Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) This woman's daughter is getting married into my family..yay, unfortunately I can't get away with bumping into her from time to time. And everytime, she's telling me to date her son. Her son has a long term girlfriend already. She is disrespectful. And she makes things so awkward by telling us to date eachother infront of eachother. I keep being polite about it. I tell her im not interested at all, and remind her that hes in a relationship- she says "so what". Sometimes being nice and polite doesn't get someone off you. My patience with her is on low and I don't want to come off nasty to her because she's someone I have to respect for family sake. How do I be stern, and serious but respectful at the same time. Edited July 12, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 Reason I'd never date him if he ever was single. "I'm not attracted to your son, he's not my type". Insulting? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 27 minutes ago, justaskingok said: . She is disrespectful. And she makes things so awkward by telling us to date eachother infront of eachother. What does he say about it? It's his mother, let him deal with it. You really don't need to say anything if she's just using you to stick it to her son that she doesn't like his GF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 Just now, Wiseman2 said: What does he say about it? It's his mother, let him deal with it. You really don't need to say anything if she's just using you to stick it to her son that she doesn't like his GF. She's been trying to have us date even before this girl came along. She's aggy as hell now. He just always looks dumbfounded and shook- doesnt say anything or says he doesn't want to get married....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 I'm afraid I won't be able to be polite one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 9 minutes ago, justaskingok said: .He just always looks dumbfounded and shook- doesnt say anything or says he doesn't want to get married....? Ok, just let him handle it then. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) 37 minutes ago, justaskingok said: Reason I'd never date him if he ever was single. "I'm not attracted to your son, he's not my type". Insulting? It's a horrible thing to say. And a completely unnecessary slight on a guy who's not doing anything wrong. The issue is with the mother, so keep any sharp words directed to and about her behaviour without referencing her son. Edited July 12, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 Doesn't seem like it's working if he is trying to handle it. I think I have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) should I care about coming off as rude when she's the one who's out of line and obnoxious about it all. Edited July 12, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 3 minutes ago, justaskingok said: should I care about coming off as rude when she's the one who's out of line and obnoxious about it all. It depends on who you're being rude about. Your proposed comment about her son will only hurt her son. You need to keep your words directed about the behaviour of his mother. Imagine how it would feel if it was your mother pressuring him to date you, and instead of putting your mother in her place, he angrily responded that you're not his type. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) " stop asking" "Stop telling me to get with your son, it's never going to happen" That's all I need to say but whew it sounds bluntly rude. Edited July 12, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 15 minutes ago, justaskingok said: " stop asking" "Stop telling me to get with your son, it's never going to happen" That's all I need to say but whew it sounds bluntly rude. It sounds rude because it is rude. And its rude because you're mentioning her son. Far better to say something along the lines of "my dating life is none of your business". Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) Or "I really don't like you staying this stuff...and it's only serving to make you son and me really uncomfortable" Or "This is a conversation I'm never going to have with you" Or "You keep saying this to me. My dating life is none of your business and I'm starting getting really annoyed with you doing this. I need you to stop it" Edited July 12, 2023 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 (edited) Now's a good time for you to disassociate. A mother trying to get her son to cheat on his girlfriend with you is so inappropriate and creepy. Edited July 12, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Now's a good time for you to disassociate. A mother trying to get her son to cheat on his girlfriend with you is so inappropriate and creepy. I try to hint to her that she's being inappropriate by reminding her that her son has a girlfriend but it seems like I have to be more direct. She doesn't care, I think she's one of those people you have to shake them up a little bit with your words. Isn't it disrespectful to her son? What's not computing? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 She may also be one of those people who won't be put in her place no matter what you say. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with one of those types in my family 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Perhaps you could respond with, "It appears you meddle in your son's life, why would I want to potentially end up with a mother-in-law who does that?" I'd deliver it with a big smile to really mess with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 1 minute ago, MsJayne said: Perhaps you could respond with, "It appears you meddle in your son's life, why would I want to potentially end up with a mother-in-law who does that?" I'd deliver it with a big smile to really mess with her. This is so good. Screenshotting this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 You do not have to be polite to people who are disrespectful to you. Sometimes you have to be a little rude to assert yourself and put a stop to inappropriate situations. I would say something very blunt to her, like "I already told you I'm not interested. I do not appreciate you asking me this over and over. Please do NOT ask me this again." And if she continues then you respond the same way you would respond to anyone who is being blatantly disrespectful to you, you do not give them your time or energy and you just walk away. Why is she someone you "have to respect"? Stop putting so much emphasis on family pressures. You are in control of your own life and you are under no obligation to let people walk all over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, justaskingok said: I try to hint to her that she's being inappropriate by reminding her that her son has a girlfriend but it seems like I have to be more direct. She doesn't care, I think she's one of those people you have to shake them up a little bit with your words. Isn't it disrespectful to her son? What's not computing? I was at a pool bar a couple of weekends ago and this man was on the phone with his girlfriend arguing and he got off the phone. I turned my back to him as his behavior suggested that he wasn't fully coherent. He said "excuse me miss" to me and then proceeded to ramble on about his relationship woes. He was being a bit aggressive with it. I said, "sorry to hear that, hope it works out" and excused myself and walked off. She's not grasping the situation which is problematic. It's unproductive to attempt to convince someone who is unwilling to understand. Engaging further with someone who is not receptive to reason could be seen as futile, don't you think? Keep your interactions as short as possible. I would just say to her to stop being such a nuisance and to leave you alone. If she keeps hammering on, excuse yourself and walk off. Some people are incredibly persistent. Hopefully you won't have to see her much. Edited July 13, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 No, it's is not your place to tell her off. Her son is the one that needs to shut her down. Not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) Sounds like a typical "aunty", lol. I've met quite a few of those, as this sort of behaviour is quite common from "matriarchs" in my culture unfortunately. IME, nothing you say to those types is going to matter - you could come up with the wittiest retort or the best speech about boundaries, she's just going to ignore your words and steamroll you anyway. So, there's no point agonizing about what to say to her, it's just going to be a waste of your time, headspace and effort. Just avoid and ignore her as much as you can. Edited July 13, 2023 by Els Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 39 minutes ago, Els said: Sounds like a typical "aunty", lol. I've met quite a few of those, as this sort of behaviour is quite common from "matriarchs" in my culture unfortunately. IME, nothing you say to those types is going to matter - you could come up with the wittiest retort or the best speech about boundaries, she's just going to ignore your words and steamroll you anyway. So, there's no point agonizing about what to say to her, it's just going to be a waste of your time, headspace and effort. Just avoid and ignore her as much as you can. She needs to stay in her place. I have enough real blood aunts. She doesnt get that title just because her daughter is getting married to my family member. She doesnt get to insert herself in my life or business. I'm sorry, something about this lady sets me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 10 minutes ago, justaskingok said: She needs to stay in her place. I have enough real blood aunts. She doesnt get that title just because her daughter is getting married to my family member. She doesnt get to insert herself in my life or business. I'm sorry, something about this lady sets me off. Yes, and the best way to prevent her from inserting herself in your life is to avoid and ignore her... You can of course have a fight with her, but I guarantee you that you'll be hearing MORE from her if you do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 I have ten aunts. not including my great aunts. Not including my uncle's. I don't need this lady in my ear geez. Link to post Share on other sites
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