Will am I Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 On 3/16/2023 at 1:10 AM, Georgiapeach42 said: Whenever I try to suggest other employment , even start his own business . He basiclaly tells me he will not work a normal 9to 5 , because it’s not “Gods purpose “ and he will not be confined to a work schedule and to add because I am not a fully obedient wife he will not work hard to support me . When I ask him what does he mean by “obdient “ he just goes on to say “I do not obey “ . And we should downsize and live in a cheap hotel in the area .he has even suggested living in a car which I refuse . This man sure has a remarkable set of religious beliefs. BIG red flag right here. He apparently has a problem working a 9 to 5 job. But according to the backstory, he also has other ideas about the non-standard way he needs to live his life. For example the house on the 3rd world island. And he roots these ideas on how to live his life in his religious beliefs. This means that he's probably convinced that he's doing the right thing. Worse: the only right thing. I don't see how anyone could live together with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 What's his idea of what is "God's purpose?" And yes, you should leave. He has some unusual beliefs about work and obedience. Do NOT agree to living in a cheap hotel or a car. Your husband has a serious problem. Get the ball rolling. Start getting your finances in order and look for safe places to stay whether that's with family, friends, or a shelter. Remember, it's only temporary until you figure out what your next move is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 On 3/15/2023 at 8:10 PM, Georgiapeach42 said: .he has even suggested living in a car which I refuse. Try to sever things asap. If he wants to live in his car, let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 22, 2023 Share Posted March 22, 2023 Sorry and this is painful I know, but you need to dump this guy for sure. Just bite the bullet and admit that the marriage was a mistake or even if it wasn't a mistake there is no fixing it now given how spectacularly dumb and self-centered his answers are to you. Not letting you see his accounts--that's a divorce offense right there. What are you his employee? And next time, you want to do a bit better job of screening who you marry. It's embarrassing to divorce so early, but sometimes it is the smart thing to do and the right think to do and the only sane thing to do. This guy's responses indicate he's not a serious marriage partner. He's a narrow-minded jerk. I'm sure he has great qualities. I am sure he does and you married him for those good qualities. But now you know the truth: being a responsive, kind, mature husband is not one of his great qualities. And he's bad on multiple fronts. Proceed with dumping him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 Update : May husband and I talked about our issues . He has agreed to give me 30 percent of his earnings . So far he has given about 50.00 dollars this week for the rent . His explanation is he spent 500.00 dollars on our anniversary . Our anniversary was March 20th , he bought me flowers and we went to dinner , but we didn’t have sex or anything like that afterwards . I just wonder is there hope , I still feel like I am financially taking care of a grown adult . This week I bought all the groceries for this week , toiletries , dry cleaning, credit card bills,Uber eats , ( yes I pay for our dining out ) etc smh .And he refuses to try to get a better job . Lyft rideshare just isn’t cutting it anymore. Not sure how much he makes because again he refuses to show me his paystub and bank statements . In addition to our intimacy issues ,we haven’t had sex in over seven months , smh . Can a man really go without sex for seven months . Our relationship lacks intimacy on top of the financial issues . While at the same time I do appreciate he is trying to pay something towards the rent and I appeciate the anniversary dinner and flowers . I need help , I know I make much more than he does. Just to put in perspective , our rent is 2200 . He hasn’t paid his potion of the rent since January 2023 . So again I’am paying the majority of the rent and ovee expenses , on the other hand , he does nice things for me from time to time . I’m just so conflicted Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 When are you going to change this situation? he isn’t going to change - the change must come from you. he is a mooch - and a leach. he only does this because you have allowed it. You are way too patient and way too nice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 I notice he didn’t say he would pay any certain dollar amount per month you can depend on. $50 a week won’t cut it. have him leave. File for divorce. You’ll be better off not having him mooch off of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 5 minutes ago, S2B said: I notice he didn’t say he would pay any certain dollar amount per month you can depend on. $50 a week won’t cut it. have him leave. File for divorce. You’ll be better off not having him mooch off of you. Nope he won’t commit to agreeing to pay a certain dollar amount . I don’t know what happenned , why all of a sudden it’s an issue with him paying half of the rent . He used to give me money for the car note , that stopped over a year ago . I even tried to get him a job at my company , he refuses to apply . His reasoning for not applying is “it’s not GODs purpose “ Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 58 minutes ago, Georgiapeach42 said: Nope he won’t commit to agreeing to pay a certain dollar amount . I don’t know what happenned , why all of a sudden it’s an issue with him paying half of the rent . He used to give me money for the car note , that stopped over a year ago . I even tried to get him a job at my company , he refuses to apply . His reasoning for not applying is “it’s not GODs purpose “ Soooooooooooooooooo what are you going to do about this??? I don't think there's any point in talking further about what your husband is or isn't doing. What are YOU going to do? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted April 2, 2023 Author Share Posted April 2, 2023 To add insult to injury . I just found out he lied about where he grew up and the high school he graduated from . Why lie about something like that ..smh just terrible 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 2, 2023 Share Posted April 2, 2023 2 minutes ago, Georgiapeach42 said: To add insult to injury . I just found out he lied about where he grew up and the high school he graduated from . Why lie about something like that ..smh just terrible Ok it's already been established since you first made this post over two weeks ago that this man is a pathological liar, hides things from you constantly, has no intentions of having a healthy, normal partnership with you. It is not going to get better. No amount of "talking" to him is going to solve anything. When are you going to stop complaining about what a terrible husband he is, and actually take the good advice that has been given to you here? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 7 hours ago, Georgiapeach42 said: To add insult to injury . I just found out he lied about where he grew up and the high school he graduated from . Why lie about something like that ..smh just terrible Sadly, you need to question everything this guy has told you. It could be he is earning money and it is being spent elsewhere. I hate to imply ‘affair’ but he is not having sex with you and he has strange beliefs about how you should obey him. He likes to be in charge and when he isn’t, he may feel he has the right to break any marriage rules. In fact, he already has broken unwritten rules by not paying his fair share. Your feelings matter too. If you do not feel loved, cared for and supported in this marriage, then you have no moral obligation to stick with it. Your husband lied about something fundamental - the school he went to. There is not even a need to lie about such a thing. If he lied about that, he has a deceitful character. Do not trust him. I suggest you follow Wiseman’s advice and get control of your finances away from him and, if you can afford it, check his background out. You could do this yourself on the internet. I have a feeling he is hiding more. He obviously does not respect you. You deserve full honesty and loving support. He will never meet your needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 15 hours ago, Georgiapeach42 said: Nope he won’t commit to agreeing to pay a certain dollar amount . I don’t know what happenned , why all of a sudden it’s an issue with him paying half of the rent . He used to give me money for the car note , that stopped over a year ago . I even tried to get him a job at my company , he refuses to apply . His reasoning for not applying is “it’s not GODs purpose “ He keeps circling back to Gods' purpose as an excuse for inactivity. His idea of God's purpose for his life is probably for him to sit on his ass and wait for God to give him a tailored purpose. Apparently the parts where the Bible gives general instructions, callings and purposes, those do not cut it for him. He seems to wait for something else, maybe something bigger or more personally tailored and maybe something more comfortable. I think he is exhibiting the characteristics of a religious fanatic and I have no idea how deep this rabit hole goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 17 hours ago, Georgiapeach42 said: I’m just so conflicted What are you conflicted about? He's a deadbeat lying lazy loser. He's never going to change. He is hiding things from you. He lies and treats you like crap. You pay for everything. So tell me what are you conflicted about? No-one in their right mind would put up with this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 On 3/15/2023 at 5:10 PM, Georgiapeach42 said: Our marriage is on its last leg standing . I didn’t sign up for this . I don’t know what to do . Should I stay or hang in there with my broke Loser of a husband . Your husband is not open to making any changes to improve his financial situation. If he is not open to making changes, you need to take the lead and make changes on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 Why aren’t YOU leaving him? He isn’t being a good husband!!! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 4 hours ago, JTSW said: What are you conflicted about? He's a deadbeat lying lazy loser. He's never going to change. He is hiding things from you. He lies and treats you like crap. You pay for everything. So tell me what are you conflicted about? No-one in their right mind would put up with this. It is so much easier for those of us looking at this from the outside. Every abuser or user has a good side too. In a relationship, we tend to see the good side and can’t believe that the bad side goes with it. Surely this person who treats me kindly on occasions can’t be totally shiftless? People are rarely all bad or all good, but there is a very heavy weight dragging the poor OP down. Things are highly unlikely to get any better, OP, your husband’s attitudes to women and strange religious beliefs preclude this. Look at things on balance. He is dragging you down not up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 You can tell him that “Gods will” is showing you the EVIDENCE that you need to end the marriage - since he isn’t being anything close to a good husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 6, 2023 Share Posted April 6, 2023 Your husband isn’t having any financial issues - you are. he’s keeping most of what he earns and has you paying his way. AND he doesn’t seem to care that you are stressed and worried. He’s never going to help you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted May 3, 2023 Author Share Posted May 3, 2023 Update : so he left to go to work last night Lyft was giving out bonuses for drivers . As he was leaving , he had a change of clothes in his hands I just casually ask him the reason for the change of clothes . He replied “just in case I get pulled over by the cops” and then left for the night . Didn’t come back home until 5:30 am this morning . Sometimes he works nights which I verified but why the change of clothes ??then when I texted him after he leaves I ask him are we still married “ in a romantic way “ he replied “YES , but why are you always hating on me , I can’t do anything or make any money because you are always questioning me about everything Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 8 minutes ago, Georgiapeach42 said: I texted him after he leaves I ask him are we still married “ in a romantic way “ Why did you ask him this? Are you trying to find out if he's cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted May 3, 2023 Author Share Posted May 3, 2023 Yes . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted May 3, 2023 Author Share Posted May 3, 2023 Plus I was just curious why he needed a second pair of clothes ..just thought it was weird Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 4 hours ago, Georgiapeach42 said: Plus I was just curious why he needed a second pair of clothes ..just thought it was weird So there are so many reasons for you to leave him. But I don’t think you will, even if he is cheating. If he’s stopped having sex with you to have sex with another woman would that be enough for you to leave? Or do you really not want to do anything at all. Just complain? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgiapeach42 Posted May 28, 2023 Author Share Posted May 28, 2023 Just a quick update ..tried to talk to him about the issues we are having .the whole secrecy with his family ..the issues with no intimacy and Romance for the past nine months . And he still hasn’t changed .he suggested we go on vacation for Memorial Day .. I start to suggest ideas and he tells me “I am only spending 250.00 and you will have to pay the other half or remaining cost” . This was his idea and now he’s asking me to pay half of the vacation costs “ I just told him I don’t want to go now .then in at the same o arms e I was sitting by him the couch and someone was calling him and he immediately put the phone Down so I couldn’t see who was calling hom I tried to grab the phone and he told me “don’t worry about my phone mind your own business “so today I see him pulling up in driveway as I was peeking through the window I noticed he was not wearing his wedding ring I actually saw him as he put the ring on whole he was sitting on the car then he walked into the house as nothing happenned . Smh Link to post Share on other sites
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