Guy friend calls me crazy when I'm nice to him?

[TNGirl78]

My guy friend will sometimes tell me he’s awkward or ugly/fat during conversations. If I say he’s lovable, handsome, etc in response or just in the course of a conversation, he’ll tell me I’m sweet but crazy for thinking so, that he’s worried about my eyesight, I should get out more, etc. I try not to overdo it or say things I don’t mean. We’ve gone out in the past and talk all the time so I’m not sure why that’s his response. 

[basil67]

I guess it's what he believes.   I'm probably going to sound mean, but I have little time for this kind of behaviour.  If I were you, I'd be changing my responses.   First things first, is he unattractive, overweight and/or awkward?   

If not, there are a few responses you could try:

1. Your self depreciative comments seem to be a running theme and I'm concerned about your mental health.  I think you need to see somebody for help

2. I'm not having this conversation with you

3. Yes, you've said this a number of times, but then you insult me when I tell you otherwise.  I'm not OK with you suggesting that I'm lying or crazy or blind. 

4. Yes, you've said this a number of times.  You know I see you differently, but my words seem to have no effect.  Apparently I'm not able to help, so I think you need therapy to overcome this.

5. (see 3) I've suggested that you need therapy.  How's that going?

[TNGirl78]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

First things first, is he unattractive, overweight and/or awkward?   

I don’t think he is any of those things. On the flip side, he’s pretty sensitive to perceived criticism too so I try to choose my words carefully too. 

[glows]

He seems very self-absorbed and rude. How do you feel after hanging out with him? Are you inspired and feeling light or mentally drained and confused?

[TNGirl78]

2 hours ago, glows said:

He seems very self-absorbed and rude. How do you feel after hanging out with him? Are you inspired and feeling light or mentally drained and confused?

Not at all. We usually laugh and have good conversations on the phone and in person. Text is usually where this stuff usually comes out. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, TNGirl78 said:

. Text is usually where this stuff usually comes out. 

Try to text less. Does he have a habit of fishing for compliments and reassurances?

He seems rather high maintenance and draining.Was this the reason you're not dating?

Edited December 12, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

2 hours ago, TNGirl78 said:

Not at all. We usually laugh and have good conversations on the phone and in person. Text is usually where this stuff usually comes out. 

Then avoid saying those things. He may feel uncomfortable and is showing you that by coming back at you with those responses. Just lol back and go along with what he says, change the subject. You don’t need to convince him he’s not what he says he is.