Trx89 Posted August 13, 2022 Share Posted August 13, 2022 So me and my partner have been together almost 11 years and have lived together since 6 months into our relationship. We have no children yet but own our home and our dog together. We've had literally 100s of discussions about getting married. I made a statement at the age of 27 that I wanted to be engaged by 30 yet I'm now 33 and still waiting. I am really starting to struggle with our relationship and its making me resentful of him as I feel like I'm so much more dedicated to us than he is. He's said he wants marriage so now I just feel like it's me he doesn't want to marry. Am I kidding myself waiting around? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 13, 2022 Share Posted August 13, 2022 What did he say when you brought this up on your 30th birthday? I know it's hard but at that point I would have left especially if you want kids. I've known men in long term relationships not marry that girl but then break up and meet another and engaged in 9 months. He should have proposed close to or on your 30 b-day. Especially with 100s or discussions about this. He's not feeling it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 After 11 years if he hasn’t proposed he ain’t gonna propose….also, next time if you really want to marry DO NOT move in with him. “Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free.” 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 8 hours ago, Trx89 said: So me and my partner have been together almost 11 years and have lived together since 6 months. I'm now 33 and still waiting. Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately you're not waiting. You're living in the final destination. Do you both work? Do you pretty much share bills and household tasks? Whose name (s) are on the deed? Yes, he's coasting along complacently. If he wanted to marry and have a family it would have happened long ago. Very often, living together is an alternative to marriage, not a precursor. Protect yourself legally from this situation. See an attorney about a cohabitation agreement and all the financial complications of this co-owned house situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 I'm afraid it's decision time for you. You're going to have to decide whether you're happy living defacto with him or would prefer marriage even if it's with someone else. If you do stay defacto and your union isn't recognised by law, I agree that you should see a lawyer about financial protection, establishing next of kin and all the other stuff which marriage automatically gives. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 9 hours ago, Trx89 said: So me and my partner have been together almost 11 years and have lived together since 6 months into our relationship. We have no children yet but own our home and our dog together. We've had literally 100s of discussions about getting married. I made a statement at the age of 27 that I wanted to be engaged by 30 yet I'm now 33 and still waiting. I am really starting to struggle with our relationship and its making me resentful of him as I feel like I'm so much more dedicated to us than he is. He's said he wants marriage so now I just feel like it's me he doesn't want to marry. Am I kidding myself waiting around? When was the last time this was discussed? After hundreds of discussions were they all as brief as described above? What else was said? Try again and see what he says for the last time and if you don’t wish to stay in this any longer see a lawyer about the shared property/assets and any shared debts. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 You haven't mentioned his age, but I'll assume it's close to yours and that he isn't 28 or something. If marriage is important to you, it definitely makes sense to leave at this point, sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 After 11 years, I'd dump him. He has already lost your confident. Already. He has already caused you lots of disappointment. Already. He is unreliable now, and guess what? Even after marrying, he would be unreliable, even more so. Do NOT buy the nonsense that marriage solves anything. It doesn't. I'm all for marriage, but to the right person who treats you in the right way. Sounds like you can be more assertive. In your mind set a breakup date. One year at max. Tell him or not tell him. But really, I say dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 11 years?? If he hasn't proposed by now, he's not going to. It sounds like he has no desire to get legally married, but doesn't have the courage to come straight out and tell you that. So instead he just avoids the conversation and keeps kicking the can down the road, letting you think it's a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 Yes, a very big yes, that you are kidding yourself that he is going to marry you one day. There is no change whatsoever that someone is going to marry you if they haven't done so after 11 years. Sorry. Don't waste your childbearing years on someone who doesn't want to commit to you all the way if marriage is important to you. A guy knows after a year of dating whether or not he wants to marry you. After a year, anything else is you wasting your time in a deadend relationship. Or so, I've been told by two dating coaches. I am not saying that you have to marry after a year of dating, of course not. But a year gives a guy a chance to make up him mind about wanting or not wanting future and marriage with you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 What if you took control of your own life and propose to him? The response he gives to your proposal will give you the answer you need. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 You should have left him 3 years ago. From that point on it was on you and he is no longer responsible for wasting your time. When you set deadlines it's best to follow through with them. It is up to your to protect your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 (edited) I can relate to your situation. I am in a relationship with someone who also says he wants to get married someday but has yet to propose. We have been together for 5 years but we don't live together and are both divorced and have children from our previous marriages. I am scared to get remarried, but I have concluded my boyfriend is way more scared then I am. But my boyfriend is more important to me then marriage so we'll just see where life takes us. My guess is my boyfriend doesn't want to get married BUT I'd rather be with him then without him. I realize your situation is different, especially if you want to have a family and children someday. Those aren't my goals as I already have my kids so I can wait to get married or may not even need to get remarried at all quite frankly. You have to decide if you can be with your boyfriend without marriage or what your goals are exactly. For all intensive purposes you guys are married, just without the legality. There is nothing wrong with staying with someone unmarried if you are happy. Edited August 25, 2022 by Lauriebell82 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 @Trx89 Depends on where you live, but most jurisdictions you are common law married right now, and have been for a long time. If you want kids together now, go for it. A wedding and marriage certificate won’t make any difference whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
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