do friends with benefits talk about things like this?

[Sydneyxox]

1 hour ago, flitzanu said:

strangers with no benefits talk about things like that

Really? Because I wouldn't talk to a stranger about things like this. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

Really? Because I wouldn't talk to a stranger about things like this. 

That's you.  Many people would, myself included.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

 

he may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me s

He may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me so... 

Perhaps, but people like to vent to different people for support and different opinions.  That's one reason why people come to LS, they want to share how they feel for feedback even though they are also going to therapy and talking to friends and family.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

Yeah, I get that he probably needs emotional support right now.

I wouldn't assume he needs emotional support.  He was likely just venting.  It's pretty easy to vent to a stranger

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

He may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me so... 

And probably he has shared it with those others as well. 

If it bothers you for some reason, ask him to stop talking about his personal life. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

He may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me so... 

Well yes, you're friends and have regular contact. So it's not unusual to keep you informed about some major life events such as losing his job , his mother's illness and especially  his best friend and her child moving in with him.

Hopefully it won't impact how often you get together, but it could, so informing you about how much he has going on makes sense. It's good he's keeping you in the loop.

[NuevoYorko]

In your other thread I asked you why you are having a "booty call" situation with this guy, while you're obviously  hung up on him.  I can only guess, but my take on it is that you want to have any kind of contact you can get with him.  Then you go off and act out because you're upset that he doesn't have any romantic emotional inclinations towards you.

Why?  

I get the sense that he's kindly disposed towards you - that is to say, it's not just "wham bam thank you ma'am."  He is ok with having some conversations etc.  as well as the hookups.  This is very common.  I bet that the majority of people who have casual sex with somebody on an ongoing basis (not a one night stand) frequently talk about stuff.   Whatever is current in their lives would be the likely topics.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/30/2023 at 2:57 PM, Sydneyxox said:

I told him that he's too nice and that there is nothing wrong with helping people. But not to the extent of it being a problem for him. 

Unfortunately he's already moved her and her child into his home.  He wants to help her. This shouldn't affect your situationship that much, since you stated he is not intending on cutting back your get-togethers.

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately he's already moved her and her child into his home.  He wants to help her. This shouldn't affect your situationship that much

IDK about that Wiseman, He could end up having a sexual relationship with his new roommate and they end up a family.  Then OP will have to find a new FWB.  It happens when a woman roommates with a man and vice versa.

[Sydneyxox]

22 hours ago, stillafool said:

IDK about that Wiseman, He could end up having a sexual relationship with his new roommate and they end up a family.  Then OP will have to find a new FWB.  It happens when a woman roommates with a man and vice versa.

I'm not really sure why you're making this assumption because that's basically all it is an assumption they have been friends for years now. I told him that I didn't want to come between them if they have something going on. He said that there isn't anything going on between them. He doesn't want to have children this is something that he made clear from the beginning when we first met. It could in fact just be him helping his friend out everything doesn't always have to be sexual. No, it doesn't always happen when a man and a woman are roommates. 

Also I never keep all of my eggs in one basket thank you very much. 

Edited April 2, 2023 by Sydneyxox

[Sydneyxox]

On 4/1/2023 at 4:37 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately he's already moved her and her child into his home.  He wants to help her. This shouldn't affect your situationship that much, since you stated he is not intending on cutting back your get-togethers.

Yeah, I know he wants to help her but it doesn't seem to be going well. Last week when we saw each other he said he doesn't have any peace in his home now. 

And that she makes a big deal about certain things and that he shouldn't have to feel stressed about having to go back home. I think he wishes that he would have listened to the people who told him not to let her move in.

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

I'm not really sure why you're making this assumption because that's basically all it is an assumption they have been friends for years now. I told him that I didn't want to come between them if they have something going on. He said that there isn't anything going on between them. He doesn't want to have children this is something that he made clear from the beginning when we first met. It could in fact just be him helping his friend out everything doesn't always have to be sexual. No, it doesn't always happen when a man and a woman are roommates. 

Also I never keep all of my eggs in one basket thank you very much. 

Good for you that you don't just rely on one  FWB.  I wasn't assuming anything I was talking about what COULD happen because I've seen it happen more than once with before with roommates.  You are awfully defensive which tells me you care more about him than you say.

[Alvi]

On 3/31/2023 at 12:27 PM, flitzanu said:

strangers with no benefits talk about things like that

Absolutely. Just a few days ago a stranger lady in a line-up in a grocery store talked to me about her boyfriend, her surgery and her home-based business. Did I ask her any of this? Nope, she volunteered  all on her own to me for some reason. Point is, people talk. It's not like you put a taboo to talk about a life outside of sex with this guy.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

. Last week when we saw each other he said he doesn't have any peace in his home now.

Did he usually come to yours? If you used to go to each other's places this could affect it. 

[NuevoYorko]

On 3/30/2023 at 4:07 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

. Now givitup: how much do you like him?

Obsessed?

[JTSW]

On 3/31/2023 at 8:50 PM, Sydneyxox said:

He may have others for support yet he decided to share all of this with me so... 

You clearly want it to mean something.

It's obvious you have feelings for him too.

Why don't you just tell him how you feel.

[Alpacalia]

I don’t mean to frighten you or shame you in the slightest, but that is why it is always a good idea to becoming hyper selective in who you share your sexual energy with.

It's not safe to assume that the arrival of another woman as a roommate implies that they are romantically involved. In my experience, male-female roommates can have a purely platonic relationship. 

No matter if he is, isn't, or becomes romantically involved with another woman, you may not be pleased with his romantic connections. This is simply the reality of the situation.

Edited April 3, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Sydneyxox]

I've been casually seeing this guy for almost a year now on and off. We aren't actually in a relationship I just go to his place we watch movies, eat and have sex etc. Yesterday when I saw him we talked about relationships. He told me about how him and his ex-wife got a divorce. He said they both messed up and that she wasn't in love with him anymore. I told him about how men want try to date me and about how dating doesn't really work for me. And he told me just don't date and I said I probably wouldn't anymore. He also told me he didn't have time to date. Because he's busy with work and other things (his mom being sickly and him trying to help with her). He also told me about how his mom was dating a younger guy etc. He said he didn't think he'd ever get married again. That he doesn't like living with people (he was recently assaulted by his friend who he let stay with him). He also doesn't really like communicating with people.

We talked about how we felt about relationships etc he told me things about his mom.

[basil67]

Guys chat with sex workers, so there's no reason they won't chat with a FWB

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Sydneyxox said:

 I just go to his place we watch movies, eat and have sex etc. 

Are you hoping that by sharing stuff going on in your lives means he wants more than FWB?

Is this the same man?:

 

[FMW]

Relationships don't have hard and fast rules.  We're all free to have the kinds of relationships that work for us, we just have to find someone who's looking for the same thing.

It sounds like that's what you have, a non-committed, no strings relationships where you have a certain level of friendship along with sex.  To me that's the definition of FWB.  Without a certain level of friendship you just have a hookup.  Enjoy it and don't overthink it.  Just make sure that you're being honest with yourself about what you want.  

[glows]

Does the chit chat help much with the sex? I used to see this person who was a complete mess everywhere else except the bedroom and liked to talk a lot after sex. I usually wanted to eat or sleep. 

There’s no one rule fits all. Have fun and don’t bother if it’s not your cup of tea anymore.

[Alpacalia]

No. I think some men can carry on like this indefinitely and it not mean more than what it is (casual sex). It may even be a way to deal with loneliness or just to have fun. 

I on the other hand opt to sleep instead of talk in the morning and then head out a bit early. 

Sounds like he is comfortable with this kind of arrangement and it works well for him. 

He clearly prefers to be alone and has trust issues when it comes to interacting with people. He also has a difficult relationship with his mother.

Whether or not he likes you more is hard to say, but it could imply that he feels more comfortable opening up to you than other people. He may value your opinion more than others, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he has any romantic feelings for you.

You could ask him directly about his feelings. Or, continue to just be his friend and enjoy his company.

[Sydneyxox]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

No. I think some men can carry on like this indefinitely and it not mean more than what it is (casual sex). It may even be a way to deal with loneliness or just to have fun. 

I on the other hand opt to sleep instead of talk in the morning and then head out a bit early. 

Sounds like he is comfortable with this kind of arrangement and it works well for him. 

He clearly prefers to be alone and has trust issues when it comes to interacting with people. He also has a difficult relationship with his mother.

Whether or not he likes you more is hard to say, but it could imply that he feels more comfortable opening up to you than other people. He may value your opinion more than others, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he has any romantic feelings for you.

You could ask him directly about his feelings. Or, continue to just be his friend and enjoy his company.

I agree with you I know it doesn’t mean he wants to be more than friends. I just thought maybe it was a little too much sharing. But I’m not really the type of person who talks about personal things with people. He didn’t have anything negative to say about his mother though. He was just telling me about her boyfriend. 

[glows]

4 hours ago, Sydneyxox said:

I agree with you I know it doesn’t mean he wants to be more than friends. I just thought maybe it was a little too much sharing. But I’m not really the type of person who talks about personal things with people. He didn’t have anything negative to say about his mother though. He was just telling me about her boyfriend. 

Sometimes people like letting their guard down. For some reason he thinks you’re ok to talk to so either let it happen or cut it short and excuse yourself. Say you have plans and need to get ready. Or, just leave as you’re the one commuting it seems to his place. 

If you’re uncomfortable or feel like this is getting too longwinded you’re not his therapist. Fwbs generally have some mild interest in each others’ lives as it’s also about a human connection.

Eventually you may find yourself outgrowing this and realizing you want something different or your phases in life don’t coincide anymore. It struck me as odd that he went so far as to advise you not to date after you told him dating doesn’t work for you. That’s none of his business advising you what to do and what not to do. You are what you are and he can take it or leave it. I’d be a bit wary that he seems a bit emotionally unstable.