines and yes my name is also on the new vehicle also, we do live together and have been living together for the past three years we’ve been together for the last four years and all our finances I shared

Edited August 2, 2023 by Garden of 420

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Garden of 420 said:

I was driving his previous one before it was toted and he was driving mines and yes my name is also on the new vehicle also, we do live together and have been living together for the past three years we’ve been together for the last four years and all our finances I shared

Yes, I understand you were driving his car before it was totaled, but this shouldn't mean that you would expect keep driving that car after yours was fixed.  I really don't follow your train of thought.

As you share all finances, I guess it really doesn't matter who contributes to what.  But if you want a newer car, talk to him about how the two of you can get you an upgrade. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Take a stand here. Some of your sentences say you helped him buy the car. Other times you say we had to finance the car.

Cut out all this modest, overly nice, hang-in-background, help but don't take credit for help foolishness. It's getting you nowhere. The way I'm reading this: this is your car as well as his. I don't know much you contributed compared to him, but given your modesty, I'm going to say you're paying at least half for the car. You gave your insurance payout to him. 

You might even be paying more than half for the new car. In which case, it's absurd to walk around acting like it's HIS car. It's not. It's your car.

But even if you are paying a third of the new car--that's still YOUR car and his--and if you're a couple it's YOUR car as much as his! Quit acting like it's his car. It's at least in part your car. And I wouldn't be surprised if it's more your car than his based on who is paying the most. 

 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[Will am I]

Get your car fixed. What I read is one or two broken parking sensors (causing the warning lights on your dash) and a wheel that needs to be aligned (causing the wobbly drive).

As annoying as they may be, technically these are minor damages. The rest (probably representing 80% of the repair bill) is cosmetic: plate work and paint work.

 

 

[JTSW]

I don't think his behaviour is 100% to do with the car.

Something else is eating him.

He is the one you need to talk to about it.

Ask him what his problem is and why he has become a little aggressive toward you.

[glows]

I have been in a couple of minor car accidents (rearended by others) and it can be jarring getting back on the road - empathizing with you here as these incidents were out of your hands. 

Most cars now do have automatic braking systems and it’s pretty clear on the dashboard when it lights up as it brakes. They should say in giant red letters BRAKE and you’ll see it as the driver. You have to be following very close for it to react but don’t blame you either as it can activate even when the car ahead is making a slow turn. The car might not anticipate your lightning quick reflexes. Since it’s 99.99999% the case where you do know it’s an automatic braking system(the car literally tells you that) why ask your bf about it? Next time just comment about things you like or make a mental note about anything you wish to adjust but discuss it with him as he also drives the car. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Your name is on the car. So take a stand and don't put up with his nonsense. It's your car as much as his.

This is a relationship issue, not a car issue. 

 

 

[S2B]

I don’t think it’s the car situation that is the issue. Your relationship is the issue - and communication needs serious work. 

the issue is the union… you may want to reconsider why you would marry anyone who treats you with disrespect.

and stop combining money and cars/any assets. He’s not a giver and keeps score - so don’t think if you marry him it’s an equal partnership. He’s in it for himself - not your benefit.

like I said - reconsider marrying him. Why haven’t you two married over the past 4 years? What has been in the way?

Edited August 2, 2023 by S2B

[mark clemson]

19 hours ago, Garden of 420 said:

Considering the numerous incidents I've experienced while driving, it's natural for me to be concerned about my own safety. These experiences have left me feeling anxious and have made me hyper-aware of any potential issues that may arise while on the road. For instance, I refrain from playing the radio in my car so that I can hear any unusual sounds or detect any emergencies promptly. Given the unfortunate events I've faced in recent months, it's understandable that I would be extra cautious.

Quote

Garden of 420

While I have nothing against taking precautions, you may want to ease up on the 420 as well, as I'd guess some of this might be intensified if you are a habitual user.

[MsJayne]

I'm not sure if I have this right, I'm wondering why you expect him to continue driving your damaged vehicle. Why hasn't your car been repaired? If the reason is money, why didn't you use the insurance money for the repairs? From his point of view it may seem like you offering your insurance money towards a new car for him was your way of upgrading to a new car for you while leaving him stuck driving the damaged one. My advice would be to get your car fixed asap, and let him have sole use of the new one, get your name removed from the car loan immediately, and ask him to repay the amount you contributed to the down payment.