JTSW Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 On 3/27/2023 at 3:21 PM, ValuebleCockroach993 said: I think the best path forward for me is to use him for my own benefit. I feel that he is too valuable to be cut off. He already provides me everything I want from a lover. Except for what he feels inside. I need someone to teach me the ways and show me around. This is not the best path for you. You are hanging on to him in the hopes that he will eventually fall in love with you. I'm sorry OP, but I agree with Expat that you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. You're heading for major disappointment. He's not the only one in that city that can show you around. Go to local places and make other friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ValuebleCockroach993 Posted March 29, 2023 Author Share Posted March 29, 2023 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think you are setting yourself up to get hurt. What if you find out he is also sleeping with someone else? Are you really going to be okay with that? Because this thread suggests you would be crushed. He is already sleeping with his girlfriend and probably other friends. When I realized he's a sex deviant I somehow have less feelings for him. Although I'm still excited to see him, I try not to be extra nice. So instead of letting him lean on me, I lean on him. Instead me me holding his hand, he will be the one to hold my hand now. Turning the tables. He will have to please me. And I don't care if he gets tired of that. I'm tired. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 4 minutes ago, ValuebleCockroach993 said: So instead of letting him lean on me, I lean on him. Instead me me holding his hand, he will be the one to hold my hand now. Turning the tables. He will have to please me. And I don't care if he gets tired of that. What are you hoping to achieve from this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ValuebleCockroach993 Posted March 29, 2023 Author Share Posted March 29, 2023 (edited) 26 minutes ago, JTSW said: What are you hoping to achieve from this? Happiness, I guess. I've never had anyone pay me attention in the past. Being with him gives me confidence and a will to live. It doesn't matter how he feels for me. He at least finds me attractive. I used to suffer from depression, low self esteem and zero self confidence. I fear that if I cut him off I'll set up myself for full blown depression again. So I'm trying to keep him around to maintain my confidence and find others in the meantime. And since he's so different from me, I think it helps my character development as well. Like I'm less shy than I used to be. And he's quite sexually attractive. It would be foolish to willingly let go of someone like that just because he doesn't love me. Edited March 29, 2023 by ValuebleCockroach993 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 35 minutes ago, ValuebleCockroach993 said: trying to keep him around to maintain my confidence and find others in the meantime. You're not exclusive so you can see him while you explore the gay scene locally and on apps. It's a 2 way street. However it would be better to treat your depression with the appropriate physicians and therapists than expecting stressful relationships to help. Try not to confuse drama with feeling alive. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 7 hours ago, ValuebleCockroach993 said: It would be foolish to willingly let go of someone like that just because he doesn't love me. Quite the opposite, it would be the smart thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ValuebleCockroach993 Posted March 30, 2023 Author Share Posted March 30, 2023 9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Quite the opposite, it would be the smart thing to do. If I had anybody else who like me then yes, but at the moment I cannot handle cutting off contact with my only 'friend'... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ValuebleCockroach993 Posted March 30, 2023 Author Share Posted March 30, 2023 (edited) I feel trapped. Which is my fault. I should find more friends and start dating. But finding time for these is hard too.. How do people even manage? Edited March 30, 2023 by ValuebleCockroach993 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 You are the one trapping yourself. It's up to you to meet other people and make other connections. It's unhealthy to hang on to someone who isn't that into you, just because you don't have anyone else at the moment. It will hurt you in the end. Guaranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 3 hours ago, ValuebleCockroach993 said: If I had anybody else who like me then yes, but at the moment I cannot handle cutting off contact with my only 'friend'... I don't think it's that at all. You can very easily make new friends, you just don't want to let him go because of how you feel about him. You want to keep him any way you can. You are hoping he will fall in love with you aren't you. Link to post Share on other sites
SydkneeQuncle Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 On 3/23/2023 at 5:02 AM, ValuebleCockroach993 said: bit. tl;dr: dated a guy for a few months, did everything that lovers do: hugs, cuddles, sex, holding hands, embracing, feeding, etc. But he says he only sees me as a friend. Should I continue seeing him, or go out of my comfort zone and find someone else, which is quite hard as I've never vibed with somebody as strongly as with him. Unless you think hurt is a good verb to indicate vibe is key to a city, I would recommend you not judge and be more clear with your sexer. You wIf youer if he is going to hurt you, speak to him with your mouth the next time you have a chance to speak with him where a reasonable expectation exists for you to presume you have confidence in privacy. At that time, you explain to him your expectations for your little love affair and explain you only think it is an affair because you are totally and utterly single by the definition of not only tax law but of Government law. Tell him you found him to be compelling enough to make sweet love with so you expect him to be one with the law of fidelity and that you expect him to obey with that code. Then you will know going forward if there are strange signs or wonderings that you can call red flags. You will be so happy one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ValuebleCockroach993 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 On 3/30/2023 at 4:36 PM, JTSW said: I don't think it's that at all. You can very easily make new friends, you just don't want to let him go because of how you feel about him. You want to keep him any way you can. You are hoping he will fall in love with you aren't you. I'm not in love with him. I have feelings for him tho. I'm trying to reduce my feelings over time by seeing other people. I'm just keeping him around for company. Link to post Share on other sites
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