Girl will not kiss me even after 3 years

[IrinaM]

Have you given this woman money? For emergencies, or a gift, to help with a sick relative, etc?

This woman has never given a sign that she cares about you.

Also- it takes two to tell a lie, one to tell it, one to believe it. I think you are being very gullible and naive. A beautiful woman who gets nude on a video call, totally unsolicited, when you've never even met her?

If it seems too good to be true, it is. <<If more people lived by this motto we would have a lot less scams taking place in this world.

[dancehead]

Well, we went out for a meal in a restaurant and I paid the bill. I bought her a beer at the bar at the beach. But that is what is expected of men in south America. She did offer to pay half for the meal though. I've still done nothing no contact, but it is still bothering me at weekends when I have time to think about her.

[S2B]

She’s an opportunist. She has a pattern of teasing you - all the while pursuing other men. 
 

I think she’s been wasting your time!

Edited October 9, 2023 by S2B

[dancehead]

On 9/27/2023 at 12:34 AM, dancehead said:

So, there is a new instalment in this tale. July (2023): She asked me when I'm coming to see her, because she is free for a relationship now, and back in Europe and very sorry she didn't give me a chance last time. Because of work and other commitments I told her October. So all this time since July we chatted everyday like a couple making plans for the future. She really was struggling finding a good job, kept moving from job to job,  really hard jobs, for bad money. So at the end of Aug I was asking her when the best time would be to book the flight, ie when is she not working..... She said she'll let me know.

She never did, now contact this at the start of this month (Sept) from her has become very little, with her not replying to me or taking ages to do so. She said that she's had it with the country shes in, shes going back to her country in a month, we''ll meet over there. If that is her decision, ok,  she knows she was welcome to come to the UK... So I told her I can still come over before she goes because it is much less of a flight and quicker. She said no sorry I don't want you to come. Really strange, I thought. I asked her why? No reply. Since then, radio silence, which was about 10 days ago.

Then what just came up on my phone (social media)??? She's in a relationship with xxxxxxx - 'some old guy' (older than me)  -!!!!!  But not only that the date this relationship started was beginning of AUGUST!, when we were in full lovey dovey couple mode making future plans etc.

I can't believe she has done this to me again!!! First time I went over to see her she got a boyfriend that I didn't know about until I got there. Now I was coming over with a 3 month build up and shes met some other dude and not told me, just gone very quiet and said shes leaving the country. Bet shes not since, he is also in Europe.

So I've done and said nothing. What I would like to ask is, now what do I do?. Do I confront her with it? Send her a screenshot of this relationship status, "WTF is this??" all while we were making plans.. etc..... . I think in all my years of dating I have never been so confused and felt so out of control of the situation  as I do with this girl. Everything was ok up until a month ago though.

Yeah I know you might say leave it, she's not worth it and I have... But I feel if I don't call her out on the fact she's been leading me on while dating other(s), I'll look like a doormat

Or the other option is carry on like I never saw the status update! I'm under no illusions that maybe she is not for me long term - and yes she is not sincere. But I wanted to find out for myself after nearly 4 years of knowing this girl...

Hi, there is an update to this story. I did nothing and did not mention that I knew about this new old guy. Eventually her messages became less and less and I left it. Xmas came and went. Her social media was saying single again 3 months ago, I did not contact her. She has texted me from a new number. Said she misses me. Her reason for ghosting me was she was having to fix her situation that she was sad about. (yeah whatever!) I have invited her over for a weekend with me and she said she'll get back to me. I'm not putting any effort in aside from asking her to let me know ASAP so I can book my time off work. She has not appeared too keen in letting me know. I don't expect she wants to come or she may have other offers. I don't really know why she even contacted me in the first place !?? I will not chase her or give her any more reminders about it, ball is in her court. She probably has a string of other men on the go. In this situation, I think she is the one now who should chase me if she really is serious about seeing me again. Thoughts??

Edited May 14 by dancehead

[FredEire]

Having read over the thread I'm confused about why you're still communicating with her at all.

The nudes are for attention, like dangling a carrot, it's to get you excited so she can feel wanted and beautiful, but the girl hasn't even kissed you after 3 years, she's not interested end of story.

I'd just laugh it off say I think we should stop talking Im sorry and then block if she's bothering you. Don't waste your energy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Between this thread and the other one you've just updated, I am wondering why you seem to pursue or hold on to hope for women who are no longer showing signs of genuine interest in you. 

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Between this thread and the other one you've just updated, I am wondering why you seem to pursue or hold on to hope for women who are no longer showing signs of genuine interest in you. 

Yes I didn't realise it was the same poster.

You seem to be choosing very poor options on where to focus your attention. Forget both these girls, get out there and meet someone proper who's not a waste of time.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, dancehead said:

Thoughts??

I can't figure out why you still allow her to contact you.   Just block her and be done with it

[dancehead]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Between this thread and the other one you've just updated, I am wondering why you seem to pursue or hold on to hope for women who are no longer showing signs of genuine interest in you. 

I guess that's a good point.  I don't put much effort into dating or socialising locally with women in my local area. All the women I'm in contact with at the moment are in other countries that I met at one time or other on dating apps. A few of them are very interested in me but I'm not that interested in them aside from being friendly. There doesn't seem to be many matches nor women I like locally, I live in a village, most of the action is in the city. Aside from the holiday I had in Feb,  I'm in a work, eat, sleep, then spend the weekend recovering cycle. I rarely come out of my shell these days, I probably should.

[Gebidozo]

59 minutes ago, dancehead said:

I don't put much effort into dating or socialising locally with women in my local area.

Why not?

59 minutes ago, dancehead said:

All the women I'm in contact with at the moment are in other countries that I met at one time or other on dating apps.

That’s just a terrible way to initiate romance.

 

59 minutes ago, dancehead said:

There doesn't seem to be many matches nor women I like locally, I live in a village, most of the action is in the city. Aside from the holiday I had in Feb,  I'm in a work, eat, sleep, then spend the weekend recovering cycle. I rarely come out of my shell these days, I probably should.

Not probably, definitely.

Edited May 15 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, dancehead said:

I have invited her over for a weekend with me and she said she'll get back to me.

Why would you do something like this? Why are you still in contact with a person who clearly has no romantic feelings for you at all, but has been teasing and playing you like that? You are disrespecting yourself.

4 hours ago, dancehead said:

I'm not putting any effort in aside from asking her to let me know ASAP so I can book my time off work.

That’s way too much effort already for that person. 

Just delete and block her.

4 hours ago, dancehead said:

I don't really know why she even contacted me in the first place !??

Why do you care? Probably because she likes attention, likes it when there are men around her, wants to have a second or a third option if things don’t work out with whomever she is really in love with at the moment.

She just wants to keep you to warm the bench, not to actually play for a single second. You might see some court action only when all the other players are injured. Why are you still interested in a person with such a mentality?

4 hours ago, dancehead said:

I think she is the one now who should chase me if she really is serious about seeing me again.

She shouldn’t do anything. She does what she does for her own reasons, and those reasons do not include loving you.

I really hope that she does not chase you, because you might just be naive enough to let her catch you and use you for whatever reason she sees fit, resulting in a much bigger hurt.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, dancehead said:

I rarely come out of my shell these days, I probably should.

You really should. 

Chatting with women in other countries or with those who aren't interested in you is not going to get you anywhere. That's not dating. It's just hiding behind a screen and hoping you don't have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. 

[Oldenuff2know]

14 hours ago, dancehead said:

I don't put much effort into dating or socialising locally with women in my local area.

Why not? You're clearly not having any luck otherwise. I really think you need to restrict your search to your local area and see what happens. It certainly cannot be any more frustrating than this current situation.

[dancehead]

 

On 5/15/2024 at 1:35 AM, Gebidozo said:

Why would you do something like this? Why are you still in contact with a person who clearly has no romantic feelings for you at all, but has been teasing and playing you like that? You are disrespecting yourself.

Why? Probably because we have known each other (albeit) at a distance mostly for 6 years so I want some return on my investment of time even if she is no good for me. She a really attractive woman. She did once say "I'm loving you. this has never happened to me", kisses etc. I go on dating apps for a few days then don't use them again for months I am busy with other things if I don't get any messages straight away.

As for women not in my country, I'm only here to do my last years working before I retire hopefully early then move somewhere abroad where the country is on the up, not descending into socialist and communist tyranny, like here on many counts. I have nobody to leave behind, parents dead, no friends here in the North of the country apart from work. So this is why I talk to women in countries that I can potentially move to. There was some hope when I met that local woman on holiday, but now shes working abroad and we are not in touch often.

Edited May 18 by dancehead

[basil67]

1 hour ago, dancehead said:

I want some return on my investment of time 

If you had your money sitting in a low interest deposit, would you leave it there waiting for a return?  Or would you shop around and find a better deal which would give you a better return?

In real life terms, the longer you invest time in her....the more time you lose.  You're not going to get any return here

 

Edited May 18 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, dancehead said:

Probably because we have known each other (albeit) at a distance mostly for 6 years so I want some return on my investment of time even if she is no good for me.

This makes so sense. You are waiting around for something that isn't going to happen, and it was your mistake to "invest" in someone like this for 6 years. She doesn't owe you anything. 

9 hours ago, dancehead said:

So this is why I talk to women in countries that I can potentially move to

You are not thinking in concrete terms here. It seems you have no solid plan right now to move somewhere specific, so it doesn't make much sense to hinge your hopes on a "maybe." Wait until you know where you are going (and have an actual plan to do so) rather than trying to chat up someone who lives where you might not ever wind up. 

You speak of early retirement - may I ask how old you are? 

Edited May 19 by ExpatInItaly

[dancehead]

Hi guys, yes you are right I certainly do move money as soon as an account cuts their interest rates. As I said, I suggested she could come over here and I put the ball in her court to let me know if she wants to come, and I'll make arrangements, she didn't reply to that text. So I have not contacted her since. I don't see the point in talking if she doesn't want to take things forward, which will be one of us travelling to visit the other. It was her that got in touch after 7 months of nothing, in that time we had xmas, new year, my birthday and zero contact from her through all that - until recently. She said she missed me, but we've hit a brick wall, she is not making effort with any 'good mornings' or stuff like that. Neither am I because I'm waiting for her to even reply to my last text, let alone give me a decision.

Again, I suspect you are right that she is talking to multiple men and I am just one of the options that she is keeping. But this is nothing unusual in dating, most women do this to a certain extent, and so do men with women. It's just tough when it's yourself who seems to be low down on her pecking order. In some countries (hers) it's sort of considered normal to be dating multiple people or to have the odd fling with others. I did say where she is from I got admin edited on that. 

I have some preferred countries, Brazil, Colombia but the only worry about there is safety. People say that that if you pick the right part of Brazil you will be ok. Argentina is safer and I want to visit there to see if I like it. Then you have Phillipines or Thailand which I have never been to. Another interesting one is Georgia but the language there is hard to pick up. Poland and Czech rep, were good 10 years ago, but now far too expensive. Always open to places I didn't think about. I am 51. Intend to definitely retire by 60, before I get alzheimers like my parents. I like my current job so I'm not in a hurry go at 55 which I could do too on my private pension.  I certainly don't want to spend any more tax and fund the corrupt government in my expensive country in retirement! 

 

 

 

[basil67]

28 minutes ago, dancehead said:

Again, I suspect you are right that she is talking to multiple men and I am just one of the options that she is keeping.  But this is nothing unusual in dating, most women do this to a certain extent, and so do men with women.

Oh come on!  If she hasn't chosen you in THREE years, she's not going to.  How long are you going to spend throwing good money after bad?

[FredEire]

16 hours ago, dancehead said:

 

Why? Probably because we have known each other (albeit) at a distance mostly for 6 years so I want some return on my investment of time even if she is no good for me. She a really attractive woman. She did once say "I'm loving you. this has never happened to me", kisses etc. I go on dating apps for a few days then don't use them again for months I am busy with other things if I don't get any messages straight away.

As for women not in my country, I'm only here to do my last years working before I retire hopefully early then move somewhere abroad where the country is on the up, not descending into socialist and communist tyranny, like here on many counts. I have nobody to leave behind, parents dead, no friends here in the North of the country apart from work. So this is why I talk to women in countries that I can potentially move to. There was some hope when I met that local woman on holiday, but now shes working abroad and we are not in touch often.

Seriously? So you are simping basically because of her beauty and desperate to feed on any scraps of attention.

This ain't it chief, you can do better and she isn't worth your time.

[Gebidozo]

20 hours ago, dancehead said:

Probably because we have known each other (albeit) at a distance mostly for 6 years so I want some return on my investment of time even if she is no good for me.

This isn’t how love life works. 

She isn’t a bank, you haven’t signed a contract with her, you can’t sue her over not “paying you back”. You aren’t entitled to any “return” here, it’s just your bruised ego talking.

Forget her and move on.

Edited May 19 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, dancehead said:

Again, I suspect you are right that she is talking to multiple men and I am just one of the options that she is keeping. But this is nothing unusual in dating, most women do this to a certain extent, and so do men with women.

What?

No woman has ever done such a thing to me. If had even a hint of suspicion that I wasn’t number one choice for a woman, I would have lost interest immediately. 

You should love and respect yourself enough to choose a woman who’d be genuinely into you.

 

[dancehead]

8 hours ago, basil67 said:

Oh come on!  If she hasn't chosen you in THREE years, she's not going to.  How long are you going to spend throwing good money after bad?

The only money I spent in relation to her was about €150 for a flight over there and back and the hotel bill for myself. We saw each other every night and in the daytime when she wasn't at work.

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, dancehead said:

The only money I spent in relation to her was about €150 for a flight over there and back and the hotel bill for myself. We saw each other every night and in the daytime when she wasn't at work.

And yet you have never even kissed her. So who's really gaining from this while you are bussing her around on holidays? Don't give her the satisfaction.

[dancehead]

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

What?

No woman has ever done such a thing to me. If had even a hint of suspicion that I wasn’t number one choice for a woman, I would have lost interest immediately. 

You should love and respect yourself enough to choose a woman who’d be genuinely into you.

 

OK. Perhaps this comes from having a 14 year friends with benefits thing, that turned into a very on-off relationship. I have expected no commitment, and I suppose, bad treatment. The last serious 4 year gf relationship I have had ended in 2007 and to be honest the reason it didn't work was because I compared her to the last one

[dancehead]

4 minutes ago, FredEire said:

And yet you have never even kissed her. So who's really gaining from this while you are bussing her around on holidays? Don't give her the satisfaction.

She didn't go anywhere. I just flew to her. Ok I bought her dinner once at a restaurant