VincentCyjier Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 (edited) Hallo everyone, My girlfriend (32) and I (35) recently ended our 12 year long relationship. I've been increasingly unhappy over the years because I gave into her advances from the start, even though I've actually always (since I was 18) wanted an older girlfriend. This desire grew stronger and stronger over the years. My dream is a romantic long-term relationship with a nice woman (about 47 to 53 years old). There is so much we could do: We could travel to exciting places together, have romantic dinners or just sit together on the couch kissing and cuddling for hours. What is the best possibility to meet such a woman and to build a romantic love story together? The problem is that many women in this age group are already married and others are looking for a partner over 50. I have studied history and I work in a museum, I'm 6 feet tall, I'm quite a romantic guy and I'm not too bad at having conversations. Isn't there the perfect woman for me who would desperately want me, too? Edited January 13, 2023 by VincentCyjier Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 From what I'm hearing from older women these days you shouldn't have a problem. Have you tried dating apps describing what your preferences are? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 1 hour ago, VincentCyjier said: Isn't there the perfect woman for me who would desperately want me, too? Perfect doesn’t exist. And you don’t really want someone that desperately wants you. That’s unhealthy. But a relationship with an older woman shouldn’t be a problem. That being said, I’d focus on the connection first, and worry about age later. Like if there’s a strong connection and she happens to be 46 or 55 will you lose interest because she’s not in your specified age range? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 1 hour ago, VincentCyjier said: The problem is that many women in this age group are already married and others are looking for a partner over 50. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. In addition join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses. Broaden your horizons. There's plenty of single and divorced women in this age range. You would have to be open to things like young adult children, etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 1 hour ago, VincentCyjier said: My dream is a romantic long-term relationship with a nice woman (about 47 to 53 years old). That's kinda of specific. My first thought when a younger guys is only targeting older women are gigolos. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 Most women are not looking for a much younger man...some are but I think it will not be an easy find and your sex drives may differ greatly. Why do you want one over 47? Close to menopause or past it? My suggestion, is to lower the age range. You can have more in common to the social and popular likes and dislikes. Other than online, where will you meet them--At the museum? This is a mere 7 year age range! Don't expect to find them in classes or groups...maybe gardening or art clubs. All the volunteers I know of are elderly. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 Do you work in a museum because you like old things? Sorry, I couldn't resist . Just go on any dating app and you'll find dozens of women happy to date younger men. Whether it would be a perfect love story is highly debatable, mainly because that really only happens in Barbara Cartland novels. It would be more likely that you would get involved with someone who has adult children, possibly even grandchildren, who are very much in the picture as a big part of Older Woman's life, so you're actually having a relationship with a whole family. There wouldn't be so much kissing and cuddling on the couch, more likely sitting on the couch with the grandkids watching The Wiggles for the fiftieth time. Not always easy. Unless you specify that you're looking for someone with no ties, but then the field gets much smaller. Also, and this is by no means a judgement, but I have often noticed that women who go for much younger men tend to be rather controlling. Almost like they choose a younger guy because he's easier to control due to, (usually), less life experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 (edited) The main issue right now is you’ve just ended a long term relationship and this is a fantasy that might have carried you through those unhappy years (grass is greener). I’m not sure many older women would take you seriously. You have youth and the physical aspect to your advantage but emotionally or intellectually not be an even match. People generally tend to look for similarities in lived experiences. There’s also the issue of families, children and the realities of dating someone much older. Are you not interested in having children? Edited January 14, 2023 by glows 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VincentCyjier Posted January 14, 2023 Author Share Posted January 14, 2023 (edited) 14 hours ago, MsJayne said: Quote Unless you specify that you're looking for someone with no ties, but then the field gets much smaller. I am prepared to establish a relationship with her family and her children. Although I want to become a very important part of her life, I realise that she has other connections, friendships and family and I'd love to be a loving boyfriend or even husband to her who gets along well with her children, helps her with the housework and surprises her by cooking her favourite meal. Nevertheless we should have enough time left for romantic evenings where only the two of us matter. I really can't wait to find her so that we can make each other incredibly happy. Quote People generally tend to look for similarities in lived experiences. There’s also the issue of families, children and the realities of dating someone much older. Are you not interested in having children? The age gap doesn't mean that we can't have similarities in lived experiences. In the course of the relationship we can have romantic, beautiful and unforgettable experiences together, even in the hard times when we stick together to overcome difficulties. I'd like to have children and I know that I should have established a relationship with a girl 15 years older than me when I was 18 or 19. I sometimes regret that I haven't done that. Nevertheless it would be nice if my girlfriend in her late 40s or early 50s had teenage or young adult children, I would try to be a positive role model to them as I would try everything to be a good, loving boyfriend/husband to my beloved woman. Edited January 14, 2023 by VincentCyjier Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 3 hours ago, VincentCyjier said: I am prepared to establish a relationship with her family and her children. Although I want to become a very important part of her life, I realise that she has other connections, friendships and family and I'd love to be a loving boyfriend or even husband to her who gets along well with her children, helps her with the housework and surprises her by cooking her favourite meal. Nevertheless we should have enough time left for romantic evenings where only the two of us matter. I really can't wait to find her so that we can make each other incredibly happy. The age gap doesn't mean that we can't have similarities in lived experiences. In the course of the relationship we can have romantic, beautiful and unforgettable experiences together, even in the hard times when we stick together to overcome difficulties. I'd like to have children and I know that I should have established a relationship with a girl 15 years older than me when I was 18 or 19. I sometimes regret that I haven't done that. Nevertheless it would be nice if my girlfriend in her late 40s or early 50s had teenage or young adult children, I would try to be a positive role model to them as I would try everything to be a good, loving boyfriend/husband to my beloved woman. It’s better if you start dating with the intention of breaking into it and just seeing what’s out there. Join a dating app, meet up groups or interest groups and start talking to people. You’re coming at this hard with major expectations and I wouldn’t like to see you trampled and eaten/chewed out by the dating scene. A lot of what you want is fine and good but much of it, I’d say 90% is what many, many other people are also looking for. Like any other fetish or very strong point or basis for attraction I would use caution as no one wants to be objectified because of their age, looks, ethnicity and so on. You’re looking beyond skin deep. And if you have found yourself quite ticked off with younger women, I’d also explore that. As you may know there are very childish, immature and superficial older individuals also and you may see many traits in an older generation that you may be trying to get away from in a younger one. Just something to be cautious about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 In regards to having children I’m not clear on what you’re saying. You want children of your own but should have started earlier with an older woman. How do you see this urge to have children progressing in a relationship like this? Are you completely resigned to not having children then? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 22 hours ago, VincentCyjier said: who would desperately want me, Unfortunately this is not a good reason to seek out someone who you suspect may be "desperate". Dating compatible women is more important than a specific age range. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 (edited) OP, a dating app or website is your best chance, with an age preference for what you desire - 47-53. You may have to round off though, say 45-55. No doubt many women in this age demographic would be open and more than happy to date a younger man like you, assuming there is mutual attraction and chemistry. Many of these women are divorced with older children away at college or otherwise out of the house. I say go for what you want and nevermind what others think about. We all have our preferences and society doesn't blink an eye when women seek out older men. Have fun and enjoy your life! Edited January 14, 2023 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 54 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Many of these women are divorced with older children away at college or otherwise out of the house. I agree and there are a lot of single older women who never wanted kids, are child free; and would like a younger partner. I don't think you'll have a problem at all finding what you want. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 (edited) "Perfect" love stories probably don't exist, although things can be really great some of the time. Social media and coming across a couple in one of their better moments, like on vacation, can leave a false impression of "perfection" and plenty of Instagram couples have had nasty infighting, divorces, cheating, even murder, behind the scenes. Don't let "pretty surfaces" fool you. As pointed out, finding an older woman to date shouldn't be overly difficult if you're bringing a good overall package to the table. Edited January 15, 2023 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 That is quite a sizable age gap specified. Why do you want a woman that is considerably older than you? You have to a great deal to offer any woman, any age. Allot of older women will have children and you will never be a priority if that's the case. I think you have over romanticised this is your head and haven't considered the reality. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 On 1/17/2023 at 12:15 PM, JTSW said: I think you have over romanticised this is your head and haven't considered the reality. I agree with this, the "only focus on me" stands out in the OP posts. Frankly this is unlikely to happen if she has kids and perhaps its different in the US but a great number of people that age group have kids and that will bring further complications. Having said all of that I suppose a fantasy is great but be aware the reality may not really match the idea. You may as well try but you posts do seem very idealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 20, 2023 Share Posted January 20, 2023 As an older woman I would say: 1. There are plenty of 40somethings who would find a 30something attractive. 2. The age difference isn't all that weird given you are 37. Now if you were 25 looking for a 40+ it would be tougher, because that really would seem younger to the woman. But 37 is no baby. You're definitely a grownup. You don't need to be picked up from frat parties or anything. You are solidly in the "been a grown man for quite a while now" territory. Look online, I suppose...you will find dates for sure. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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