Dumper won't let go

[Johndan123]

Keeping it short, we know each other for 15+ years, been together for 13 years ( 4 years married) and she dumped me 4 years ago and got divorce.

Indeed, I didn't want this at that time, many tears and begging to her to give us another chance, without success. Eventually I gave up after a month and ate my tears, suffering in silence. At the time of divorce ( 4 months after the separation) she's been in a relationship with someone else and moving fast together like it wasn't tomorrow. I was faking that I'm OK and happy that we ended things, been traveling solo, posting on Facebook "happy" pics from different places knowing that she will see them and regret the decision somehow, although I wouldn't take her back my heart was ripped off from me and thought about suicide and stuff.

 

However, 4 years have passed and now I'm truly OK with what happened, although I don't feel prepared to be again in a relationship and thinking that eventually I'll die alone, and that's OK.

 

But, she won't let me go, at least that's what I felt. In all this time she contacted me multiple times "breadcrumbing" me and each time I told her that I don't want to talk with her and to stop the communication. I've blocked her on Facebook and Whatsapp recently just to don't get any more messages. However, 3 weeks ago we met accidentally and I've ignored her on purpose ( I've looked away when getting closer to each other) and then she sent me a message on my phone number that we know each other since 15+ years ago and I didn't said even a "hello" and such. I told her that since 4 years ago we went on separate ways in life, that I was quiet and minding my business and respecting her wishes and I really don't want to hear from her again, especially having a serious relationship with someone else, that won't be fair.

She again "complained" that we know each other for a long time and seems that I haven't changed at all, and that she talks with her boyfriend everything and he doesn't seems to be bothering if we two talk. However, I replied once more that I have no choice and block her on my phone as well and wished her all the best.

 

I'm wondering what's going on? She wants to be friends, for what? Been 4+ years since the divorce and still wants to be contacted now and then, I feel that she's selfish or can't truly let me go. After telling me that she talks everything with her boyfriend, seems that she's happy and fulfilled, why would she want to keep in touch after so long time and plenty of direct rejection from me?

 

I'm sorry for this long message, I know that I shouldn't care but dunno, I would like to have a possible answer, although her motivation is that we know each other for long time.

Thank you for reading my message, pace!

 

[basil67]

I can only imagine how annoying this is for you, especially as you're doing the right thing in blocking her.   You ask what's going on - it's as simple as her being selfish and having no respect for your boundaries.  

She probably will find a way to contact you again, so get a response ready.  As much as I perceive you as being a thoughtful and tactful type of person, I think you'll need to lose all that tact and give her a direct hit.  If it were me, I'd tell her that you have no desire to be in contact with her, let alone be her friend.  I'd tell her that she's selfish in ignoring your preference for no contact and that her complete and utter lack of boundaries in finding new ways to contact you only cements how little respect you have for her.  Hit send and then block

Edited November 23, 2022 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Johndan123 said:

She wants to be friends, for what?

In case he dumps her. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Johndan123 said:

. I've blocked her on Facebook and Whatsapp recently just to don't get any more messages. 

 Unfortunately the friendzone is to make her feel better about herself.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't revolve your life around her any longer including "happy pics" on social media hoping she'll come back.

The sooner you make a clean and complete break the sooner you'll feel better and can move forward in peace without all this background noise.

Edited November 23, 2022 by Wiseman2

[JTSW]

Keep blocking her on everything you can think of.

If she finds a way to contact you, ignore and block every time.

Don't respond to anything anymore.

Don't give her the satisfaction of responding. 

She will eventually give up.

Don't be afraid of relationships in the future. I know it's hard but not every woman is like her.

[stillafool]

The next time she reaches you just come out and hurt her feelings.  Tell her to stop trying to contact you because you have no interest in ever talking to her again.  Wish her well and tell her you will no longer answer or welcome any communication from her. 

[Will am I]

On 11/23/2022 at 10:22 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately the friendzone is to make her feel better about herself.

My feeling too. Soothing her conscience.

[glows]

You mentioned hoping for her to regret the divorce by seeing your pictures on social media. Weren’t you looking for that attention from her regardless? None of this matters if you didn’t actually care about what she thinks or what she does. 

I suspect the problem is you wanted her to come back to you but not in this way as just an acquaintance. I get the feeling you wanted her to come crawling back, heart in hand and tail between her legs possibly only to reject her for what she’d done to you or reconcile. It’s all a power play and there’s too much resentment for a friendship.

I don’t think she’s interested in being with you but she’s got so little emotional maturity that she can’t see how inappropriate her words and actions are. You’ve told her not to contact you and you deliberately ignored her in person. That would give most people the signal that they don’t want any contact. 

End this by blocking and deleting her completely. She may crave attention but you’re not there to feed her ego. Work on you and making room to find someone special again.