whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 You have his passwords etc or was it just because he forgot to shut it off before he went out. Just wondering. Either way, you are in the right...You shocked her and she mentioned it... So it obviously had some sort of affect on her to react and say something. Red flag... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Share Posted November 5, 2005 I know all his logins/passwords but he left it on. He said he had no reason to shut it off he didn't care if I talked to anyone on there. That was my thought why would it be "weird" to talk to the spouse of someone you called a friend. I think it was weird for her to know I had access to his msn and it could be me on there at some point and not him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 I leave my IM on and sometimes my hubby walks by and just shakes his head if he catches a glimpse of what is on the screen. Afew friends I talk to are just online, but I talk to my bestfriend and my cousin alot too...The comments by some, if I'm not there when they IM me are funny, he knows who I talk to and he also knows about my sick and twisted humour. (he lives with me, so it's not like he doesn't know, lol) So, what happens now? Wait and see if this woman contacts him again or is he going to say something to her. Just curious now... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Same goes for you jackass. I know you're new here, but you don't need to resort to name calling. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 I think its possible shes feeding his ego.There's one thought that about slipped past me. I think this is what hooks men into being emotionally attached to women. Men need to feel respected, needed. Think about it, a best friend, who happens to be the opposite sex, giving him the attention that makes him feel good about himself.....why not be up in the middle of the night feeding off of it?We are not just pissed me off bashing Moose!!!!Thanks lilmoma...... I've got thick skin.....I think I ticked him off when I used the word, "ignorant", as an adjective too many times, that he thought I meant it as a noun......my apologies to fairluvwar, (and to the rest of you concerned about derailment), for not choosing softer words.What works for one marriage will not necessary work for another everyone has to find what works for them. vbmenu_register("postmenu_614290", true); Yep. I suppose so. BUT, when you look for those answers, do you look to someone who's shown success on the subject, or someone who's failed? Or even worse, do you soak in what society and the media is teaching our kids a marriage should be? I'm sharing with you what's worked for me, and so are the others. In fact, we have proof all over this forum......if you'll take the time and look. What it boils down to, is that, you and your husband aren't depositing anything into each other's, "love tank",......and one of you is going to run out. You asked for our opinions, and even said they count. And I'm saying, you should treat this with great concern, that is if you love your husband. But you know......take it for what it's worth.....I've only watched my mom go through 4 marriages, my older sister through 3, and my younger sister through hers.......plus we've helped several couples in Church through their rough spots.....been married only once and for 18 years,(and I don't call her my, "future ex-wife" neither).....she's the only woman in my life I'd want to spend my free time with.....(besides my daughters). Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hey, I gotta say, out of so many poster on LS, Westy is NOT a jackass... No need go off topic -Maybe someone should a new thread about why married men/ married women should/shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. To hijack ellen's thread and argue about it isn't fair to her. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 .she's the only woman in my life I'd want to spend my free time with.....(besides my daughters). :love: aw, moose, ya big teddy bear ... what a sweet thing to say! there is a good point raised in the previous posts: while you obviously are all right with him conversing with opposite sex friends, it's kind of odd that a single woman who has not met her friend's wife would be contacting him so late. Sorta like the "it's bad manners to call someone after 9 p.m. unless it's an emergency" thing your mom drilled into you .... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hey, I gotta say, out of so many poster on LS, Westy is NOT a jackass... No need go off topic -Maybe someone should a new thread about why married men/ married women should/shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. To hijack ellen's thread and argue about it isn't fair to her.You may want to retract that wwiu.....that comment was directed to me.....and you know that I AM a jackass..... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 :love: aw, moose, ya big teddy bear ... what a sweet thing to say!Had to Quank, she was sitting right next to me........ EWWOWIE!!<<<<<<Moose goes to rub his shoulder after Mrs. Moose punches him a good one>>>>>>> Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 You may want to retract that wwiu.....that comment was directed to me.....and you know that I AM a jackass..... Nope, it's okay. You're not a jackass! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Share Posted November 5, 2005 She contacts him all the time whichwayisup its a daily thing. He showed me all of his chat history yesterday. I found her a little flirtacious but not a lot...I dunno for only knowing someone a couple of weeks online it seems a little to friendly to me. I think the biggest thing that threw me was the night she asked him if everyone was sleeping at 12:30 am she was asking if I was in bed or hovering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Share Posted November 5, 2005 [quote=quankanne there is a good point raised in the previous posts: while you obviously are all right with him conversing with opposite sex friends, it's kind of odd that a single woman who has not met her friend's wife would be contacting him so late. Sorta like the "it's bad manners to call someone after 9 p.m. unless it's an emergency" thing your mom drilled into you .... I have a web hosting company that I run with my best friend who is a guy. I have never met this guy in person we have talked on the phone and online. So I have to talk to him online to see what needs to be done for the day. But I typically sign off at around 8-9 pm so we can talk or watch tv. I have drasically cut back on my work which is really not fair to my business partner but he is also my best friend so he understands. Why is a single woman spending so much time chatting to a married man if not to get something out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 You know I mean no disrespect here, but you come here for advice and opinons, your post title is even called, "Your opinon matters." However, it seems to me when you're given advice/opinons, you come up with excuses for his behavior. Over and over again you have said things such as, you don't really mind him talking to others of the opposite sex, or you have a male friend etc etc, or they talk in ims daily but its just chatting in general. I guess my question is, if this particular person bothers you, what are you gonna do? I have suggested over and over to talk with him about how this particular woman makes you feel. I have yet to hear if thats what you're gonna do or not. I understand you're probably confused about the whole thing, but I'm wondering if anything any of us has mentioned is sinking in as a possibility? Since you made this post, i'm sure they have still be chatting? What if while he was talking with her,you pulled up a chair and sat down beside him? Do you think it would bother him? Probably not since he doesn't seem to mind that you know who all he talks too. I really don't know alot more to tell you, other than express to him how this one woman makes you feel and see what he has to say or see if he stops chatting with her. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 5, 2005 Author Share Posted November 5, 2005 You know I mean no disrespect here, but you come here for advice and opinons, your post title is even called, "Your opinon matters." However, it seems to me when you're given advice/opinons, you come up with excuses for his behavior. I am taking all the advice I am getting here. But every marriage is different so no one hard fast way works for all. I am not making excuses for him. I have no issues with him talking to other women, but this one I think is just a little to friendly and to involved. I guess my question is, if this particular person bothers you, what are you gonna do? I have suggested over and over to talk with him about how this particular woman makes you feel. I have yet to hear if thats what you're gonna do or not. I have talked to him about it and he knows exactly how I feel. But I can't make him stop talking to her and he doesn't see anything wrong with their chatting. He has showed me thier chat history and I do see some spots where she seems flirtacious. Some things just don't feel right you know? What if while he was talking with her,you pulled up a chair and sat down beside him? Do you think it would bother him? Probably not since he doesn't seem to mind that you know who all he talks too. I have stopped to read over his shoulder it doesn't bother him. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 I know you don't mind him talking with others of the opposite sex, you have mentioned that before. Its good that you have talked with him, however, he is NOT going to see it as a problem because hes doing what he wants to do and hes getting something from it or he wouldn't keep doing it. You don't have a problem with him talking with others of the opposite sex, except for some reason this one struck you as odd. He doesn't have a problem with you talking to others of the opposite sex. Hes been honest in the fact that he seems to have nothing to hide as far as his ims or history or passwords etc. You have expressed to him about this particular woman, he hasn't and probably wont stop chatting with her, so I simply do not know what else to tell you. I still say shes feeding his ego, which he seems to be enjoying or he wouldn't keep talking with her. His ego needs to be stroked by you. His time chatting and forming an emotional connection with her is taking away from your marriage. I think its all up to what you want and what you feel is important. You're right you can't make him or force him to stop chatting with her. However, you could always pack your bags and leave. Not for good, but maybe it will get his attention. It may and it may not. Depends on how far his connection is with her. I'm not saying that will work just saying it might be worth a shot. My guess is its pretty far already because you have talked with him and he wont stop talking with her. Good luck in whatever you do. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Wintersbloom Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Ellen~ I am not expert in this internet game. I am having a very similar situation of my own. My Husband thought I was being unreasonable asking him to stop speaking to his ex online. I had noticed he treated me very differently when he was in contact with her. Almost suspicious of everything I said and/or did. Even my request to spend more time together being romantic he has interpreted, with her help, into..I don't want him to have fun?! I am a bit of a geek but usually a very trusting soul, I decided to read the messages they had sent back and forth. (Downloads.com message decoder) OMG, this was no "friendship" , the conversations were intimate and her comments were very disfavorable to me and our relationship. She does not want a relationship with him, just doesn't want him to be in a relationship with another woman. I wish I didn't have to snoop, but that is always an option. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 It's situations like this that makes me believe no husband or wife, should have a relationship, with the opposite sex outside, of the workplace.....period. It's not so much that Mrs. Moose and I don't trust each other, it's just the other party could become attached emotionally, which could lead to other things that both parties may regret. With that said, we've agreed......girls hang with the girls, and guys hang out with the guys...... We do hang out in forums like this, but no live chatting......gotta have rules! Totally agree with you 100% !!!! If you are going to do that then you shouldn't take vows and said forsaking all others ... Link to post Share on other sites
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