Is it creepy for an older male coworker to ask me my marital status and if I'm in love with my boyfriend?

[Chloeflowers]

Not sure if this is borderline creepy for a man to ask that to a woman on the job. Seriously what kind of question to ask someone if they are in love with their partner? And to top that off he told me to be "less" timid. I asked timid on what? He replied, "on everything." My warehouse job is putting up totes, simple as that, I'm not a salesperson or doing customer service with the public. I got creeped out by it-like does he want me to throw myself at him? Who is he to boss me around? 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Is it creepy for an older male coworker to ask me my marital status and if I'm in love with my boyfriend?

Yes it's creepy. Continue to sidestep this coworker and if it happens again, discuss the inappropriate behavior with your supervisor.

[Chloeflowers]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes it's creepy. Continue to sidestep this coworker and if it happens again, discuss the inappropriate behavior with your supervisor.

Yeah, and when I told him yes, that I was into my boyfriend, he was disappointed about it and made a loud groan. 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Yeah, and when I told him yes, that I was into my boyfriend, he was disappointed about it and made a loud groan. 

Sounds like creepy attempts to flirt. But still inappropriate. Don't answer this guy. Or give him totally ridiculous answers. Such as " so, do you love canola oil"? Throw him off.

[Chloeflowers]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like creepy attempts to flirt. But still inappropriate. Don't answer this guy. Or give him totally ridiculous answers. Such as " so, do you love canola oil"? Throw him off.

If he'll start asking me, I'll walk away. And what the heck did he mean by me being timid? For some reason that grossed me out, seriously? Does he expect me to share my life with him or act all whorish towards him or something? Surely, it can't be related to work..its a freaking warehouse job putting up totes.

[mark clemson]

Yah, this sounds like a form of mild sexual harassment and perhaps some wishful thinking on his part.

As you can see, this man's personality has not gotten him particularly far in life. But don't mention that to him, it will just result in you becoming a focus for what is likely some very strong simmering bitterness underneath the exterior.

Just do your job, do your best to ignore him, and fend him off IF that even becomes necessary. If he starts to get weird you may need to take some pre-emptive action, but hopefully that won't happen.

Once you're done with this particular job and can move on to better things, do so.

[Chloeflowers]

 Also the other day he asked me what ethnicity I am, I told him filipina, he then went on to tell me about his buddy going to the Philippines and how he found a wife there. Then he said, that he wished he could go there to find a wife. My god, these type of men are disgusting , what gives them the right to hassle/ be creeps to women on the job? I guess while they are on the job they feel they can say anything. Because I'm sure these type of creeps don't get attention out in public , if I see these type of creeps out on the streets I tell them to piss off. I'm assuming at work is the only social interaction they have with women? 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

 Also the other day he asked me what ethnicity I am, I told him filipina, he then went on to tell me about his buddy going to the Philippines and how he found a wife there. 

Why not stop answering his nosy questions? The more you engage him, the more you encourage it. Sidestep these questions with statements such as "why do you ask?" or other neutral remarks.

[stillafool]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not stop answering his nosy questions? The more you engage him, the more you encourage it. Sidestep these questions with statements such as "why do you ask?" or other neutral remarks.

I agree with the above.  From now on if people ask you about your personal business tell them "I don't like to discuss my personal business and would rather keep my mind on my work" then turn back to your work and don't engage.

[Chloeflowers]

13 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree with the above.  From now on if people ask you about your personal business tell them "I don't like to discuss my personal business and would rather keep my mind on my work" then turn back to your work and don't engage.

Yeah, I’ll just respond with “why do you ask?” Or better yet , don’t make eye contact with him. He’s a nobody at work, he’s just a temp from the agency, not even a lead /supervisor. By the looks of him, I think he was in jail or had some meth addiction seeing that he is missing several teeth.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

I am not sure how "Old" the coworker is who is asking these personal questions, But it appears he is interested in you and is interested in getting together after the doors close at five.  Be polite and give him the brush off by saying "I am taken."  Give him a little laugh and then walk away.  Be civil at work.  If he continues to bother you in a "Creepy" way, You can always report him to your boss or continue to ignore him so he hopefully takes the helpful hint.

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Yeah, I’ll just respond with “why do you ask?” Or better yet , don’t make eye contact with him. He’s a nobody at work, he’s just a temp from the agency, not even a lead /supervisor. By the looks of him, I think he was in jail or had some meth addiction seeing that he is missing several teeth.

It's best not to ask "why do you ask?" because that will keep the conversation going.  

[Lotsgoingon]

Can't tell if this is predatory or more just serious social awkwardness. Note: inappropriate intrusion from social awkwardness can still be a violation.

The basic rule is: if you feel weird about the question, that's all you need to know. There is no abstract answer to creepiness. You're not going to the police and accusing him or assault. Therefore you have the right to your own interpretation of the encounter. And if it doesn't feel good, stop there. That's the truth you want to settle into. 

 

 

[Chloeflowers]

I’m 30 and he’s 53. This morning he greeted me , I pretended I didn’t hear him and I walked away. He kept on walking behind me so I just walked around in circles among other coworkers. I knew he wanted me to stop and chat with me. He just grosses me out. He literally looks like he’s an owner of a nasty strip joint in the city if you catch my drift.

[Alpacalia]

What difference does it make if he's a toothless person or owner of a strip joint? If you're uncomfortable with his advances, then you're uncomfortable.

It is not relevant whether or not someone is good looking when it comes to feeling uncomfortable around them. It is the behavior of the person that matters and how it makes the other person feel. Everyone has the right to feel safe and respected, regardless of the other person's occupation or appearance.

Yes, you should tell him that you are not comfortable with his advances and that you would like him to leave you alone. It is important to be assertive in situations like this and not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

 He’s a nobody at work, he’s just a temp from the agency, not even a lead /supervisor. 

Ok, then just be less friendly and engaging and ignore him and nip the questions in the bud.

Think of this as an opportunity practicing to  deal with difficult people at the workplace.

[SurfCity]

You did the right thing ignoring him and walking away from him. 

[Alpacalia]

No. Ignoring it is not the right thing.

You've posted about the majority of co-workers and supervisors asking questions (general and non-general questions) at this particular workplace.

There is either trouble being assertive, all the co-workers are off kilter or you're flying all over the place over a don't care burger...

Ignoring the issue won't help gain insight into why you keep posting about this topic. It can also lead to feelings of frustration and defeat when the issue is still unresolved. This is likely why you're referring to this particular co-worker all manner of names.

It's better to address the issue, be honest with yourself and come up with a plan to work out the problem. 

Edited May 23, 2023 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

You've posted about the majority of co-workers and supervisors asking questions (general and non-general questions) at this particular workplace.

OP said this is at a warehouse, so it would appear to be a new job away from the last place where all the issues were.  

@Chloeflowers You've had an extraordinarily high number of complaints about others in the six months since you've been posting here.  Is this number of interpersonal issues something which is normal for you?   

[JTSW]

Yes, he's a creepy man.

Avoid him.

Every post is someone different that you have issues with.

This time this one is valid.

[Chloeflowers]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

OP said this is at a warehouse, so it would appear to be a new job away from the last place where all the issues were.  

@Chloeflowers You've had an extraordinarily high number of complaints about others in the six months since you've been posting here.  Is this number of interpersonal issues something which is normal for you?   

Not a new job, I went back to my previous warehouse job. No idea the company decided to hire a bunch of temps!

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

, I went back to my previous warehouse job. No idea the company decided to hire a bunch of temps!

You can't really control who a company hires and how other employees act. What you can do is inform yourself on how to cope with difficult coworkers. See if this helps:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-you-can-best-deal-with-challenging-co-workers/

[glows]

Vent about it here if needed but yes, incredibly creepy. If he’s doing it to you it’s likely he’s doing it with other women as well. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Steer clear, report it if that’s an option. I can understand an offhand question once or trying to make small talk but repeated behaviour like this or following you around is too much. 

Don’t respond to any questions about your personal life, avoid engaging in any conversation. 

[Chloeflowers]

On 5/22/2023 at 4:54 PM, Alpacalia said:

What difference does it make if he's a toothless person or owner of a strip joint? If you're uncomfortable with his advances, then you're uncomfortable.

It is not relevant whether or not someone is good looking when it comes to feeling uncomfortable around them. It is the behavior of the person that matters and how it makes the other person feel. Everyone has the right to feel safe and respected, regardless of the other person's occupation or appearance.

Yes, you should tell him that you are not comfortable with his advances and that you would like him to leave you alone. It is important to be assertive in situations like this and not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Yup, ignoring isn't going to help in most cases. I need to tell him to piss off in a more professional way due to it be in a work environment. He probably thinks that I won't say anything to him or won't fight back since he see's me as timid and views me as an easy target. Even more creepy is he thinks he's in charge, tells me how to do my work, offers to help me, tells me they are going to fire people  b/c "upper manangment" told him and that they are going to keep me and that's why he wants to show me the entire ropes. There's this new gal that started there and he doesn't bother to "show her the ropes" of the job and doesn't talk to her as much. I'm started to see his creepy "gameplan," like he's one of those that will come off as friendly and helpful, wants to give advice , wants to be a shoulder to lean on, offer moral support, will offer to suggest hanging out outside of work, get personal info..isn't that how predators work?

[JTSW]

5 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I'm started to see his creepy "gameplan," like he's one of those that will come off as friendly and helpful, wants to give advice , wants to be a shoulder to lean on, offer moral support, will offer to suggest hanging out outside of work, get personal info..isn't that how predators work?

Everyone you meet seems to have a 'gameplan' or 'hidden agenda'

Simply tell this guy you don't need his help.

Don't tell him any personal info.

Problem solved.