What is this colored stain on his pants?

[WonderingAgain]

[ ]  It’s next to the fly on the pants.  Also, the inside of the pants, on the other side of the fly, also has a faint, faint streak, same color.  The denials from my partner make me feel like I need confirmation somewhere… should I be doubting myself?

Edited March 26, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
using profile pic to display photo

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, WonderingAgain said:

.  The denials from my partner make me feel like I need confirmation somewhere… should I be doubting myself?

How long have you been dating? How old is he? How often do you see each other?

Is there a history of cheating or trust issues? 

What exactly is he denying? 

[semble]

He leaned against something?

 

If you gotta post questions like this on a relationship forum, it almost doesn't matter what the stain is.

It's like saying "should we rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic for more efficient seating"

[NuevoYorko]

What color?  It makes a difference in stain identification.

[WonderingAgain]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

What color?  It makes a difference in stain identification.

I think it’s a coral- soft rose blushy color.  The pic is under my name if you can enlarge it. 

[WonderingAgain]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? How often do you see each other?

Is there a history of cheating or trust issues? 

What exactly is he denying? 

He is late 40s. Dating over a decade. He was on business first in CA, then in Las Vegas.  We met up in Vegas & I saw the stain.  I’m just trying to figure out because I don’t want to ask anyone that I know, is that stain resembling make up like I think it does?

[WonderingAgain]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? How often do you see each other?

Is there a history of cheating or trust issues? 

What exactly is he denying? 

He doesn’t explain it. There is a trust issue though he doesn’t give an inch—won’t admit it.   I am fearing he had a lap dance with a bonus in Vegas before I arrived. It has disturbed my entire soul. 

[WonderingAgain]

5 hours ago, semble said:

He leaned against something?

 

If you gotta post questions like this on a relationship forum, it almost doesn't matter what the stain is.

It's like saying "should we rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic for more efficient seating"

Except…. Relationships are not easy. They get complicated when there’s many ties….family, money, etc.     I really want to believe it’s nothing, but my gut says otherwise.  It actually happened 6 weeks ago, but I was too numb to reach out for help. 

[basil67]

Did the stain come out when the trousers got washed?

[basil67]

32 minutes ago, WonderingAgain said:

He doesn’t explain it. There is a trust issue though he doesn’t give an inch—won’t admit it.   I am fearing he had a lap dance with a bonus in Vegas before I arrived. It has disturbed my entire soul. 

Surely they'd remove the top of his pants for a 'bonus'.  And a sex worker would be professional enough to make sure she left no evidence.  The mostly likely reason is that muck on his hands which transferred to his pants when he was pulling himself out when using the bathroom. 

 

[SlimShadysWife]

3 hours ago, WonderingAgain said:

I think it’s a coral- soft rose blushy color.  The pic is under my name if you can enlarge it. 

Lipstick.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, WonderingAgain said:

 he doesn’t give an inch—won’t admit it.   I am fearing he had a lap dance with a bonus in Vegas before I arrived. 

Won't admit to what? Did you accuse him of infidelity or contact with sex workers? What was his explanation of the stain? What prompted you to examine his pants?  What does the dry cleaner say it could be?

Edited March 27, 2023 by Wiseman2

[JTSW]

What is his explanation for it?

At first glance it does look like it could possibly be make up.

But it also could be a number of things.

I don't think you will ever really know for sure.

[WonderingAgain]

49 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Won't admit to what? Did you accuse him of infidelity or contact with sex workers? What was his explanation of the stain? What prompted you to examine his pants?  What does the dry cleaner say it could be?

For me, the stain looked like lipstick.  It wasn’t greasy, and it didn’t penetrate the fabric the way oil from salad dressing or pasta sauce, etc, does.  I looked at it up close, & the spot grazes the top of the fibers, like lipstick rubbed against it, or a swipe of a cheek with a lot of blush. It was a soft rose with undertone of color, & it didn’t mark the part of the fabric under the stitching along the fly.  If you can enlarge my picture, can can see that. 
 

But, the inside of the pants on the other side of the fly had a faint mark on the pants as well.  It’s the coraly/ rose color.  It’s a make up color—not the strong artificial color your fingers get from Doritos or Cheetos.  For the mark to also be in the other side of the fly suggests to me that the lap dance went farther.  I wish the stain was identified by someone else besides me. 
 

if the sex worker used a dental dam, does that remove risk of STD, and how can you even know that if you and your partner can’t converse over it??????  I guess it’s accurate the relationship is over because I am afraid of STD.

[WonderingAgain]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

Did the stain come out when the trousers got washed?

I haven’t seen those pants since, but we do not live near each other, so that’s not crazy. Besides makeup, I don’t know anything that would leave a mark like this did. A lap dance would have been one thing, but pants open is something else.  And THAT begs the question how many TIMES has this happened?  Many business trips in Vegas over the years. 

[WonderingAgain]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

What is his explanation for it?

At first glance it does look like it could possibly be make up.

But it also could be a number of things.

I don't think you will ever really know for sure.

He never said anything to explain it which made sense—-there was nothing coherent that I can repeat.  That’s not good, I know.  I ask myself, what is that number of things more that it could be on a business trip out west?  It’s not like he was in an art studio and the metallic dust from something got in a spot next to his fly & a little bit inside his pants. Food that he brushed against like a powdered sugar is the only thing I can think of—but that’s the wrong color. 
 

I think your last line is so important:  can you call it quits with someone when you never are QUITE sure what it was?  I mean, you know in your mind, but he has moved away from the topic to bury it and there’s no explanation given. 

[JTSW]

9 minutes ago, WonderingAgain said:

I think your last line is so important:  can you call it quits with someone when you never are QUITE sure what it was?  I mean, you know in your mind, but he has moved away from the topic to bury it and there’s no explanation given. 

In my honest opinion, it does look like lipstick.

If he can't explain it then he's obviously done something behind your back.

Personally I couldn't continue with a relationship with this eating at me.

[stillafool]

It definitely looks like lipstick to me.  How did he say it got there?

[NuevoYorko]

You've been dating over a decade.  You don't live near each other so his wardrobe is not familiar to you.  But you inspected these pants.  It seems clear that you have suspicions - you say there's a "trust issue" and "he doesn't admit it."  What does that mean?  I take it to mean that you've had questions before and not gotten anywhere with them.

I generally like to give the benefit of the doubt in situations like this but I do think it looks like makeup and I believe you have historical reasons for being distrustful of him which you haven't shared here.  Is that true?

[smackie9]

It could be colored icing that he had on his hand when he went to the can after eating a dessert. 

[Alpacalia]

The red marks could be from a dye transfer from furniture or other material or from a spill or other accident. Now, I'm not saying your boyfriend is or isn't cheating but without being able to chemically test it and without a confession nobody can actually tell you what it is lurking on your bf's pants.

[Els]

16 hours ago, WonderingAgain said:

Except…. Relationships are not easy. They get complicated when there’s many ties….family, money, etc.     I really want to believe it’s nothing, but my gut says otherwise.  It actually happened 6 weeks ago, but I was too numb to reach out for help. 

Doesn't change the fact that your question is irrelevant.

Let's say we managed to get this pair of pants to a private detective who ran a battery of tests on it and affirmed that it was indeed a piece of crayon that fell in.

Then what? Okay, so there's no lipstick on his pants.... this time. What about the rest of the time, when you didn't see the pants, or when the lipstick-wearer was more careful? For you to be asking such a question so very insistently, the trust is obviously BEYOND broken. The answer to this question changes things not at all.

[S2B]

Lipstick 

[MsJayne]

After blowing the photo' right up, yep, it sure does look like lipstick. Too lightly brushed on the fabric to be blood or sauce/food colouring transferred when he went to the bathroom. I think you know the truth, your gut is telling you. 

[Alpacalia]

Agree with Els.

You cannot set a standard of "you'll never betray me" and then monitor your boyfriend constantly and keep him under survelliance throughout the entire relationship. Instead, your standard should be based on trust, not the absence of betrayal.

You're going to trust because that's the kind of standard for the kind of relationship that YOU want to be in.

If in your shoes, I'm going to play my part by giving my partner enough space to hang themselves.