She doesn't feel the connection.

[Black Cement]

I just realized that the dates I've failed with, I was drunk. I'm not used to drinking and I'm the type that gets sleepy/disoriented. Last week I told my date that, and she was laughing at me. 

Anyways, I'm going out with an online friend of mine next week. Not an official date, but we met on a dating site a few years ago and I'll see where things will go. Definitely won't be drinking. 

[JTSW]

So you get drunk on a date?

Yeah, I can see how that would be off-putting to women on a first date.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Black Cement said:

I just realized that the dates I've failed with, I was drunk

🤦

Umhm.

That might have something to do with not feeling the connection on her end.

Were you tipsy or poopfaced? 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Black Cement said:

, I'm going out with an online friend of mine next week. Not an official date, but we met on a dating site a few years ago and I'll see where things will go. Definitely won't be drinking. 

It's great you recognize this. That's the first step. Getting drunk is never a good look or sign of confidence.  A lot of people probably get the "no chemistry", "not a match" line after that and don't even know why.

Enjoy the date. Be yourself.

Edited July 28 by Wiseman2

[Black Cement]

Well we were both drinking, I had only one large beer and that's enough to get me drunk. My ex would get upset with me when we went to bars because I wasn't fun, just sleepy and wanted to go home after drinking. 

 

[Alpacalia]

So, you were a bit of a dud on your date.

One time I went on a first date (disclaimer, I was young and dumb) and I got sick on White Russians. I told the man that I was going to the bathroom and would be right back and I ended up on the bathroom floor for the entire night. 

I called him the next day to apologize, he said that he thought I left. I felt really bad and that I ruined our evening. I think I was really nervous for the first date and felt like I needed to drink in order to calm myself down.

Maybe from now on avoid venues with drinking since you know it makes you sleepy.

[spiderowl]

On 7/18/2023 at 12:12 AM, Black Cement said:

I should let you know that she's very religious and goes to church every Sunday, I don't. I'm into sports and a Democrat. She's not. Maybe these are red flags to her. She kept on bringing up my Ex's and how long I've been single. Maybe I should just let this go, she seems very picky & judgmental.

Next time would a small coffee date be more practical?? 

A small coffee date sounds very practical.  You can be a gentleman and be kind to her without paying for a meal when you don't know how either of you are going to feel.

I don't think the lack of connection is any reflection on you.  Chemistry and compatibility are almost impossible to pin down.  It does sound as if you were on the opposite sides politically and if she has a religious belief and you don't, that can make all the difference.  Again, no-one's fault.  It is well worth chatting online or by text beforehand for a little while to determine these kinds of things beforehand.  How much did they matter to her?  

Instead of viewing dating as 'does she like me or not', look at it as if you are both particles who have come together - will you stick or not?  This happens with chemical and biological reactions and we have no idea why some particles stick together and merge and some don't.  They can look identical too.  Do not attach blame, just go with the flow and see what works out and what doesn't, until that deeper, unconscious, chemical reaction works.

[flow28]

She's just not interested. The reasons could be many - she doesn't find you physically attractive/she met someone else/she has unresolved issues with an ex/she actually has a boyfriend/she doesn't think you're compatible for whatever reason, including you being drunk. This could go on and on. The reasons really don't matter, just move on and don't take it personally. Remember, it may not have anything to do with you.