Feeling lost and don't know what to do

[wtm78]

How do we know when to quit and when to keep on preservering ? 

On 1 hand, if you quit you will never know if it might work out.. On the other, if it isnt really working now, how long would you keep on persevere ?

thoughts?  

[glows]

You cut your losses when there's no more long term gain, whether mental, spiritual, financial and so on.

[Happy Lemming]

If you are talking about dating, you quit when the relationship isn't fun anymore.

Dating should be fun, if it isn't... time to move on to the next person.

Putting in more time hoping that a miserable dating relationship will change is a fool's bet.

[wtm78]

Perhaps midlife crisis or depressed or whatever reason I don't know.

 

Just feeling so lost and don't know what to do. Help?

[glows]

Yes, please speak with your doctor and confide in what you’re going through. 

If you feel comfortable writing or describing your situation, members will be able to respond better.

Edited July 6, 2022 by glows

[wtm78]

Hi peeps,

After so many years i found myself back here again. Ranting to strangers on the internet forum sounds pathetic.. truth be told that i know many people yet i have noone i can turn to..

Been wanting to connect with someone hoping that someone would understand last few days or weeks.. i cant remember... But I can't... Bcos there isnt anyone i can trust or can turn too...

Not sure what's the meaning of life when there isn't anyone i can share with... Perhaps this is a common problems for old people.. adulting? Aging? Or midlife crisis.. im stressed beyond i can bear.. 

[Happy Lemming]

OK... I'm 56 (male) and I don't feel like I went through any midlife crisis or had any internal issues as I got older.

For me, I consider "the meaning of life" as having fun and doing the things I wanted to do.  For some reason, I had this nomadic gene in my brain and I moved around a lot.  It was something I wanted to do, so I did it.  I had a lot of fun and did everything I wanted to do in my youth.  

As I got older I did noticed a few more aches and pains.  I did have to give up long distance running as my left knee said "NO MORE!!", I accept this is part of the aging process.  Now I am driven to complete my "bucket list" while I still feel good.  Although, the pandemic did clip my wings a bit.

Is there something you want to do??  Is there some place you want to explore/see?? Is there a sport/activity you want to try??

You don't have to be with someone to go on an adventure.  There are some destinations on my "bucket list" that my girlfriend refuses to go to, no problem I'll go alone & take some pictures.

Can you expand upon this stress you are talking about??

[glows]

3 hours ago, wtm78 said:

Hi peeps,

After so many years i found myself back here again. Ranting to strangers on the internet forum sounds pathetic.. truth be told that i know many people yet i have noone i can turn to..

Been wanting to connect with someone hoping that someone would understand last few days or weeks.. i cant remember... But I can't... Bcos there isnt anyone i can trust or can turn too...

Not sure what's the meaning of life when there isn't anyone i can share with... Perhaps this is a common problems for old people.. adulting? Aging? Or midlife crisis.. im stressed beyond i can bear.. 

It’s helpful to have a good support network. Keeping one’s own counsel is also gravely underrated and critical. If you need help don’t be afraid to ask.

[wtm78]

On 8/1/2022 at 11:26 PM, Happy Lemming said:

OK... I'm 56 (male) and I don't feel like I went through any midlife crisis or had any internal issues as I got older.

For me, I consider "the meaning of life" as having fun and doing the things I wanted to do.  For some reason, I had this nomadic gene in my brain and I moved around a lot.  It was something I wanted to do, so I did it.  I had a lot of fun and did everything I wanted to do in my youth.  

As I got older I did noticed a few more aches and pains.  I did have to give up long distance running as my left knee said "NO MORE!!", I accept this is part of the aging process.  Now I am driven to complete my "bucket list" while I still feel good.  Although, the pandemic did clip my wings a bit.

Is there something you want to do??  Is there some place you want to explore/see?? Is there a sport/activity you want to try??

You don't have to be with someone to go on an adventure.  There are some destinations on my "bucket list" that my girlfriend refuses to go to, no problem I'll go alone & take some pictures.

Can you expand upon this stress you are talking about??

after i lost my job, a 20yrs career, divorced, lost my house and my retirement money all in the same year.. i lost everything.. i lost a sense of direction.. i lost a sense of hope.. lost the will to fight.. 

Edited August 12, 2022 by wtm78

[JFReyes]

51 minutes ago, wtm78 said:

after i lost my job, a 20yrs career, divorced, lost my house and my retirement money all in the same year.. i lost everything.. i lost a sense of direction.. i lost a sense of hope.. lost the will to fight.. 

I went through the exact same scenario back in 2013. After a year I got a new girlfriend, after 6 years I finally got a real decent job and last year I bought a house. Don't worry too much, time will heal all wounds. But, you need to keep your health, sense of humor and above all keep the faith. I wish you success.

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, wtm78 said:

after i lost my job, a 20yrs career, divorced, lost my house and my retirement money all in the same year.. i lost everything.. i lost a sense of direction.. i lost a sense of hope.. lost the will to fight.. 

Yes...  That is A LOT to swallow in one year.  I don't really have an answer for you, other than pick yourself back up and slowly (but surely) try to work your way back to some kind of normalcy. 

Start with the basics... roof over your head, hot meal each night in your stomach and clothes on your back (even if they are second hand or came from a consignment store) --  For the record, I've only purchased one new suit in my life, all the others came second hand from consignment stores.

I never married, so I no reference to the turmoil or losing all that you did.  And again, that is a lot to swallow.

Try to find some "happy" in the simple things that happen in your day.  3 green lights in a row, your favorite team winning a sporting event, your favorite food on sale at the grocery store... basically anything.

It is going to be a long hard road...

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu

[Alpacalia]

Sometimes life loses its meaning for us when we see others succeeding, when they achieve something, and at that point, we feel uncertain about ourselves. Me too.

Talk to people 'older' than you and most don't know what to do with themselves. Honestly, most of us are just improvising and hoping for the best...

At different times different moves helped me. There is one that stands out. Several days a week, I go for a long walk. With my dog, that I love more than anything. 💓

There is a purpose in your life, it is waiting for you out there. All you have to do is find it. 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Alpacalia

[chrysalis3]

On 8/1/2022 at 8:32 AM, wtm78 said:

After so many years i found myself back here again. Ranting to strangers on the internet forum sounds pathetic.. truth be told that i know many people yet i have noone i can turn to..

 

Hey there. It's not pathetic at all to rant on a forum to strangers. In my view, it can be quite liberating to allow good self depression and gain un bias opinions. Just wanted to put that out there. As to knowing when to throw in the towel, I believe it really is contingent upon what you see as a positive gain for you personally. I run my ship by gain. Positive gain that contributes toward a life goal. Hope that helps.

Edited September 3, 2022 by chrysalis3

[wtm78]

how do you get back after losing so much, especially your self worth... how do you get back after losing your self worth?

[Alpacalia]

Sometimes the best way to get started is from the bottom.

I suffered a series of losses too within a couple months of each other. A close family member died, my cat unexpectedly died, my employer folded and had to let me go, a close family member became very ill, and a few other things that I prefer not to discuss.

There is always a starting point. Just get started.

[glows]

6 hours ago, wtm78 said:

how do you get back after losing so much, especially your self worth... how do you get back after losing your self worth?

What are you doing now? Are you around meaningless relationships or people who keep putting you down? Have you seen anyone about these low feelings? 

Emotions in healthy individuals are tied to action. Things don’t change on their own. 

[wtm78]

I have cut off all meaningless relationship and i realized that I did not have any meaningful ones.. 😖

 

I have lost everything, and starting from scratch. I hate it...

[Acacia98]

On 12/10/2022 at 10:53 AM, wtm78 said:

how do you get back after losing so much, especially your self worth... how do you get back after losing your self worth?

First of all, I want you to know that (as others posts already indicate), many of us have been through earth-shattering experiences of loss and failure and have experienced loss of meaning and direction in our lives. Our experiences have not been exactly the same as yours, but you are not alone. Secondly, it's not pathetic to come online to a forum such as this one to seek help. 

How you get back after losing your self-worth? Well, that doesn't happen in one day. What you're going through right now is the emotional equivalent of experiencing serious illness or injury. So you will need plenty of time to recover and to start feeling better. You need to get yourself to safety. And then you need to get treatment and allow yourself to heal. That basically means you need to remove yourself from the people and situations that grind your self-worth into nothing. You need to seek some kind of spiritual sustenance (if you are spiritually oriented). You can also get some counselling if at all possible. And engaging in self-reflection, getting back to the basics, and trying to figure out who you are and what really matters to you helps. I know this all sounds vague. Sorry. But I can try to give you more specific advice once I know more about you, the individual.

[glows]

1 hour ago, wtm78 said:

I have cut off all meaningless relationship and i realized that I did not have any meaningful ones.. 😖

 

I have lost everything, and starting from scratch. I hate it...

Either way it doesn’t change the reality of starting over. You can choose to hate it or you can approach it from a less negative viewpoint. 

A lot of people assume life is whatever they’re feeling right now. If you keep telling yourself how miserable you are, guess what. You’ll keep feeling miserable. Try looking at disappointments as opportunities and start living or choosing to find happiness or joy in little or big things. See new opportunities that make sense to you? Go for it.

[wtm78]

hmm.. maybe there is a fear inside me.. what if i saw new opportunities.. things got better.. then lose everything again... how many times can a man take that blow?

 

[glows]

11 minutes ago, wtm78 said:

hmm.. maybe there is a fear inside me.. what if i saw new opportunities.. things got better.. then lose everything again... how many times can a man take that blow?

 

Smaller steps. Work on yourself and feeling good about yourself first. You seem to have low confidence. So you made a few mistakes. So have many others. Look at examples of people you admire and create some realistic/tangible goals for yourself. Keep meeting those goals and grow. They don’t call it “rebuilding” for nothing. You are really rebuilding from the inside out and ground up. It’s going to be painful, frustrating and scary at some points. 

If you can’t feel good about yourself I wouldn’t look at relationships at this point. Take care of yourself for awhile. 

My point is no one is going to hand you happiness and confidence on a silver platter. You have to work for it and go after it if those things matter to you. 

[wtm78]

Since my divorce, I have been viewing the failure of my marriage as a personal failure. I often think back wondering what went wrong. When did communication starts to break down. Or how I contributed to the end of the marriage. If you knew my story in previous post, you would know that my marriage ended at the start, when I just got married, that means just after the wedding. NO matter how much I think back, there was nothing I could have done to make it better or worst. I did exactly what I would have done, perhaps anyone would have done the same. Yet I still feel like a complete idiot, a complete failure. The shame and torture I face all day, every day just make me wonder, why am I such a loser. This shame and fear makes me afraid of the future, makes me afraid to repeat the failure. which I do not know what went wrong to begin with.. Yes, i am in a constant loop of negative thinking. I dont know how to break out of it other than solving the mystery of what went wrong. Many had told me its over, just move on and accept it has happened. But somehow i find that difficult. I needed to know.. for my own sanity sake.. i needed to know.. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, wtm78 said:

, i am in a constant loop of negative thinking. I dont know how to break out of it other than solving the mystery of what went wrong. 

Unfortunately it's a mystery you'll never solve. It's more like a koan riddle with no answer. Too many moving parts in the demise of marriages. 

You can get out of the vicious cycle of ruminating, guilt and inertia.

Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.