Gf broke it off, can't stand it, broke NC, going insane

[patwheel]

I needeed some slap on my head to wake up.

 

*happy bday to me*

 

family called, true friends called. she didnt, but I dont care, it didnt even affect me like it used to.

yesterday, started crying like a f*cking girl, ran to the counseling office, and then, the psy basically told me the same thing you said: "she is not part of your life at the moment. be good to yourself, just like you would be good to here, except now you're doing what really makes you happy"

 

best advice I ever got, and it opened my eyes. I slept good, I woke up with bday wishes from my loved ones, I still got some!

 

Thanks for all the advice!

[patwheel]

so yeah, i survived the bday without her. I was gonna be a nice boy and tell my family finally that we're not together anymore, since i kinda hid it because my mother is in love with her.

now what my mother does is even worse. since i did not tell her why we broke up, my mother decides to go on, and email the girl and ask her why? she also tells her that she hopes well be back together and be forgiven???? AND TO TOP ALL THIS, that I DONT DESERVE HER ATTENTION RIGHT NOW AND THAT SHE SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON HER STUDIES FIRST.

 

now i know that mothers are here to help, but what the hell was she thinking when I told her, mom we're not together anymore. she tells me that she just wanted to help. and I burst out on my poor friend that had to hear me yelling out of my lungs, why the hell is everyone against me today. It basically took one hour to get her to understand that we'll never be together again. The whole time she was like, but shes so nice, and so beautiful and so intelligent. People, why? why? I didnt tell my mother that we broke up to have this!

 

In any case, I pleaded her not to call or email her ever again. Im afraid that my ex is gonna think that I am trying to get to her through my mother. She didnt call on my bday. Not even a bday email. Not even a bday card. I hate her, I absolutely hate her.

 

Im going to see a psy, joining up groups, concentrating on school, keeping myself busy. Im stopping to care if she goes out and has tons of fun, i dont care if something happens to her, I dont care. I just want to better myself and move on. I am keeping NC full on, I hope that this mother thing did not undo anything.

Anyone has advice?

[omegaRED]

You don`t need any more advice.

 

You know what to do. All that`s left is to take action and do it. We`re all going through something similar. Try not to think and talk about her, if you still "want her back". Yes, a part of me misses my ex. But not the person she is. The person i saw and wanted to see, and what she made me believe is the real her.

 

We all crave companionship, that special girl/guy. But the fact is... We`re born alone, we`ll die alone. If someone comes along, and makes a period in our time on earth happier, more enjoyable, wonderfull etc. (and it always happens), then all the better. Cherish those times. But, at the end, you need to be happy by yourself, with yourself.

 

In a normal relationship (without abuse that is), when it ends, you don`t lose anything. Ok, you obvoiusly lose something, but you always gain more. At the very least, you gain fond memories. Good times. Fun. And, what`s most important, in, and especially out, of a relationship, we learn about ourselves. We learn new things, things we never done alone. But those things stay with us. I, for example, found out that i really enjoy cooking. Yes, it was more enjoyable with my ex, but nonetheless, i enjoy cooking by myself too. Try not to think what you lost, but what you gained.

 

Be strong.

[chocolate_boy]

so yeah, i survived the bday without her. I was gonna be a nice boy and tell my family finally that we're not together anymore, since i kinda hid it because my mother is in love with her.

now what my mother does is even worse. since i did not tell her why we broke up, my mother decides to go on, and email the girl and ask her why? she also tells her that she hopes well be back together and be forgiven???? AND TO TOP ALL THIS, that I DONT DESERVE HER ATTENTION RIGHT NOW AND THAT SHE SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON HER STUDIES FIRST.

 

now i know that mothers are here to help, but what the hell was she thinking when I told her, mom we're not together anymore. she tells me that she just wanted to help. and I burst out on my poor friend that had to hear me yelling out of my lungs, why the hell is everyone against me today. It basically took one hour to get her to understand that we'll never be together again. The whole time she was like, but shes so nice, and so beautiful and so intelligent. People, why? why? I didnt tell my mother that we broke up to have this!

 

In any case, I pleaded her not to call or email her ever again. Im afraid that my ex is gonna think that I am trying to get to her through my mother. She didnt call on my bday. Not even a bday email. Not even a bday card. I hate her, I absolutely hate her.

 

Im going to see a psy, joining up groups, concentrating on school, keeping myself busy. Im stopping to care if she goes out and has tons of fun, i dont care if something happens to her, I dont care. I just want to better myself and move on. I am keeping NC full on, I hope that this mother thing did not undo anything.

Anyone has advice?

 

Dude I know we've been going through similar situations over the last few weeks. An update for you, I broke down last night, completely, my bag got stolen from a bar with my phone, wallet, i-pod etc. in it and that was my final straw.

 

Came home and just broke-down, ended up calling my neighbour at 4am and going round to see her (she works with my ex) she was so helpful and put my mind at ease, I learn my ex is acting very happy and going out lots and is sort of seeing a new guy, and she really didn't think we'd have a chance of being together. She also told me that my ex treated me very ****ty with this break-up and was too immature for me.

 

I have now decided to let go of her. I never want to see or hear of her again.

 

It hurts like hell, but its the only way i feel.

 

Good luck to you too, maybe this will help you?

[patwheel]

Dude I know we've been going through similar situations over the last few weeks. An update for you, I broke down last night, completely, my bag got stolen from a bar with my phone, wallet, i-pod etc. in it and that was my final straw.

 

Came home and just broke-down, ended up calling my neighbour at 4am and going round to see her (she works with my ex) she was so helpful and put my mind at ease, I learn my ex is acting very happy and going out lots and is sort of seeing a new guy, and she really didn't think we'd have a chance of being together. She also told me that my ex treated me very ****ty with this break-up and was too immature for me.

 

I have now decided to let go of her. I never want to see or hear of her again.

 

It hurts like hell, but its the only way i feel.

 

Good luck to you too, maybe this will help you?

 

man man man, I have never expected to get so much help from an internet forum. That was the last push that I needed. And I feel relieved. After that happened, I just went to bed, slept on it. Woke up in the morning after 2 hours, wondering what the hell happened, how Ive never been like that, and how destructive I was becoming. Freaked the hell out of me. Basically, I slapped myself in the face, I cant go on like this anymore.

 

Yesterday, one of my supposed friend calls me up to "check up" on me. Weird check up, since he basically asked me if I was going out and if I was seeing anyone. Weird, no? In any case, he also told me that she met this guy, and she introduced him to people as her new boyfriend already, that she seemed happy, and that she is not looking back. I dont know what he expected me to react , but I was just like good for her. I didnt even feel any rush of blood to my head, no weak feeling, nada.

 

I finally got closure, or so I think. Yesterday night, I went out to a bar, bartender sees that I am alone (usually Im with her), and tries to hook me up with some hottie out there. Didnt do the deed, but feels good to be wanted again.

 

I am also finally sleeping better.

 

Chocolate man, I feel you man. I hit rock bottom that day, and it was definetly a wake up call. I think that once you take all your feelings in, and accept them, you make peace with yourself. The only thing is we have to accept it, and our brain was f*ckin with us for a long long time.

On my end, I missed out a lot, since everyone gives and compromises for the other one. But no regret, and I feel revigorated by this experience. I have my focus again, my drive for life.

On her end, I know that she will finally experience what she wants. We all know what happens in those quarter life crisis girls, and whatever happens I hope that she will be happy. No matter what happens, I am not looking at another relationship with her. I dont think I could ever be friends with her either, but time will only tell.

 

Have a good week end all of you!

[DaveNYC]

I just can't understand how woman can turn you off and shut you out. It really sucks... and here I sit in the EXACT same position you're in.... life ain't fair man. And neither are women.

 

It's been about three weeks now and not a word out of her mouth despite a few attempts to just "talk" to her. She's went from the love of my life to an absolute stranger... kinda bizzare if you ask me. I feel totally ****ed... totally.

 

Hang it there... I freaked out when my relationship fell apart.... I hope it gets better.. I really do.

[Ruff Ryder]

I just can't understand how woman can turn you off and shut you out. It really sucks... and here I sit in the EXACT same position you're in.... life ain't fair man. And neither are women.

 

It's been about three weeks now and not a word out of her mouth despite a few attempts to just "talk" to her. She's went from the love of my life to an absolute stranger... kinda bizzare if you ask me. I feel totally ****ed... totally.

 

Hang it there... I freaked out when my relationship fell apart.... I hope it gets better.. I really do.

 

 

Its strange that you say that-woman are supposed to be more emotionall than men are however in this day and age it seems to be the ladies that do the cheating and get over men much faster.

 

I think it has to do with the hole independence, its been drilled into there heads since a very young age and i think its second nature. Mom always tells daughter "you dont need no man to be happy" or some such crap.

 

The more you hear it the more youll belive it. Other than that i dont know how woman can get so cold so fast its strange love you one sec hate you the next...........

 

All i can say is just dont let it kill you live and ENJOY your life because you dont get a second chance at that everything else is negotible.

[patwheel]

Its strange that you say that-woman are supposed to be more emotionall than men are however in this day and age it seems to be the ladies that do the cheating and get over men much faster.

 

I think it has to do with the hole independence, its been drilled into there heads since a very young age and i think its second nature. Mom always tells daughter "you dont need no man to be happy" or some such crap.

 

The more you hear it the more youll belive it. Other than that i dont know how woman can get so cold so fast its strange love you one sec hate you the next...........

 

All i can say is just dont let it kill you live and ENJOY your life because you dont get a second chance at that everything else is negotible.

 

Couldn't put it better in any other way. I don't believe that anyone should depend on the other spouse, like in our parents, grandparents' life. In this day and age, both spouses have to work, or one has to work their ass off just to make a decent living.

Were both in law school, were both gonna do well. When we first met each other, we were just little kids, it seems like we went on our seperate ways, thats all.

 

I think that women are not senseless either, and I still do believe that they experience every moment more emotionally than us men do. Looking back at my relationship, I think that she was thinking this for at least 6 months. Slowly withdrawing, sexually, mentally, and then when she was totally withdrawn from the relationship, she was ready and then had to do what she had to do: leave.

 

I dont think that our exes can just switch on and off their emotions for us, but its more of a slow process that takes place, usually while in the relationship, and no matter what you do, no matter how sweet you are or how nice you treat her, she will not be there, because of the conflict that's going on inside her. Looking back at it, I just refused to let myself believe that my ex was falling out of love. The more I refused, the more I tried to hold on to her, and that was it.

 

Now, the situation makes a lot more sense, and both parties are always at fault. Just dont think that youre responsible, make peace with the break, dont put yourself in the same situation again.

I know Ill never want to be with my ex again, but if I had to do it again, I would, because we had our good times. But now, hell no! I am doing great, working out again, slowly going out, meeting new people, and slowly forgetting the pain of the break up. Of course it hurts, of course I feel lonely, but whatever pride and self esteem she took away, I need to gain back, and that only my only friend left is here to help me get back.

[Ruff]

Yes my friend you have hit the nail on the head. AMEN to you man keep your chin up move on and live your life to the fullest.

 

Never look back and never give up

[patwheel]

Now I need a little help...

 

2 weeks of NC, no word from her nada. I've been hanging out with my other friends that I have been neglecting while I was with her. Now, this guy in the group I was hanging out with my ex, emails me to wish me happy bday. I dont answer, although I should have, thinking, it's a decoy from my ex to try to get some news from me or whatever.

So a week passes by, I ignore those people, just hang out with my old friend, and since I changed my phone number, the guy comes up to my apartment, and decides to leave a note on my door saying "call me asap".

Now here's the deal, my building is high security, 3 guards, codes everywhere, pass cards, blah blah, can't get through if you're not on the guards list basically. So im thinking, there is only one way that he could have gone through, the garage, since my ex still has the garage pass card.

 

Why would anyone going through so many hoops just to leave me a note? I cant help but thinking its some scheme that the guy and my ex are trying to see what Im up to.

 

I call the guy up, to see if everything's ok, but he didnt answer, so I left a message saying, "hey, I got your message, thanks for checking on me, Im doing fine, hope everything is well with you."

 

Since then, nada. 2 days. I feel like even I didnt call my ex, I feel like I broke NC, and now Im f***ing regretting even thinking of calling a friend of hers.

 

On other news,

Before this whole thing, Ive always refused to go to a psy. Now, my psy is my new best friend. Non judgmental, non prejudicial, someone to talk to without any fear or repercussion. I am the las person to recommend going to see a psy, but it sure helps.