My new wing woman is constantly competing for male attention

[daphne]

I met a woman that is outgoing, fun loving and attractive.  We have had a good time and become supportive of each other.  I do feel like she has been love bombing me, which makes me uneasy.  I know what's on the other side of love bombing.  It's usually not good.  

She has been complaining about women disliking her.  We hung out with a group and the women talked with me, but avoided her.  She said that they have always been cold to her.  I told her that I did my best to get to know what was important to them and ask them questions about it.  I showed interest in them, to let them know that I'm unthreatening.  Both my friend and I are very attractive and get a lot of male attention.  Whereas I'm a bit more subtle, my friend got a boob job and she wears revealing clothes and she is a bit of a sex bomb.  In and of itself, that doesn't bother me.  But she rubs the womens' noses in it by getting the attention of the guys that some of the women are dating.  To me this is a no no.  

She's angry that I suggested she try to talk to the women.  She thinks I'm trying to change her.  I think that she doesn't want to admit that what she's doing is insecure and kind of shitty.  She competed with me over a guy the other day for the first time.  She almost jumped in a guy's lap and put herself between the two of us.  It was extremely awkward.  She kept blurting out things that she thought might turn him off about me.  It was embarrassing and disappointing.  For the record, I am better looking than she is.  She lost a lot of weight and had plastic surgery and is much more attractive than when she was younger.  I think she's making up for lost time.  

Part of me wants to back off and limit my contact with her.  She had an entire group of female friends drop her.  I now know why.  She is in denial and thinks we're all just jealous.  I'm not.  It's not cool when your friend needs to "win" that way.  I'm not insecure because the kind of guy that pursues me is very, very different than the guys that pursue her.  Is it possible to occasionally have fun and avoid too many situations where she can behave this way?  I feel like my social world opened up considerably when I met her.  I just wonder if it's worth the disappointment.

 

Edited July 7, 2022 by daphne

[BrinnM]

32 minutes ago, daphne said:

Is it possible to occasionally have fun and avoid too many situations where she can behave this way? 

Yes, I’m sure that’s possible. But she is who she is. And do you really want to pre-select the events that she is suitable/allowed to accompany you to? That’s kind of controlling, but if that’s what makes you happy, so be it. And why do you call her a wingwoman?? 

[daphne]

She's my wingwoman because we go to parties and events together.  Although I may be her wingwoman.  Not sure how that works.  

It just seems like a shame to lose the friendship.  There are times when she is a sweet, supportive person, fun and funny.  I don't enjoy the drama and competition.  Also, I am concerned that women will associate me with her behavior and reject me too.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, daphne said:

It just seems like a shame to lose the friendship

She's not a real friend though, daphne. This 

She sees you as someone she can belittle and disrespect in order to make herself feel good. You are just a prop for her poor self-esteem. This is not a decent person you are dealing with here, and thus, not a "friendship" in any true sense of the word. 

I would cut her off before the sun goes down today. 

[glows]

If you choose to see her again limit it to occasional outings. She is not your “wingwoman” or friend, more of an acquaintance with issues she’s dealing with.

Other women likely sense that she is never truly a friend at all and looking out only for her own interests or appears selfish. 

I wouldn’t place too much importance on her antics while going out. Think of it as her being her for the night and excuse yourself early/make a brief appearance and leave after a short time. 

[Wiseman2]

Just be friends without competing for male attention. For example avoid situations that involve her trying to pick up men.

[daphne]

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She's not a real friend though, daphne. This 

She sees you as someone she can belittle and disrespect in order to make herself feel good. You are just a prop for her poor self-esteem. This is not a decent person you are dealing with here, and thus, not a "friendship" in any true sense of the word. 

I would cut her off before the sun goes down today. 

I think you're right.  I have a hard time seeing it that way since she came across as very warm and genuine.  She knows that she has issues but she's pretty far away from resolving them.  She would rather blame the rest of us for having issues than recognizing that she's the common denominator.  It's hard to change I guess.  

[daphne]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just be friends without competing for male attention. For example avoid situations that involve her trying to pick up men.

I don't pick up men but I get what you're trying to say.  

[glows]

1 hour ago, daphne said:

She would rather blame the rest of us for having issues 

That's where you step back as her behaviour has no accountability or sense of reality. Unfortunately individuals like this find it easier to blame others than look within or do the work required for change. Does she complain a lot? Unable to resolve recurring issues? There's only so much a friend can take before you realize that you cannot fix her issues for her.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, daphne said:

I have a hard time seeing it that way since she came across as very warm and genuine

And you have since learned that it's an act.