Boss asked me to flirt with client

[Sarah-mike]

Hi,

 I (f28) would like to have comments on this situation. I have been working at this place for 4 years. Every thing is fine and I like my job. I have been married for 6 years.

The other day my boss took me out for lunch. It happens once in a while, sometimes with other colleagues but not this time. He said he needed to talk to me. So here it is: there will be a very important client coming over for a big contract that he hopes to get in a few weeks (3-4 weeks) and he wants to impress him. The company already did a few small contracts for him and everything went well. Also it has been very difficult for the company recently and that contract would secure our jobs for a long time.

He explained that Pete (lets call the guy Pete)  will be over in a few weeks (he is from out of town) to negotiate the contract. Pete has seen me once or twice when he came over. My boss wants to put all his chances in order to land that contract. Pete had made a comment or two to my boss about me. I did not know about that. So he (my boss) asked me if I would accept to meet him after the negotiation, we would go for a drink and lunch in a very good restaurant and he asked if I would be ok to flirt with him. First thing that came to my mind was that he wants me to sleep with him I told my boss that I would not do that. He said no this is not what I am asking you, not at all, just a nice evening with him and a little flirting to please him.

He said that I could take time to think about it, it will only be in a few weeks and not to worry about my job it will not affect it at all whether I accept or not. It is something he has been thinking about and he has no idea if it would help for the contract, but he thinks if he has a good evening it might help a bit. My relation with my boss has always been very good.So I can easily tell him what think.

I decided to talk about it with my husband. He was surprised and asked what 'flirting`' meant for my boss. I really don't know. I flirt a bit at the office with coworkers sometimes, just for fun so does my husband. I think it adds a little something to our relationship. We tease each other with that. My husband finally said that we should gives us a few days to think this over and see how we feel about it.

Waiting for comments, Thank you

Sarah

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Sarah-mike said:

 he (my boss) asked me if I would accept to meet him after the negotiation, we would go for a drink and lunch in a very good restaurant and he asked if I would be ok to flirt with him. 

It's ok to wine and dine important clients. It's also ok to be personable and charming. However it depends on what your boss means exactly by "flirting".  You're boss seems a little overeager to seal the deal.

Lunch and drinks for business seems appropriate, but just go and be comfortable. Your boss comes across as a bit sexist if he thinks using you as some type of enticement is necessary.

[kgcolonel]

Wow....absolutely not.  Would he ask his own wife to do this if his wife was of the taste of the client?  If you do this once, you'll be on the hook in future instances where the boss "needs" your help.  You, I hope know all of this and just needed to hear it.  If the boss can't deliver the business services that the client wants or needs, he doesn't deserve the contact.  You deserve better than this from your boss and frankly, your husband should have said what I have just said.

This is a very slippery slope you're on.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

As long as you Both are going to have dinner and drinks with Him, Being a little overly friendly without a lot of Cleavage, Is fine with me.  Mention your husband sometimes a Little, During the Laughter and the Batting of the Eyelashes.  If he suggests to do a dinner alone when in Town, Ask to Invite your husband.  I do believe he would want to sleep with you.  Indecent Pr🤨oposal.  Good Luck on the Work Deal.

Edited June 27, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[JTSW]

Oh hell no!

Absolutely not!

Pete showed an interest in you before so now your boss wants you to go on a date with him to get a contract.

That's what this is, a date.

It's very inappropriate of your boss to ask you to do this.

What if Pete wants more and wants to sleep with you? I know you wouldn't do it but but the rejection could piss him off enough to not give the contract.

My husband would not let me do something like this and vice versa.

Don't do it.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Sarah-mike said:

 . My husband finally said that we should gives us a few days to think this over and see how we feel about it.

It's really your decision. It's unclear why your husband would get involved in this decision.

Asking you to wine and dine a client is not unusual at all. What exactly your boss meant by flirting is also unclear.

There's really not much to consider here. Say yes to the business entertaining. There's no reason for you to be seductive for any sort of business reason. It's really that simple.

[glows]

I think your boss could have rephrased this and asked you to smooth things over on the deal and use the outting as a way to figure out if there’s anything else that can be done to sweeten the deal. Your role would be negotiator, not a flirt. It came across very poorly.

I’d have corrected that misuse immediately and converted that mindset/nip it in the bud. This doesn’t need to involve your husband. I think this has been blown out of proportion and should have been corrected within seconds after the words came out of his mouth.

[serial muse]

This is absolutely inappropriate, and your boss must know it could be grounds for a lawsuit. I appreciate that you feel you can say no to this without consequences...at least, at this point in time. But the fact is that even a "friendly" request from a supervisor to flirt with a client in order to seal what he describes as a very important deal for the company is pressure. He is pressuring you to say yes. Also, supposing this one dinner goes well, nothing happens beyond flirting. You get the contract. And then what? Another dinner? What are the client's expectations going to be? If he went so far as to ask your boss to put you up to having dinner and drinks, why would that be where it stops? 

Edit - also, I find it highly suspicious that the client went through your boss to ask you. I suspect the client knew perfectly well that you'd be pressured into saying yes. This is distasteful, at the very least. Had he asked you directly, you'd likely have just said, no, thanks, but I'm married, and that would be the end of the matter. Choosing to ask your boss to ask you places things in a very different context, and everyone involved knows this. 

It's your decision, of course. But I would document everything from this point forward. I don't think this will go in a positive direction. Honestly, I'd be looking for another job. 

Edited June 28, 2023 by serial muse

[NuevoYorko]

Wow.  Gross.  Your boss is a scummy guy.  He's asking you to act as a "B girl."  In the 50's this was a woman employed by the bar to flirt with men and get them to buy drinks.  

If he were a reasonable business person instead of a de facto pimp, he would have simply invited you to be a member of the group at dinner.   

[BaileyB]

On 6/27/2023 at 10:51 AM, Sarah-mike said:

So he (my boss) asked me if I would accept to meet him after the negotiation, we would go for a drink and lunch in a very good restaurant and he asked if I would be ok to flirt with him.

I’m pretty sure that he can’t ask you to do this… I find it difficult to believe that he would even suggest such a thing. 

 

On 6/27/2023 at 10:51 AM, Sarah-mike said:

He said that I could take time to think about it, it will only be in a few weeks and not to worry about my job it will not affect it at all whether I accept or not.

As your employer, he is putting himself at risk of a sexual harassment or wrongful dismissal lawsuit if you are ever fired.

That said, I’m not sure why you would chose to stay and work for this sleezebag - employment policy and the law have come a long way since the 1960’s…

On 6/27/2023 at 10:51 AM, Sarah-mike said:

It is something he has been thinking about and he has no idea if it would help for the contract

No, he has no idea if it will help but no problem talking about you and sexualizing you with another man in your workplace. 

I would never consider agree to this asinine plan - that’s my honest opinion. I would be very uncomfortable working for a man who would even think to suggest such a thing… 

[MsJayne]

Are you normally the person who closes a contract deal in your organisation? Are you going to be on the clock while you're tolerating dinner with some rich, entitled sexist who fancies his chances with you? Your boss has some nerve, teeing you up for a client's delectation like you've been chosen from the stable. Let me guess, Rich Dude told your boss the contract was his if he could get Rich Dude a date with the hot (insert your job role). Disgraceful, despicable sexism in the workplace, and so incredibly disrespectful and dismissive towards your husband. 

[Alpacalia]

Flirting' has such a vague meaning.

One could easily perceive that your boss wants you to attract the attention of other people for his own benefit. He knows that Pete has something special towards you.

If you don't feel like it, don't do it, unless your boss is a pimp. When flirting isn't part of your job description, there isn't much wrong with it. There's just one problem: if money is involved, you'll still feel like a harlot. 

Or in another way to put it, how would you feel if you were the target of disingenuous flirtation and flattery solely for the purpose of benefiting someone else's business agenda?

If by "flirting" you mean engaging in friendly behavior, such as having coffee together, smiling while exchanging views on the stock market, and so on, then yes, it is possible. The problem is in defining "flirt."

Slippery slope. I would caution you in doing anything at your risk. 

Edited June 29, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Giovane]

Abso-frigging-lutely inappropriate. Somebody should tell your boss to go *#$* himself for even asking you that.

[Sarah-mike]

So here is an update.

Thanks for all the comments. We have been working on this projects all weekend and I will be going with my boss and Pete after their meeting.

 We will be my boss his wife , she came over and we talked about that meeting. If anything goes wrong I will just leave. Also I think I can handle his flirting .

He is coming next Friday  ( July 21) .

ps. I don't think my boss is disrespectful towards me, it is the way he brought this that makes it seem so I think.

I will see how it goes.

Thanks again for all the comments

 

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Sarah-mike said:

So here is an update.

Thanks for all the comments. We have been working on this projects all weekend and I will be going with my boss and Pete after their meeting.

 We will be my boss his wife , she came over and we talked about that meeting. If anything goes wrong I will just leave. Also I think I can handle his flirting .

He is coming next Friday  ( July 21) .

ps. I don't think my boss is disrespectful towards me, it is the way he brought this that makes it seem so I think.

I will see how it goes.

Thanks again for all the comments

 

Keep it as professional as possible. A little flattery goes some ways.

The point is business and your compensation for the job. Treat it exactly as a job and don’t sacrifice your morals or values in the process. Steer the conversation towards business but do it professionally and be calm. Remind yourself there are inappropriate people everywhere. Don’t be phased by one.

Edited July 4, 2023 by glows

[NuevoYorko]

On 6/29/2023 at 12:07 AM, Alpacalia said:

 

If by "flirting" you mean engaging in friendly behavior, such as having coffee together, smiling while exchanging views on the stock market, and so on, then yes, it is possible. The problem is in defining "flirt."

 

IMO the problem is not in defining "flirt," it's the boss - the person in the authoritative role in this business relationship - asking her to do it as part of her job.  

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

IMO the problem is not in defining "flirt," it's the boss - the person in the authoritative role in this business relationship - asking her to do it as part of her job.  

 

I think I wrote that I agreed and cautioned her not to do it.

Unless she's comfortable with being pimped out.

[smackie9]

Oh hell no! I would never ever consider doing anything like this for anyone. I would be leery as to what your boss promised this guy. Your boss and his client are creeps. If it were me, I would find another job. There's a reason why the ship is sinking...the captain is incompetent. It's time to get out. 

[Sarah-mike]

On 7/4/2023 at 10:07 AM, glows said:

Keep it as professional as possible. A little flattery goes some ways.

The point is business and your compensation for the job. Treat it exactly as a job and don’t sacrifice your morals or values in the process. Steer the conversation towards business but do it professionally and be calm. Remind yourself there are inappropriate people everywhere. Don’t be phased by one.

Right,  thanks, that's the way it will be.

[Sarah-mike]

Just an update in case someone is interested to know how it went.

Well I worried for nothing. Everything was fine. Yes Pete flirted but nothing that crossed the line. He is a gentleman. He is the kind of man I would sleep with if I was single on a night out and wanted someone for a night. He is older but I have always liked older men.

Thanks again for all the replies

 

[Alpacalia]

I give you a lot of credit for going. I would feel quite uncomfortable. I was supposed to TA for a world art history class and the Professor kept proposing that we spend alone time outside of class to talk about my "life and hobbies" and I felt uncomfortable. I told the professor that I was there to discuss the class material and that alone time was unnecessary. I later turned down the position which I was really bummed about.

As long as you felt comfortable with the situation and felt respected.

It does seem that your boss asked a lot of you in this situation, and of course sometimes it's difficult to say "no" to a request from someone in a position of power. Your boss asked you to flirt with Pete in order to secure the contract and potentially benefit your job. So, did your boss end up getting the contract?

[Sarah-mike]

Yes my boss got the contract but I had nothing to do with that, it was signed at the end of the meeting before we went for lunch.  I guess Pete only wanted some company for lunch. It went very well.

[Alpacalia]

Are you sure that there wasn't a part of you that was okay with it on account that there seems to be some level of mutual attraction? 

Will you be working with him again? 

[Sarah-mike]

23 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Are you sure that there wasn't a part of you that was okay with it on account that there seems to be some level of mutual attraction? 

Will you be working with him again? 

I will probably see him once in a while, yes there is some level of mutual attraction but it will stay like that, no more. Two big reason: I would not cheat on my husband and it is work related which is a no go

[spiritedaway2003]

It would have been a hard no for me.  

To meet to talk about the terms of the business contract or negotiation over lunch (e.g f that's part of the work, if you're in sales)) that's no problem. 

And if my boss says that I need to "flirt" with a client, I'd stop the boss right then and there.  If we didn't have a good relationship, I might report him to HR too.  He's already crossing boundaries he has no business crossing.  It can be construed as "pimping" you out, just without saying it crudely.  It always starts innocently enough but these things can quickly slide down a slippery slope.   The fact that he had talked about this with the potential client also made it seemed like they are both in on it (or at least the appearance of it). 

I'm not sure you should put your guards down but I am glad the meeting worked out for you.