do these cards he wrote mean anything? Is this an emotional affair happening?

[mrsm735]

Hi, I’m a 35 year old woman. I have strong feelings for a man I have been working with for the last three years. He is single and I am unhappily married. In fact, I would say I’ve fallen deeply in love with the guy. I hesitate to say it’s an emotional affair because I’m not entirely sure how he feels about me. We have a close relationship and talk about personal stuff at work. We never expressed how we felt to one another, I know I haven’t wanted to cross that line, and I’m sure he would agree. Our relationship is full of non verbal intimacy and sexual chemistry. We keep things professional in the sense that we aren’t friends outside of work. We don’t talk or hang out apart from work or have each other’s phone numbers(or at least we didn’t)

I have just recently left my job a week ago(not by choice) I was laid off. I have been devastated missing him. We did exchange numbers and promised to keep in touch. We did have a somewhat emotional good bye which was witnessed my another coworker who is a close female friend of mine. She called me the night I got laid off to say how upset he was after I left and she actually asked me what was going on between us, as she witnessed the vibes. 
 

Yesterday, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet when I came across some Christmas cards he wrote to me last year and the year before. I didn’t think much of them at the time, merely happy that I guy crushed on would do a nice gesture. 
 

I have been kind of analyzing what he wrote in these cards in the last day, so I would like other’s opinions on what they mean. Two years ago he writes to me:

Dear (my name,)

Thank you for your kindness and dedication to helping our patients. Everyday I know I can bother you with anything, even an ill time joked . May you/yours have a lovely holiday season and year ahead

(his name)

last year he wrote:

your constant smiles and kindness are much appreciated. Hope love and joy fill your heart this holiday season

(his name)

what does anyone think? Is it simply a kind gesture from one coworker to another? I feel like a man would not write something like this to woman unless there was something more..I mean even if we were just friends(which we really aren’t) it would be kind of different. He also bought me a gift last year which he did not really do for other coworkers. I work in a different department than him, where he works with 60 or so women on more professional level than he works with me. Also, the fact that I’m married complicates things, does it seem like he is playing with fire? Is this his way of telling me how he feels without crossing a line? I’m confused about things right now. Has this crossed into emotional affair territory or sound purely one sided right now? 

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by mrsm735
Didnt finish title

[NuevoYorko]

He's not doing anything.  These are nice notes, with warm personal touches.  I have written similar notes to people I worked closely with.  I don't know about him getting you a gift.  He may have given gifts to other women in his own department.   You can't know what is going on in that department since you work in a different one.   

Mainly, they are Christmas greetings from one and two years past!   He's not "playing with fire" or doing anything at all.  No crossing over into any territory has happened and many months have passed between these personal, and completely appropriate Christmas greetings.

You have an unhappy marriage and probably you're projecting a lot of stuff onto your interactions with this guy.  You described yourself as "crushing" on him and that's what it sounds like.  

It's probably a blessing in disguise that you will not be indulging in your fantasies regarding this man anymore since you won't be working there, though I'm sorry you got laid off.  Maybe it's time to deal with your marriage issues.  If you and your husband can't improve things, perhaps it's time to end the marriage and free yourself up to act on future crushes.  

 

[mark clemson]

I think the cards indicate affection - they are not the perfunctory "wishing you and yours all the best" you might see from a "feeling obligated send to co-worker" card.

However, none of that means that anything will happen between you (beyond what already has, whatever it may have been). Particularly now that you are gone. It may well be that the specific circumstances supported/allowed for this, but now that (major) parameter has changed.

EA's are a spectrum and so hard to define. One person's "EA" is another's "whatever, no big deal, we just talk a lot". Looking at the exact same behaviors, some might say "not just friends" while others might say "nah, just friends". If anything, the depth of your emotion, suggests it was an EA, whether or not he felt quite as strongly.

What does feel sad is that you are apparently so lonely/unhappy in your marriage that you are clinging to old Christmas cards from a friend/crush. You might consider seeing if it's possible to improve your marriage to where you can be happy in it once again.

[stillafool]

I'm a woman and I've written notes on co-workers Christmas cards saying almost the exact same things and not just to people in my department.  I think when people have a romantic interest in someone they read more into every little action and words that person says and does.    Did he ask for your phone number to contact you when you left?  That would be showing direct interst and wanting to do something about it.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, mrsm735 said:

I am unhappily married. I have just recently left my job a week ago(not by choice) I was laid off

 May you/yours have a lovely holiday season and year ahead

Sorry this is happening. Were you downsized? Are you looking for another job? What's up with your marriage? Is there a way to address this? It was nice to have a friendly face at the workplace, but the cards sound quite innocent.

[ExpatInItaly]

20 hours ago, mrsm735 said:

Is it simply a kind gesture from one coworker to another?

Yes. It sounds like a friendly coworker who's comfortable being vaguely more personal, but nothing romantic. 

20 hours ago, mrsm735 said:

Our relationship is full of non verbal intimacy and sexual chemistry.

What does this mean, exactly? 

[pepperbird2]

On 8/22/2022 at 11:16 AM, mrsm735 said:

Hi, I’m a 35 year old woman. I have strong feelings for a man I have been working with for the last three years. He is single and I am unhappily married. In fact, I would say I’ve fallen deeply in love with the guy. I hesitate to say it’s an emotional affair because I’m not entirely sure how he feels about me. We have a close relationship and talk about personal stuff at work. We never expressed how we felt to one another, I know I haven’t wanted to cross that line, and I’m sure he would agree. Our relationship is full of non verbal intimacy and sexual chemistry. We keep things professional in the sense that we aren’t friends outside of work. We don’t talk or hang out apart from work or have each other’s phone numbers(or at least we didn’t)

I have just recently left my job a week ago(not by choice) I was laid off. I have been devastated missing him. We did exchange numbers and promised to keep in touch. We did have a somewhat emotional good bye which was witnessed my another coworker who is a close female friend of mine. She called me the night I got laid off to say how upset he was after I left and she actually asked me what was going on between us, as she witnessed the vibes. 
 

Yesterday, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet when I came across some Christmas cards he wrote to me last year and the year before. I didn’t think much of them at the time, merely happy that I guy crushed on would do a nice gesture. 
 

I have been kind of analyzing what he wrote in these cards in the last day, so I would like other’s opinions on what they mean. Two years ago he writes to me:

Dear (my name,)

Thank you for your kindness and dedication to helping our patients. Everyday I know I can bother you with anything, even an ill time joked . May you/yours have a lovely holiday season and year ahead

(his name)

last year he wrote:

your constant smiles and kindness are much appreciated. Hope love and joy fill your heart this holiday season

(his name)

what does anyone think? Is it simply a kind gesture from one coworker to another? I feel like a man would not write something like this to woman unless there was something more..I mean even if we were just friends(which we really aren’t) it would be kind of different. He also bought me a gift last year which he did not really do for other coworkers. I work in a different department than him, where he works with 60 or so women on more professional level than he works with me. Also, the fact that I’m married complicates things, does it seem like he is playing with fire? Is this his way of telling me how he feels without crossing a line? I’m confused about things right now. Has this crossed into emotional affair territory or sound purely one sided right now? 

 

Honestly, those cards come off a preformulated, not personal. the language is off. They sound like what two work friends might give to one another-there’s no intimacy.

I could be wrong, but this comes off as wishful thinking on your part.

Edited August 24, 2022 by pepperbird2

[BreakOnThrough]

He may be fond of you, or just playing off your feelings for him, sounds to me simply just ships passing in the night, you no longer work together so the temptation and feelings will fade over time, that's a good thing if you plan on continuing on in your marriage.  If you are, try putting some work in there instead of chasing a fantasy.