vewy tiny wight Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 (edited) So I've been friends with this girl for the past 6 years and things have had up and downs, but we've always been pretty close. Usually we play games/chat online often. Though the last year I'd been busy with some significant life changes so we didn't interact nearly as much, though I always tried to stay in touch and cheek in once or twice a month. Recently I've gotten more availability. I reached out to my friend, and they seemed very happy to hear from me. They invited me to join them in an online game, which after some debating I purchased. Fast-forward a month later and we have barely hung out at all. I see them on, so it's not that they don't have time to play. I've asked a couple times to hang out, and I've gotten replies apologizing and degrading themselves (they deeply struggle with depression). Thing is it's really taking it's toll on me, I feel really hurt that I went out of my way to try and reconnect with her, but now I'm getting hit with seemingly avoidant behavior. Should I try to bring it up with her? Or should I just move on? I really care about them, but I'm also not really cool with seemingly being lead on. Edited April 24, 2023 by vewy tiny wight Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 When you are always the one trying to initiate hanging out, but the other person doesn't respond or doesn't seem to want to, at a certain point you need to just stop trying. Stop expecting anything from her, leave her alone which is what she seems to want you to do, and find other friends. Is this someone who you have never met in person? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 Why would what one friend is doing affect you? She obviously has her life full doing the things she wants to do. She's not stressing over you, probably doesn't even think about you; so why not fill you life with new people, other friends, hobbies or a boyfriend. There's so many things to be doing other than worrying about a friend who doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vewy tiny wight Posted April 24, 2023 Author Share Posted April 24, 2023 Yeah, I agree. Just confused why someone would suggest hanging out then pull away. That's what bothers me really, wish they would've left me alone to begin with! I've met them before, we don't live close though, so mostly keep in touch online. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 If she struggles with depression, it's highly likely that she doesn't have the energy to leave the house and do nice things with you. I'd cut her some slack and be there for gaming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vewy tiny wight Posted April 24, 2023 Author Share Posted April 24, 2023 Because they're a close friend? I have other things and friends as well, doesn't mean I can't be invested and feel sad from this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 4 minutes ago, vewy tiny wight said: Because they're a close friend? I have other things and friends as well, doesn't mean I can't be invested and feel sad from this. Are you sure she considers you a close friend? She isn't acting like it. It's good you have other friends to hang out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 26 minutes ago, vewy tiny wight said: tried to stay in touch and cheek in once or twice a month. Recently I've gotten more availability. I reached out to my friend, Try to fill up your new found a availability with other pursuits. She seems too depressed to engage you as much as you would like. Let her and her real-life friends and family help her. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 9 hours ago, vewy tiny wight said: I've asked a couple times to hang out, and I've gotten replies apologizing and degrading themselves (they deeply struggle with depression). thinking of mistakes I made in the past and how would I do things differently now, the problem is not always about you or indeed most of the time not about you, (sometimes we get too self absorbed and imagine that we are the problem) this person/ these people clearly have their own stuff to deal with- it is better to not hassle them and let them come back to you in their own time, they will think more of you in the long term by adopting a more detached mindset half way rule- if not being met half way dont push it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted April 25, 2023 Share Posted April 25, 2023 Two things can be true at the same time: 1. You are deeply hurt by this person withdrawing from you. 2. You are not entitled to other people's time and, despite it hurting, they may choose not to interact with you for any number of reasons. Nobody knows their reasons for withdrawing right now, but the best you can do is respect it and be there for them when they're ready to reach out again. In the meantime, do some things for you to help comfort yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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