A married woman that I suspected felt a connection, appears to be grooming for me and suddenly avoids eye contact.

[Razorblade]

How strong of a romance indicator is grooming? I am referring to someone meeting me for the second time with a completely different style (though same length) of hair.

Second time, this time knowing how I look, her hair changed dramatically. It's very aluring and "flashy".  No make up though, since she doesn't like wearing it.

This time she avoided eye contact as much as possible, prefered to have eye contact with the person sitting next to me. 

 

I've had these suspicions from the first meeting and I expected her to be grooming for the second meeting.

 

How would you rate grooming on the seduction alert scale?

 

 

Edited February 24, 2023 by Razorblade

[basil67]

If I understand correctly, the second time she met you, she was more interested in talking to the person next to you?   I would say that in this case, her change of hair had nothing to do with you.

[Razorblade]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If I understand correctly, the second time she met you, she was more interested in talking to the person next to you?   I would say that in this case, her change of hair had nothing to do with you.

When she talked, she looked at the other person in the room. When I talked, she looked at me but fleetingly. That was not how it went down the first time. First time it was quite persistent eye contact. Her hair looked fantastic this time. It looked indistinguishable first time around.

I've seen a photo or two on google on her.. Did not have hair like that.

 

Her attitude was not changed. 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Razorblade said:

This time she avoided eye contact as much as possible, prefered to have eye contact with the person sitting next to me.

She's married? Do you work together? Women change their hairstyles all the time. As far as flirting with whoever was next to you indicates no level of romance.

[Razorblade]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's married? Do you work together? Women change their hairstyles all the time. As far as flirting with whoever was next to you indicates no level of romance.

She did not flirt in either meeting. I am strictly referring to the fact that she clearly dolled up the second time, like super obviously...with her hair. It is not characteristic of her based on her facebook. Her style is very regular, day to day.

[Razorblade]

So basically, how telling is this of underlying interest? 

If I had to rate it on a alert scale, I'd give it an 8 out of 10. But that's just me. It's stronger to me than flirty behavior.

 

Let's hear what you guys say.

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, Razorblade said:

So basically, how telling is this of underlying interest? 

If I had to rate it on a alert scale, I'd give it an 8 out of 10. But that's just me. It's stronger to me than flirty behavior.

 

Let's hear what you guys say.

Grooming does not exist in a void.  If she'd done her hair nicely AND hung on your every word AND was touching you when she speaks, then there may be interest.  But given that she hardly bothered speaking with you, I reckon she just felt like doing her hair nice and that it wasn't remotely about you or anyone else

Edited February 24, 2023 by basil67

[Razorblade]

Just now, basil67 said:

Grooming does not exist in a void.  If she'd done her hair nicely AND hung on your every word AND was touching you when she speaks, then there may be interest.  But given that she hardly bothered speaking with you, I reckon she just felt like doing her hair nice and that it wasn't remotely about you or anyone else

She talked about me and to me, but her eye contact was mostly directed to the other person when doing the talking, which is the strange thing. As if she was trying to not get sucked in more.  Women always touch their hair on and off. It doesn't mean anything.

 

[NuevoYorko]

Why do you think she "groomed" FOR you?   

If I get your post, you'd met her one time before.

She probably had the hair appointment before she met you the first time and had her new 'do selected far in advance.  

To be frank, she is probably not interested in you at all and in any case IS MARRIED.  So stop focussing on her..  I wouldn't be surprised if you're creating a very uncomfortable situation, and that's why she's avoiding eye contact with you.

[Razorblade]

16 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

 

She probably had the hair appointment before she met you the first time and had her new 'do selected far in advance.  

 

 

Negative. She was home with sick kids, then got sick herself. Whatever she did to her hair, it happened right before our meeting.  She made it VERY curly. She does not look like that in any picture.

My prediction ahead of the second meeting was grooming based on our chemistry. There were sparks.I didn't know she was married back then.

[Razorblade]

18 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

.  I wouldn't be surprised if you're creating a very uncomfortable situation, and that's why she's avoiding eye contact with you.

She hired me. I guess she felt really uncomfortable.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm not sure I have seen "grooming" used in the way you use it. 

But no, a hair change means nothing about the other person from what I can tell. You're thinking that she may be playing newly beautiful (with new hair) and yet hard to get (by not looking at you). I wouldn't bet on that. 

Lots of times, people are just flakey and inconsistent. I always start there.

And lots of times people who hire are friendly in interviews and very distant when you meet them later at the workplace. Their job is to be charming enough to recruit people. It's not their job to be charming once we're at the job. 

Edited February 24, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[Razorblade]

Just now, Lotsgoingon said:

I'm not sure I have seen "grooming" used in the way you use it. 

But no, a hair change means nothing about the other person from what I can tell. You're thinking that she may be playing newly beautiful (with new hair) and yet hard to get (by not looking at you). I wouldn't bet on that. 

Lots of times, people are just flakey and inconsistent. I always start there.

No, not hard to get. It looked like she genuinely wanted to avoid eye contact duration. But she was very loose and happy second time too and hired me.

[Razorblade]

10 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

 

Their job is to be charming enough to recruit people. It's not their job to be charming once we're at the job. 

Does that include "dollying up"? Because that's what she did. But not our first interview when she didn't know how I was going to look. What a coincidence.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Razorblade

[basil67]

What type of event was this second meeting with her?

[Razorblade]

Just now, basil67 said:

What type of event was this second meeting with her?

Second job interview. Her behavior was fine btw. But she did not look like herself. Skipped the glasses too, but that's not a big deal to me.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Razorblade

[basil67]

So she was at work when she interviewed you?  She was probably attending a function that night.

 

[basil67]

You should have a chat with @User33   They also believe in sudden connections at job interviews

 

[Razorblade]

 

Just now, basil67 said:

You should have a chat with @User33   They also believe in sudden connections at job interviews

 

That's  me. 

[mark clemson]

4 hours ago, Razorblade said:

How would you rate grooming on the seduction alert scale?

Generally, I'd say it indicates flirting with only potential for serious intent. Serious intent is asking on a date, asking out to lunch, etc.

At a job interview, I'd say the grooming is likely all in your head and the person is just being friendly and "personable."

[Razorblade]

27 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She was probably attending a function that night.

 

What if she wasn't? What then..

[Razorblade]

8 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

 

At a job interview, I'd say the grooming is likely all in your head and the person is just being friendly and "personable."

Dollying up for a second job interview is not fishy to you? I mean  it was a friday but I'm happy to write back in 2 weeks when I start  working and see it if was for a party.

 

 

Edited February 25, 2023 by Razorblade

[Razorblade]

BTW, she is my exact age. 

[mark clemson]

Just now, Razorblade said:

Dollying up for a second job interview is not fishy to you? I mean  it was a friday

Not really, women dress up to look nice for work related things all the time. Some women dress up just for the sake of it, for example because (for some) it puts them in a better mood.

And of course she could have gotten dressed up for a Friday night date or night out with friends.

IMO, you're reading way too much into this.

[Razorblade]

Just now, mark clemson said:

Not really, women dress up to look nice for work related things all the time. Some women dress up just for the sake of it, for example because (for some) it puts them in a better mood.

And of course she could have gotten dressed up for a Friday night date or night out with friends.

IMO, you're reading way too much into this.

Her eye contact was not consistent with our first interview.