HE is super busy, works for 14 hours daily . last week he called me suddenly and said that he cant be with me and he went to meet his family and things changed.

[spiritedaway2003]

My advice: Don't waste any more mental energy on it.  If you told your husband everything, I'm a little surprised he didn't ask you to block him and delete him.  Why he continues to message you GM is not relevant, or if he wants to be friends or not.  You don't need to be friends with him - you have a say in that. He's done and not interested in more.  Also keep in mind that  even if he was the one started it, it doesn't give you a moral high ground.   In the end, you would have been receptive to his advances and THAT is the question you need to ask yourself, why?  (Rhetorical question to think about)

Move on.  Block him and be done with him. There's nothing but trouble brewing there anyway.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Priyanka said:

Right now, Im not trying at all. After he'rejected me' and wanted a guest and host relationship, I never sent a single message or try to contact him. He started to send GM messages daily. I just copy paste back to him. I am not pursuing anything now. I am here in this forum asking you all what would his current intentions are in sending me Gm messages daily after his moral lecture. Hope you got the point.

I already answered you in the first post. 

You can’t change who he is. You can only change what you’re doing and how much time you want to waste worrying over a man who only wanted to have sex with you and then got tired of chasing for that sex. He’s only maintaining his thin “professional” facade now because he realizes you’re way too invested and it wasn’t what he signed up for or ever wanted with you.

Edited December 17, 2022 by glows

[Priyanka]

28 minutes ago, glows said:

I already answered you in the first post. 

You can’t change who he is. You can only change what you’re doing and how much time you want to waste worrying over a man who only wanted to have sex with you and then got tired of chasing for that sex. He’s only maintaining his thin “professional” facade now because he realizes you’re way too invested and it wasn’t what he signed up for or ever wanted with you.

professional facade after I checked out as a guest from the hotel? By saying Good Morning every day? Where is the need?

[LynneVicious]

18 minutes ago, Priyanka said:

professional facade after I checked out as a guest from the hotel? By saying Good Morning every day? Where is the need?

You keep asking about his thoughts. No one will know but him. Since this seems to be bothering you so much, why do t you just ask him? No one here can possibly answer what he wants. 

[BrinnM]

11 minutes ago, Priyanka said:

professional facade after I checked out as a guest from the hotel? By saying Good Morning every day? Where is the need?

Maybe he feels guilty and wants to appear like he hasn’t yet discarded you completely. After all, you spent money on presents that he accepted, so maybe he feels like he owes you some degree of minimum attention. But who knows…

He already told you he wants no affair or friendship. He wants a professional relationship (whatever that means), or no relationship at all. So therefore, I don’t know why you’re still preoccupied with figuring out “what he wants”.

Apparently he changed his mind, maybe because he knows that your husband knows? If that’s not the reason, then maybe he has found another love interest in the meantime, or he changed his mind for whatever other reason. (You will never know if you don’t ask him. And even then, you will never know if he’s truthful with his explanation if he should decide to provide one in the first place.)

What you do know is that his words and actions match up. He has told you what he wants and what he doesn’t want, and he has no longer proposed sex to you ever since. So take this at face value. And ignore the GM messages. They mean nothing. Especially not friendship. 

[Priyanka]

28 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

Maybe he feels guilty and wants to appear like he hasn’t yet discarded you completely. After all, you spent money on presents that he accepted, so maybe he feels like he owes you some degree of minimum attention. But who knows…

He already told you he wants no affair or friendship. He wants a professional relationship (whatever that means), or no relationship at all. So therefore, I don’t know why you’re still preoccupied with figuring out “what he wants”.

Apparently he changed his mind, maybe because he knows that your husband knows? If that’s not the reason, then maybe he has found another love interest in the meantime, or he changed his mind for whatever other reason. (You will never know if you don’t ask him. And even then, you will never know if he’s truthful with his explanation if he should decide to provide one in the first place.)

What you do know is that his words and actions match up. He has told you what he wants and what he doesn’t want, and he has no longer proposed sex to you ever since. So take this at face value. And ignore the GM messages. They mean nothing. Especially not friendship. 

Could be. But he started to send me a good evening message starting from today. As you said he must be feeling guilty and wants to show that he owes me that much. But it has been 13 days since I gave him gifts, he thanked me twice already... and he should now stop being nice to me by daily sending GM messages. No need of that right?

[ExpatInItaly]

You're wasting a lot of mental energy on something that is a dead end. 

It doesn't matter why he still sends messages. What matters is you are married and can never be with this man. It's quite obvious you want him, but unless you plan on having an affair, it's never going to happen. You're focusing on the wrong things. 

By the way, it's also very obvious that he's done this before with other guests. He knew exactly how to start this all off and exactly what to say to you to get you hooked. I promise you that you are not the first woman to fall for it, and you may not be the only one right now, either. I would not be at all surprised if he's interested in someone else and just keeping you on the backburner in case you cave in. 

[Els]

15 hours ago, Priyanka said:

I tried to change his mind for over a period of one month by giving moral lectures.

Moral lectures? Wow, yes, that is most definitely the appropriate response....

Do you have any real friends, Priyanka? And by that, I mean friends who aren't trying to get you to have an affair with them?

Edited December 17, 2022 by Elswyth

[basil67]

All this concern over meaningless good morning/good night messages.....how about you just block him and leave him in the past?

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Priyanka said:

 By saying Good Morning every day? 

Most phones have an automated scheduled texting feature or apps that he may have forgotten to turn off. You can block his contact info to discontinue the messages.

[Priyanka]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Most phones have an automated scheduled texting feature or apps that he may have forgotten to turn off. You can block his contact info to discontinue the messages.

I see him typing many times...also he never sent even a single GM message ever to me. He now started with more good evening messages. I see him typing it  and it is not at a particular time. He sends messages at various times..

[Priyanka]

19 hours ago, basil67 said:

All this concern over meaningless good morning/good night messages.....how about you just block him and leave him in the past?

He never messaged me GM since he started talking to me. We anyway hardly chatted. He suddenly started with these Gm and now good evening too ( from last 3 days) after he said we cant be anything more than a guest and a host. Why these sudden messages that were never sent earlier and why does he need to be a great host even after I checked out of the hotel days ago? Is he soo impressed with my gifts?

[ExpatInItaly]

27 minutes ago, Priyanka said:

Why these sudden messages that were never sent earlier and why does he need to be a great host even after I checked out of the hotel days ago? Is he soo impressed with my gifts?

Why do the asnwers to these questions matter?

You are married and need to stop this. 

[BaileyB]

29 minutes ago, Priyanka said:

Why these sudden messages that were never sent earlier and why does he need to be a great host even after I checked out of the hotel days ago?

Who cares? You checked out of the hotel, you are married… Why are you looking for drama? Block him and be done with it.

[LynneVicious]

Rereading your first post, you mentioned you ‘begged’ him several times to be your ‘friend’, are chasing him and giving g him gifts. This is not behavior conducive to fidelity in marriage. 

You’re asking all the questions. Instead of asking why he is sending good morning tests, ask why you are so obsessed with being his ‘friend’ and why his actions mean so much to you. 

I think you know why. Unless you’re willing to throw your marriage away, you should 100% cut all contact, both professionally and personally and focus on your marriage. 

[mark clemson]

It's pretty clear he is a "game player". These sorts of folks go hot and cold and it messes with your mind. He can't just let you go because he experiences it as a form of rejection (or perhaps some other reason), but these things are his psychological issues to deal with.

There's no benefit to you from any of this + further contact may upset your husband more than it already has. Tell him to stop contacting you and leave you be.

[stillafool]

On 12/17/2022 at 9:54 AM, Priyanka said:

Oh that is why he asked me ( a fan) for sexual favours? Kept asking me repeatedly knowing very well that it would risk his job? Kept asking me repeatedly though I kept rejecting them? Even now, after he 'rejected' me, keeps sending me messages???? So, who is after whom ? Thanks

This is interesting because any other married woman who is not looking for an affair would have backed away the moment this guy hinted at sexual favors.  The fact that you continued engaging with him is very telling and I wonder how this made your husband feel.  As far as learning how to cook from this chef you could do that by watching his videos, you didn't need to talk to him at all.  Your excuses are weak.  I watch Ina Garten videos and I don't need her to be in the kitchen with me to learn to make her recipes.

Edited December 18, 2022 by stillafool

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Priyanka said:

He never messaged me GM since he started talking to me. We anyway hardly chatted. He suddenly started with these Gm and now good evening too ( from last 3 days) after he said we cant be anything more than a guest and a host. Why these sudden messages that were never sent earlier and why does he need to be a great host even after I checked out of the hotel days ago? Is he soo impressed with my gifts?

You keep repeating the above as if you're hoping someone here says he's doing this to get your attention because he has feelings for you.  That is not the case at all.  You're spending way too much time trying to analyze this man's actions and it's highly inappropriate.  You need to analyze why you are so taken with him when you're a married woman.

[BrinnM]

My advice - Just ask him what he wants with these good morning and good evening messages. If he can’t give you a logical answer just ignore him from now on. And be done with it. And keep us posted

[Priyanka]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

You keep repeating the above as if you're hoping someone here says he's doing this to get your attention because he has feelings for you.  That is not the case at all.  You're spending way too much time trying to analyze this man's actions and it's highly inappropriate.  You need to analyze why you are so taken with him when you're a married woman.

Then why is he sending me messages? Did he suddenly realise that he lost a dear friend? Is he open to friendship now that I have given him expensive gifts? These messages must mean 'something'. Now Im bot ready for even a friendship. All I want from him is a sorry for messing up my life, wasting my time when I didnot even want a friendship to begin with.

IN those 25 days of no contact in November, he tried to send pies through my husband, kept enquiring when I would come to the hotel next. He forcibly gave a pie to my husband to give to me. Once I received it, I thanked him but he didnot respond. Even then I didnot pursue further. Suddenly he called up and said no relationship whatever. Only guest and host. I requested him to be my friend and let me wish him on special occasions and not a daily friendship type. after much begging from my side, He said I can message only on special occasions and I should call him only during 'emergency'. He said he cant be anything more than a host.

This is how he 'broke up' on phone:

He said ' I went home(his hometown) and met family and you know how it is when you meet your family so I think we should just be a guest and host from now on".

I asked ' what exactly happened? can you at least say that and can we remain friends?'

He said ' As I mentioned, I went to my family and you know what happens when you meet family. thanks for understanding'

I said ' So you decided already or asking me? and why cant we be friends, we were not even in a relationship, we just spoke about it'

He said ' As I said, it is good for both of us if we can maintain a professional relationship, thanks for understanding'

I said ' But i didnot understand the reason and I also bought many gifts for Christmas to you. What do I do with them? Should I even visit your hotel from now'?

He said ' It is upto you if you want to visit the hotel. yes you can leave gifts at reception area. All my guests give me gifts so that is fine. Many thanks again. bye' And he disconnected the phone.

Later he thanked me for the awesome gifts. Since then he has been sending GM messages. Now he started with Good evening messages too.

All I now want to know is why these messages when he doesnt want any friendship. Yes, I do want a closure, a sorry from him for unnecessarily messing up my life when I didnot even wanted a friendship to begin with, for making me do/say things I never ever did in my life before, bringing me to a point where I had to beg for his friendship and then suddenly ending a relationship that didnot even exist. He ended in exactly 2 min of phone without even asking, explaining the reason making me feel that I was the one who initiated all this nonsense. Im unable to stay calm. I want to do the same what he did with me. I want him to say sorry and finish off the matter.  I want to paly the same game( im not wasting my time or putting in any efforts this time) by seeing how he will progress and one fine day, exactly say the same things that he said to me pn phone and end things for good. I sooo want to do that. I know Im being stupid, silly but I JUST WANT TO DO THAT. If that doesnot happen, so be it. But I will wait and see what he does instead of blocking him. I wont initiate anything for sure( 100%) but I want to see him play his game. If he stops at any point, that is fine too.

[Priyanka]

4 hours ago, BrinnM said:

My advice - Just ask him what he wants with these good morning and good evening messages. If he can’t give you a logical answer just ignore him from now on. And be done with it. And keep us posted

I hate how much I begged him to be my friend and let me wish him on special occasions and that he need not even engage me with daily conversations. He made me feel that I was the one who started all this. I was just his fan, admiring his work from a distance, never spoke to him by going up to him ever. He wasted my time, energy.  YOU CANT IMAGINE HOW SHOCKED I WAS, HOW MUCH IT PAINED ME, all this conversation on phone where I was begging him to stay friends with me. NO ONE CAN. So please dont say I should block him. I wont. I want to see how he will play this game and I really want to give him back . use the same words he used to me on phone. If that doesnt happen, it is OK but I wont ever initiate anything from my side. That story is over. I told everything to my husband and though he doesnt support me in what I am doing he letting me do what am doing as long as I dont initiate anything from my side. It is all weird, I know but different families work in different ways. So dont judge.

[LynneVicious]

1. Sounds like you’re deep in an emotional affair 

2. Sounds like you have a problem with rejection. 

Not a good combination. You’re your own worst enemy here. Proceed at your own peril. 

[Priyanka]

Perhaps.

Thanks, wasnt looking for suggestions but to help me with a guess of his current intentions. But I do know you guys mean well, so thanks again.

[JTSW]

On 12/16/2022 at 11:01 AM, Priyanka said:

I wont block him until I see how all these sudden GM messages end. I want to know his intentions in sending those to me. WHen he called me to say he isnot interested in me anymore, rejected my friendship too then why the messages? Which host messages a guest like that daily? Is that professional? If the management comes to know, wont they question him? 

You have answered your own question here.

He completely lost interest but you can't let go.

Nothing about his behaviour was professional in any way and I think he realised that.

He is now just being polite and you are reading too much into it.

If you want to know why he still sends messages then you will have to ask him.

None of us here have the answer to that.

I think you need to forget about this guy because he's obviously not wasting his time worrying about you.

Start concentrating on your poor husband.

[JTSW]

16 hours ago, Priyanka said:

I see him typing many times

So you constantly sit and watch his WhatsApp.

16 hours ago, Priyanka said:

Why these sudden messages that were never sent earlier and why does he need to be a great host even after I checked out of the hotel days ago? Is he soo impressed with my gifts?

Ask him.

5 hours ago, Priyanka said:

why is he sending me messages?

Ask him.

5 hours ago, Priyanka said:

These messages must mean 'something'.

Ask him.

5 hours ago, Priyanka said:

All I now want to know is why these messages when he doesnt want any friendship.

These are just from one page of your comments.

You ask the same question over and over and the only person that can answer this question is him.

You are acting ridiculously desperate and obsessed.

You recounted your conversation where you begged him to still be friends then you say you don't want friendship.

You really need block all contact with him and move past all this.

He doesn't want anything to do with you.

Accept that.