nerrida Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 me and my husband have been having issues for about 6 months. he said he didn't love me and then a couple of months ago he said he did again. now he says he doesnt know what he wants again. i love him, i cry all day everyday and i don't know how to cope anymore and i dont know what to do. is it possible to actually have a truly happy marriage or do people just pretend its happy, cause everyone i talk to says they aren't happy with their partner they just stay cause its easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 58 minutes ago, nerrida said: me and my husband have been having issues for about 6 months. he said he didn't love me and then a couple of months ago he said he did again. now he says he doesnt know what he wants again. Sorry this is happening. How long have you been married? How long did you know each other before marriage? Is it an arranged marriage? Were you both in love when you married? How old is he? Do you have children? Do you own a home together? Do you both work? Does he have mental or physical health problems or bad habits, such as heavy drinking or drug use? How is the intimacy? Are there relationship issues such as conflicts about money, in-laws, household duties or communication styles? Has he threatened divorce? Is he having affairs? Has he been abusive before? Do you argue frequently? Has he abandoned the marriage or not come home nights? The best thing you can do is talk to trusted friends and family about him threatening the marriage. You can also privately and confidentiality talk to a qualified therapist for ongoing support and begin to unpack and sort out what's going on. Try to protect yourself. Privately and confidentiality contact an attorney to discuss your options in the event of divorce. It's unclear what he means by telling you on and off that he doesn't love you. Is it abuse or a threat or is he having affairs? Do you want to stay married? Do you need to stay married for economic, social or other reasons? What, exactly, does he claim he's not happy about and what exactly does he plan to do about not being in love? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 Tell him straight that he needs to decide what he wants. Going back n forth with his feelings is hurtful to you and not fair. Maybe ask him to leave the home for short time so he can think about what he really wants. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 OK so he says he's unhappy. Did you both sit down and discussed what these things are that make him unhappy? And what could be changed or improved? You need to be calm and talk to him. If he is uncooperative, boot him out or just leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Yes, people have "happy" marriages. Some people rarely have problems. For most couples, there are hard times along the way. But the positives outweigh the negatives for these. What you are describing, however, is not happy by any stretch of the imagination. This is not what happens in marriages that are functioning reasonably well, even when the couples hit the bumps along the road. You're crying "all day every day." That is not any way to live. Your husband is not committed to your marriage and that's no way for you OR him to live, either. You need to get a backbone and make some parameters for yourself. What is acceptable for you? Not this. You can't just sit there crying while he waffles. Either he is committed to working through your marital issues (for which he probably needs counseling, and it would take a strong desire to try to repair things) or he needs to MOVE OUT. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 Yes, people have fantastic marriages, not all of course and many people have good marriages (less than fantastic). And no, not everyone is pretending. And this is from someone who was extremely skeptical of marriage. But fill in the background information. It matters if you've been married a year vs 40 years. Otherwise our comments won't be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 26, 2023 Share Posted April 26, 2023 A great marriage is not guaranteed, and even good ones can go bad. You both need to sit down and have a serious discussion, which may go better if you see a marriage counselor. My first marriage wasn't good and I eventually left. My second is amazingly good, fortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
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