What is up with him? - merged thread

[Wiseman2]

On 7/5/2023 at 11:51 AM, MayaLiar said:

 nor do we have mutual friends. 

Did he ever tell you himself that he feels "you're the one who got away"?

On 7/5/2023 at 10:33 AM, MayaLiar said:

. He then got divorced and started telling mutual friends I was “the one who got away”. 

 

[S2B]

On 7/5/2023 at 2:21 PM, MayaLiar said:

Which forum?

also why does everyone assume an affair? We’ve never dated before. What’s wrong with wanting friendship? Can’t girls and guys be friends…I am friends with an actual ex and that hasn’t turned into an affair!! Why would this??

Why don’t you ask your husband if it’s ok?

[stillafool]

On 7/5/2023 at 5:21 PM, MayaLiar said:

What’s wrong with wanting friendship? Can’t girls and guys be friends…I am friends with an actual ex and that hasn’t turned into an affair!! Why would this??

Look, if you really wanted to be friends with this guy, you should have told him to tell his wife hello and you're looking forward to meeting her one day.  That would be appropriate considering he told you to say hello to your husband.  That's what people do when they want to be "friends" with a married person.

[Alpacalia]

Drop this guy like a bad habit. He's wishy washy. You're married, he's married. You don't need that kind of energy in your life.

He doesn't respect your boundaries or your marriage. He's keeping in contact while not investing any time in you, so it would be wise to not entertain it.

It's an ego thing, then he'll get the message when you don't respond back due to him taking so long to reply. It's best for you, your marriage and your friendship with your former work colleague for you to politely end communication and move on.

[MayaLiar]

Thank you for finding this thread for me.

I couldn’t remember my username and it said my account was locked so I created a new thread with the original details. I didn’t know if anyone replied to it. 

Let me clarify a few things:

My old friend has kept the conversation going even when I’ve not answered much or asked much. He’s the one who keeps it going… last message asking me what my husband name is. All his messages ask me questions, I just ask the same back… I’ve never been one to not reply to anyone. I find that rude. 

Wiseman - his best friend and my (old) best friend are married. I am no longer best friends with her as we drifted away so I am not sure if he keeps in touch. So we don’t have any mutual friends anymore. However, long story short, he contacted me before I got married again via social media. Asked me a few questions and found out I was with engaged to someone and stopped talking to me again. He then proceeded to tell our mutual friends that I was his “the one that got away” he wished he pursued me instead etc. Obviously they told me. I don’t know what he wanted? Me to not get engaged and run to him? He didn’t even tell me himself? He used to compliment me all the time to them.

I know it seems like I’m bothered by his PREVIOUS feelings. I am not it’s just a back story, we stopped talking the last time. I didn’t go after him or anything. I do not have feelings for him.

I really really want/wanted a friendship. Our jobs are really NICHE. Think like 4 teams in the whole country. I’ve been in the same job for years as there’s not many out there. I would love to have someone to talk to about it. If this was a female, I would still have posted about it. 

He’s taken weeks to reply to a message that he asked - what’s my husbands name etc. but he always does reply.  He has my messages on unread and replies when he decides to read it. 

But he’s the first person to view my story. The whole thing is just weird. I feel like I’m in high school. He always used to play games with me before when he developed “feelings” and I’m annoyed he’s started again when he’s now married. 

I really cannot bothered with this anymore. I won’t post anymore threads, I promise. 

Remember i never told him I had feelings for him, I don’t think I ever did because he used to play games like the above. But I don’t know why he does with me because he obviously hasn’t with other women. Why can’t he just behave like a normal friend does?? There’s no history there. We weren’t exes and no one told each other anything. I’m just annoyed by the whole situation. Friendships mean a lot to me and all my friends I have been friends for 20 plus years. 

 

It’s such a shame. 

Edited August 10, 2023 by MayaLiar

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, MayaLiar said:

I’m just annoyed by the whole situation.

Yes you are because this was all discussed over a month ago and you're back with another thread because he's still on you mind.  If you know him to be a game player then you should realize what he's doing and not give it another thought since you're married.  Also is there no one else in your business who you can talk to without getting involved with a man who you never told you had feelings for because he plays games?  You clearly still feel some type of way for this guy.