Doneforit Posted July 31, 2023 Posted July 31, 2023 Hey guys, I really am in a dilemma right now and need some guidance from people outside my situation. My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and we had been dating for two years. Our relationship was pretty much every major first for us. We were best friends then decided to date and figure everything out along the way. We’ve both helped each other through a lot of rough spots, and we both learned how to comfort and be there for each other as well. Since we’ve been broken up I’ve been told a lot of things by friends and family. However, most of the things that I’ve been told have been along the lines of “you don’t marry your first girlfriend, move on.” My parents and her parents were super close, and I was super close to her parents as well. However, my parents keep telling me “to move on and see what else is out there.” It’s been nearly a month now, and we started this whole thing not because we lost love for each other, but because our relationship had gotten too comfortable, which was mostly on me. I got lazy with a lot of things towards the end, but still had heavy feelings for her. We fought a lot in our relationship, but most of it was just stupid stuff and I think it was mostly because she was tired of me not doing stuff and I was just being lazy. Back to the point, it’s been a month now and I’ve been trying my hardest to move on. She broke things off with me, but she recently reached out to me (weekish) and wanted to catch up. She told me she didn’t care about what I hadn’t done, and just wanted me to be ok. I’ve had moving on thoughts, but mostly wanting to rekindle things thoughts. I miss her being there for me, and I miss having her in my life. I’ve quit a lot of nasty habits since we broke up, and really have started to work on myself not even for her but for me to feel better about myself. I want to do everything for her now, I want to take her on these nice dates and be with her again. She really was my best friend, and we didn’t start having issues until I slowly gave up (which was due to me having a lot of bad habits which I’ve now been a month clean off) I wouldn’t be killing myself like this if I didn’t think she would take me back, and a lot of me feels like if I don’t give this relationship a real shot and try to fix everything then I’m going to regret it later on down the road. Does our relationship sound like it’s worth giving it a shot? Or are these intense feelings just because it’s my first love and I don’t know how to deal with heartbreak.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2023 Posted July 31, 2023 55 minutes ago, Doneforit said: we didn’t start having issues until I slowly gave up (which was due to me having a lot of bad habits which I’ve now been a month clean off) Before I lend my thoughts, can you clarify what these bad habits were, exactly?
mark clemson Posted August 1, 2023 Posted August 1, 2023 It doesn't really matter if others feel it's worth another shot (and particularly internet strangers, although they can sometimes be helpful). Since YOU clearly feel it's worth another shot, IMO you might as well go ahead and try. Hopefully she is on the same page, if not, then she says no and you've lost nothing (given that you're already broken up). So I'd say go for it...
Wiseman2 Posted August 1, 2023 Posted August 1, 2023 10 hours ago, Doneforit said: I miss her being there for me. we didn’t start having issues until I slowly gave up which was due to me having a lot of bad habits which I’ve now been a month clean off. Please focus on your self improvement. A month is not enough. She did you a favor by not enabling you any further. It seems like a wakeup call for taking better care of yourself. 1
MsJayne Posted August 1, 2023 Posted August 1, 2023 It sounds like she cares about your well-being and would like to remain friends, but that's probably all given the way you've taken her for granted. I'd just focus on getting my act together. If you're meant to be with her you will be at some stage in the future, but probably not now.
glows Posted August 1, 2023 Posted August 1, 2023 Was it weed. It’s probably better you give it more time and sort yourself out, stay off these habits and let the dust settle from the break up. Where are you getting the stuff anyway and stay away from the wrong crowds. It’s important you understand what got you started on whatever these habits were and avoid those triggers. I suspect you’re still in the throes and in pain/going through withdrawal from missing her and the break up. It’s only been a month. Your parents are likely looking out for you and feel bad about the break up. Try not to take it too hard about what they’re saying about first loves. Some do work out and many do not. Also keep in mind staying in touch with an ex is not a great idea. You both need to give each other a break and stop chatting or checking up on one another. Not to sound harsh but it’s not actually any of her business whether you’re ok or not. She needs to butt out and let you heal.
BreakOnThrough Posted August 1, 2023 Posted August 1, 2023 Keep working on yourself, things will fall into place that are meant to be. Change for YOURSELF, not for anyone else.
Recommended Posts